The Boy in the Water
by Maggie's Gutter
Summary: Bella Swan and Edward Masen are high school sweethearts, lifelong friends, and fiercely in love. See what happens as their world gets turned upside down one muggy September night. Is there a limit to what Bella would do to save the love of her life?
1. Chapter 1

I was eight years old the first time Charlie took me to La Push.

The day was no different than any other day. There was no significant world event, or holiday, or monumental crisis of any sort. It was just a regular Saturday in June.

But that little Saturday in June is the most significant day of my entire life. Significant in ways that swell outside of the world we live in; making common meetings and common friendships small and unimportant.

Because on that day… I met the person who gave me a reason to live.

And I didn't know it then, but I also met the person who gave me a reason to die.

***

I dragged my sandaled feet, keeping my head focused on the tiny grains entering and exiting the cracks of my toes. My pace was painfully slow, but that was the kind of child I was. Never rash or impulsive, I liked to feel out my surroundings and do things at my own pace.

My mother Renee always complained that I was an adult in a child's body. She was the epitome of careless irrationality, and had given birth to a child who agonized over the threat of petty theft at school, and sniffed freshly purchased milk cartons.

Charlie, my dad, was more like me. He was cautious and careful and kept to himself most of the time. He had a few fishing buddies and old friends from the La Push reservation, but never ventured to have a life past the confines of his small town. He was the Chief of police in the tiny town of Forks Washington. And Forks Washington was where he was born, and likely where he would die, and he was perfectly fine with that.

As we walked closer to the water, Charlie turned to look at me. "You need friends Bella, you can't just stare at me all summer long," he said.

I looked to him, wanting very badly to be brave, but knowing even at eight years old that if anyone would understand my hesitation, it would be Charlie. "But what if they don't like me?" I asked.

With a warm smile, he crouched to my level and grabbed me in his arms, pulling me from my feet. "Now what kind of goofball wouldn't like you kiddo?"

Even then I was acutely aware that all parents think their own children are perfect and not doomed for social failure. But behind Charlie's eyes, I could see he might have been the exception. Charlie was afraid for me in that aspect. Being lonely was something he was all too familiar with. My mother left him when I was a baby and took me with her. He knew loneliness, and he knew failure, and he knew that even his beloved little girl who he wanted to protect and care for above all things, might know it someday as well.

Or maybe already did…

"Ok, I'm ready now," I said as I stroked my father's worried cheek. He smiled for me. I wasn't ready, but I figured that even if I was destined for a life alone like Charlie, I could at least try to change my fate.

I didn't have any friends in Phoenix, the sprawling hot city where my mother ran after the divorce. But I never tried either. That day in June, I decided to try…

"You sure?" Charlie asked with hesitation in his eyes.

"Yep."

"Really really sure?"

"Uh huh."

Charlie nodded and his smile grew wide. "Well then hold on tight!" He began to run, holding me under his right arm like a football. I was facing forward, slowly beginning to panic as the waves and the children neared closer and closer.

"Put me down daddy!" I cried as the excitement of reaching the edge brought a thrilling smile to my face.

I kicked off my sandals as Charlie's long legs broke through the waves. I could feel the wet salty water splash onto my shins and soak through the tiny pink ruffles of my bathing suit. "Daddy, it's cold!" I yelped as the tips of my toes found the sloshing current.

My father and I splashed and played for all of twenty seconds. And then, life as I knew it was officially over.

"Dunk her! Dunk her!" A raspy voice screamed from the periphery.

I turned

And there he was

He was not at all what I was expecting. All of the other children were tanned and had jet black hair. This boy had bronzy blonde hair, bleached from the sun. He had sparkling green eyes and a spattering of freckles all along his nose and cheeks. His skin was as white as mine, but kissed beautifully by the summer sun.

I was only eight, but somewhere deep down I knew then what I know now. The boy in the water was the most beautiful creature my eyes would ever see. A creature so special, so extraordinary, I would willingly die for him.

"Dunk her!" He screamed again as a crooked devious smile played on his lips.

I continued to stare in awe, barely hearing his teasing words, as I felt the arms that were cradling me drop, and my body submerge into the freezing salty water. It swirled around me and over me as I tried to get my bearings. The sting of the salt filled my nose as I attempted to determine which way was up. But before I even had time to panic, Charlie's arms dipped into the water and pulled me out just as quickly as he dropped me in.

My eyes stung and my nose burned and I gagged as I tried to take my first breath. My hair was matted across my face and my first reaction was to cry and kick and yell at my father for being such a typical father and dropping me…

But then I heard the laughter of the boy…It was a sort of raspy giggle, yet musical and sweet. I swept the hair from my eyes to see his face, and he was laughing and smiling at me.

"Again daddy, again!" I cried, caring about nothing but making the beautiful boy in the water laugh.

Charlie looked at me quizzically, and then shrugged as he hurled my flailing body out into the surf.

I was prepared for the fall this time and landed face up, my back making a smacking noise as I landed.

Immediately, I looked for the boy.

His brilliant green eyes were alight as he watched me swim back.

He turned to Charlie. "Do me next! Do me next!" He cried.

Charlie laughed. "Sure you can handle it Edward?" He asked as he gripped his hands around the boy's lean white arms.

_Edward…_

"Throw me as far as you can!" Edward squealed as Charlie lifted him high into the air.

My father leaned back and heaved Edward out into the surf and sent him soaring into the breaking waves.

As he swam back, I couldn't take my eyes off of the silly crooked grin on his face. I was mesmerized totally and completely by this stranger.

He swam directly to me, never breaking our stare. My skin was covered in goose flesh and I was shivering from the cold, but feeling warmer and happier than I had ever remembered.

"You're Bella right?" He towered over me even then. I distinctly remember the warm smell of his sunscreen, mixed with the sharp smell of the ocean.

I turned my face away shyly, as this was the first time I had ever spoken to a boy that I actually considered a boy. Jacob Black, the young son of my father's friend from the Quileute reservation Billy didn't count.

"Yeah," I whispered as I let my little fingers stroke the waves in front of me.

"I'm Edward Masen," he said as his hands joined mine in the playful dance with the waves.

I kept my head down, but saw the reflection of his face in the water. "Hi Edward," I whispered.

The reflection moved, and Edward swam to face me. He crouched low so he was looking up, cocking his head at me with a curious smile. I couldn't help but look.

"How old are you?" He asked.

"Eight," I answered timidly.

"I'm nine, my birthday was last week," he replied.

"Happy Birthday," I said.

"Thanks."

There was a pause in the conversation and it's funny how fast a girl can become completely self doubting and insecure. In that moment all I could think about was how I must look. I was eight, but totally concerned that my bathing suit was too babyish and my tangled hair looked ugly, and the fact that my dad carried me down made me seem like a dork.

Every fiber of my being wanted this boy to think I was cool.

"Ya know Jacob Black?" Edward asked, breaking the awkward pause.

"Um, sort of. He's kind of a baby though," I answered. Jake was only six. To a nine year old he must have been a baby right?

Wrong.

"He's not a baby, he can swim and ride a bike better than anyone I know," Edward answered back.

That day I learned, as I did many times over, that Edward never cared about being cool.

"Oh. Sorry," I apologized.

Edward started in a fit of giggles and I couldn't help but look at him.

"What?" I asked with a timid smile.

"You just got all red," he laughed.

My icy hand went to my face, it was on fire. "Oh," I whispered.

Edward's giggle faded slightly and he swam a bit closer. "I get nervous meeting new people too," he said. "My family and I moved here from Chicago last year."

I later learned Edward's father was big Ed Masen, the owner of a chain of banks that was expanding rapidly up the west coast called **EAM Bank**. They were the wealthiest people in all of Forks, or anywhere near Forks, but Edward never seemed affected by it. He was always the most accepting down to earth person I knew.

"Yeah, and I got real nervous about making friends."

I couldn't imagine Edward ever having trouble with anything, especially making friends. And as the years passed, and as we grew older, I learned he never really did. But I did, with an array of different things, and somehow he always made me feel like he struggled too. Why he did that? I don't really know.

"I get nervous too," I said.

"Well I'll be your friend, if you want?"

I looked at him then, and smiled. His eyes looked like sea glass in the late afternoon sun, and the message behind them almost brought tears to my eyes. There was sincerity there, vulnerable and genuine. He was, in his own childlike way, offering me his friendship; offering me his loyalty.

"Hey Bella?"

"Yeah."

"I think you are the nicest and prettiest girl I know."

"Thanks."

"Hey Bella?"

"Huh?"

"You're it!!"

***

That day I made my very first friend. That day I made my very best friend. That day, I met my very reason for everything…even my own death.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a Friday night in September, and unseasonably warm for that time of year. Jake and I were waiting for Edward in the Volvo. Like every weekend, I was crouched in the passenger seat like a packed sardine, while Jake was sprawled out in the back, fanning himself with one of those paper floor liners that the dealer leaves after a tune up.

We had been waiting for Edward for over an hour, entertained only by a stale bag of Doritos.

"Cool Ranch is the best Bella, it's the true classic and…Ooh turn this up I freaking love this song!" Jacob sort of shrieked at me from the backseat, kicking his foot into my headrest.

"Shut up Jake! Or do you _want_ to wake up Big Ed and Elizabeth?"I hissed at him. My window was down, and Jake's booming voice carried like a fog horn in the humid air.

I heard a snort come from the seat behind me. "Umm, how about you shut up… and turn up the music."

He was on my last nerve.

So, I ignored him… arms crossed completely defiant.

He persisted…

"I'm being serious Bella, turn it up."

"No!"

"You are such a spaz; just turn it up!"

I turned in my seat with the intention to inflict some form of pain. "I swear to God, if you don't…"

Suddenly, the motion sensor light to the garage went on and Jake and I turned quickly to see Edward running toward us. In one hand he held the waist of his jeans, in the other a massive bottle of ridiculously expensive Vodka. He was graceful and wearing a huge grin.

When he was almost to the car, I threw the door open and lunged directly into him.

_Smack…_

"Whoa love," Edward laughed lightly into my ear as my body careened with his. "I almost clocked you with this bottle."

My body moved with the vibration of Edward's chest as he laughed. I knew it was at my expense, but I didn't care. I just pressed my face against his chest tighter so that my breath was leaving a damp spot on his blue t-shirt.

One of the arms wrapped around me rose to place the vodka bottle on the hood of the car, while the other lifted my chin. "Miss me?" Edward whispered softly. His green eyes stared into me, incapacitating me for the briefest moment.

Breath erratic, I moved my hand to his face, stroking the rough bristle of his jaw. "Yes. Always," I sighed softly. I put my lips to his neck and left a lingering kiss below his ear. "I always miss you, all the time, every minute I'm away from you," I whispered, as my open mouth found the indentation of his collar bone.

Edward's hands found the back of my head, and he pulled my roaming mouth from his neck, holding my face firmly. He grinned and he lowered his lips gently to mine, stopping just short of kissing me. "I missed you too, always, all the time," he breathed before pressing his open mouth to mine, taking my lower lip, and trailing his tongue teasingly along its edge.

_Bzzzzzz-zmmmmm_

My face became hot and the chorus to The Sound and the Fury began playing in my head as the hum of Jake's window rolling down streamed into my consciousness.

_I am going to kill that kid!! _

"What Black?" Edward grumbled with his lips still attached to mine.

"Can we fucking go now?" Jake whined. "Leah said that Sam was gonna start the fire at eleven, which was an hour ago!! So, if you two can manage to stop humping in the driveway I would like to get my ass to that party and get drunk."

Edward sighed into my mouth, and against my will began to peel my clammy body off of him. Before fully parting, he looked down at me with a playful grin. "Later," he said, raising one eyebrow.

Impatient for later to arrive, I hurriedly grabbed the vodka off of the roof of the car, almost hitting myself in the lip in the process. I stomped over to the passenger side door and whipped it open, doing my best to glare at Jake in the backseat.

"Spaz, such a spaz," Jake laughed under his breath, as I tripped over my feet getting into the car.

"Bite me," I hissed, rubbing my shin which was destined for yet another bruise.

Edward entered the tense car and looked around. His face was one of sheer amusement. He found it funny that his best friend and his girlfriend were oil and water.

"Dude, let's go-oo," Jake groaned, his feet tapping eagerly.

Edward looked back at Jake and sighed. "Sorry it took so long man. My dad would not go to sleep! He was watching C-SPAN in the den all night guarding the liquor cabinet."

"Tell your old man to kiss it. That's what I'd do," Jake responded assuredly, eliciting an immediate laugh from me.

_Oh this should be good._

Edward turned to face him, looking mystified by Jake's ridiculous suggestion. "My dad is 6'2"- 240, are you out of your God damned mind?"

Jake's head perked up and he held his hands out in surrender, slinking back into his lounging position in the backseat. "I'm just saying your dad is a little strict man. You're eighteen now, and he still has your balls…"

"Shut up Jake!!" Edward and I screamed back simultaneously.

Jake winced and took the hood to his sweatshirt and covered his face. I could hear him giggling from behind the thin cotton.

On impulse, I grabbed the bottle of Grey Goose from the floor of the car, and tossed it back onto Jake's lap…hard.

"God damn it Bella!" Jake cried, whipping the hood from his face while he buckled over in pain.

A laugh erupted from the seat beside me. I looked over to see Edward hysterical, and his green eyes were shining with pride. "Good one love," he whispered as he grabbed my hand and gave it a tight squeeze.

I squeezed his hand back, hoping my eyes shined for him like his did for me. "Anytime baby."

"Assholes," Jake whimpered from the backseat. "Three amigos my ass…"

Edward's eyes briefly fluttered shut, and he let out a sigh. Dealing with Jacob and his obvious third wheel syndrome was something he struggled with. He loved Jacob so much and literally thought of him as his little brother.

But, Edward loves me more. And Jacob knows it. And Edward knows that Jacob knows it. And there's tension.

The "tension" really started the summer before I turned fifteen.

That summer I had come to visit, and things were different. I was different, Edward was definitely different, and Jake was well…still a kid.

Edward and I had been dancing around the fact that we were helplessly in love with each other since we were eight. But the summer before I turned fifteen, the dance was getting old, and Edward had a six pack and whiskers.

That summer he discovered my boobs, and I discovered his…um penis. And we discovered together that with just a little rubbing and sucking we could make marvelous and miraculous things happen to each other's bodies.

Jake still wanted to make refrigerator concoctions and force little Seth Clearwater drink them.

It would still be another two years before Edward and I got the nerve to actually say the three big words, or take the rubbing and sucking past third base and go all the way home… But, I don't think Jake ever forgave Edward for skipping their annual fishing trip in favor of spending the week with me in Forks before I went back to Phoenix.

Edward chose me that summer…

"Hey you off in dreamland…we're here" Edward said pulling me from my nostalgia.

We were not in La Push…we were at a gas station

"The party is at Exxon?" I asked dryly.

Edward laughed. "Jake wanted to pick up some smokes and I'm going to get some gas…do you want a Snickers?" He asked, stroking my tired cheeks with his thumbs.

"Actually I'm kinda thirsty, could you get me a red Gatorade?" I whispered in response, nuzzling my face deeper into his hands.

Slowly and gently, Edward removed his hands from my face and left a tiny kiss on my nose. I could feel the heat of his breath as he moved his mouth to my ear. "What my lady wants my lady gets," he answered in a breathy whisper, purposefully unraveling me. "Be right back love."

Gripping my seat, and catching my breath, I watched as Edward ran into the mini-mart. His ratty old jeans were a bit too loose and I got a lovely peak at his boxers. They were plaid and faded and had bleach spots all over them. Edward did his own laundry…

_Vrroom Vrooom…Vroooom Vroooom _

A screaming loud vehicle pulled into the pump behind me, plucking me from my Edward haze. The blaring sound shook the sturdy Volvo, and forced me to take notice.

"What the hell?"

I turned slowly, and crouched down in my seat, trying to be inconspicuous as I spied at the vehicle behind me. From my crouch I could see it was a giant Jeep Wrangler, completely decked out with flood lights and monster truck tires, and an obviously massive engine… and…

_The Cullen's_

Just as I noticed them, four sets of haunting eyes snapped in my direction…

"Shit!" I hissed, as I turned back in my seat facing forward, my face burning with sudden humiliation.

Flustered, I grabbed a map from the glove compartment…

I feigned interest in my map, and crouched as low as I could in my seat, spying at Emmett, Jasper, Alice, and Rosalie Cullen through my side mirror. They were dancing around the pump like a choreographed dance troop, graceful and elegant like only the Cullen's could be.

Emmett, the dark haired oldest boy was pumping the gas, while Jasper the tall blond brother was cleaning the windshield. The small youngest girl Alice was skipping about dancing to the 40's era big band music playing from the sound system, while the tall leggy blond Rosalie checked something under the hood.

It was like an Editorial for one of those magazines Liz Masen subscribes to. Beautiful people dressed in beautiful clothing doing mundane human tasks, and looking beautiful doing them.

When I first got to Forks High last winter, I was too caught up with Edward to really pay any notice to the Cullen's. But now, observing them has become a sort of hobby of mine. They are fascinating really… All four of them are unbelievably and remarkably beautiful… Rosalie especially. She has this ghostly pale white skin and hazel almost golden eyes…

_Errr…they all have pale skin and golden eyes…_

"How strange?" I said aloud.

Almost as soon as the words left my mouth, the Cullen's finished their tasks and eased into the Jeep. They pealed out of the station in seconds flat, leaving no trace, like they were never there at all.

"What's strange?" Jake asked as he got back in the car.

"The Cullen's," I answered blankly, my neck straining as I watched the jeep fly down the highway.

"And you're just noticing this now Bella?" Jacob laughed, checking my eyes like I was slow or something.

I turned to him.

"No. I mean yes…I mean they all have the same eye color. And only Jasper and Rosalie are actually related. It's just weird I guess," I sighed, my face scrunching. I was becoming more and more mystified by the second.

Jake's eyes went to the ceiling, and he let out a stuttered laugh while fumbling with his cigarette. "That's because they are vampires!" he coughed, choking on the smoke, "Spooky huh?"

Huh?

"This isn't funny Jake! They are not related, yet they have the same features? And I'm pretty sure they are coupled up and stuff. This could be incest, or Polygomy, or…"

"Or Vam-pir-es?" Jake said slowly, cutting me off.

I turned in my seat to face Jake, glaring at him. I was on to something, and he was making fun of me.

Jake held out his hands in mock surrender. "Don't look at me like that Bells! I'm just repeating what Billy told me. And he told me that the Cullen's are Vampires. Only Billy calls them the 'Cold Ones' because their bodies are ice cold and hard as rocks. Believe what you want, but that's what Billy said, and the more I see those freaks, the more it makes sense."

"Vampires?" I asked incredulous, my brow furrowing in confusion. Suddenly, I considered another possibility. "If you are messing with me Jake, I swear to God!"

Jake held his hands even higher. "I'm not, I swear!" Jake laughed with a slight shriek in his voice. "I don't know Bells. I mean you saw them, do they look human to you?"

_No…they looked like angels_.

"Who's a vampire?" Edward asked as he got into the car handing me my Gatorade and leaning in for a kiss. I moved to kiss him, but Jake interrupted…

"The Cullen's man! I told you this two years ago when they showed up from Alaska, way before the little brown haired spaz in the front made Forks her permanent residence," Jake exclaimed, again kicking his massive feet into my headrest.

Edward shot an eye back to Jake, and instantly Jake's feet fell from my headrest. Edward turned around and his eyes probed me quickly checking for damage.

"I'm fine," I whispered, reassuring him with a small smile. Jake's jealousy didn't get to me as much as it got to Edward.

Edward sighed, and started the car. "New rule," he proclaimed authoritatively. "No more violence against women in my car, and no more calling Bella a spaz. She is 'special' and her condition is not something to joke about," Edward laughed at my expense, sending a goofy half smile in my direction.

He was placating Jake…

And of course, Jake doubled over in the back. "Special as in fit for the short bus and a helmet," he jabbed through his hysterical laughter.

And as always I would play along. Jake was worth it in the end I guess.

"I'm right here!" I shouted, lifting my hands, emphasizing my presence. "And last time I checked Jacob, you were filling us in on your belief in _Vampires_."

Edward turned to me and winked. "Yes Jacob. Do tell?"

Jacob perked up and stuck his head between the seats. "Ok," Jake started in an excited whisper. "Billy said that the doctor is actually like 400 years old and he turned his wife and two of the kids into vampires after they were in horrible near death accidents. Apparently they are really humane and shit and they don't drink human blood and only feed off of wild animals in the forest. The only reason my people let them stick around is because of some crazy ass treaty that my ancestors signed like a hundred years ago to keep hush about the vampires as long as they don't go near La Push…"

Jake paused, obviously contemplating his next words. "Listen guys, this has to be our little secret. You can't go telling anybody. This information was never supposed to leave the tribe."

Edward laughed and gave Jake an incredulous look. "Jake, who are we going to tell? We only talk to you and the La Push kids anyway?"

Jake wasn't that easily pacified apparently. "I'm serious! I never should have told you this. You need to give me your most excellent promise man. You too Bells," Jake requested. His eyes probed us waiting for an answer. I was speechless, not even sure what we were promising. The only thing I was certain of was that Jake was insane.

I looked to Edward to answer first.

A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, and he turned to answer Jake. "Ok I promise. And if I tell, Bella will flash you," he answered assuredly…

_Wait…What?!_

Placation has a limit…and he breached it!

On instinct my hand hovered over Edward's crotch, ready to inflict pain. "No way! Take it back! Take it back now if you ever intend on using this thing again!" I warned, fist ready to cause serious damage.

Edward's lips maintained an adorable crooked smile, knowing its power over me. I held my ground, winding my hand back ready to jab. "Okay okay I take it back!!" Edward cried, reaching out and blocking my hand. He pulled it into his to hold instead.

_Bastard…_

"Come on man, why can't you tell us?" Edward asked Jake again, squeezing my hand and winking at me.

Jake sighed. "Well, because the only way they agreed to stay away from La Push is if we kept their identity secret. Only tribe members can know about them. Let's just forget we had this conversation okay?" Jake asked, taking on a serious tone, one he only took on when talking about tribal matters.

"You don't have to ask me twice! That's some crazy shit man," Edward laughed back, seemingly regretting it immediately.

"Crazy fucking _true_ dude!" Jake pouted.

Edward sighed inwardly and left the bizarre conversation at that. He knew not to cross Jake when it came to the beliefs of his elders. Jake took one thing in his life seriously, and that was the Quileute Nation. Edward and I knew not to pester him about strange customs, and beliefs. It wasn't our place, and we could never understand.

We sat in silence for a few moments before Edward took matters into his own hands. "Hey would you hand me that CD beautiful?" He asked me with a knowing wink.

_Oh boy! _

"You mean Mega Party Jams 7?" I answered with feigned enthusiasm, trying to get Jakes attention in the back seat.

"You guys pissed me off! Don't even go there with the ODB, you know I'll crack!" Jake half pouted half smiled to us through the mirror.

Edward laughed lightly as he placed the CD in the changer and pressed play. He looked back expectantly at Jake, like waiting for someone to open a present. Within no time Jake's head began bobbing to the music, and all was forgiven. Jake could never be mad when Old Dirty Bastard was singing his favorite song.

As the music played, Edward relaxed into party mode. He leaned back in his seat and put his right hand into my hair. He looked over at me and smiled my favorite crooked smile and began mouthing the words to the song at me, hypnotizing me with his face. The windows were down and our hair was swirling freely in the breeze. Once the chorus started I chimed in.

_Hey Dirty! Baby I've got your money don't you worry…_

Tonight was going to be a good night I could feel it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer, not Maggie.**

**This chapter is short and contains a lemon. I am trying to establish Bella and Edward's relationship. It may seem kind of cheesy and in your face, and I understand that, but stick with me…it's intentional. **

By the time we arrived at the party it was past midnight and the partygoers were all good and drunk.

Leah Clearwater came stumbling up to me grasping a red cup, spilling its contents all over her white tank top. "Bella-Ella-Ella you made it!" She cried way too loud into my ear, the smell of rum heavy on her breath. "You are far too sober Bella, let's get you a drink."

I held tightly to Edward, not particularly thrilled at the idea of leaving with Leah. He looked down at me and gently nudged me toward her. "Go, I'll see you in a little," he said as he lowered his head to kiss my forehead. I relished in the feel of his lips, and I held onto his fingertips for as long as I could until Leah removed me, dragging me over to the makeshift bar that was really a lawn chair and a cooler.

She yammered on about the latest La Push gossip, including a bathroom blowjob scandal that she and her boyfriend Sam Uley were involved in. I did my best to block out the gory details…

I spotted Edward across the giant bonfire talking to Quil and Embry. We had a game going with our eyes. I would look at him, and he would look back. Then we would pretend to be interested in our friends, but quickly return our eyes to each other. This went on for a few minutes, until Edward finally made the move and started towards me.

"So I was down on the floor, and I lifted my head up and smacked it against the sink! Blood was everywhere! Oh my God Bella, it was so embarrassing…Bella, are you even listening to me?"

My heart began to race as I could feel him come up behind me. I tried to seem interested in Leah's story, but couldn't concentrate with Edward looming.

My breath hitched when he wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed his lips into my hair, the contact after maybe five minutes apart electrifying me. Just the simple sweep of his hand across my waist, and the feel of his lips hovering now around my ear were soaking me.

I looked at Leah, not sure what I was trying to communicate to her, but I tried anyway. Her face scrunched, and she waved me off. "Eww just go… no need to explain!" She laughed, as she pushed me and Edward away.

With a mischievous smile, Edward took my hand and led me back to the car. He held my gaze intensely the whole way there, pulling me faster and faster almost to a run.

"In a hurry or something?" I asked trying to catch my breath, leaning against the trunk of the Volvo.

Edward smiled as his hands went to my waist, lifting me and sitting me down onto the hood of the trunk. "Yup," he whispered as his damp lips touched my neck…

I wrapped my legs around him and used my calves to pull him in towards me. "Come here," I teased as my feet found each other on the other side, crossing at the ankles.

I could feel him become hard and stiff between my legs instantly. We lingered like that for a few moments, just staring into each other's eyes, our breaths becoming more urgent with each passing second. With his eyes firmly locked to mine, I leaned back on the trunk window. I splayed my arms above me and arched my back and laid myself down…

Edward's eyes watched me as I grinded my body slowly into his, writhing against the hood of the car. A tiny bead of sweat dripped down his temple, while his strong arms braced the car, eyes never leaving my body. I could see his chest begin to rise faster and faster, as his hardness was growing and becoming harder with each shift of my hips.

My body began to ache with need, the friction wasn't enough. So, I took one of his hands, releasing it from the hood. I held it in my own for a beat, not sure of my next move. Edward stared into me, and then shifted his eyes to my hand. My chest was heaving, so I bit my lower lip and swallowed my nerve.

Finding Edward's eyes again I moved our entwined hands and placed his hand between my legs, right where I needed it the most. "Please?" I gasped between panting breaths. "I need you."

Edward's eyes became dark and he lunged toward me, pressing his lips into my ear. "Jesus Bella," he hissed, as he crawled up the trunk, and stroked his hand swiftly across the crease in my jeans, sending a shiver through my core. "Whatever you want."

I moaned and squirmed against his hand, shifting my head to look at him. I lifted my hand to his face and ran my thumb over the scruff on his strong jaw, his eyes burning into me. "I just want you," I whimpered breathlessly. "Right now."

Edward swallowed audibly and nodded. "Here?" He asked with a juvenile squeak in his voice.

In a blurry haze, I moved my hands to the fly of my jeans and unzipped them. "Yes, here," I panted as the tearing sound of my zipper filled the quiet night.

Edward's questioning eyes moved to my waist as he watched me pull my pants away from my hips and slide them to my ankles. His eyes then focused on my red panties…

I took his hand again and placed it on my thigh. "Please?" I whispered in a broken voice, "I just want to feel you."

My breath was stolen from my lungs as three of his long strong fingers entered me swiftly, and without any warning. He pumped them in and out twice before I could even gasp for air. "Like this? Is this what you want?" He hissed as he pumped into me with his whole hand and rubbed his thumb once against my clit.

My legs went limp and I surrendered to the feeling as his expert hand began to dominate the soft aching sensitive flesh…

I lifted my head slightly, silently begging for his mouth. "Kiss," I moaned.

Either he didn't hear me, or he misinterpreted my words because that instant his hands left me, and I felt the warm wet stroke of his tongue flick against my clit.

"Ungh," I moaned as I writhed and bucked into his stiff stroking tongue.

He swept it across my clit in slow strong licks, building the tension and pleasure in my core.

"Gah…feels… ungh… good," I whimpered as his tongue began flicking harder and faster against my clit causing my legs to tingle and the knot in my abdomen become tighter an more tangled.

Right before the knot completely untangled and exploded, his mouth left me and he was once again on the hood of the car with his lips at my ear. "I need to be inside you right now Bella, right on this car," he groaned.

I nodded, always wanting his cock more than his tongue and lifted my hands from their grip on the Volvo and moved them to his pants. I undid the button, then the zipper, then slowly pushed his pants and boxers to his knees, freeing his rock solid erection.

I slid my hips down slowly so I was again standing on the forest floor. I gripped his shoulder tightly as I hitched my right leg over his hip, opening myself up for him to enter. He entered slowly, filling me and dizzying my lusty clouded brain. Then he lifted my other leg and hitched it over his hip holding me up with our bodies attached…really attached.

At that moment he placed my back and butt onto the car again. "Is this ok, does this hurt?" He whispered as he thrust once, backing me into the hood.

I had never been…um fucked against a car before, and it certainly wasn't as comfortable as a bed, but I was so far gone he could have been fucking me on nails and I wouldn't have minded.

"No, it feels good, keep going," I panted in response, as I felt another hard thrust fill me and push my butt into the trunk.

My body sort of molded to the curve of the car as Edward continued to pound in and out, filling me as he entered, and hitting my sensitive spots as he exited.

My body ached for him in a strangely desperate way. Even when he was fully erect and pounding me into the trunk of a car, I wanted more.

"Harder Edward, it doesn't hurt…please please harder!" I sort of encouraged in a groan as he gripped my thigh tighter and slammed my ass into the car.

His breath was picking up and I could tell he was getting lost in me because he began to moan and whimper and grunt in random slurs… My name, my taste, my softness, my feel, all leaving his lips in the most painfully erotic way.

"I want you in my mouth," he managed to eke out, as his dick plunged again into my aching drenched folds. "Pull down your strap."

I took the flimsy strap to my tank top and pushed it down my shoulder releasing my left breast. "Like this," I groaned as the heat inside me was reaching its absolute climax.

As soon as his mouth found my sensitive breast and flicked over my nipple, a sensation of intense pleasure starting from my toes rose like a reverse avalanche, up my legs and into my abdomen igniting another avalanche that shook my entire body, tingling the hair on my head.

My muscles clamped down over Edward in violent vice like squeezes, pulsing and gripping and clutching his cock until it jerked and poured out inside of me.

Once he had spilled everything, he collapsed on top of me and clutched me tightly to him. His chest was vibrating with victorious laughter like it often did after we had mind blowing amazing sex. "Fuck me," he laughed triumphantly as he planted a kiss on my shoulder.

"I just did," I laughed back, moving my lips to find his mouth.

"Yes you did my love, yes you did," he sighed as he planted a gentle kiss on my awaiting mouth. "You sure as shit did."

Tonight was definitely shaping up to be a good night.

**AN- Please review. I posted my first two chapters yesterday and they said over 200 people read BOTH chapters, and I didn't get one review! If the story is garbage, tell me…I won't mind! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Stephenie rules, Maggie drools…**

After we were both dressed, Edward and I returned to the party hand in hand.

I noticed that a few more guests had arrived while we were…otherwise occupied.

"Oh great Lauren Mallory and Jess are here," I sighed, feeling my perfect night rapidly getting less perfect.

"Newton and Crowley are here too," Edward huffed.

It seemed our "friends" from school had arrived, and Edward was not happy to see them either.

The kids from school liked to hang out at the mall or throw keggers in town where my dad was always around to bust them. Jake, Edward, and I liked to steer clear of my dad's jurisdiction. Being the daughter of the police chief of Forks makes partying in Forks a bad idea. We liked to hang on the Res with the La Push kids, and I think this fact made our school friends both pissed and curious. We had eluded them for a while, but it seemed that curiosity had finally gotten the best of them.

"Damn, Lauren is coming over here," Edward whispered in my ear.

Lauren Mallory, the town tramp, traipsed over to us in her latest velour sweat suit.

"Hey Edward!" Lauren cooed, while strategically adjusting her bra in his face, and flicking her long blonde hair behind her shoulder.

"Hello Lauren," Edward replied politely, while holding tightly to my hand. "Excuse us." We tried to walk past her, but she stopped us dead in our tracks, cornering us into some parked cars.

"So Edward, this party is so super cool! How come no one has ever invited us down before?" She asked while putting her hand on Edward's chest, backing him into Tyler's van, and leaving me blocked out.

Our hands were still joined, but Lauren had somehow managed to get between us.

Edward pulled me toward him, using me as a shield between himself and Lauren and continued to walk towards the party. "I don't live here Lauren, so it's not really my place to invite anyone," Edward again answered politely, still trying to maneuver us away from her, but she continued to follow.

I decided to make my presence known, since she seemed intent on ignoring me altogether. I turned swiftly and got directly in her face. "So Lauren tell me, who invited you guys anyway?" I drilled her, finally gaining her attention. I could feel Edward's grip tighten around me, he was always so proud when I was ballsy.

"Yeah, I didn't know you knew any Res kids," Edward chimed in dryly.

Lauren squirmed a little. "Oh…well…ummm…We just knew that _you_ came down here all the time and wanted to check it out. I hope that's okay?" Lauren pouted her lips, and looked to Edward like a deer in headlights. I think she was attempting to flirt or do something of that nature, but she looked more like Bambi doing a fish impression.

I couldn't help but laugh at her. "Sure Lauren, whatever, it's cool," I said as I pulled Edward toward me and wrapped my arms tightly around him, just in case she was slow and needed a visual to get the point.

Edward smiled and gave Lauren a curt nod. "Ok, well see ya around Mallory."

One thing about Edward, he was always polite.

I huffed and tugged at him harder, putting another hole into his already macerated t-shirt. He laughed and his face lit up with a silly grin. "Alright, alright, crazy girl, let's _go_ already," he said with mock impatience as he lowered his arms to my knees, and threw me over his right shoulder

From my upside down view, I winked at Lauren and gave her a little wave. She deserved it.

While I bogusly protested and kicked, Edward made his way over to the bar where Jake had set up shop. The Rum was gone and it seems that the stolen bottle of Grey Goose was now the beverage of choice.

"Hey guys what will you have? Vodka shots, or vodka shots? We're totally out of mixers," Jake slurred at us while flashing his goofiest smile.

"I have a mixer! I knew it was a good idea to buy that Gatorade!" I cried from upside down, blood rushing uncomfortably to my head. "I hid it under a sweatshirt under the chair."

"Ummm Bells, I hate to break it to you, but Newton downed that Gatorade a half hour ago while you two were off doing the nasty in the woods," Jake laughed back.

Edward's body erupted into hysterics, and he placed me down before dropping me on my head. Edward didn't find this at all humiliating. Of course _my_ face became fiery hot...I'm guessing purple.

"I guess it's shots all around then," Jake said smugly, winking at me like the knowing little jerk he was.

Jake poured the clear liquid into the bottom of two red cups. I took one of the cups in my hand and watched as it swirled and taunted me. Edward laughed and wrapped an arm around me. He moved his hand to my face and dutifully pinched my nose closed for me.

"Newton is dead," I muttered in my pinched nose voice, as I brought the shot of warm vodka to my lips. It burned all the way down my throat.

Edward held my nose closed until the burn subsided, and then pulled me into his chest. "You are a terrible shot taker Bella…just awful. I mean the worst…"

I punched my fist into his stomach. "Watch it Masen," I hissed, my face buried in his holey t-shirt.

Edward giggled, and pushed my shoulders back slightly and lifted my chin with his hand. "Love you," he whispered with my favorite smile tugging from the corner of his mouth.

"I love you too baby, I love you too," I answered, returning my face to his chest.

Edward returned to his duty as official nose plugger and I managed to down about four shots. We were feeling pretty buzzed and decided to go hang out by the fire.

The whole gang had convened there. Edward pulled up a chair and I curled up on his lap. I nuzzled my body into his, placing my face into its spot below his neck.

We sat like that for a long time, just enjoying the company of our friends, and the comfort of having each other. Not every person at that party was as lucky as we were, and in those moments we felt so blessed to be together.

The conversation was simple basic high school chatter, but that's what made it great. Conversations about Dumb and Dumber vs. Tommy Boy seemed relevant.

As the party was starting to wind down, and the vodka bottle dried up, Sam left for a second and went into his house. When he came back, he had a guitar in his hand and held it out to Edward.

"Play for us?" Sam asked as he put the guitar next to our chair.

Wordlessly, I moved from Edwards lap and untwined our fingers. I grabbed his face in my hands and left a kiss on his forehead. "Just play for me," I whispered as I moved to take my seat at his feet.

Edward took a deep nervous breath and looked around at the crowd that had formed. He shrugged and pulled the guitar onto his lap. He let his hands lazily strum the strings checking the tune and then sat himself up straight in his chair. He pushed his thick mess of hair back once, and then looked to me.

"This is for Bella," he muttered under his breath as he strummed out the first note.

He played a slow melancholy song by his favorite folk singer from the 60's. The crowd that had gathered was completely entranced, not excluding me. I had heard him play thousands of times. I was even with him the day he got his guitar for his tenth birthday…but he still knocked my breath into the next county every single time…

As he strummed out the last notes and wound down the song, I rose from the ground and began to move toward him. I reached out my hand to his, and he took it eagerly as he returned the guitar to Sam.

I sat myself directly back into my spot on his lap and nuzzled my face into his neck. "That was beautiful baby," I whispered.

"Thanks love."

"You know I've been in love with you since I was eight right? Just so we're clear," I told him for the thousandth time. I just liked to remind him; I thought it was something worth reminding him about.

"Yep I know, the little boy in the Ocean…bla bla bla," he sighed with fake boredom. He secretly loved hearing the little boy in the ocean story and I knew it, the smile tugging at his lips gave him away.

I fisted my hand into his blue shirt. "Now tell me you've loved me since you were eight," I pouted falsely, egging him on.

He rolled his eyes. "Oh totally, those pink ruffles were hot," he laughed.

"You know it! I was stylin," I laughed back…

Edward again rolled his eyes and checked his watch. "It's getting late, you ready to g…"

"AAAHHHHHHHH HELP!!!!! HELP PLEASE SOMEBODY!!!!!! SHE'S GONNA DROWN!!!!" A blood curdling scream rose from the ocean, completely taking us off guard.

"Is that Jessica screaming?" I yelled, pulling Edward with me and running toward the sound.

Edward followed, pulling me back from the cliffs edge, and holding uncomfortably tight to my waist.

"Jess what's wrong?" I cried out to her, Edward's arm not allowing me to get any closer to the edge of the cliff.

"Lauren slipped on a rock…she fell in!! SHE"S DROWNING!!!" Jess screamed in anguish, torturously loud.

Edward looked at me hesitantly. "Bella stay here, I'm going in to get her." His tight grip on my waist released and he began running toward the edge of the cliff.

"I'm going too," Sam said as he began to make his way carefully down the rocks following Edward.

I wanted to tell Edward to stop. I wanted to scream out to him in protest, but I couldn't make my lips move. I was frozen watching his traverse down the bluff.

Once he was to the bottom, he looked out over the water.

"Lauren!" He called out, scanning the water carefully with his eyes.

I just watched in frozen fear.

"Lauren, where are you? Just show me one hand; come on Lauren!" He cried out again, the panic in his voice building.

After a few more seconds of scanning, a tiny white hand rose from the water, followed by what appeared to be a pink hood. Without hesitation Edward threw his shoes off and dove in.

"Edward No!!" I screamed, terrified at the sight of him disappearing into the dark cold water.

I couldn't breath, couldn't move, couldn't blink… I was frozen in fear.

Before that moment, I had never contemplated losing him. If the thought ever so much as crossed my mind, I would swallow it down and quickly think of something else. It was a completely inconsolable, helpless, and sickening feeling…

But now, it was real. So real I felt like I would swallow my own tongue and suffocate and just cease existence completely if he didn't come up…

He came up.

And he had his arm wrapped around a lifeless Lauren.

"Someone call 911!!" Sam called up to us.

"I already called, they're on the way," Jake yelled back.

In the middle of the Ocean Edward began giving Lauren mouth to mouth. He was treading water and blowing life giving oxygen into her mouth simultaneously.

I found my voice and called out to him. "Edward swim her to shore!!!" I cried, my voice cracking and desperate.

He looked up at me and the look in his eyes was one of sheer terror.

I swallowed my impeding sob, and called out to him again. "Swim her in Edward, Please!!" I pleaded, dropping to my knees.

He continued to give Lauren mouth to mouth, but stopped to answer me. The look on his face was pleading, desperate, hopeless. "The current is too strong love. I can't swim in until help comes!"

A sob tore into my chest with the force of a Mack truck.

_He was going to die out there saving Lauren fucking Mallory._

Suddenly Lauren came to, coughing and gagging and gasping for air. She began to panic, writhing and kicking and swinging her limbs wildly. Then, in her panic she began pushing down on Edwards head to get herself higher up above the water.

"Lauren NOOOO!" I cried out, sobs ripping from my body, with a pain in my chest that could only be described as excruciating.

I watched in agony as he struggled against her weight. She had his head completely submerged, using his body as a buoy.

"Lauren Stop! YOU'RE KILLING HIM!" I wailed, choking on my words.

Without thinking I began making my way down the cliff. Jake followed close behind. My limbs were scraped and gashed by the sandy sharp rocks. It took my clumsy body about three minutes to traverse the cliff. Jake was drunk but he followed behind frantically.

I made it to the spot where Edward jumped in and began to kick off my shoes. The salty cold water was splashing into my face, mixing with my tears.

I braced myself to jump…

"Bella you can't go in there!!! It's too dangerous!" Jake cried, grabbing my arm and whipping me away from the edge.

I pushed away from him as hard as I could and looked back out into the water trying to spot Edward. I could barely make out the reflection of his white face in the moonlight, bobbing up and down as he struggled with Lauren.

I ran back toward the edge, Jake followed.

"She's killing him Jake! We have to stop her! He's your best friend Jake. You have to help me!"

Jake looked out into the black swirling water and let out a tortured sob. Grabbing my face he cried, "It's too late Bella! I know these currents better than anyone. It's too late!!!"

I took Jake's hands from my face and threw them aside. "Shut the FUCK up Jake!" I managed to spit out through my sobs. I was crying so hysterically that I felt I might drown in my own tears and mucus. 

I looked back out to the ocean desperately trying to spot Edward's face in the moonlight. Somehow he managed to get Lauren to a rock about 20 yards out, but he was drifting further and further away from the shore heading towards the swirling dangerous water below the steepest cliffs. His head was barely above water, and his hands were limply trying to keep himself afloat.

I ran towards him along the rocks, following him as he drifted.

"Edward Swim God Damn it!" I yelled, "Swim baby! SWIM!!!"

He didn't respond, he just drifted further and further away, his strokes getting weaker by the second, and his head was almost completely submerged.

I looked out to him trying to gain contact with his eyes, but he was too far away.

"AHHHHHHH!!!!!" My blood boiled as I screamed "Don't you dare leave me Edward!! Please baby, SWIM!!!"

I continued to run along the bluff, just screaming at him. I needed him to start swimming.

"I love you baby! Do you hear me God damn it! SWIM!!!!"

Then his bobbing head drifted completely out of sight as I heard the sirens scream down the road. I dropped to my knees and threw my head back and screamed one last gut wrenching scream before I passed out right there on the cliff.

***

When I came to I was in an ambulance, the strong smell of Ammonia in my nose.

"Bells wake up, please wake up," I heard Jake crying to me through my blurry haze.

I opened my eyes and looked at him. His eyes were almost swollen shut, and drool and mucus were coming from his nose and mouth. His chest was heaving with sobs…

Then, I remembered what happened…

And everything went black again.

**AN- Yeah, I know right? Sorry, but I promise that sucked to write probably more than it sucked to read. Please review, I want to know what you all are thinking right now. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight…I own a copy of Twilight…She wins! **

**5 months later**

_Beep Beep Beep_

"Hey Bells? Sweetie? Your alarm has been going off for over twenty minutes, do you hear it?" Charlie whispered to me through my bedroom door.

"Oh. Sorry dad," I answered while moving my hand to pick up my alarm clock.

Once it was in my hand, I did the only thing I could think to do…I threw it through my window, smashing and shattering the glass and destroying the clock. A sob tore out of my chest and tears began trickling down my face. Charlie ran over to me and grabbed me up in his arms cradling me like a baby, like he had done countless times in the last five months.

"Bella…shhh shhh… everything will be ok…don't cry…shh shh."

Through my tears I looked at Charlie. "I want to see him," I said quietly.

Charlie's arms stiffened around me. "Bella it's a school day, you can't."

"I want to see him dad," I demanded coolly, desperately trying to hold back my tears.

Charlie grabbed hold of my shoulders and whipped me around to face him, his hands easily fitting around my bony arms. "Bella you have missed too much school this semester, Washington State will drop you. You have to go."

Rage began boiling in my chest…I didn't care about school, or Washington State, or anything except for Edward. I took a deep breath, again trying to regain my composure. Charlie didn't deserve my rage, but he also just didn't get it. Nothing else mattered.

I looked into my father's eyes carefully. "You are wasting your time thinking I'm going away to college in the fall dad. I'm not leaving him. I'll start working full time at Newton's, but there is no way I'm leaving Forks," I explained through gritted teeth.

But Charlie didn't seem to see things my way.

"You don't mean that Bella. Now, get dressed and get to school. Please Bells, for me?"

_Still not getting it! Gah!!_

The rage came back, and I knew today would be just like yesterday and the day before. If Charlie couldn't see it my way…well I'd make him.

"I want to see him damn it! I don't care about school! I don't care about College! I only care about Edward. Why the FUCK can't you get that?" I wailed at Charlie, hysterically ripping at my hair, a torrent of tears coming from my eyes.

Charlie's eyes were red and welling up, and I knew somewhere inside of me that putting him through this day after day was wrong, but I just couldn't bring myself to care.

Charlie squeezed his eyes shut and let out a sigh. "I'll call the school and let them know you're not feeling well. This is the last time Bella," Charlie warned as he dropped my limp body from his grasp and walked out of my room.

I had won again, but it never felt like a victory. There were no winners…only losers…always losers.

I grabbed my towel from behind my rocking chair and made my way towards the bathroom. I closed my eyes tightly as I passed the mirror in the hallway. I don't like to look at myself in the mirror, it's too sad. I have lost at least fifteen pounds and my once full thick glossy brown hair is now thin and lifeless. I have heavy bags under my eyes and tear swollen lips. The girl that Edward once loved…who he thought was beautiful…is gone. She died in the ocean with him.

After my shower I got dressed in my jeans and sweater and bundled up in Edward's brown leather jacket and gloves.

It was February…_I think_.

I stepped out into the frigid air, my nose was raw from crying and my eyes were sensitive and sore. I looked around. Everything in my yard that four months ago was alive…was dead. The branches were bare, the grass brown, the bushes just sticks covered in cold ice and snow.

Everything around me was in the dormant state of winter… cold and lifeless.

_A lot like me. _

I stepped into the cab of my old red Chevy truck and started the engine. It erupted into a loud roar, shaking me and reminding me of my day's mission. I would see him today. The days that I could see him were always better than days that I had to be at school.

At school I had to see _her_.

I see her every day I choose to go, bouncing and bitching and breathing her way through the day. I become fixated on the rise and fall of her chest, and the pink flush of her healthy cheeks. I watch her flirt, and gossip, and smile, and laugh, and walk, and run, and eat, and _live._

***

**(Five months ago)**

I was in my room, wrapped in Jake's arms. We had been lying there for the past six days, intermittently crying and being silent and numb and out of tears. This particular morning we were silent, just holding each other and staring at the ceiling, waiting for the pain to stop, waiting for enough strength to come that we might be able to leave the bed.

We both sort of shifted when we heard the sound of an unfamiliar car pull into the driveway. It was too loud to be the Masen's Lexus, but too quiet to be Billy's truck.

I heard clacking heals walk to the door…then a knock.

Charlie answered the door and I heard the mumbling sounds of conversation, before the clacking heals and Charlie came up the steps.

_Knock…knock…knock…_

"Bells, Jake…umm, there's someone here who would really like to see you."

I rose from the bed, and opened the door. On the other side was Lauren. I peered out at her through the hood of Edward's massive red sweatshirt. She was Blond, surgically busty, and beautiful.

She had a bouquet of white Lilies in her hand, and a few tears slipping from her eyes. I had wondered what seeing her for the first time would feel like, but it was nothing like I thought.

I thought I would grab the closest blunt object and bludgeon her…Or walk up to her face and spit in it… But in the moment, I couldn't think to do any of those things. I could only stare. Blankly stare at the vibrant living girl standing before me… the girl that would have died if _he_ hadn't saved her. 

She smiled at me standing in the door, looking for the first time in my memory like a human being as opposed to a scheming bitch. She held the flowers out to me, and when they hit my chest I took them, my eyes never leaving hers.

Once the flowers were in my hand, she stepped forward and hesitantly wrapped her arms around me, hugging me.

My hands were holding the flowers, so I didn't hug her back. I wouldn't have hugged her back, but I didn't pull away either. I let her do it. I stood there and let her hug me.

"I'm so sorry Bella," she whispered into my ear, her tears dropping onto my shoulder.

I didn't say anything, I just let her hug. And when she was done, I turned and walked back to the bed closing the door behind me, leaving Lauren in the hall.

***

We have never spoken a word to each other since, and probably never will again. She was sorry, she was alive, and _I_ would forever be trapped in hell.

_I don't like to go to school. _

Once my truck was sufficiently warm, I reversed out of the driveway and headed out toward the Masen's. After a short drive, I arrived at the sprawling mansion.

Looking around at the once spectacular property, I noticed it had fallen even deeper into a state of disarray. The lawn was dead and overgrown, covered in piles of un-raked leaves. The cobblestone walks were covered in ice and dirt and not fit for walking.

_Edward_ used to take care of these things.

One time he had needed my assistance cutting back the branches on an old apple tree. Fourteen stitches and a concussion later Edward had learned a valuable lesson…_Never allow Bella Swan to operate a chainsaw_.

_What was he thinking?_

I laughed at the thought and made my way to the door, taking one last deep breath before I knocked.

No one answered…they usually didn't.

I opened the door and peaked in… "Elizabeth? Ed? It's me…Are you home?"

I heard footsteps coming from the upstairs hallway. Elizabeth appeared on the second story landing, looking a mess. She ran down the steps and stumbled into my waiting arms.

I braced myself…

"What's wrong…what happened?"

Elizabeth's body froze beneath my arms, rigid and grief-stricken. She used her last bit of strength to speak. "He choked on his breathing tube this morning and we had to take him to the hospital," she sobbed into my shoulder, her piercing green eyes swollen red with tears. Looking at her eyes made the hole in my chest burn and ache. They were so familiar.

"I called, but Charlie said you were on your way. I waited here, Ed is at the hospital." On the word hospital, her knees gave out a bit and I had to support even more of her weight.

Tears began rolling down my face as I grabbed hold of her waist and took her with me out the front door. I tried to wipe them away with my sleeve, but there were too many to control. I hated making things worse for Liz, but I couldn't help the tears. And I knew she couldn't either.

No one's had a harder time with Edward's accident than Elizabeth, not even me. Edward's her only child and she loves him more than words can comprehend. She taught him to play the piano, and to drive, and to just be the loving, kind, and funny boy that stole my heart.

Sometimes I feel like she is the only reason I have for getting up in the morning. I feel like she is the only person who understands what I am going through and feels the giant magnitude of my loss. Being strong for her is important to me, even though I have failed miserably.

"Come on get in the truck Liz, I'll drive us to the hospital," I said as I led her catatonic body to the passenger door.

I noticed that Liz's normally perfectly coifed auburn hair was getting gray at the roots. She must have missed another hair appointment. Or like me, just no longer cared.

She was silent for most of the ride, but spoke just as we were arriving at the parking garage. Her voice was cold, and steady, "Ed wants to take him off life support. He wants to let him go. He wants to let my baby go."

The Masen's had been trying to get me to have that conversation for weeks now, and I just wasn't having it. I figured if I ignored them, it would go away. So, I didn't respond. I just parked the car and walked in, leaving Liz in my dust.

**AN- So yeah, it's pretty sad for the next couple of chapters, but it sort of has to be, where's the fun in no angst fluff right? **

**It gets worse before it gets better. But when it gets better, you're not going to want to miss it. **

**And the fate of Edward won't be revealed until I get some feedback! Ok, that's not true, but seriously girls and guys I would really appreciate it. I am a person who thrives on criticism, good and bad. Without it, I can't be inspired to keep writing. I need to know what the people reading are thinking. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey Stephenie you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind! **

After a quick stop at the nurses' station to learn his room number, I made my way to Edward's room in the Intensive care unit.

Jake was there. The ear buds to his i-pod were in Edward's ears.

"Old Dirty Bastard?" I asked.

Jake dropped Edward's hand. "Yeah," he whispered. "It's his favorite song."

Jake stood and held his arms out for me.

I lurched toward him and pressed my face into his sweater, noticing my face seemed to fall further and further down his torso almost daily. My face used to hit the top of his chest near his collarbone, now it seemed to be just inches above his bellybutton.

"No school today Jake?" I asked as I lifted my head, peering around him to check Edward's condition. He looked the same as the day before, the mornings incident wasn't all that bad it seemed.

Jake shook his head. "Nah…I had a weird feeling when I woke up this morning that I had to see Edward. What about you Bells, why are you here?"

"Same feeling I guess," I sighed, seeing in Jake's eyes that my "feelings" were not exactly few and far between.

Edward's condition was deteriorating, and we both knew it. Edward had been in the ICU seven times in the last five months, and the frequency was picking up.

But like me, Jake was in denial about the pending reality. We just pretended that whatever the reality was, it was far off in the future and not for us to worry about at the moment. Actually considering it would be too difficult, so we just spent time with Edward as much as we could, and ignored all of the outside forces trying to take him from us.

Except both of us could feel the forces around us, and they were beginning to wear us down. They were becoming increasingly harder to ignore. I could see in his eyes that Jake was tired. He was tired of the worry and the pain and the absolute devastation of the foreseeable crushing blow that awaited him.

I could feel the weight of the crush too, but I wasn't going to let it get to me yet. Something told me I had to hold out, and not let it crush me until it was absolutely too late to fight against it.

I released Jake and with a determined sigh, I made my way towards Edward's bed.

He was hooked up to a breathing tube and feeding tube and about a hundred different IV's and monitors, but I couldn't see any of them. All I could see was him, my beautiful boy.

Jake left us alone.

I stared blankly at Edward for a couple minutes. Tears were streaming down my face. "Oh Edward, how did this happen?" I whispered aloud, as I finally made my way to his side.

I sat softly on his bed and draped both of my hands across his cheeks and planted a light kiss on each of his eyes. "Good morning baby. I heard you had a rough morning, I'm sorry I'm late," I whispered as I kissed behind his ears.

I moved my mouth slowly down his face and left a soft kiss on both cheeks.

A giant tube was down his throat limiting my access to his mouth. So, I kissed every inch of available skin. After each kiss I would whisper softly to him, "I love you" _kiss _"I love you" _kiss "_I love you Edward please come back."

I was always gentle and reverent, hoping that he could hear my words and feel my kiss and by some miracle come back to me. "I love you."_ kiss "_I love you."

_Ahem_

Ed cleared his throat in the doorway. I ignored him and grabbed Edward's left hand and began warming it between mine, rubbing slightly to create gentle friction. "Your fingers are freezing baby, let me warm them for you," I cooed into his ear as the weight of Ed's presence in the doorway began suffocating me.

I kept my eyes on Edward. "What Ed?" I garbled under my breath, trying with all my might not to sound bitter or resentful. I loved Ed, but lately I feared him more than anything else.

I heard the door clank shut and Ed's feet and large body began encroaching on me. I squeezed Edward's hand tighter, as my heart began flying out of my chest with dread. "Not today Ed, please I don't… no I can't talk about this today!" I begged tearfully as his large hand found my shoulder.

Over my pounding heart I could hear Ed sigh. "Bella, you know this kills me baby doll, but we have to talk about this."

Behind my eye lids, colors started flashing. "No, please no," I begged, sucking back air, finding it difficult to breathe.

Ed's hand gripped into my shoulder with marked force. "If you won't participate in the conversation, I am going to have to make the decision without you, and despite you, and I really don't want to do that princess."

He allowed me a minute to steady my breathing before I responded. "He just needs more time. It's only been four months, I've heard of people coming out of comas after twenty years---"

"This is more than a coma Bella. He is suffering and not breathing on his own…"

I shuddered at the word suffering. It was the only word that Ed had in his arsenal that he knew would ultimately break me. If Edward was suffering, it needed to stop. But at this moment, Edward didn't appear to be suffering at all. His heart rate was slow and steady and his fingers were relaxed under my touch.

I turned my head finally to reach Ed's clear blue eyes. "Please Ed, just a few more months? Please?" I begged, and then dropped my head into Edward's now soft belly, wiping my tears into his thin gown.

Ed made a frustrated groan under his breath, and dropped his hand from my shoulder. As he began to walk away, he left me with some parting words. "The next time we come to this ICU, I won't ask Bella, I will just do. You've left me no choice. I like to think of you as my own, but when it comes down to it the one who is truly my own is Edward, and he needs me to make the right decision for him. The right decision is to end the suffering and end the pain and let my boy rest in peace with God. One more trip Bella, that is all I can handle, and that is all I am willing to concede."

With that the door closed behind him and he was gone.

Bile flowed freely in my mouth as I attempted to take a breath. The rise of my chest was painful as the suffocating forces exploded around me.

_One more trip to the ICU, and Ed was going to pull the plug. _

My face stayed nestled in the soft warmth of Edward's belly, rising and falling with his breath. I couldn't breathe, but I could cry. The pain in my heart felt like a gaping hole was being dug into my chest. I needed to physically grasp it and press down on it to make the gnawing ache subside.

I pressed into my abdomen with violent force, like I was physically trying to keep my heart inside my body…like I was trying to hold it together so it wouldn't break completely. I sobbed into Edward, delirious in my pain, feeling hopeless and suffocated by the crush. So overcome that I didn't even notice Jake was back in the room with me.

His strong arm hooked around my body and pulled me from Edward's bed in a swift tug. Wordlessly, he turned my quaking shoulders toward the door and held me under my arms and walked me out of the room.

Once we were out in the lobby, the noises and breezes and lights and smells snapped me from my haze.

I nestled my head on Jake's shoulder. "Thanks," I sighed, thanking Jake for removing me from Edward before I lost it completely.

Jake took a black paisley handkerchief from his pocket and lightly dabbed it to my face. "Sure sure," he sighed as he blotted my tears. "You look like skinny shit Bella, let's go get lunch and calm down ok?"

I had to laugh at Jake's candor. Insulting me, but loving me at the same time.

Jake led me to the hospital café just three hallways and about 400 steps from Edward's room. Whenever I was in the hospital I had this OCD tendency to have to know where I was in relation to Edward at all times. If something went wrong, I needed to know the fastest route to get to him. I was that way with a lot of things lately, completely obsessive and unhealthy.

"Here sit down," Jake said as he led me to a booth in the corner of the café. "Turkey on wheat, chips, and a Mountain Dew?" He asked, remembering my lunch order from our countless days spent here.

"Yeah," I sighed, staring at the strange veneer on the table. "That's fine."

Some time passed and then Jake came back, my eyes never lifted from the table. He slid a red tray in front of me containing my food.

"Eat Bella, I'm serious," Jake scolded as he grabbed my turkey sandwich and began unwrapping it for me. He plopped it down in front of me. "Just pick it up and take a bite."

I did as I was told and ate half of the slimy disgusting sandwich, the whole bag of chips, and two refills on the Mountain Dew. Afterwards I felt much better.

"So did you hear the latest?" Jake asked me as he grabbed for the second half of my sandwich and crammed it into his mouth.

His tone struck my curiosity. "No. What?"

Jake swallowed, then looked over his shoulder and then around the room. He stooped low as if to beckon me forward like he had a secret. "Dr. Cullen is Edward's new doctor," he whispered as I leaned my body toward him. "Weird huh?"

I stared blankly at Jake. "Why would that be…Ugh, Jake seriously? The vampire thing?"

Jake's hand shot out to my mouth, covering it. "Shhhhh...God, you can be so dense Bella. Just scream it to the whole café."

I was in no mood to deal with Jacob's childish antics, but also remembered Edward's policy about insulting him…ever. "Sorry," I muttered. "I think your secret is still safe," I sighed as I looked around the nearly empty room with not a single eye on us.

Jake relaxed back into this seat and nodded. "Billy's freaking out about it. He almost called the Masen's and told them everything."

I stiffened in my chair and focused my stare on Jake. "He's the best, you know that. The Masen's have been hoping for him to take up Edward's case for months. Jake, I'm sorry, but you need to tell Billy to butt out!" I cried in a hushed whisper, glaring daggers into Jake. If Billy's silly superstitions compromised Edward in any way, all bets were off with me.

Jake rolled his eyes and leaned in closer to me. "I did, of course I did. But I dunno Bella; the guy is super creepy, have you seen him yet?"

I had seen him from a distance a few times in passing, and of course his strikingly similar pale and beautiful features that he shared with his adopted children didn't escape my notice… But vampires?

_Nonsense_

I rolled my eyes and gathered the food on my tray. "Let's go, I want to get back to Edward," I huffed as I slipped my trash into the bin.

Jake stood and checked his watch. "I've got some errands to run in town, I'll be back in a few," he said as he turned toward the main exit. "And check out Dr. Cullen Bella," he laughed as he strode out the door.

Once back in Edward's room, I took up my regular spot beside him on his bed. I rested my head gently on his shoulders and cradled one of his hands in mine.

"So have I ever told you that I've loved you since I was eight?" I whispered.

I looked to him for any sort of response.

None…

"Yeah, it's true," I went on. "You told my dad Charlie to dunk me in the Ocean, and I fell in love with you. Silly huh? I should have hated you…"

I looked again for any sort of change in his face, or movement from his hands.

Nothing…

I took a deep breath and continued my daily monologue. "Do you remember when we were eleven and the three of us got poison ivy so badly that they had to bring us to the hospital and give us cortisone injections, and Jake saw my flowered underwear through my robe and started calling me Isabella underpants?"

Nothing…

"And then I started to cry, and you gave me your Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle doll and told me Jake was a jerk?"

Nothing…

"I knew you loved me too that day ya know? I wasn't sure up to that point, but the day you gave me Donatello, I knew you wanted to be there for me, just as much as I wanted to be there for you."

Nothing…

"Do you remember when we were fourteen and you asked if you could touch my breast? And I just laughed and laughed and couldn't stop laughing because you said the word 'breast'? I really wanted you to do it too; I just couldn't get over the way you said 'breast,' you sounded like Dr. Gerandy or something…"

"Excuse me miss. I'm sorry to disturb you, but I need to check on Edward." A pleasant sounding male voice interrupted me. I whipped my head up from the nook of Edward's neck to look at him.

The doctor in the doorway was a young and beautiful blond. He had porcelain skin and…

_Golden eyes…_

"Dr. Cullen?" I asked

"Yes. And you must be Bella," he replied.

**AN- Ok, so we have Carlisle…hmmm…I wonder where this might be headed??**

**Sorry it's so obvious, most of you have figured it out I'm sure, but I assure you it won't be what you think. **

**Please review, I LOVE reviews! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

**Chapter 7**

Carlisle walked toward me and I held my hand out for him to shake.

He took it hesitantly.

_Cold… ice cold._

With a careful look, he dropped my hand and walked to a computer beside the bed. "I'm taking over Edward's case. I have heard a lot about you Bella from the rest of the staff. Edward is lucky to have such a devoted girlfriend."

"Yeah, real lucky," I mumbled under my breath. I had heard this kind of thing a lot. And I always sort of scoffed at the idea. I mean he drowned, was in a fucking coma, and had a father itching to send him to heaven a.s.a.p.

I consider that seriously unlucky.

Dr. Cullen turned from the computer. "Sorry, I suppose that was not the most appropriate choice of words. What I meant to say is that Edward seems to be very well supported and loved, that's all. I apologize."

Dr. Cullen was sincere, that much I could tell. "It's ok," I whispered with a lump in my throat. I didn't want to have a meltdown in front of him. I had used my quota for the day. So I swallowed the lump, and returned my attention to Edward. His socks were sliding down his shins, and he had a sore on his left thigh that needed my attention.

As I was slipping the blankets from Edward's legs, Dr. Cullen came up behind me and gently placed his hands on my shoulders. "Bella?" he asked. His touch was light like a feather, but I could still feel the chilliness of his fingers through the cotton of my shirt. His tone? Well, it scared me.

I swallowed the lump down even further. "Y-ea-h," I stuttered.

He used his hand to coerce me to face him. "Have the Masen's discussed with you the possibility of taking Edward off of life support?"

I looked into his face. It was flawless…perfect…not a single visible pore…or scar…or stray whisker. Nothing could compare to the perfect beauty of Dr. Cullen's face, not even Edward.

"Bella? Have they told you or not?" Dr. Cullen prodded me further, shaking me from my fixation.

That feeling? The one where I felt like I might swallow my tongue, while my insides were twisted in a blender, and my lungs begin to inhale chlorine?

It came back.

The room was flecked with red spots, and every hair on my body standing on end.

"Bella?"

You know that feeling after you've had too much to drink and there is about a thirty second window to make it to the nearest toilet or trashcan before you barf all over your friends brand new sweater?

"Bella?"

Suddenly and without warning, tears began to gush from my eyes. "Yes!" I cried directly into Dr. Cullen's face, fearing the room might explode if he said my name in that pathetic sympathetic tone one more time. "Fucking yes! Ok? They have discussed it with me. And just so you are aware, you will have to pry my cold dead body off of him before you go anywhere near him," I hissed weakly through my tears, barely able to form the words. I was feigning strength and determination, but it came out the same way as everything else. I was a mess.

Dr. Cullen took a step back, but his face remained calm. "I understand that Bella, but you need to understand that you have no say in this matter, it is entirely up to his parents. Perhaps you should prepare yourself for their decision," Dr. Cullen replied softly as he turned to leave the room. "And they _have_ decided," he said more sternly. "It's only a matter of time."

All at once, my body collapsed onto Edward, my head began to spin, and the sensation that I was going to pass out cold was creeping up on me. My heart was racing out of my chest and the room became spotted red and blurry. I was having a panic attack…a full blown panic attack. My chest was heaving in and out and I couldn't seem to get enough air, only chlorine…

Seemingly hearing my gasps, Dr. Cullen turned back toward me.

"I CAN"T BREATHE!" I was able to wheeze out.

He rushed to my side and pulled me slowly from Edward's bed and sat me down on a nearby stool

"Breathe Bella…in and out…deep cleansing breaths," he coached me.

Through my gasping breaths I kept repeating the only thing that seemed real or true in that moment. I clasped the hole in my chest. "It hurts," _gasp _"It hurts," _gasp. "_It hurts," _gasp_. "It hurts SO BAD!!"

Dr. Cullen's frozen hands grasped my cheeks. "Breathe Bella…slow in and out."

His breath was sweet like honey in my nose and his golden eyes glowed with a vibrancy and brilliance I had never seen in any human before.

_Vampire?_

I don't know what came over me. But in that moment…that moment of pure desperation and insanity, I knew exactly what I needed to do. I looked up at Dr. Cullen and grabbed his collar tightly with both of my hands and stared him straight in the eyes.

"Save him," I cried beseechingly

"Bella I can't. He is comatose, and unable to breathe on his own. You are a smart girl Bella you know there is nothing more I can do."

He wasn't getting _it_.

"Didn't you hear me damn it? I said SAVE HIM!"

Dr. Cullen looked confused, and turned towards the phone on the wall. I grabbed for the receiver in his hand, surely stopping his call for a psych consult.

"Please! Listen to me…Please!" I begged, sobs ripping from my heaving chest, as I threw the receiver onto the floor.

"Bella please calm down and explain to me what you want," Dr. Cullen pleaded with me, trying to gain control over my flailing body with his hands.

"I WANT YOU TO MAKE HIM LIKE YOU!" I cried out. My knees fell to the floor and I wrapped my arms around Dr. Cullen's legs like a beggar in the street.

At that moment Jake burst through the door. My eyes shot toward him, burning and deranged. Seemingly panicked, he ran towards me and wrapped his hands around my waist tightly, pulling me off the floor and unwinding my arms from around Dr. Cullen's legs.

"Bells what in the hell are you doing?" Jake cried.

"I'm desperate Jake! I can't live without him! I need him to live Jake!"

"So what are you doing on the floor with your arms wrapped around a doctor?" Through my blurry vision I could see Jacob was crying. Like Charlie, I couldn't bring myself to care. I was too selfish. I needed Edward to live.

"It's Dr. Cullen Jake! Dr. Carlisle Cullen! He can make Edward like him; just like you said!" I wailed, manic and unhinged.

Jake shot a look over at Dr. Cullen. His body began to tremble violently like mine, but Jake looked worse.

"Whoa there Jake take it easy now…Calm down a minute and we can all talk about this." Dr. Cullen's arm reached out toward Jake, but Jake swatted it away.

"I know what you are bloodsucker," Jake spat. "And you are not touching my friend." He looked at me with panicked eyes. "Gah, Bella what have you done?!" He cried and pulled me toward the door by my arm, hurting me in the process. I tried to struggle, but he was too strong.

"No Jake!" I cried, pulling back toward the room. I still wasn't done with Dr. Cullen; I needed him to help me. Whatever I had done, couldn't be worse than losing Edward.

I turned to Dr. Cullen, pleading with him with my eyes to help Jake see reason. Jakes hand was leaving bruises on my arm, but I remained where I was.

By the look Dr. Cullen gave me back I could tell that he seemed to get it. For the first time in months someone seemed to get it.

Carlisle walked calmly over to Jake and effortlessly pried his hand from around my arm.

The look on Jake's face was indescribable…Awestruck, baffled, like someone had just told him the meaning of life.

Dr. Cullen stepped back a bit, and held a defensive hand out to Jake. "Nobody is touching anybody Jake. I was just discussing with Bella how the Masen's have decided to take Edward off of life support and she became upset. How she is aware of what I am? Well that is another question entirely."

Jake's jaw was hanging down and he looked intimidated. He was quick to answer. "I told her a while ago. Actually, it was the night that Edward drowned. I had no idea it was true," Jacob replied in a stutter. "I didn't really know for sure until just now when you pried my hand off of her…"

"I see," Dr. Cullen answered calmly.

"You're strength," Jake offered with a gulp, it sounded almost like a question.

"Yes," Dr. Cullen answered.

"And your hand was so cold…" Jake shook his head and the bewildered look in his eyes increased even more. "Yes?" He asked, and all in the room knew why.

"Yes," Dr. Cullen assured.

"Oh."

The room was silent, the only noises coming from the monitors beside Edward's bed. It occurred to me that I should have probably been afraid, or doubtful even…But I was none of those things. I realized that I always knew the Cullen's were different. Somewhere deep down, I never really thought they were human at all.

Dr. Cullen was the first to move. Very slowly, his eyes shifted to Edward. So subtly, that Jake didn't even notice, but I did.

So I looked as well.

"Save him," I sort of moaned to Dr. Cullen, trying once again to swallow the lump in my throat.

I looked again to Edward lying helplessly in his bed. His muscles had atrophied and his skin was gray and lifeless. His bronze hair was now a dingy brown. He was dying whether it was today or a few months from now…He was dying…

"Please!" I moaned a little louder, catching my balance on the side of Edward's bed.

Dr. Cullen looked to Jake then. Jake's face was still wearing a dumbfounded expression.

"Jacob?" Dr. Cullen asked in a whisper.

Suddenly Jake came to, and an alert awareness filled his eyes. "No way in hell," he sneered in a cold low whisper. "No fucking way in hell!"

**AN- Ruh Roh… Jacob is not having this! **

**This will be my last chapter until Monday. I am taking the weekend off to be young and stupid. So, please, please, please review. I am a little on edge about where I am taking this and I need to be reassured, or told I'm freaking crazy…No response at all doesn't help! **

**And I realize my writing is really angsty and overdramatic…that fact is certainly not lost on me. But I figure this is fanfiction right? This is a perfect medium for future soap opera writers! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. **

**Bella has a story to tell you, and then the present timeline proceeds. Enjoy. **

For Edward's 15th birthday, Big Ed bought him a dirt bike. He imported it from Italy, and Charlie told me that the bike had cost more than the payment left on his mortgage. It was black and covered in chrome and had decals of dragons and snakes crawling up the sides.

Edward loved that stupid bike. He named it Hot Izzy, apparently after me, although no one ever called me Izzy, and every night he would wipe it down with a spritz bottle and a diaper and talk to it and tell it what a cool and awesome bike it was.

Truth be told, I was insanely jealous of Hot Izzy.

So, it stands to reason, that I wasn't exactly sad when Hot Izzy died a terrible gruesome death not even six weeks after she got off the ship.

Edward had left her with me in my garage to "watch" while his family went on their weeks' summer vacation to Palm Springs. His house was protected like Fort Knox, but he figured that the safest house in Forks was the Swan residence…"Your dad will shoot someone if they try to steal Izzy right?" He had asked.

His logic was correct in theory, but what he wasn't betting on was the itching curiosity of his twelve year old tagalong Jacob Black.

Jake drooled at the sight of that bike. When he looked at it, you could actually see his pupils dilate, and his cheeks get flushed. He showed all of the common symptoms of love…for the bike.

"Can I ride it Bells, please?" He would show up first thing in the morning, hitching a ride from Sam Uley, who by then was a licensed driver and working at the Thriftway as a bagboy.

A few times Jake would show up in his pajamas with his long black hair still in mats on the top of his little head. He wouldn't miss his ride into Forks for anything…clothes be damned.

"No Jake you cannot. Now, go into town and buy me a grape soda, and I might let you stay and watch Saved by the Bell with me." Each day I would come up with new conditions he would have to meet to remain in my presence. Truth was, I would have probably let him hang around anyway, but I was 14, and I really enjoyed my free soda and candy.

But the day of the crash, something inside Jake must have snapped, because he didn't go to the Thriftway, he went into my garage.

Now, I wasn't present to witness the fateful events, but I have watched enough Law and Order to accurately tell the tale.

Jake's obsession with Izzy had propelled him into a maddened fanatical state. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't function…His only thoughts; Hot Izzy.

While he intended to get me my soda, the call of Izzy was too powerful, and he had no strength left to resist her. So, he did the unthinkable. He went inside the Swan garage, found the key under the Slip&Slide, and mounted Hot Izzy.

What happened next, I _was _present for. The damn bike crashed into the back of my house!

_Crunch, bang, boom! _

I remember hearing the engine purr to life, and not even 3 seconds later, the quake and unpleasant bang of a dirt bike slamming into a concrete foundation.

All told, it took Jake seven seconds to total Edward's beloved Izzy; he didn't even have time to find the brake.

Jake cried the whole night. And when he would stop briefly, a look a terror would fill his eyes and he would grab at his hair and moan, "he's going to kill me!" Then, he would start crying all over again.

When Edward called my house the next day to tell me he was home and on his way over to see me and Hot Izzy, Jake was still huddled in a ball on my living room floor bawling his eyes out.

But it was the look on Jake's face when I told him Edward was on his way that told me what I had to do. He looked heartbroken and terrified and I knew I could make it all better.

"I'll tell him I did it," I said. "Just hide in here, and I will go out and deal with this Jake."

"You will?"

"He left it at my house, it was my responsibility to watch it, and I fucked it up, not you. Ok?"

"But Bella, he'll be so mad, why are you doing this?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I want to ok?"

I took the blame and Edward actually cried over the loss of Hot Izzy. Thankfully, Big Ed had a new one in the Masen garage by Christmas, and by the next summer the memory of Izzy was all but forgotten, a certain silver Volvo had taken her spot in Edward's heart.

Jake and I never really talked about it much after that, but I remember he told me once that he would do anything for me, anything at all; just name it and he would do it….

"I owe you so big Bella, I mean so fucking big!"

***

"Hot Izzy," I whined through my tears, trying to reason with Jake.

Jake's eyes grew wide with recognition and big fat tears started falling down his cheeks. He pressed firmly at his eyes and shook his head back and forth furiously. "Not the fucking same Bella!"

"Jake please?" I whimpered as he tried to push past me.

I cornered him by the door.

His eyes glared into me. "Drop this Bella. Now!"

"No!"

"Do you even have the first fucking clue what you are asking me, of my tribe?"

I had spent enough time with the Quileute's throughout the years to know that whatever Jake was protesting, he was serious in his protest. I knew the Cullen's were their enemies, I had picked up on that, but Edward was also Jake's best friend…

"No, I don't understand. I thought you would be---"

"That's what I thought. Get out of my way Swan, I'm serious," he spat, cutting me off.

Jake pushed past me, and successfully found the door handle. He whipped it open, and slammed it shut before I could even process my next thought. The look in his eyes was so angry, almost spiteful…like I had hurt him somehow.

I looked to Dr. Cullen. "What do I do?" I asked urgently, my blurry head becoming clearer and clearer as I began to process my disloyalty toward Jacob.

Dr. Cullen pointed toward the door. "Make it right," he said simply.

I understood Dr. Cullen immediately. I had to make this right, but more importantly, I had to have Jacob on _my_ side.

Very quickly I ran to the top of Edward's bed and gently grabbed his face. "I'm going to fix this," I said as I laid a kiss on his forehead. "I love you," I whispered as I dropped my hands.

I ran for the door and threw it open. "Jake wait!" I cried. The fluorescent lights battered my tear swollen eyes as I ran down the hall.

Before I even made it out the door, the rabbit was peeling out of the parking lot. "Damn it!" I screamed into the frosty February air.

Standing there under the ambulance dock, listening to the sound of the snow melt dripping down the gutters, smelling the stale car exhaust perpetually trapped in the concrete beams, listening to the chatter of the nurses destined to be patients due to their pack a day habit…the events that had occurred inside merely ten minutes earlier seemed like a dream.

A preposterous and ridiculous completely ludicrous dream…

Just then, as if sent by the sanity gods, a hand grabbed my shoulder. "You ready to go? Ed has to get to the office today, and I've had enough. We can come back before bed and say goodnight and read to him later if you'd like, but right now I'd like to put my feet up."

It was Liz. Her perfume filled my nose, and her gentle _warm_ hand instantly calmed my frayed nerves. She was the human mother of the human boy inside the hospital, and I needed to take her home so that she could put her feet up.

It was the right thing to do, it was the sane thing to do, and it was _not at all_ what I wanted to do.

"Yeah, I've had enough, let's go," I said with a sigh.

I dropped her off, and got back on the highway. I had two options. I could go left, and be in La Push in fifteen minutes, or I could go right and go home and forget all about the Cullen's and the Quileute's and the vampires, and just accept that Edward will die…

I turned left.

When I arrived on the reservation, it appeared like business as usual. Sue Clearwater waved to me from her kitchen window, and Embry Call tapped the back of my truck as I passed him on the dirt path to Jacob's house.

They didn't know anything.

Jacob's rabbit was parked in his driveway, along with his father Billy's truck. I wondered If Billy knew? I wondered what he would do to me if Jake told him? I wondered if Jake would tell Billy at all?

I had convinced myself on the ride over that if Jake told Billy, all was lost, and I was screwed.

But if he didn't?

_Knock knock knock_

I heard the familiar sound of rubber rolling on cheap linoleum. "Just a minute kid, give an old man a second!" Billy said cheerfully from the other end of the door.

My heart skipped a beat as the door slowly opened. "Well if it isn't Bella Swan! What brings you down here kid?" Billy peered up to me from his seat in his wheelchair, a huge grin plastered on his face.

He didn't know.

"Uh, I'm looking for Jake," I answered with a gulp, desperately trying not to give myself away.

Billy's eyes softened a little. He must have sensed my fear, but mistaken it for something else…probably grief. "He never came in. Just parked the car and headed toward the…"

_Damn_

"Right. The cliffs, got it," I answered in as smooth a voice as I could muster, trying hard not to crack again.

Billy's eyes went to his lap. "You don't have to go down kid, he'll be back. Why don't you just wait it out with me here, there's a Matlock marathon on…"

I was tempted to take him up on his offer, but I needed to speak to Jacob alone. "No, I should go," I whispered, my voice shaking a little.

"You sure?"

Not even remotely sure. The last time I went to the cliffs, I lost it completely and Charlie had to come and carry me out. It was the last place he kissed me, the last place he spoke to me, the last place he made love to me, the last place I heard him sing, and the very last place where I was happy…

"Yep, I think I can handle it. See ya Billy," I lied.

I didn't even wait for Billy's response; I just turned and walked toward the back of the house, where the path to the Cliffs began.

I talked myself through each step, the voice in my head keeping time with the pounding of my heart. "You need to talk to him. You can do this. Don't freak out, don't freak out…"

When I turned the corner and the brush opened up to the cliffs ledge, I spotted Jake standing below on the rock where Edward dove in, his hair flowing wildly in the winter wind.

From somewhere deep within, I found my voice. "He's going to die Jake!" I called out to him in a strong steady voice, deciding to get on my knees then, instead of falling to them later.

He didn't turn around, but I saw his shoulders tense. "That's how things happen Bella. People get hurt or sick and they die!" He called back, his voice equally calm and steady.

I didn't want them to, I wanted to get through this without it, but my eyes started to water, and my chin began to quiver. "But, I don't think I can make it through it if he does!" I called back, the crack in my voice giving away my tears.

Jacob turned, and looked up at me. "You have to," he answered. His eyes were hard, and not as sympathetic as I had hoped.

I pressed into the hole in my chest that was starting to ache, and blinked out my tears. "But what if I don't?" I cried out to him a little stronger. "What if I can keep him?"

Jake's hands went to his hair, and his expression went from anger, to frustration. "No Bella!"

His words felt like a punch in the gut, but something inside of me pushed me forward. "Look Jake. I am not asking you to do this for me. But will you please do this for Edward…please?" I pleaded with him. "He is your best friend, your brother Jake! And he is dying!"

"He's already dead Bella! He has been for five months!" Jake screamed at me abruptly, as tears began falling from his eyes too.

Sometimes when I looked at him, I didn't see the sixteen year old man that he was becoming, but the six year old boy that I met all those years ago. He was so innocent, so loyal, so unfailingly dependable…Even when I was angry with him; I felt the need to protect him.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and rose to my feet, and carefully made my way down the cliff. When I reached him, I grabbed for his big gloved hand, and stared into his dark chestnut eyes. "Then why did you visit him every day? And play his favorite music in his ear? Why did you do all of that stuff if you thought he was dead?"

Jake brought his hands to his face and his body began heaving up and down and low guttural sobs were coming from deep inside his chest. He lifted his head and removed his hands from his face to look at me. "Because I love him too Bella! And if there is any chance at all that his soul has survived somehow…be it in heaven or trapped in his body…I want him to know that I care and that he is the best friend I have ever had. He is my brother!"

Jake's head collapsed again into his hands. He was giving up, and I couldn't let him. I pulled his heavy head up to look at me, and slapped lightly across his right cheek. "Then _don't_ give up Jake," I whispered patiently, pleading desperately into his tearful eyes. "Help me?"

He looked at me apologetically and nodded, "No," while tears flowed down his cheeks.

"Please?" I begged, still holding to his face.

Jake eyes became even sadder. "It's not that easy Bella," he replied in a low whisper.

A fresh wave of tears began spilling from my eyes. "So what you're just going to let him die?" I eked out, barely able to form the words.

Jake rubbed his eyes, and took a step back to answer me. "Yes," he said firmly. "I have to."

My hands dropped and I lost my breath, and it felt like sharp daggers were being twisted in my windpipe.

_Betrayal…_

"How could you Jake?" I asked him coldly, as the howling wind almost knocked me from my feet. "How fucking could you!!" I screamed, pounding my fists into his chest.

Jake took another step back, removing himself from my reach, and looked at me with dead eyes. "Vampires are the mortal enemy of my people Bella. We have had a treaty in place for over 70 years that prevents the Cullen's from changing any humans. If I allow this, which I am not certain I even have the power to, I will let my entire tribe down. Not to mention shame my ancestors…It's too selfish of me to want to get him back this way…it puts my people in danger. I'm sorry Bella I can't."

Then he pushed past me, and started making the ascent up the cliffs. He turned when he was almost to the top, my feet hadn't budged. "I'm sorry," he said, just loud enough for me to hear. Then he turned the corner toward the brush, and left me alone, standing on the exact spot where Edward dove in.

My only thought in that moment? Hot Izzy, and how I wished I had told Edward the truth.

**AN- I am well aware that a lot of people don't like to read about Jake, and that stories that are really Jake heavy aren't always popular. As you can see, my story is Jake heavy...he is really really important to this story.**

**Needless to say, he is not going to go away anytime soon.**

**But rest assured, as I'm sure you can already tell…Jacob and Bella will have absolutely positively NO romantic involvement. He is her little brother, that's it. **

**Ok, so the plot is going to really start picking up, I just want to make sure I cover all my bases and establish relationships along the way.**

**Please Review! **


	9. Chapter 9

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight**

**Chapter 9**

I stood on the rock until the tide came in. Violent crashing water was threatening to sweep me in and take me out to sea and drown me, but somehow my wet frozen feet remained planted and unmoving.

The sea was a curious beast, discriminate toward its victims.

Orange and purple feathered bursts of light slowly vanished into darkness. And over the cold bitter hateful ocean, the sun made its way into the southern hemisphere, marking the passing of yet another day without him.

I suddenly longed for the sun.

I longed for warmth, for light, for the dark dreary fog that shadowed my entire existence to lift and free me from the hell I was living in.

I longed for the night he drowned. I longed for the hot burn on my cheeks as I leaned into kiss him next to the bonfire; the radiating shiver of my naked skin on his; the slow drip of sweat down my back as he held after he made love to me.

I longed for him.

I knew that all I had to do was step forward. One eight inch step and I would certainly and undoubtedly die.

So I held my breath, and lurched my right foot ever so slightly forward, trembling as it hovered over the edge. I could see a wave forming in the distance, ready to break. All I had to do was step forward, and it would all be over…

But I didn't.

I couldn't.

Instead, I turned the other way and ran up the cliff like a frightened rabbit, never looking behind me until I was at the top.

Once on firm ground, I stumbled to my truck, holding tightly to my chest, clasping onto myself like I had almost just lost…myself. The tears were constant, but the maniacal smile was unfamiliar.

I was smiling like a travelling salesman who had just scored a deal…smug and triumphant, and I couldn't fathom why. Instantly, I wanted it gone. It felt dirty and wrong to be smiling.

Why was I smiling?

And it didn't leave my face as I made the long drive back to the hospital either. It was plastered to my face. It was bizarre, and really unsettling.

And as I marched through the hospital halls, the smile remained. It remained on my face until I burst into Dr. Cullen's office.

"I almost just killed myself!" I gasped as I pushed the door open, the smile still plastered on my face.

Dr. Cullen looked up at me from his desk with genuine shock in his eyes.

I took a step inside, and slammed the door behind me, still moving like the scared rabbit. "Jake said no, and then I almost drown myself on purpose," I sort of laughed, sort of stuttered. The tone in my voice was frighteningly proud.

Dr. Cullen stood slowly from his desk and did a once over of my body. "You are soaked to the bone, we need to get you out of those clothes," he said slowly, treating me like a cop to a criminal, no quick movements and a steady voice.

Though I had never told anyone I was suicidal before, Dr. Cullen's reaction wasn't exactly what I was expecting. He was missing the point.

Suddenly, the smile was gone.

"Jake said no," I said, as the feeling of the cold filled my body, and I began to shiver.

Violently shiver.

"Jake said no," I whispered again through chattering teeth, the room suddenly closing in around me. My feet and legs were beginning to burn and tingle, painfully so, as tears began slipping from my eyes.

Dr. Cullen grabbed for the phone on his desk. "Yes Caroline, I have a hypothermic child in my office. Warm some saline, and get a room ready... Thank you."

Carlisle walked toward me and gripped my hands. His hands were almost warm in comparison. "You're absolutely ice cold Bella, what were you thinking?" He said as he swooped me up into the cradle of his arms. His arms felt like hard metal under his lab coat.

"Jake said no," I said again, needing for him to acknowledge what I came to tell him. Needing for him to acknowledge the reason I was hypothermic in the first place. "Jake said no."

My tears felt like hot licking flames as they dripped down my frozen cheeks. And my body quaked with aggressive spastic twitches and shudders as Dr. Cullen ran me down the 4th floor hallway toward the elevator.

I felt a little bit drunk. Not warm and tingly mind you, but light headed and only partially aware of my surroundings. As the nurses cut me out of my clothes I was barely conscious of what they were doing, focusing more on the pattern of the water marks in the popcorn ceiling. I wanted to fall asleep, but my nurse kept slapping me in the face. "Stay awake Bella, don't go to sleep," she kept saying.

They put an IV in my arm, and then I became fixated on the massive needle embedded in my wrist. I stared at it, while intermittently being slapped across the face.

Finally after a long ordeal, I was warm, no longer shivering, and given the go ahead to fall asleep.

So I did.

When I woke up, I didn't panic like you see in the movies when people wake up in the hospital and start ripping IV's out of their arms and those suction cup thingy's off of their chests…No I didn't panic, I knew where I was, the hospital was like a second home to me. I actually laughed when the realization that _I_ was the patient hit me.

Immediately I looked for my dad. He was asleep in the chair below the TV, his black mustache blowing back and forth with his breaths, and his long limbs tangled in the tiny LazyBoy.

The clock said it was 1:24 a.m.

I didn't want to be where I was for one more second; I wanted to be with Edward. It was an immediate compulsive feeling as soon as I woke up anywhere, and this time I just so happened to be in the hospital.

Very convenient.

So, I looked over to Charlie one last time before I took a deep breath and grabbed for the needle and tubing in my wrist.

"Allow me," a faint whisper called from the doorway. Dr. Cullen's backlit form moved toward me, completely silent, almost like he was floating over the tiles. When his hands touched my wrist, the iciness sent a shiver up my spine once again. He slipped the IV out painlessly, with a touch and precision that no human could ever master. "How are you feeling?" He asked kindly, his angelic face warm and sympathetic.

It was a loaded question, but I'm not sure he intended it to be. Physically, I felt like shit. My head was pounding, and the residual burn in my feet was really uncomfortable. Emotionally? I could write a book.

"I feel ok," I answered quickly, figuring he was asking about the physical.

"That's good." He reached for the water pitcher beside my bed and poured me a glass.

I took it, and downed it quickly. "Thank you," I said with a small smile, itching for him to broach the subject that was like a giant elephant in the room.

Instead he just nodded. "You're welcome."

He wasn't going to bring it up, so I did. "I was just going to take a little walk; I didn't realize you were still here," I whispered. "But now that I know you are, I really need to talk to you…alone," I said as I nodded toward Charlie.

Dr. Cullen considered my request. I could tell in his eyes there was hesitation. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to leave your father right now. He'll be worried sick if he wakes up and you're missing. He was very upset last night Bella; I don't think you understand…"

"I understand. I was just heading to Edward's room; he'll know to look for me there. Please Dr. Cullen? I really need to talk to you," I pleaded, trying very hard not to raise my voice above a whisper.

Dr. Cullen sighed. "This can't wait for morning; you've had a _really_ traumatic day?"

"No."

Dr. Cullen insisted on getting me a wheelchair and wheeled me to Edward's room. He stood outside the door as I walked in and began my routine of kissing Edward's face and warming his hands and feet.

"You can come in," I said as I put Edward's socks on the radiator. "Edward won't bite," I laughed, realizing quickly it was a very tasteless and possibly offensive joke.

I shook it off and continued with my routine. "Could you help me hold him up; I want to fluff his pillows?" I asked, trying very hard to make it seem like business as usual, before opening the floodgates. My eyes began to water as I noticed a new sore on Edward's left shoulder, but I put on my brave face and proceeded.

Dr. Cullen walked all the way in and closed the door behind him and put a hand on my shoulder. "Why don't you have a seat Bella, Edward's pillows are fine."

I blinked the tears out of my eyes and followed him. To be honest, I was a bit relieved when I realized he was going to take control of the conversation, but also terrified of what he might say. My legs wobbled a little as I sat down.

Dr. Cullen pulled a stool up in front of me, blocking my view of Edward completely. "Jake said no?" He asked quickly, just letting the band aid rip.

Steadying my breath, I stared directly ahead. "You can't save him can you?" I asked through gritted teeth, trying very hard to just hold my chest up and not collapse.

Dr. Cullen found my vacant eyes. "I could. But not this way Bella, I'm sorry. I can't do anything without Jacob's consent."

"Why Jacob?" I asked, my voice beginning to crack. "He didn't even know what you were until this morning!"

Dr. Cullen scooted his stool even closer toward me, purposefully blocking me from seeing Edward. "It's complicated Bella, and I'm not even sure if Jacob fully understands it either, but he is the heir to Ephraim Black, and he _has_ the power to end the treaty."

"Ephraim Black?"

"His ancestor, the man who wrote the treaty."

"And only Jacob?"

"Yes; or his father Billy."

Then, my tears began to spill. "Billy can't know, he would never allow it!" I cried, the feeling of total desperation beginning to manifest itself as anger.

I was suddenly very angry with Carlisle.

Carlisle continued his patient and steady stare into my eyes. "Yes, and that is where this gets complicated. Jacob has the power to undo the treaty on his own; I have gone over the fine print. But, we would certainly be undercutting the rest of the tribe. It's not exactly ideal, and I'm not sure we can get away with it without consequence."

"What _are_ the consequences Carlisle?" I spat out through my tears. This was the part of the conversation that I had been trying to get to all along. So what if the Quileute's said no? They were just fragile humans. No way would they make a stand against a family of vampires!

Carlisle was silent.

"What are the consequences Carlisle?" I tried again, his hesitation to answer upsetting me.

His expression suddenly became very sullen. "You, Jacob, my family, the tribe, Charlie, Edward… could all end up dead if this isn't handled properly," he said with a deep sigh. "Bella, I'm sorry, but without the backing of Jacob, we need to end this conversation."

"Dead?"

"Yes Bella…dead"

Carlisle left me in the chair, having said everything he needed to say. He wasn't willing to budge without Jacob's support, and as I sat there, I began to understand why. He was looking out for his own family, for his own life, and he wasn't willing to put them in danger just to fulfill the wish of a desperate teenage stranger.

I was suddenly disgusted by my selfishness.

I wobbled on burning feet over to Edward's bed, and placed his warmed socks back on his chilled toes, and tucked myself in beside him. I propped myself up a little so I could turn his face slightly toward me, and when I laid back down, I placed my forehead against his. I liked to sleep with our foreheads touching.

"Goodnight baby, I love you," I whispered as I laid a kiss on his cheek, always wishing I could kiss his mouth, but the tube was always a sick reminder of why I couldn't.

As I timed my breaths to the sounds of the pump, I started slowly drifting off to sleep. In the foggy limbo between sleep and wake, something in the periphery caught my attention. I lifted my head toward the door, and before my eyes could focus, it was gone…My eyes only making out the image of silky black hair whooshing past the small window.

_Jacob_

And suddenly, I had another reason to smile.

**AN- Sorry this was late, I realized as I was writing that I still have a lot of bases to cover before I can get going on the good stuff. I don't want to leave any plot holes, or force you to fill in the blanks with your own knowledge of the canon material. **

**So, I needed to have Bella talk to Carlisle and have him explain why Jacob has the power, and what he stands to lose if things didn't go smoothly. Obviously, there is so much more she doesn't know, but I'm getting to that. **

**Next chapter, I promise more action and more movement toward the climax of the plot. **

**Please Review. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. **

**Chapter 10**

I woke up the next morning to the familiar sound of Charlie and Big Ed whispering in the hallway outside of Edward's door.

They would usually find each other in the café, while retrieving their morning coffee. Ed would come first thing, before he needed to be at the office. And Charlie would come to retrieve me, and force me to go to school after I had spent the night. He was always equipped with a paper sack filled with clothing and a hairbrush.

This time he had spent the night too, and that fact alarmed Big Ed.

"She stood on the Cliffs for how long?" He whispered, not knowing that the acoustics from where I was laying were excellent.

"Jacob thinks about four hours," Charlie answered in his more technical Cop speak.

"Is she…"

"Suicidal?' Charlie asked rather bluntly, causing me to sit up and listen. "I don't know Ed, I just don't know."

There was silence in the hallway, and then I heard the door handle turn. Quickly, I laid back down beside Edward and closed my eyes, feigning sleep.

Charlie and Ed entered the room, and the door closed behind them. I could smell the coffee, and Ed's cologne that was always too heavy in the morning.

"They look so peaceful like that," Ed said. "Almost like they're just taking a nap, and Edward will wake up any second."

I squeezed my eyes shut tighter.

"Yeah, I think that's what Bella is probably hoping too Ed…that he'll wake up." Charlie's voice was distant.

"He's not waking up Charlie; the chances are one in a million. We've had every specialist in the tri-state area tell us that. At this point, he's just withering away and suffering." Ed's voice was cold and steady, and his words took my breath from me. It took all of my strength not to turn around and beg him to let Edward try to be the one in a million, but I kept silent.

"She's going to need some heads up Ed. Whatever you're planning on doing, please don't do it without telling me first," Charlie asked, and his voice was thin and cracking, but stern and pleading at the same time.

Ed and Charlie were silent again, but I heard footsteps coming toward the bed. They were clicking, like the hard leather sole of an expensive men's dress shoe, not soft rubber like Charlie's Nike's.

I could feel Edward's body move…Ed was touching him.

"I would do it today if I could Charlie. I want my boy at peace. The only reason he's still here is Bella…and Liz I suppose, but mainly Bella."

I was happy for the fact that my eyes were pressed into the pillow, because they were watering. It took everything in me not to suck in air and whine and whimper.

Charlie drew in a long audible breath. "Do what you feel is best Ed. She's only getting worse as the days progress and I think it's time we start moving forward. We will just have to get her through it."

"I'll schedule it for tomorrow then," Ed answered with a sigh, giving Edward's body one last shake, probably a hug.

Then, both voices drifted out of the room. And just like that, I broke down. Completely broke down.

And when Charlie came back in the room an hour later to wake me, I was barely able to function.

"Bella what's wrong?" He asked, too dense to realize that I was awake for his conversation with Ed.

"Nothing, I had a nightmare," I lied.

Charlie stroked my back and brought me breakfast and spent most of the morning inquiring about my nightmare, and how he could help…until finally, he broached the big subject.

"There's something we need to talk about kid," he said as he led me down the hallway to stretch my legs.

I wanted to run. I wanted to sprint toward the nearest exit as fast as I could.

"Ed wants to stop the life support tomorrow Bella, he has it scheduled, and I am behind him." He just sort of laid it out there, no tears, no indecision, and no remorse in his voice. He truly did support Ed, a fact that I wasn't sure of up to that point. "I'm going to do everything I can to get you through this. I can call your mom? Do you want your mom to come?"

He just kept talking, and although I could hear his words, I was finding very little meaning behind them.

"We can go to California for spring break and rent a beach condo like you've always wanted? Would you like that? A beach condo…"

_A what condo? _

"Or, you can go to school in Florida and be near your mom and make a fresh start. Hell, maybe I will even make the trip sometime and see ole Renee and her new child friend."

_Child friend?_

"I know you've always loved books set in England. Those Austen and Dickens and Bronte things you always read. Maybe that's somewhere you'd like to go? England? How does that sound kiddo?"

_What the fuck!!??_

"Stop talking dad. Right now, just stop talking," I was finally able to spit out, while I tried to see past the red speckles blurring my vision.

"I just…"

"I heard you! Now go ahead and tell Ed I've been warned!" I screamed in his face as I turned back toward Edward's room.

Charlie chased me. "Bella, you need to be brave honey, please don't shut down, you need to be strong."

He caught up to me before I was able to close the door. "Leave me alone dad!" I whimpered though gritted teeth. "For the next twenty four hours, everyone please just leave me alone!" I cried as I slammed the door and ran to Edward's bed.

I curled myself back into bed with him, and imagined him singing me to sleep. He used to sing me to sleep whenever I had really bad days. We weren't allowed to sleep in each other's beds of course, his parents being strict Christian's and mine being, well a cop with a gun. But, he would sneak out a few nights a month and crawl through my window and sleep in my bed. Especially on nights after I had had a bad day.

A sob ripped through me at the realization that he would never sing to me again. Hell, he would never be with me again at all. I felt completely empty.

Suddenly the door burst open. "What, you're suicidal now?" It was Jake, and he sounded angry, except I didn't have any strength left to fight him.

"What the hell was that about? Your dad reamed me out for over an hour last night!"

"Sorry," I whimpered, gripping into Edward's frail arm. I had almost completely forgotten that I was inches from death the day prior. In that moment, I wished I had gone through with it.

"Your body temperature was dangerously low, you could have killed yourself!" He was desperate to pick a fight with me, to get a rise. But I was too tired, and frankly, I didn't care whether or not Jake thought I was suicidal.

I turned to him, surely looking a mess. I pushed my hair from my face and tried to focus my eyes. "Well, I'm fine. Unless you came here to tell me what I want to hear, I'd like you to leave."

Jake looked startled by my appearance. He inched closer to me, but held his stern look. "No, I didn't come here to tell you what you wanted to hear," he whispered with his hand reaching toward me.

I shirked away. "Ok then, please leave."

"But, I also wasn't aware that we couldn't be friends anymore either?" He said, and his voice was all earnest and sincere. I wanted to puke.

"Oh, don't be mistaken Jacob, we are definitely not friends anymore." It was like I was on a rampage to destroy every connection with every person who ever loved me. It felt amazingly good. The truth was I wanted to hurt Jacob. I wanted to cause him pain. If I am really being honest, I wanted him to cry and squirm and feel like shit because of how badly I had hurt him.

I wanted him to suffer too. I wanted someone to feel as grossly awful as I did in that moment.

He wasn't taking it of course.

"Bella you talk out of your ass like you have the first clue what the hell you are talking about. You know we're talking about turning Edward, _our_ Edward, into a mother fucking VAMPIRE, right?" His eyes bore into me, and forced me for the first time to really consider what I was asking for.

But what he didn't realize was that there was nothing to consider. If it meant Edward would live, it was exactly what I wanted. There was no doubt about it.

"Yes," I answered firmly. "I know Edward would be a vampire, I know that Jake."

Jake shook his head at me, and then his eyes shot to me again like something major had just occurred to him. "You don't actually think you two could ever be together again do you?" He spat, coming toward me a bit aggressively. "Do you?"

"Uh…" My head was a blur with his question. I had never gotten that far with Dr. Cullen. I wasn't sure whether I could be with Edward again? I never thought that far ahead. My only motivation was keeping Edward alive.

"Do you?" Jacob pressed again, getting uncomfortably close to my face.

"Stop it!" I cried, turning and slamming my head back into my pillow.

Jake's feet paced away. "My God Bella, listen to yourself! You want to turn Edward into a monster, and you expect me to go along with it, while you don't even have the first clue what the hell a vampire even is!"

"I do so! Look at Dr. Cullen, he's a vampire!" My voice was muted in my pillow, but as soon as the words came out, I knew my analysis was wrong.

A low chuckle escaped Jake's chest. "Oh, you are so naïve! You think they just all pop out like Dr. Cullen?" He cried, confirming my suspicion.

"Stop it!" It was all I could think to say. I just needed for him to stop yelling at me and leave me alone.

He didn't.

"No, you stop it! Stop it right now!" He cried, his feet pacing loudly all over the room.

"Leave Jacob!" My pillow was soaked at this point, and I wanted to get up and just slap him, but I was too weak to even turn around again.

Suddenly two hands gripped the back of my skull and I could feel Jake's lips at my ear. "You know I will always be here for you. And I will always look out for you and protect you and love you. But I won't do this Bella. I can't."

His breath was smoky and smelled like pretzels, and I just wanted his hands off of me, and I wanted him to hurt…

"They're doing it tomorrow," I said steadily, turning over to finally look at him.

"Doing what?" He asked, removing his hands from around my head.

"Pulling the plug," I said focusing my eyes on Edward's beautiful serene face. I couldn't look at Jake. Even if he wouldn't help me, I knew this would crush him.

He was silent for over a minute. Then he finally spoke. "Shit really?" He asked, dropping his body into the chair under the television, his head falling into his hands.

I relished a little in his pain, but not as much as I had hoped. The bigger part of me wanted to run over to him and comfort him.

"Yeah, Ed has it scheduled and everything," I said, gripping my hand into Edward's hair involuntarily, just strangely grasping at him nervously. I touched his face and put another hand around his neck, and then slid it down his chest, and over his belly.

There was a sickness in my stomach as my hands jerked from one place to the next. It was like any minute the forces were going to come and get me, and I had to make sure I remembered what every crevice of his body felt like. The smile, the strange smile from the Cliffs, I could feel it pulling on my face.

I contemplated the fact that I was losing my mind, that I was actually losing my grip with reality, but I just kept gripping into his hair, and sliding my hands over his frail body, with a weird sick smile on my face.

I traced Edward for at least ten minutes, until I was finally shaken from my trance by the sound of low moaning sobs coming from the corner.

"Noooo… oooohhh…nooooo…"

Jake was curled in a ball on the floor…rocking himself.

**AN- I got zero reviews last chapter. Yay me right?**

**Anyway, I held my chin up and decided to keep going. I hope you liked it. Tomorrow is the big day. It won't be at all what you expect, I promise. Or maybe it will, who do I think I am a M. Night Shyamalan? **

**Please review before I start pulling a Bella and losing my mind!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. **

The next sixteen hours flew by in a heartbeat, and before I knew it, I was sitting on the floor outside of Edward's room, while Ed and Liz said there final goodbye's.

Over the previous sixteen hours, Liz and Charlie had to pry my hands out of Edward's hair, and drag me to the bathroom, and force me to drink water…while Jacob basically spent sixteen hours comatose in the chair in the corner.

We never spoke…we hardly moved…we just stared at the clock, and at Edward…totally frozen.

"Hey kids, it's time. Elizabeth and I have said our goodbyes and we are headed to church to pray," Ed said softly as he crouched to the floor and left a kiss on the top of my head. "Be strong Bella. This is the right thing to do; Edward is going to a much better place." Ed turned to Jake and grasped his shoulder and smiled down at him. "You too sport, be strong bud."

Liz rounded the corner and her face was red and blotchy and her mascara was running all the way to her chin. Her delicate hands were grasping a tissue and shaking profusely. She was whimpering, and the look behind her eyes was totally vacant.

She walked toward me, and from somewhere I found the strength to stand. "Thank you for loving him," she wept, as she wrapped her arms around me. "Thank you Bella Swan for loving my son."

I couldn't begin to process what she was really saying, my entire body was numb, and my heart was somewhere else at the moment. All I could feel was her emptiness, and Jacob's emptiness, and Ed's emptiness, and my own emptiness. We were all empty.

She let go of me and my legs slid back down the concrete wall.

She went to Jacob next, he too stood for her. "He loved you because you made him laugh. He loved you because you have an uncanny zest for life. He loved you Jacob, don't forget that." She left a kiss on Jacob's cheek, and grabbed tightly to his hand. "Be brave sweetheart, and take care of her, never let her down." She nudged her chin toward me, and Jacob nodded his head in understanding.

"I won't," he said simply.

Ed took Liz under his arm, and pulled her away from us. "I asked the doctor to give you two some time with him first, and then he's going to turn off the machines. Bella, we think he'd like for you to be the one with him when he passes. We talked it through, and we just know that's what he would have wanted" Ed's voice was coming into my ears in echo's, like he was speaking to me from across a valley.

"Ok," I sort of stuttered out.

"Now, we are going to ask God to bless our son, and give him peace in the afterlife." And then, Ed led Liz around the corner, and they were gone.

Jake took my hand and squeezed it tightly. "I'll go in first ok?"

I nodded, finding it difficult to remember what I was even doing on the floor in the first place. Who was Edward Masen? Who was Jacob Black? Why did my chest feel like it was impaled by a tree limb? And who was that fat old man giving that spiel about church and God and blessings and peace and shit.

What the fuck was going on?

I couldn't wrap my brain around any of it, around the fucking nightmare that my life had become.

So, I opted for the numbness. I opted for emptiness. For the half hour I sat on the floor waiting for Jacob to return, I just stared at the floor tiles, and at a breast cancer charity walk poster, and felt nothing.

When Jake finally came out, his eyes were swollen and bloodshot, and he was gripping his hands into his hair. His back slid down the wall, and he was snorting and moaning and sniffing…and I didn't feel any sympathy for him. I felt complete cold emptiness.

I stood immediately on wobbly legs. I knew I had to go do something. I knew I had to go into that room and say goodbye to someone. I knew that I had to be present for the death of someone who apparently meant a great deal to me. But in that moment my head was so vacant, I couldn't remember _why_ he meant a great deal to me.

Like a soldier walking into battle, I proceeded slowly toward the door, taking in a breath before pushing it open.

Then I saw him, and everything came crashing down around me like an avalanche.

Edward Masen was the boy I loved… The most beautiful, kind, sexy, hilarious, talented, loving human I had ever met.

And he was _dying_, and I was there in that moment to witness it.

_Oh Edward_

Involuntarily, I ran to him and heaved my body on top of his. "No baby, no!" I cried while I began wantonly kissing every inch of him.

My tears were showering his beautiful face. "Don't go Edward, please don't leave me!" I pushed away the chords and wires and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

With all my strength, I pulled his body into a sitting position so I was cradling him like a baby. "Stay Edward. Please please stay!" I rocked him back and forth in a blurry haze. Moans and sobs were coming from deep inside my soul.

_This is going to be the last time I touch him. The last time I see him._

Then, without warning, a blood curdling scream escaped my throat, "Jaaaaaaakkkkkkeeee!!!" I cried

Jake came barreling into the door. A look of horror flashed in his eyes when he saw me rocking Edward back and forth while sobbing violently.

"Oh Jeez Bella!" Jake ran to me and tried to rip me off of Edward. I fought back with all the strength I had.

"Noooo! Let me hold him! Let me be with him!" I screamed while slapping away Jake's arms.

"Why did you call me in here Bella? What do you want?" Jake asked through his own heaving sobs.

"Jake I tried…I really did…but I can't let go! I just can't!" I cried as I put my lips down on Edward's neck kissing it furiously. "Don't go Edward….Please…Stay with me baby," I moaned into his ear while rocking him.

Jake stood in the corner looking like a possessed mad man. He was pacing frantically and ripping at his hair… tears spilling fiercely down his face. He drew his hand back and punched full force into the metal cabinet beside him.

_BOOM!!!_

Jake watched me in my maddened state; rocking Edward like I was a crazed lunatic. Petting him, and kissing him, and completely unprepared…

"Don't let me down Jake! Did you hear what Liz said? Don't let me down!" I cried, more like begged, as I began to trace the lines of Edward's face with my fingers, logging the feelings for memory.

Jake hopped on one foot as he shook out his hand. "Don't start this shit Bella! Please!" He cried, while staring at the absolute hysterical display I was putting on.

Then as if on cue, Dr. Cullen entered the room.

He looked over at my sad form rocking my comatose boyfriend back and forth and sighed. "Bella it's time. I'm just going to flip these two switches off, and then he will die within the next three minutes or so. Are you ready?"

"No, no, no please just a few more minutes!" I cried, now tracing the curve of Edward's collar bone, while recklessly rocking him. "I love you Edward…I love you Edward…I love you Edward…forever…and ever…and ever," I cooed into his ear, completely lost in grief.

"Bella, it's time," Dr. Cullen whispered again, moving a hand toward the machine. "Please be brave."

I looked one last time at Jake, who was standing frozen in the corner with his hands ripping at his hair. "Don't let me down Jake," I sighed as Dr. Cullen's hand reached for the switch.

Dr. Cullen turned to Jacob. "Jacob?" He asked on last time.

Jake just stood there frozen and unresponsive.

The room became splotched in red, and I just gripped onto Edward as Dr. Cullen shrugged his shoulders, and returned his focus to the machine. "I'm sorry Bella, very sorry," he said as his hand hovered over a blue switch.

The world was in slow motion as his thumb and forefinger wrapped around the switch…

"WAIT!" Jacob cried from the corner, running toward us. "Don't do it yet, just wait!"

**AN- Really short, I know. I just had to get this part out of the way so I could get going on the next chapter, which is going to be very very long. This was the best part to break the action, and the next chapter is all one fluid motion, and this can't be a part of it. Next chapter will probably be close to 5,000 words. This one, not so much. **

**Is Jake having second thoughts? I sure hope so.**

**Review please even though it's short. I want to know what you think. **


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**Stephenie Meyer own Twilight.**

"Wait! Don't do it! Stop!" Jacob cried in a broken voice from the corner.

As if in slow motion, Dr. Cullen's hand released the blue switch, and my lungs sucked in air, taking in oxygen for the first time in over a minute. The red spots in my eyes vanished, and the blurry room suddenly came into sharp focus.

"What?" I whispered, turning my head slowly to look at Jake, somehow thinking that any sudden movements might make the words that just left his mouth go away.

I tried to find his eyes, but they were on Carlisle. "How many people have you killed?" Jake asked. His tone was stern, but also strangely vulnerable, as tears were still trickling down his face.

Carlisle stood, and walked toward Jake slowly, holding a defensive hand out to him. "None," he whispered in response. "I've never killed anyone."

Jacob gasped. "No one?"

Carlisle stepped closer. "No one."

The room fell silent as Carlisle and I both stared at Jacob, waiting for his reaction. I was clinging to Edward like a monkey on his back, fighting the urge to rock him, fighting the urge to react…waiting for Jacob's response. My breaths were coming in sputters, but I was breathing…

"And you only feed from animals? Jacob continued. His face was unreadable, totally contradictory in every way. He was crying, and his brow was furrowed so deeply you could hardly see his eyes, but he looked keyed up at the same time…eager for something.

"Yes," Carlisle answered in a firm whisper. "Only animals."

Jacob's movements became frantic. He was pacing and pulling at his hair and shaking out his hands and twisting his feet, moving about in a frenzied blur. His eyes were shooting around the room, landing randomly on different things. Finally, they landed on me, and I will never forget the look he gave me. It was the look of total surrender, total submission, and immense fear combined.

He took a step toward the bed. "Is this really what you want?" he asked me. Then, his eyes wandered over Edward's frail lifeless body, studying it, and wincing as he looked deeper. Wincing at the hopeless condition of the comatose fragile human I was clutching.

"Yes, it's what I want," I whimpered as I gripped tightly to Edward's cool clammy body, my mouth open around his ear. "He's all I've ever wanted."

Jake turned to Carlisle. "How long? How long until she can see him again?"

Suddenly it felt like a bass drum had taken up residence inside of my chest. This question had been swimming around in my head for days, but I always felt too selfish to ask. If Carlisle was willing to save Edward, that was all I had the right to wish for right?

Carlisle shook his head in understanding and looked seriously at Jacob. "I was never planning on doing this for Edward without permission to change Bella too. I thought that was understood."

Then it felt like the bass drum in my chest was plugged into an amplifier. I could barely hear over the sound of my own heart. Carlisle wanted to change me too; an idea that only seconds earlier was unimaginable and inconceivable. But after he said it, after hearing the words fall off of his tongue, I knew it was the only answer, the only solution; and somewhere inside of me, I always knew that. Now that it was on the table, it couldn't be taken off…I wouldn't let it. I wanted it more than anything.

"No, that was not understood," Jake scowled, shooting a pointed glance at me. "Did you know about this?"

My body was trembling, suddenly seeing a lot of anger behind Jacob's frantic eyes. "No," I cried. "But, it's the only way Jacob…Please!"

Jacob's eyes clapped shut, and his fingers pulled together into tight fists. I was afraid he was going to punch something, afraid he was going run out and ruin everything. It felt like at one point he was so close to agreeing, so close…

Then his eyes opened and stared gravely at Carlisle. "You will take care of them? You won't abandon them, or let them hurt anybody?"

"Yes of course," Carlisle assured.

"You're not fucking with me?" Jacob eked out, his eyes pleading for truth from Carlisle. His voice was becoming desperate. He was gasping through his words, like he was short for air. From my spot on the bed, with the fluorescent lights beaming down on his face, he seemed so aged for someone so young. He was worn out, ragged, and exhausted. I realized that this whole ordeal was as hard on him as it was on me, maybe harder. He had been the person holding me up and looking out for me. But, who was looking out for Jacob?

He had spent so much time worrying…

"It will be ok Jacob," I offered through my tears. "We're going to be fine; you don't have to worry about us anymore." I was still holding tightly to Edward, rocking him gently, so unsure of what was happening.

Jacob looked at us. He looked at Edward in my arms, and then he looked at me. I wanted to show him how right it felt, how somewhere deep down I knew, just knew it was going to be fine in the end. But I didn't know how.

So I just looked at him and stared into his eyes, and began to beg. "Please Jacob," I whispered, looking into his eyes while I kissed the top of Edward's head. "Please."

Jacob's eyes slowly closed and he drew in a deep breath. When his eyes opened, he reached his hand out and put it on Edward's head. "Do it," he whispered almost inaudibly. "Save him, and let him be with her again," he said a little louder.

My eyes started pouring like faucets as I let out a relieved sigh. The air leaving my lungs was heavy and burdensome, but the air I drew back in was weightless and invigorating. I placed my hand on top of Jake's on Edward's head. "Thank you," I wept, staring deeply into his chestnut eyes. "Thank you Jacob."

Carlisle stepped toward us. "Are you sure Jacob?" He asked. His tone wasn't happy or blissful, but serious and very stern.

I expected Jacob to pause. I expected him to think it over again. But he answered immediately. "Fucking yes, ok? Just don't make me regret this doc." A tiny smile pulled from Jacob's lips then, and I suddenly felt weightless, energized…like adrenaline was pumping through my veins.

It felt so unfamiliar, a feeling I hadn't felt since the night Edward drown.

I was happy.

"Yaaahh!!" I cried gripping Edward, kissing his face and running my hand up and down his arm.

But Carlisle didn't allow me to celebrate for long. He walked to Edward and put his fingers on the pulse of his neck. "Ok, if we're going to do this. You two need to help me. Can you do that?"

Jake and I both nodded.

"Alright then, we have to get Edward out of here immediately and bring him to my house. We are going to have to keep him alive so we'll need an Ambulance." Carlisle reached for his pocket and in a flash began dialing his cell phone. "Emmett this is Carlisle. I need you to come to the hospital right now, and don't let anybody see you come in. Meet me in the lower level ambulance garage in 10 minutes. Thank you son." He was talking so fast I could barely make out the words, and he was moving about the room at an inhuman pace, checking monitors and collecting things from the drawers by the computer.

Carlisle slammed the phone shut and began gathering supplies out of the cabinet Jake punched.

I remained on the bed clutching Edward. My heart was jumping in anticipation. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Charlie's coat hanging on the coat rack.

_Oh crap Charlie._

"My dad! I have to say goodbye to him first! He should be by any minute, he got held up in traffic court!" I cried.

"Yes, that's why we have to hurry," Carlisle said patiently, while he held up a tube and measured it against the one in Edward's throat, and shoved it in Jake's backpack.

"No! I mean I have to say goodbye to my dad, before…"

Carlisle walked to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "It doesn't have to be tonight Bella; I have equipment at my house. If we can get Edward there it will buy us at least a day, but we don't have long. He is very sick." He walked away from me then and started shoving IV bags into Jake's backpack.

Jake moved from his frozen position by the bed, and turned to look at Carlisle. "What about Edward what will we tell his parents?" He asked uncertainly, but his voice sounded stronger, more confident.

Carlisle didn't stop to answer, he pushed Jake out of the way and reached for the button on Edward's mechanical bed and started lowering us to the ground. "We'll tell them he passed away and was instantly brought to the Crematorium," he said. "Now, if you two don't mind, I need your help."

Carlisle had thought this through that much was obvious.

"And how will I….die?" I asked terrified.

"You won't die…well not yet," Carlisle answered swiftly. "You will tell your dad that you can't bear to be in Forks any longer and need to get away for a while. He'll beg you to stay, but you'll leave in the middle of the night and leave him a note. The note won't tell him where you're going. This will buy us some time to fake your death…which will be much more difficult than faking Edward's," Carlisle told me pointedly as he threw a pair of scrubs at me.

"Put these on!" He said. "You too Jake."

"What are we gonna do?" I cried.

"We are going to sneak Edward out of here! And you two can't access the lower ambulance garage unless they think you are staff! Quickly Bella! Your dad will be here very soon, and if the Masen's come back for any reason…"

Finally understanding the urgency, I quickly wiggled myself out from around Edward and gently placed his back onto the bed. Not caring one bit about modesty, I ripped off my gown and threw on the scrubs.

"Won't people recognize us? I mean the whole staff knows us?" I asked, while tying my scrub pants.

"You two have to sneak out down the fire exit. I will create a diversion and you have to run quickly to the end of the hall and down the exit. Now if you two would excuse me for just a moment I need to go see Emmett in the garage," Carlisle said as he raced out the door.

Once Carlisle was gone the room was completely silent…I looked over at Jake and he was fidgeting with his scrub hat.

I needed to say something.

"Thank You Jake. I don't really understand what is going on between your tribe and the Cullen's. But I do know that the decision you made was a really big deal…and I just want you to know I'm grateful."

Jake smiled at me, but his eyes seemed a bit anxious and worried. "I know you are Bella," he sighed. "I just hope we're doing the right thing."

I stared back at him. "We will have him back Jake," I said confidently. "How can that not be the right thing?"

Jake's eyes lightened and he nodded. "Yeah," he said simply.

Then the door burst open and Carlisle was back.

"Ok kids this is it. Emmett has procured an ambulance and he is waiting for you in the garage. My daughter Alice is on her way, she will be the diversion. Once she comes I will wheel Edward down the service elevator, and you two will go to the fire exit, got it?" Carlisle asked full of excitement.

"What about his tubes and machines? He will die without them!" I cried

"Bella, I have to hook Edward up to a breathing bag and give him artificial respiration. If I can keep his heart beating until we get home he should be just fine."

"_If_? What do you mean If? That's not good enough!" I screamed

"Bella look at me!" Carlisle demanded while grabbing hold of my shoulders. "You need to trust me. I am very capable of keeping Edward alive, you just need to get yourself downstairs to that ambulance ok?"

The adrenaline was clouding my brain, and I was so excited I never considered how dangerous the transport might be. But looking into Carlisle's confident eyes, I just had to trust him, I knew I could trust him.

"Ok…I do… I trust you,"

Just then a thunderous crash exploded from the lobby. It was quite possibly the loudest noise I have ever heard. Jake pealed back the curtain on the window to Edward's room, and the entire nursing staff was running frantically towards the noise.

Jake and I both looked to Carlisle, the room electric with anticipation.

Carlisle nodded to us and raised his eyebrows. "That must be our diversion," he said. "Ok kids let's go!"

With that I ran to Edward and kissed every available spot on his face frantically and whispered softly into his ear. "Just keep your heart beating. I love you."

Then Jake yanked my arm and we took off running for the fire exit.

We ran down two flights of concrete steps in the dim fluorescent light and found ourselves on the basement level. To the right was the door marked **MORGUE**, to the left was the ambulance station. Jake and I ran towards the ambulance station and burst through the doors.

The second we were through, Emmett came out of the shadows and put his hand firmly over both our mouths and dragged us quietly into the shadows where he had an ambulance waiting.

Once we were in the darkness and out of sight of what I assume would be security cameras, Emmett let us go and smiled brightly at us. "So you must be Bella?" He asked kindly. Emmett was extremely tall and muscular with dark curly hair. But his face was handsome and gentle and kind.

"Yes, and you are Emmett? I asked mesmerized.

He nodded and then looked to Jake and gave him a genuine smile, but it quickly faded as his ear perked up as if he was listening to something in the distance. "Jake are you a good driver?" he asked quickly.

"Yeah, probably the best driver I know," Jake answered

"Good because you are going to have to drive us out of here! Get behind the wheel man, Carlisle's on his way down!!" Emmett said frantically.

"Bella, get in the passenger seat…NOW!!" Emmett screamed as he ran toward the door to greet Carlisle who was rolling Edward toward the ambulance.

Without hesitation Emmett jumped up onto Edward's bed and straddled Edward's legs. He began giving him chest compression's, while Carlisle pushed the bed and squeezed his air bag. Once they got to the ambulance doors Emmett lifted Edward from the gurney like he weighed no more than a feather and placed him gently on the bed waiting in the ambulance.

As soon as everyone was in Carlisle screamed to Jake. "Go Jake!!!"

Jake tore out of the garage at top speed and made his way onto the highway. I looked back frantically as Carlisle and Emmett worked furiously to keep Edward alive. Tears were rushing down my face as I watched Emmett crush his hands down on Edward's delicate chest.

"Is he ok? Will he make it?" I asked through my tears.

No response

"ANSWER ME DAMN IT!!" I screamed

Carlisle didn't look up from his work, but answered me. "He isn't breathing on his own Bella, we are doing our best to keep him going until we make it to the house, my wife has the respirator ready for us when we arrive," Carlisle said as he squeezed on Edward's air bag.

"Edward hold on baby!!! Do you hear me baby? Hold on and we will be together soon," I called back to him praying that somewhere in his mind he could hear me.

"Where do I turn?" Jake screamed anxiously.

"Take the next right!!" Emmett cried from his crouch on top of Edward.

The tires on the ambulance squealed as Jake turned sharply into the Cullen's driveway. Rosalie and Jasper were waiting at the top of the driveway and began running beside us as we sped down. I looked at the speedometer and it said we were going 50mph and Rosalie and Jasper were running effortlessly beside us.

Jake slammed on the brakes as we reached the house. Rosalie ripped the barn doors to the ambulance open while Jasper helped Carlisle lift Edward's bed to the ground. Emmett was still straddled on top of Edward giving him CPR. Carlisle and Jasper ran into the house holding Edward's bed with Emmet on top as if it weighed nothing.

As I was watching the scene in front of me, my door was yanked open and Rosalie undid my belt and carried me out of the car. "Sorry Bella, but we have to get this ambulance back before anyone notices it's gone," she said to me while running me into the house, holding me like a baby.

Just then Emmett burst out of the front door and got back into the ambulance. He peeled out of the driveway without hesitation.

Rosalie set me down on the floor but my knees were too wobbly to stand so she draped her arm around my back to steady me.

"Here sit down Bella…I'll go get you some water."

"Where's Edward?" I called to her.

"He is upstairs. It's best to just let Carlisle work right now Bella. Edward is in good hands."

Jake came over to me and placed his hand on my shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze. I turned my head to him and just stared into his worried eyes. He sat down on the floor by my legs and put his head in my lap. Rosalie came back with two glasses of water and handed them to us and left us alone. Jake and I sat silently in the foyer for what seemed like hours until Carlisle appeared at the top of the steps.

I jumped quickly out of my seat and ran to him.

"Tell me!!!" I screamed.

Carlisle gave me a kind smile and put his hands reassuringly on my shoulder. "We have him on the respirator and he is doing well. All of his vital signs are…well they are good enough."

Relief washed over me and I let out a pent up sob. The tears I was crying now were not of sorrow, but of relief. "Thank you Carlisle…Thank you," I cried as I wrapped my arms around his cold hard body.

"My pleasure Bella," he said simply.

As Carlisle and I were embracing, Alice walked through the front door carrying a bundle Jake's discarded clothes.

"Did you get everything taken care of?" Carlisle asked her.

"Yep. The Masen's have been informed of their sons passing and believe he is on his way to the Crematorium," Alice answered with a smug smile.

"And the documents?"

"Don't worry Carlisle I took care of everything," she said tersely. "So what did you think of my diversion? I blew up a mini oxygen tank in the storage room! Man was that thing loud!" She was smug and had a curious twinkle in her eye, I liked here immediately.

Carlisle chuckled lightly. "Very nice diversion Alice, very nice."

"Thanks! Oh by the way Bella, your dad was at the hospital looking for you and he seems pretty worried," Alice looked to me concerned, handing me Edward's red sweatshirt that I had stupidly left in Edward's room.

Eyeing the sweatshirt in my hand, Carlisle's face scrunched. "You're sure everything is handled Alice?" He asked again skeptically.

Alice let out a huff. "No one suspects a thing. But Bella you should call your dad."

Carlisle nodded his head, and looked to Jake and I. "Bella and Jake you need to go home, your families will be worried sick. Edward will be just fine I promise," Carlisle said assuring me.

"Ok. May I borrow your phone?" I asked.

"Of course Bella…you may use the one in my office."

"Thanks."

I picked up Carlisle's phone and began dialing.

_Ring ….Ring_

"Bella…Bella honey is that you?" Charlie asked hysterically.

"Yes dad it's me."

"Oh honey I'm so sorry. I went to the hospital as soon as I could, but you were gone."

My heart began to race as I choked out my next words. "I …I…I can't be here anymore dad, I need to leave. I'm going to come home and get my stuff tonight," I told him, my voice sounding numb and distant.

"Bella, you are just in shock, in mourning. You can't leave, what about the funeral?"

"I'm not going to the funeral. I can't," I answered, my voice robotic and cold.

"What about Ed and Liz? They will be devastated if you don't show up. And besides, where on earth do you plan to go Bella?" Charlie asked, his voice shaky and quivering.

I was silent for a moment, not sure how to proceed. Ultimately I decided to push forward. I needed to be with Edward; Charlie was going to have to lose me. "I don't know yet. I have some money saved up, maybe an island or Mexico or something. I will go to the Masen's tonight and say goodbye and explain why I can't make the funeral. You need to let me do this dad. You really have to trust me when I tell you I can't stick around here…I just can't."

There was dead silence on the other end of the phone, and then I heard Charlie sniff back tears and take a deep breath. "You're a big girl Bella. I guess I can't stop you if this is really what you need to do? I just wish there was something I could do to help you get through this. Knowing you're out there all alone grieving doesn't sit well with me."

Again, I pushed forward, cold and determined. "Thanks Dad. I will see you in a little," I said and quickly hung up the phone.

I walked back into the foyer where Jake, Alice and Carlisle stood. I looked down at my watch to check the time, it was almost 8pm. I needed to get over to Masen's soon, but I wanted to see Edward first before I left.

"I want to see Edward," I asked Carlisle weakly. My voice was weary from the events of the day; the single longest day of my entire life.

"Of course, come with me Bella." Carlisle reached for my hand and escorted me up the stairs.

Carlisle brought me to a large room at the end of the third story hallway. He opened the door and I followed him in. The room was almost a perfect replica of the one in the ICU. Edward was lying in a large hospital style bed with all of the same machines and tubes hooked up to him.

"Why do you have all of this stuff?" I asked.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you Bella," Carlisle answered with a laugh.

"Try me."

Carlisle took a deep breath and looked at me. "Alice bought it on the black market last month...She never told me why until a few days ago when she saw you in the hospital."

"Saw me? Was Alice at the hospital?" I asked.

"No" Carlisle paused looking for words. "She is psychic Bella. She has visions of possible future events. She bought the equipment because she saw what was going to take place today. But she can only see things as people decide to do them."

"I only thought of it two days ago, how would she see the vision last month?" I asked

Carlisle took a long pause. "I don't know Bella, I just don't know. I can only think of one other person who may have thought it, and he is down in the foyer waiting for you."

"Jacob?" I asked as tears began streaming down my face. "Jacob thought of this too?"

Carlisle nodded his head and smiled.

"So her vision…did she see us? Changed I mean?" I asked desperate for more information.

"Look Bella. I think it's best to just get through today. You have a lot of business to take care of at home, and I think it will be easier for you in the long run if you don't get your hopes up too high," Carlisle said gently.

"Please Carlisle…I need to know…"

"Say goodnight to Edward, and go see the Masen's and Charlie. And Bella? Try to get some rest tonight; you will need all of your strength." Then Carlisle turned away from me and exited the room, leaving me without any answers, and alone with Edward.

I walked over to Edward and wiggled my body onto the bed next to him, and put my head on his abdomen. I felt his chest rise and fall as the machine breathed for him. I moved my head slightly higher and listened for the sound of his heart.

_Ga gung…ga gung…ga gung_

Tears began slipping from my eyes as I listened to the calming rhythm of his heart. For the first time in five months a genuine smile began pulling from my lips. I sat up and wiped my tears from my eyes and brought my face up to his. I left a gentle kiss on his forehead and stepped down from the bed.

While standing, I lightly cradled his face in my hands and moved my lips to his ear. "I love you Edward…always," was all I said, as I turned to walk out the door.

**AN- Hey readers! I hope you liked it. It was my longest chapter so far, and it was originally supposed to be a lot longer, but I sort of cut it in two. **

**If you want to see the second half…please review and tell me what you thought the craziest part of the chapter was? For me personally, it was finding out Jacob thought of all of this a LONG time ago, and Carlisle has known that. **

**Tell me yours. **


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**Stephenie Meyer own Twilight. **

Jake was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs, looking noble in his blue scrubs. "Ready to go Bells?" He asked.

A lump formed in my throat, as his question was all of a sudden loaded with brand new meaning. _Ready to go?_ Was I ready to say goodbye to Charlie and Renee, to Elizabeth and Ed, and to my human life?

_Yes_

Was I ready to leave Forks behind and to forgo humanity and essentially die at the hands of total strangers…

_Yes_

The truth was that I would be willing to go anywhere and do anything, anything at all, if it meant I could spend just one more day, one more minute with Edward. Actually processing what becoming a vampire entailed was beyond my comprehension. It's like trying to comprehend death…you can't. It's not a state of being that your brain has any ability to imagine. Imagining actually being a vampire, actually becoming something else, wasn't possible. So, I just imagined being present in some form of life with Edward…and that was enough.

"Ready," I answered.

The entire Cullen family had congregated on the porch as we walked out, looking like an airbrushed photograph. Their movements were so subtle, almost nonexistent. And their looks were simply otherworldly. Seeing them all in one place, standing side by side was astonishing. I couldn't help but try to imagine Edward and me standing amongst the group…

_Incomprehensible._

"All set Bella?" Carlisle asked, pushing Edward's red sweatshirt into my hands. "Just tell them I gave you two the scrubs. Your clothes were days old and dirty, they'll understand."

"Ok," I said, slipping the sweatshirt over my shoulders, where it belonged.

"And remember, everyone you see tonight thinks Edward is dead, don't forget that. He is dead…do you understand?"

"Dead. Got it."

"And don't go into detail about leaving, just say it's something you are considering, but locations and dates are probably best saved for later."

Carlisle's tone was positive, but I could tell he was really nervous. I looked into the six sets of the eyes staring into me, different shades of golden, but all strikingly beautiful and menacing. "I understand, don't worry, I can handle it," I tried to assure them.

"You're going to do great!" Alice chimed in with a wink. "Don't worry everyone, she's got it covered."

With that Jake took my arm and led me down the stairs, only to find that my truck was miraculously parked in the driveway. I looked to Jake, my eyes full of questions.

"They are very thorough," he said with a laugh. "Very thorough."

Once we were safely inside the cabin and alone, I turned to Jake. "Did you talk to Billy while I was upstairs?" I asked nervously, knowing Jacob had a façade to keep up as well.

Jake's head fell back against the cabin window, and he let out a big sigh. "Yeah, he doesn't expect anything, don't worry," he whispered. There was anxiety in his voice…doubt. It made me nervous.

"Nothing?" I prodded.

"Nope." He was being distant, and barely focusing on the road. His mind seemed to be in a completely different truck.

"What's wrong?" I begged, putting my hand on his knee. "Tell me please, you're making me nervous Jake." My biggest fear was that he was backing out, that he would take it all back. "You're not going to…"

Jake turned to face me, cutting me off. "Don't worry, I'm not backing out," he said seriously, finding my eyes. He struggled with his next words, gripping my hand on his knee. "I just don't know how I'm ever going to face them again. What I did Bella? What I'm doing? It's unspeakable…"

"They will never know," I offered, totally taken aback by the painful look in Jacob's eyes.

With a grimace, he whipped his hand away from mine and returned his eyes to the road. "Yeah, but I will…I'll know. And I'm pretty sure that when my ancestors wrote the treaty, they never imagined someone as dishonorable as me would end it...End it, and not even tell the tribe." His voice was full of irritation, full of disgust. His brow was starting to furrow deeply again, and his hands were gripped white knuckled to the steering wheel.

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't comprehend how he could for one second consider himself dishonorable. "You are _not_ dishonorable Jacob Black!" I cried. "How could you say that?"

Jacob huffed loudly and gripped the bridge of his nose, shaking his head back and forth in frustration. "You don't get it Bella…I'm already becoming an outsider around the reservation. Sam and Paul and Jared are running around like they own the place, talking about protecting us, and honoring our people, and all I can think about is _my_ people…" His voice softened a bit when he said _my people_.

"Your people?" I asked, but already knowing who he was referring to.

He turned to me. "Yeah, you and Edward, you know that. You two have always been more important to me. But I chose you guys over my own blood, over my tribe, over my dad. And I just don't know how I'll ever look him in the eye again." Jacob's voice was beginning to break and tears began welling in the corners of his eyes.

I never fully considered what he would be sacrificing, what he stood to lose. He was just another helpless victim in my selfish pursuits. Suddenly I began to imagine the idea that Edward and I would be changed, and we may never see Jacob again, and Jacob would be left alone and detached from his tribe. The thought made me sick. "Come with us?" I asked on impulse as the tears began to form in my eyes.

His head turned promptly in my direction. "What?"

"Become a vampire too," I said, never being more serious.

Jacob's tears began dripping faster, like a steady leak down the side of his face. Then a small smile began to pull from his lips. "You know I would choose just about anything over going home right now…it's probably not a bad idea," he said with a laugh.

"I'm serious," I stuttered out, the sickness over losing Jake not waning.

Jacob sighed. "I know you are."

"Then come with us?"

Jacob grabbed my hand. "Look Bells, you and Edward belong together, I've never witnessed anything like what you two have, and I wanted to save it. But I have to figure out my own path. I couldn't follow you guys around forever."

I agreed with a nod. He was right, he couldn't. "What will you do?" I asked, suddenly heartbroken over our impending goodbye.

"I don't know," he answered quietly. "But I don't want you worrying about it. Deal?"

We sat in silence. I didn't answer. I would worry about him forever; that was a fact I was certain of.

_No deal Jacob Black, no deal. _

When we approached the Masen's block, the imminent questions began to pop into my head. I turned to Jacob. "Jake?" I asked

"Yeah Bells?"

"I'm scared," I whispered

"Me too Bells…me too."

"Do you think Charlie and Renee will be devastated when I 'die'?" I asked.

"Of course they will Bella. But to be honest, I'm more concerned about Liz. Bella if you die…"

"Shit…"

"She will be so heartbroken Bella, I just worry about her sometimes, you know?" Jake said solemnly as he turned the truck into the Masen's gate.

A few unfamiliar cars were parked in the driveway. But one I recognized.

_The Cruiser … _

I sat in the seat unable to move. Jake had to drag me out of the car. My legs resisted, seemingly knowing that saying goodbye to my father and Liz would be the single most difficult thing I would ever have to do.

Jake took my hand. "So what are you gonna tell them Bells?"

I had given my alibi some thought on the drive over. "The Peace Corps I think, or Greenpeace maybe," I answered.

Jake squeezed my hand tighter and laughed. "You have to be a college grad to do that shit Bella!"

I was not aware of this fact…

"And you can't just join tomorrow either Bells…it's like a six month application process." Jake turned me to look at him, all joking aside. "You'll have to do better than that."

"Well shit Jake I don't know? What do you think I should say? I don't want to die for at least two years so it has to be something that keeps me far away for at least two years," I answered.

I figured two years would be the absolute longest period of time I could get away without seeing my parents.

_Letters and phone calls could work for two years…right?_

"I knew this kid who was a foreign exchange student in Brazil, maybe you could do something like that? I mean you have to finish high school right? And doctor Cullen said not to be too specific, they could track you down too easily in a proper organization. It has to be something vague." Jake offered.

"Right, vague. Brazil sounds good."

Jake pulled my hand up the last of the giant stone steps and approached the massive wooden double doors to the Masen's house.

We stood there.

Jake looked over to me one last time. "You can't blow this Bella. If they suspect anything, we are in a world of shit. Do you understand?"

I nodded my head yes.

Looking satisfied, Jake put his arm around me and opened the door. As soon as I walked in I smelled the very specific aroma of Lysol orange scented floor cleaner. The last time Liz got out the Lysol was when Edward's beloved German shepherd Debussy choked to death on a tennis ball. She loved that stupid dog.

She was in this house somewhere, and in pain. I just imagined her getting out the bucket and the mop and ruining her designer outfit while scrubbing at the floor. Her grief was now my grief, and it was overwhelming.

And suddenly the tears began to fall. "Shh Bella it's ok," Jake whispered to me as I collapsed into his chest. The tears were not for me losing Edward, but for Liz losing Edward.

Charlie came wandering out of the living room and found Jake and I in the foyer. He ran over to me and scooped me up into his arms like only my father knew how. I was completely overcome with the idea that Liz was going to have to suffer this alone while I was off being a vampire with her very much still alive son.

I held onto my dad for dear life. I somehow wanted to express to him how much I needed him and how much I loved him. If he remembered this hug, this embrace, maybe it would be easier. Then he began to sing.

_One, two, three, four, five,  
Once I caught a fish alive,  
Six, seven, eight, nine, ten,  
Then I let it go again  
Why did you let it go?  
Because it bit my finger so.  
Which finger did it bite?  
This little finger on my right._

Charlie used to sing me the fish song to me when I was a little girl. If I had a bad fall or a broken bone or even a bad dream he would hold me in his arms and sing the fish song. It always worked, and by the time all of his fingers were bitten off my tears would be gone.

My dad's scratchy but sweet voice filled my heart, and took away my immediate pain as it always had. "Are you alright now sweetheart?" Charlie asked as he rubbed my back lovingly. "Do you think you can see Liz now?"

With renewed strength and determination, I decided to press on. "Yes. I want to see her. I'll be fine," I answered, attempting a smile.

"She's in her room." Charlie pointed up the stairs somberly.

I braced the giant railing on the grand staircase and began my ascent. When I reached the landing on the second floor I could hear muffled sobs coming from Liz's room. Tears were streaming from my face, but I tried to maintain some semblance of composure. No wailing, just tears.

_Knock knock_

I opened the door before she gave her response, and walked into to her massive bedroom to a sight I wasn't quite prepared for. No one prepares you for this.

"Oh God Liz!!" I screamed as I ran to her.

She had made a giant pile of Edwards stuff on the floor. His clothes, his books, his old toys, pictures he painted in kindergarten…and she was laying in the pile moaning and holding something tightly to her chest.

She looked up at me with a glazed expression. I smelled bourbon. She had been drinking.

"This is all I have left of him Bella! A big pile of SHIT!!" She shouted at me. "My only baby is dead, and all I have are some clothes and shitty toys he never played with."

She wasn't crying now, she was laughing. I stood there frozen

She turned the object she held to her chest around to show me. It was a piece of paper…a letter. "He got in! Can you believe it! "She spat maniacally. "I guess Dartmouth didn't get the memo that Edward is no longer with us!"

I was trembling. Tears were streaming down my face. She looked up at me and saw my frozen trembling body standing over her. She looked into my eyes and suddenly came to. Tears flooded her eyes and she began ripping the letter to shreds.

"Wait!!" I screamed. "Don't rip it up Liz. Be proud of it, he worked hard to receive that letter," I said through my tears as I gently pried the torn paper from her hands. She let go easily and rolled over next to Edward's old life-size inflatable Hulk Hogan punch bag.

I watched her lie there in silence for a minute and then I got the urge to speak. "Ya know he would use that thing as a decoy when we would sneak out. He put it under the blankets on his bed." I have no idea why, but it felt like the right thing to say.

A look of recognition flashed in her green eyes, and she laughed. "You think I didn't know that?

"You knew?" I asked a bit shocked; Edward and I were convinced we had outsmarted our parents about our sleepovers.

Liz rolled back over to look at me and reached her arm up for me to help her off the floor. I pulled her up and we walked over to the bed and lay down next to each other staring at the ceiling.

Liz sighed. "I knew everything you two were up to Bella. Of course Ed didn't, but I did. I knew that he snuck out sometimes and slept at your house. I knew not to dare go into the pool house when you were over. I knew that one time when I found you in my bathtub 'alone' that he was hiding soaking wet in the bathroom closet. I also knew that the night he drowned, he had stolen a handle of Vodka from the liquor cabinet," she said coldly to me.

The realization of what she said struck me hard. She knew everything…

"Liz…I don't know what to say. God I'm so ashamed! You think this is my fault don't you? That I was a bad influence? That I was the reason he was at that party?" I turned my face into a pillow, away from Liz. This was more than I could handle. I never realized that any of this could be my fault.

Another violent round of sobs was threatening to burst through when Liz grabbed both of my wrists and pulled me up to meet her eyes. "Don't you dare think that for one minute Bella," she spat at me sternly as she shook my arms. "You were the single best thing to ever happen to Edward. He loved you, he experienced love. At the end of the day I can rest a little bit knowing that Edward was loved so deeply by you, and that he felt that for you too."

She took a deep breath.

"And besides, he was going to those parties down at La Push well before you showed up, if anything he calmed down a bit when you finally moved here. He needed you, he was only happy during the summer. You were like the other half of his soul, true soul mates Bella, I believe that. It was an accident Bella, pure and simple." Liz let my wrists go and pulled me into a hug. She was crying with me now.

"Lauren Mallory is alive and well today because Edward saved her, he is a hero. I choose to believe that he did not die in vain," she said as she rocked me in her arms.

I looked up into her eyes searching for some reassurance that she would be okay. She was being so brave and so strong. "Are you going to be alright Liz?" I asked through my tears.

She took a deep cleansing breath, and then let a smile hit her face. "Honestly? I'm not sure Bella. But I'm going to try. Edward would have wanted us both to try."

_Here goes nothing_

"I think I may go down to South America, you know get away for awhile? Brazil, or maybe Peru. Start fresh. Will you be alright without me?" I stared at the wall; I couldn't look at her eyes.

She squeezed her arms even tighter around me. "Bella…I will miss you terribly. But if a fresh start is what you think you need, than I want you to go."

I didn't feel like lying to her anymore so I dropped the subject at that. I had her blessing to leave, as well as Charlie's, so that was enough. I would sneak away in the middle of the night and leave a note.

I nestled into her cashmere sweater and we lay back down onto the bed. Her arms wrapped protectively around me.

We fell asleep. We were exhausted.

**AN- No vampires just yet, my Bella covers her tracks. Some more track covering next chapter, a few more goodbyes, and a twist! Review if you want to see it! **

**Fun review game- Name the cheesiest moment in my story so far? I am going hands down Charlie singing the fish song! So cheesy it's criminal! I can't believe I left it in, but I just HAD TO, the cheese was too much to resist! **

**Tell me yours! **

**Thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing. I can't tell you how awesome I think you are. If you're reading, and haven't left a review, please do, I'd love to just know what you think of my story. **


	14. Chapter 14, part 1

**Chapter 14 part 1**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. **

I awoke as if by magic at exactly 3am. I was dead asleep, and then suddenly awake. Somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain I knew I had to be awake…so I was.

Liz had rolled over to the far right end of the massive king sized bed. She was clutching a pillow, and her face was completely serene and still. She was a beautiful woman in so many ways, but the past five months had taken a serious toll on her, aging her, and taking the light out from behind her eyes.

But in the moonlight, holding tightly to the pillow, with the quiet face of a mother no longer agonizing over her child's wellbeing, she looked like an angel…finally able to rest, finally at peace.

The last time I had seen her look this way was in a distant past where she was this happy, glamorous, vibrant, effervescent red head with no credit card limit, and endless ideas for how to use it.

She would take us to Los Angeles and Seattle in Limo's, and put us up in five star hotels just so we could rent movies and get room service and drink miniature soda's from the mini fridge. She was so fun, so full of life, and so hysterical and amazing.

I would miss her.

I rolled out of bed, facing away from her and left the room. I was glad that I could remember her face the way I had just seen it. She was my beautiful Liz, and I truly loved her.

I crept down the hallway, not sure of what to do or where to go next. I knew I had to leave. The plan was for me to leave in the middle of the night, but I just couldn't get my legs to take me anywhere.

I ended up in Edward's room, finding the person that I knew my legs were staying for.

He was leaning against Edward's bed, tossing a hacky sack back and forth in his hands.

He looked up at me. "You leaving now? He asked, his warm brown skin lit by the light of the moon.

I sat down beside him, and rested my head on his shoulder. "I'm supposed to, but I haven't said goodbye to my dad and…"

"You're not supposed to say goodbye Bella, you're supposed to leave a note and just go."

"I don't think I can do that Jake, I have to say goodbye."

Jake sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "He'll try to stop you. He thinks you might be suicidal you know."

"I know," I whispered, grabbing onto Jake's arm. "Am I a selfish person Jake?"

Jake's chest rumbled with a laugh. "Yes. But if you are, than so am I."

Something Dr. Cullen had said the day before suddenly occurred to me. I wondered if Jacob _was_ actually as selfish as I was. I gripped his arm tighter. "Dr. Cullen told me that Alice is psychic, she has special powers. Did you know that vampires have special powers?"

He shrugged and shook his head. "No," he whispered.

"She saw all of this happening a month ago, and it only came to her because _someone_ thought of it. That's how it works, someone thinks of it, and then she sees it. Carlisle thinks that _someone_ was you."

Jacob's head snapped quickly in my direction. "Carlisle is wrong. Bella I swear to God, it never even crossed my mind. I never believed my dad Bella, I had no clue they were real, just like you." His whisper rose to dangerous decibels, and I slapped my hand over his mouth.

"_Shhhh."_

Jake's eyes clamped shut, and he let out a breath. When his eyes opened again, they told me he was composed. I took my hand away. "Then who was it?" I hissed barely above a rats squeak.

Jacob looked mystified. "No idea," he shrugged. "I didn't know anyone else knew."

My heart rate started to climb with this new revelation. If it wasn't me, and it wasn't Jake, than who the hell was it?! "You're sure it wasn't you?" I demanded seriously, putting as much gravity as I could behind my stare.

Jake gulped. "I swear." Seemingly sensing my panic, he put his hand to my cheek. "Hey, relax. I told you, Billy and the others don't know anything. In a couple of hours, this will all be over."

I was comforted by the rough callous of his intensely warm hands, and the sincerity in his voice. "You're right," I sighed. "It's probably nothing. Hell maybe it was me after all, I was just too freaking wacked out to remember."

Jake laughed, and pulled me into his arms fully, holding me on his lap. After a long silence, he looked down at me. "So special powers huh?" His chest vibrated with a giggle, easing my immediate anxiety.

My eyes instantly rolled to the back of my head, and I exhaled a loud huff. "Yeah, let's not talk about it, it's too weird."

Jake arms tensed around me. "Bella, this is serious though. I mean have you really thought this through? It's not too late to back out. This is a really fucking big deal."

I _had_ thought this through. The day on the rock when I stood there for four hours, all I did was think.

I wiggled out of Jake's arms and knelt in front of him, grabbing his face. "I almost killed myself the other day Jake. I was _this_ close to letting a wave take me out. I don't want to be here, if he's not. That's what I know for certain." I drew in a deep breath. "I want this," I said with total certainty as I exhaled. "I really really want this."

Jake nodded, but there was still some skepticism in his eyes. He took my hands from his face and held them out in front of him, looking down and away from me. "But what about him; do you think he'll want it too?" He asked so quietly I could barely hear.

I thought about his question briefly, but always came to the same conclusion. Gripping Jacob's hands and finding his eyes, I said, "If he loves me even an iota as much as I love him, then he'll want this."

Jacob nodded in agreement. "He does Bells. He loves you so much."

"I know." I answered, the thought bringing a smile to my face.

Jake smiled too. Then his eyes became distant, dreamy, faraway…"What is it?" I asked, shaking his knee with my hand.

His head turned slowly back to me. "He was going to propose you know?" He said sadly, the corner of his mouth pulling up slightly. "He wanted to marry you."

_What?!_

My eyes must have been bugging out of my head because Jake's face lit up with a full smile. "Well he told me he was _thinking_ about it. He wanted to wait until after graduation, and maybe get married before you went off to school."

I was still silent, blood and adrenaline coursing through me in bittersweet pulses. Hearing this, knowing how committed Edward was, brought me both delirious joy and bottomless sadness simultaneously.

"What would you have said?" Jacob asked quietly, pulling me forcefully back to reality, because my answer was the saddest part of all.

"No. I would have said no," I croaked. "I would have told him to wait. I would have told him that we had our entire lives to get married. I would have said no."

I sniffed back a few stray tears, and grabbed Jake's face again in my hands, forcefully. "Jake I want you to promise me something?" I demanded, helpless to stop the tears that began dripping from my eyes.

"What?"

I gripped tighter. "When you find a girl that you love, and never want to be without, I want you to tell her. I want you to show her, and never let her doubt it."

"Ok."

"Promise me you will never take her for granted, and that if she wants to get married, you will…Even if it's too soon, and even if you will be the laughing stock of the whole town, and you might get labeled a white trash hillbilly…"

"Bella, this was Edward Masen asking you, not Gomer Pyle."

"Shut up and let me finish!"

"Sorry."

"I want you to love someone Jake, and I want you to be happy, and I want you to have everything this world has to offer…"

Jake's eyes suddenly became very serious, and he drew in a stuttering breath. "You're saying goodbye to me, aren't you?" The white's of his eyes got red as they bore into me, his hands shot to his cheeks, holding mine against them.

A steady flow of tears started cascading down my face as I nodded 'yes'.

Jake's eyes closed.

"When do you think I will see you again Jake?" I eked out through my tears, using my thumb to wipe away the ones falling from his eyes.

Jake held his eyes closed for a beat, and then they shot open. "I dunno. But do me a favor and don't try to contact me if there is any chance, any chance whatsoever that you will kill me." He was full on crying, and his tears made him snort when he laughed, but Jacob wanted to leave us on a funny note, and I couldn't help but agree.

He pulled me back onto his lap, and continued. "I mean, the irony would be pretty priceless, but still I don't think being sucked dry by Isabella underpants Swan is how I want to go."

"Shut up!" I cried, shoving him playfully in the shoulder.

Jake smiled. "Sorry, I had to get it in one last time."

We smiled at each other for a few minutes, sort of frozen. As I saw the evidence of the looming sun peaking through the window, I finally spoke. "I'll call you as soon as I can. I'll be in Brazil after all right?"

"Right," Jacob agreed, putting on a very brave front.

And then something else occurred to me, lighting up my face instantly. "And maybe _someone_ else will give you a call as well!" I whispered so excitedly, I thought I might scream it by accident.

Jacob's head drew back and his eyes bulged open, blinking six or seven times in a matter of seconds. "Whoa Bella, that thought just gave me fucking _chills _like you would not even believe!" Jacob cried through his whisper, his face alight as well.

"I know right?!" The smile on my face was enormous; I could feel it straining my cheeks.

Then the red beams of the morning sun came bursting into the bedroom window, telling me without words that I had to go.

Jacob and I stood together, hand and hand off the floor. "Bye Jake, I love you," I said as I threw my arms around his neck, choosing not to cry, choosing to be brave, and knowing I would see him again.

"I love you too Bells." Jake kissed the top of my head and gently pushed me away from him. He held onto my wrists and looked me directly in the eyes. "Everything is going to be okay Bella I can feel it. Edward is going to come back to us, and we will be happy again I just know we will." Jake let go of my wrists and I hesitated a second, before I turned and walked out the door.

With Jake's words in my mind, I pressed on.

I checked my watch. It was 4:00am.

I crept as quietly as I could down the massive staircase, making only a slight squeak as I hit the bottom. The house was dark, and only at night when all of the lights were off and the people asleep could one really appreciate its hulking size.

I would miss this house. I would miss its smells, its luxuriating grandeur, its beautiful art and gardens and antique furniture. I would miss the delicious food prepared by Manuella the Cuban maid, and the ridiculously over the top Christmas displays Ed would design and implement with the help of Edward Jake and me.

I had memories here. I had a home here.

With a sigh, I walked back into the library on the back right corner of the first floor. It was a massive dark wood room with book shelves lining every wall. Edward's shiny black baby grand piano sat in the far right corner, and Ed's large mahogany desk was in the center of the room by the window. I walked to the desk and found a piece of Ed's stationary in the top drawer. I found a pen and began to write.

_Dear Elizabeth and Ed,_

_I am leaving for Brazil to begin my fresh start._

_I love you and I'm sorry._

_Bella_

It would have to do. I couldn't think of more to say. They would have to understand.

I placed the note on the music stand of the piano, where Edward used to leave notes for his parents, and hurried out the door.

I tried not to look back as I drove down the driveway, but I caught a glimpse of the giant stone mansion in my rear view mirror one last time before I turned the corner onto the main road. "Goodbye Elizabeth and Ed," I said quietly to myself. "I love you."

**AN- This is part 1 of a two part chapter. I wanted to get this out, because the next half is really long, and is going to take some work…The second half of this chapter is the Big Kahuna so to speak, some venom is going to get released, and I need all the space I can get!**

**I hope to have it out by tomorrow, but we'll see. I really want to make it right. Encouraging reviews would be nice ;) **


	15. Chapter 14, part two

**Chapter 14, part 2.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. **

Once on the main road, I was again presented with a choice. I knew I was supposed to go straight to the Cullen's, and follow protocol. But I just didn't feel that I would ever be able to be fully happy in my new life if I didn't properly say goodbye to Charlie first.

It was a hasty decision, a selfish one, and I knew deep down, probably the wrong one. But I decided to go anyway. I was selfish, there was no use denying it anymore.

The morning was crisp and cold, but the sun was out, which was rare. I wasn't sure whether Charlie would be sleeping, or awake…

_Bang Bang Bang_

"What the hell?" I cried, hearing a loud knocking on the back of my cab window.

I pulled the truck to the side of the road, my heart literally about to jump out of my chest.

When I turned to see what was behind me, the passenger door swung open, and faster than my brain was able to process, Emmett Cullen was sitting beside me.

"Holy shit Emmett you scared me!" I cried, my heart racing, and my breath staggered.

Emmett was large, really large, and it was more evident with him sitting in my truck. His face was covered with a hood, and he had sunglasses on his eyes and gloves on his hands. He looked like the Unabomber.

"Sorry Bella, but I had to stop you. Alice saw what you were planning to do, and we couldn't let you go unprepared."

"Why did you have to scare me like that?!" I cried, still trying to get my heart back inside my shirt.

Emmett smiled the brightest most shockingly beautiful smile I had ever seen. "Oh you mean jumping in the back of your truck?"

"Yeah!"

"It was that, or jumping onto the hood. I thought the bed would be better," he said with a sly wink. "I think you would have crashed if some crazy dressed big guy just jumped on your hood."

He was like a big grinning teddy bear. I wanted to slap him for causing me such a fright, but instead I just started laughing. "I would have shit my pants, and then crashed!" I cried, gasping for air through my laughter.

Emmett laughed too, and I was shocked at how strangely comfortable I felt with him. I never felt comfortable around new people, but the Cullen's were different. I liked them all.

"So am I in trouble?" I asked jokingly, but the shift in Emmett's expression told me it was _no_ joke.

He sighed. "Not with me you're not, but I would steer clear of Rosalie."

"Is she mad?"

"Nevermind," he said rolling his eyes. "Here, take this, and get back to the house as fast as possible. Carlisle wants to leave for Alaska by noon, and there is a lot to cover before then." Emmett handed me a manila folder, filled with documents.

"Alaska?" I asked.

"We're relocating," he said bluntly, grabbing for the folder in my hands and opening it. "Alice has forged an acceptance letter to a school in Rio, and also airline tickets, and a profile of a completely fake family you will be living with. She seems to think that you are going to tell your dad you're going to be an exchange student in Brazil," Emmett shrugged leafing through the folder, showing me the flawless looking fake documents.

"Ok."

"And she also took it upon herself to go to your house last night and pack up your things. It wouldn't be believable for you to leave town with no clothes, money, or shampoo and stuff. She took basically everything in your room. I hope you don't mind. She has a tendency to be a bit pushy."

_Alice was at my house?_

"Was my dad there? What did she tell him?" I asked nervously, the folder suddenly shaking in my hands, and the coldness of the cab sending shivers up and down my legs.

Emmett's face brightened slightly, the serious expression fading. "No your dad was called into the station. It seems that a car was stolen from the parking lot of the Thriftway and mysteriously abandoned unharmed in Port Angeles. No one got a good look at the thief, but I have a hunch that he was a tall blonde who goes by the name of Jasper. Just a hunch I guess," Emmett said with a laugh, dropping his sunglasses to his nose so I could see his eyes. The gold wasn't something easily adjusted to, it shocked me with its vibrancy every time.

"So where is my dad now?" I asked.

"I guess he is in your room wondering why all of your stuff is gone," Emmett replied seriously. "Look Bella, go talk to your dad, say what you need to say, and then book it back to the house. We considered stopping you completely, but Alice convinced us to let you do this. So, just do it, and leave, got it?"

I felt sick with guilt. "Will you tell everyone I'm really sorry Emmett? I mean, I don't have to go…Charlie will probably try and stop me…"

"He won't. Alice said he lets you go."

"He does?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

Emmett opened the passenger door. "Ok, I'm out," he said giving me a supportive wink. "Say goodbye and then straight to the house, got it?"

"Got it," I said surely.

Emmett slipped out of his seat, and in a lightening flash was standing in the woods, covered by a stand of trees. "Straight back Bella!" He called to me, waving me toward my street.

I rolled down the window, about to burst with one more question. "Hey Emmett?" I called.

"Yeah."

"How is Edward this morning?" I asked, unable to stop the crack in my voice.

Emmett's face lit up, flashing me his pearly blinding teeth. "He's fine Bella, just fine."

I closed my eyes, and drew in a breath, gripping the steering wheel like a life saver. "Thank you," I called out the window with a relieved cry.

But no one answered. The big boy in the woods was gone… just gone.

With a sigh, I started the engine, and pulled back onto the street.

Nearing the house, I got a sinking feeling when I thought of my mother. I hadn't seen her since Christmas, and her last memory of me was of me stumbling around drunk at a family party in Phoenix and telling off all of my relatives. My mom's cousin Courtney suggested that I go on a date with my mom's neighbor in Phoenix Danny Kline. It was like no one in my family, not even my mother had any clue what I was going through… almost like they didn't care.

I loved my mother dearly, but never felt like she needed me as much as Elizabeth or Charlie did. She was always her own person…I guess you could call her selfish too. She married Phil and began this entirely new life where I didn't fit. They were trying to have a baby of their own, and my mom made a bunch of new friends with the other wives on Phil's team. Somewhere deep down I felt that she would be ok without me. She would be sad of course, but she had a new family and a new life and would be ok.

Charlie on the other hand would be all alone. He only had a few friends and no girlfriend or even prospective girlfriends. He was a loner through and through.

I pulled into my driveway and tried to gather my thoughts.

Before my truck came to a stop, I saw the window shade in the den pull back and Charlie quickly burst out the door. He opened the door to my truck and quickly scooped me into his arms. "Oh Bella I thought you left without saying goodbye!!" He cried as he hugged me.

"I'm sorry I worried you dad."

Charlie put me down and tried to lead me into the house.

I stayed where I was.

"You're not coming in?" He asked.

Tears began to stream down my face. I reached into the truck cab and fumbled with the folder that Emmett gave me. I extracted the phony plane tickets and handed the rest to my father. "This is a full itinerary and profile of my host family. I'm going to be an exchange student in Brazil and I'm leaving today," I said through my tears.

Charlie took the folder and looked it over. He looked at me skeptically. "How did you get this planned so fast?"

"I have been thinking about it for a while. I applied last month when Edward got pneumonia, but I bought the plane ticket this morning. I'm all set to go," I answered

"Right now?" Charlie asked trying to choke back tears.

I didn't answer. I just ran up to my dad and wrapped my arms tightly around him. I kissed his cheek and pulled away.

I had to leave. If I didn't leave in that moment, I don't know what would have happened.

So, I stepped into my truck and shut the door, leaving Charlie just standing there.

I should have pulled away; I should have booked it out of there. But instead I put my hand up to the glass and mouthed, "I love you" to my dad.

He stood there for too long. It felt like a clock was ticking down, and if I didn't get out of there soon, some ungodly thing would happen. But just before I pulled out, he held his hand out to the glass and mouthed, "I love you too kid, be safe now."

Satisfied, or terrified, I don't know which, I threw the truck into gear and pealed out of the driveway.

Charlie just watched.

I felt like I was about to explode into a hysterical fit, but I tried to hold it in. Charlie just hung his head down and walked into the house… defeated.

As soon as I knew he was safely in the house a brutal sob tore out of my chest. I really and truly loved my father and would never forgive myself for leaving him.

_I am so selfish!_

My hysterical cries subsided a bit as I drove down the highway towards the Cullen's. My sadness was quickly replaced with paralyzing fear. In a matter of 24 hours I had completely said goodbye to my old life and entrusted my future to a family of vampires.

As I turned into Cullen's long driveway, my anxiety intensified even more. I realized I knew nothing, nothing at all about what was about to happen to me…to Edward. And I was scared, really scared. So scared, I could barely feel the brake pedal under my foot, or the wheel under my hands. I was swerving slowly down the driveway, hardly able to control the car.

But somehow, I made it. And on the porch as I pulled down, the entire Cullen family stood. Almost as if they had been there the entire time I was gone, just waiting for my return.

I sat in the cab for a beat, not sure if my legs would move me. I could feel their eyes on me. Some were patient it seemed, while others were annoyed. But Alice's looked excited. She was the first to come to me. She opened the door, and without hesitation placed her cold hand on face. "Are you ok?" She asked me.

It was such a simple question; one of those everyday questions that people ask you all the time… You trip, someone asks. You bang your elbow, someone asks…

But the way she asked made me feel like she actually cared. This tiny little black haired girl, somehow cared about me, and I was still so unsure as to why. She didn't even know me, we had never even talked.

"Yeah," I said, relieved by her presence. "Sorry, I couldn't go without saying goodbye to my dad."

She smiled. "It's ok Bella, we understand. But, no more deviations from the plan okay?"

"Okay. I really am sorry."

"We know."

Then she did the strangest thing. She reached around me, and carried me out of the cab. I was bigger than her, but she lifted me effortlessly, and placed me down on my feet.

I looked down at her. "Sometimes, you need someone to help you take the first step," she said with a smile, beaming up at me, grabbing for my hand. "Come on, let's get you inside, you are _not_ supposed to be here."

"Oh right," I said. "What will we do with my truck?" I asked.

Then Jasper and Emmett came swiftly down the stairs, as quiet as a gust of wind. "We'll take care of it," Emmett said sort of smugly.

Jasper, the shy tall blonde sort of eyed me. "Never you worry little darling," he said in a smooth southern drawl, winking at me. "We'll get this old timer out of the way for you." I had never heard him speak before; but all of their voices seemed as milky and musical as the next.

Alice guided me up the stairs and I was thankful for her hand to support my wobbly legs. Once on the porch, I was supported on the other side by Carlisle's wife Esme, a lovely golden brunette, with a sweet face. For some reason I expected her to feel warm and soft…maybe like Liz. But, she didn't. She was hard and cold, just like the rest of them.

I pushed thoughts of Liz aside, and kept walking forward, all the way to the back of the Cullen's house, to a massive glass wall looking out to an open field that went all the way to the river.

"Have a seat Bella," Carlisle said, as Esme and Alice dropped me into large leather chair in the open airy living room. "We have a lot to cover, and not a lot of time."

"Ok."I was short on words, I felt relieved that I wasn't puking all over the floor and flipping out. I was actually shocked with my state of calm. "What's the plan?" I asked. "I hear we're going to Alaska."

Carlisle nodded, he was all business. "Yes, Edward, you, Alice, and myself will leave for Alaska today. The rest will stay behind to cover our tracks and pack up the house. We are leaving Forks permanently, we can never return for any reason."

Guilt was about all I could feel then, massive, massive, guilt. "Wow," I whispered. "I don't know what to say…"

"Don't worry about it Bella, we relocate quite frequently. We would have left Forks by the spring anyway; it's just how our family operates."

I instantly felt better, but still curious as to why the family was cooperating so easily, not putting up a single complaint. "Why are you doing this Carlisle?" I asked out of nowhere, taking Carlisle and myself off guard. I was thinking it sure, but never intended to ask.

Carlisle drew in a breath, and looked at me seriously. "It's all very complicated Bella, but I assure you, we need you just as badly as you need us."

"Need me?"

"Yes.

"How do you need me? It makes no sense?"

Carlisle walked toward the chair and knelt at my feet, grabbing my hands and placing them in his. "Bella, until you are one of us, I can't share with you what Alice saw," he said almost reverently, looking deeply into my eyes.

"What Alice saw?" I questioned, a little taken aback. "You mean her vision?" The room was now starting to betray me and spin around and around my head. The puke was looming, I could feel it. The conversation had just gotten heavy, really heavy.

Carlisle nodded, gripping my hands tighter. "What she _saw_ is the reason we are doing this, the reason my family has agreed to relocate, and the reason I am so willingly breaking a treaty that was put in place over 70 years ago."

The red spots that I thought were only reserved for massive overdoses of grief suddenly blinded my vision. The shock of what I was being told made my body vibrate and quake with nervous energy. I had never in a million years thought anything like this was even possible. "Why won't you tell me?" I asked, suddenly desperate to know what Alice saw, desperate to know what about me, what about Edward was so vital to the Cullen family?

Carlisle sighed, loosening his grip on my hands. "I can't. Until you are one of us, you can't know. There are dangers out there Bella, you can't even begin to understand, and if I told you now, I would only be subjecting you to them. Please understand?"

Bile was rising, and I could barely see specks of blonde, and white, and gold through my clouded red splotched vision. "Dangers?" I asked, my voice shaking with fear. In a matter of seconds the reality of this other world I was entering into came crashing down around me.

_I am going to be a vampire…I AM GOING TO BE A VAMPIRE!!!!! _

Carlisle must have sensed my panic, because his hand went to my face, and his thumb began stroking my cheek. "Later Bella, I can tell you later. When you are one of us, all of this will make sense."

Only one thought kept rolling around in my mind. If Alice saw this…then Carlisle must have known something all along. "So you knew all along that Jacob would agree?" I tried to stop the tears from falling, but I couldn't understand how Carlisle could allow me to suffer the absolute excruciating agony that I went through with Jacob, if he knew he would agree all along.

"You knew Jacob would agree all along?!" I cried louder, realizing that Carlisle had sort of already told me this, when he told me that Jacob has facilitated Alice's original vision.

Carlisle's hand stilled on my face and he gripped my cheek. "No," he said firmly. "Her visions then became dependent on his decision, and they were gone for awhile. They only came back as he saw me almost turn off the life support machine."

I was slightly relieved, but still angry with Carlisle. It felt like something was missing, that there was something we didn't know, or something he wasn't telling me.

And I _knew_ what it was, I was just afraid to say it.

I could feel all of the eyes in the room on me; it was so silent you could hear a pin drop.

I drew in a deep breath, and scanned every pair of eyes that bore into me. "Jacob didn't facilitate the vision," I said coldly. "Jacob told me he never thought of it a month ago, it was someone else."

Carlisle's eyes fell slightly, and his stoic strong demeanor showed the slightest sign of weakness. "I know. Alice saw that too," he said with a sigh. "I was wrong."

"Then who was it?" I asked through gritted teeth, fearing something so completely, but not sure of what that something was.

Carlisle shook his head back and forth avoiding my eyes. His eyes were downtrodden, looking everywhere but on me. "We don't know."

"Then what now?" I asked, suddenly feeling the urge to run upstairs and cling to Edward.

Carlisle returned his eyes to me, staring deeply. "It's concerning, certainly, but we don't see any reason to let it change the plan. Whoever it was wanted Edward to be saved, not hurt. So for now, we're just going to have to ignore it, and keep moving forward. We never even intended to tell you any of this Bella, but you are staggeringly intuitive, you certainly will make things interesting, that's for sure. " Carlisle's tone and expression softened, and his voice trailed into a laugh.

I wanted to continue my inquest, I wanted to get to the bottom of things, but the ticking clock in my head told me to ignore it, and get on with the show. The sooner I was a vampire, the better. That was definitely something everyone agreed upon.

"So what do we do now?" I asked. "When will you change us?"

Carlisle nodded and stood, taking my hand and lifting me from the chair. "I will bite Edward now, and we will allow the venom a few hours to strengthen him, so he can be transported. I expect his heart to beat on its own and his breathing to resume in three, maybe four hours, that's when the venom really kicked in for Esme and Emmett."

"That fast?" I asked, feeling hopeful and excited, but guarding myself just in case.

Guiding me up the stairs, Carlisle grinned. "Yes Bella. I wouldn't be surprised if we hear him screaming by noon."

It was a strange, yet familiar feeling. Sort of like the feeling you get before you go to a really hyped up party, or vacation. You are so excited, you can barely contain it, but you also have that feeling in the back of your mind that it might be terrible, and fully disappointing.

For some reason I felt that way, and I wanted it to go away. I wanted my monster smile that was on my face hours earlier when I was talking to Jake about Edward, and how we would call him. I wanted _that_ feeling back.

_Edward will be screaming by noon. That is good, really good. Be happy Bella. _

"Ok, so what about me?" I pressed on, pushing all the doubt to the back of my head and focusing on Edward. When I did that, when I only thought of him, I could smile.

Carlisle stopped me just as we reached the door to Edward's room. "I could do you as well, but I'd prefer to wait for Alaska if that is alright with you? I want to be able to focus fully on Edward."

It sounded wrong, but I agreed. "Ok, but he'll wake before me? How exactly does it work?"

Carlisle nodded. "Probably, although he has a lot of places the venom needs to heal. I think if we can start you by morning, it may only be a few hours difference."

Thoughts of Edward waking before me only brought about one question. A question I had been too scared to ask up to that point, but seeing that we only had minutes to go, I just had to ask, I was out of time. "And will he remember me?" I eked out, my voice fully cracking, the fear that the answer presented causing my knees to lose all strength.

Carlisle gripped his arms around me before I could fall, holding all of my weight. He looked down on me with indecision, but with a sigh, decided to answer. "Yes. Alice's visions, as different and varied as they have been, all have him remembering you," he said, obviously giving away more than he intended, but the small smile on his mouth told me he was happy to tell me.

I began to cry then, just cry. Whether it was joy, or fear, or total exhaustion, I don't know. But it felt good, it felt cathartic. It didn't feel desperate, or painful, or like I was being impaled by a Hemlock…it just felt right.

Carlisle turned me to face him. "Ok, this is it. We are going to go into that room, and I am going to turn Edward Masen, your boyfriend, into a vampire. As soon as I bite, there is no turning back. Are you sure, Isabella Marie Swan, that this is what you want?"

I didn't hesitate, the words just fell out. "Yes," I said through my tears. "Yes."

Carlisle smiled, and pushed the door open.

Edward was there on the bed, exactly as I had left him; frail, thin, colorless, and sick. It felt like ages since I had seen him last, and somehow, for the briefest moment, I had forgotten what a horrible state he was in…how desperately ill he was…how the entire town thought he was already dead.

I walked to him, suddenly sure on my feet. "This is what I want," I whispered to Carlisle who stood behind me, as I draped my hands over Edward's face. "He's all I've ever wanted."

I lowered my mouth to his forehead, kissing him with everything I had left. It felt like so little. I was truly ready to put this behind us, and start over again.

"Bite him," I said, making room for Carlisle beside Edward.

"No explanation, you just want me to do it?" He asked, while checking Edward's pulse with his fingers.

I nodded, grabbing hold of Edward's hand. "Yeah, just do it. I don't even want to have to think about it anymore."

"Ok," Carlisle agreed, and before I even had time to look up, his mouth was clamped around Edward's neck.

I gripped tightly to Edward's hand as I stood breathless watching Carlisle work. I literally wasn't breathing, I was completely frozen…just watching.

After his neck, he moved to his feet, biting him quickly, moving fluidly from leg to leg. Next he grabbed his left wrist, clamping down on it, sharp oozing teeth entering Edward's skin like soft butter.

I inhaled loudly as he pried my hand from Edward's right wrist and wrapped his lips around it, almost like he was kissing Edward, so soft, so gentle, so careful…

Then Carlisle dropped Edward's wrist and turned to me, wiping the smallest droplet of blood from the corner of his mouth. "That's it Bella, now we wait," was all he said, as I felt the blood returning to my face.

I wasn't able to talk; I wasn't capable of forming words. He had just done all of that in less than ten seconds, and now it was happening, really happening, and I couldn't even begin to comprehend what that meant.

"You can lay here with him if you'd like," Carlisle said, guiding me to the side of Edward's bed where I always slept. "As soon as you hear him struggle with the tube, pull it out, can you do that?"

It was all so much to take. Edward would start to struggle with his tube.

_Amazing._

"Ok," I answered, confident I could pull out the tube.

Carlisle smiled. "And if he starts to talk, or scream, the best you can do is comfort him, can you do that?"

_Talk? Holy Shit!!! _

"Uh huh," I squeaked out. "I can comfort him." The monster large smile was back, and back with a vengeance. I couldn't contain it; it was eating up my face.

Carlisle let out a small laugh. "Ok, well I have to go pack up for Alaska. I trust he'll be ready for transport and breathing and screaming very soon." Carlisle's smile was as wide as mine; the energy coursing through the room was indescribable.

Carlisle left, and I found myself alone with Edward…It was the strangest feeling, waiting on egg shells, knowing that at any minute he would spring to life, but fearing that moment…

What the hell had I gotten us into?

I was a ball of energy. I couldn't keep still, I just kept grabbing at his hands, and then dropping them so I could run to the end of the bed and look at the bite marks on his feet. And then I would run back up to his face and peel back his eyelids and check if he was at all coherent behind them.

It was torture…Waiting was absolute TORTURE!!

I finally decided my best move would be to straddle him, and watch his face…just watch it.

So I crawled up on the bed and threw both of my legs over his hips, and stared.

I looked at his hair, and at his soft lashes framing his beautiful green eyes, that I hadn't properly seen in months…I stared at lips, parted by the terrible tube that I so badly wanted to rip from his mouth. I stared at the sharp angle of his cheek bones, high at the corners of his eyes…and at the…the…the…the…

"Gaahhhhrrrhhhaaahhhh!!!"

_What the hell?!_

I heard a noise, a whine, a moan so terrible…

I opened my eyes.

_Oh shit I was asleep! _

Edward was moving underneath me. I was draped sleeping over his chest, my legs still straddling his hips.

I was _this _close to panicking, to passing out, it was all too much. His eyes were rolling around behind his eyelids and his chest was gurgling with a terrible whine.

_The tube! _

Like a robot on autopilot, I gripped the tube in my hand and held down Edward's shoulder with the other. I grasped it, and slid it quickly from his mouth.

Then…he started breathing. It was labored, and whiny, and fast, but it was breathing, and he was doing it by himself. "HELP!!" I cried, "He's breathing, someone come quick!"

I had never been happier in my entire life. Edward was breathing.

**AN- Edward's breathing!! Yippee!! **

**This was really plot intensive, read it twice, try not to miss anything…it's all important. **

**Sorry the biting was so lame, but really, I could have made it super dramatic, but I have had too much uber drama in this story, and Edward's biting really didn't have to be. She said "do it", and Carlisle did it. That's it. **

**If you have questions or concerns, leave it in a review, I'd love to chat about it. **

**Please let me know what you think! **


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15 for Real**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. **

"He's breathing!" I kept yelling over and over, tingling sensations of heavenly bliss bursting from every cell in my body. "AHA!! He's breathing!"

I felt like I was high, like I was existing on another level, like joy as magnificent as mine wasn't even possible before this day.

The hell, the pain, the torture, the agony…gone. All that remained was delirious elation. "Look Alice, look Emmett…look at his chest! It's moving by itself! High five Rosalie, I need a high five!"

Carlisle gave me permission to take out all of his tubes…his feeding tube, his IV fluids, his weird sucky things stuck on his chest, his catheter, all of it. I just started ripping them off, and taking them out, and freeing Edward from the hell that they kept him in.

When they were all out, and he was free, there was only one thing left to do…kiss his mouth.

I hadn't been able to get near it for five months, and I ached to have his lips on mine…physically ached for it. "May I?" I asked Carlisle. "Is it safe to kiss him?"

"He's not venomous yet, I think that would be fine," Carlisle laughed.

My eagerness might have been deemed silly by some, but I didn't care. They couldn't understand the burning clawing ached that grew inside of me over the past five months. I needed to feel the softness of his lips around my own; feel his warm breath in my mouth, and taste him on my tongue.

I lowered my head slowly, wanting to make the moment special somehow, even though I had six sets of eyes on me. I paused just as I felt a hot steaming rush of his breath hit my face…_he was breathing_…I swallowed the lump in my throat, and pushed the tears back with my sleeve, but most were showering his face…

And then I kissed him… _Kiss_

I pressed my lips to his and grabbed his face, forcing him to kiss me back. His lips were as soft and as heavenly as I remembered, fitting perfectly with mine. I held him there with me for a moment, before I allowed my tongue to leave my mouth and trace the outline of his lips, tasting Edward for the first time, recalling so many kisses that we had shared in the past.

I parted my lips a little to let the steam of his breath into my mouth, sweet and divine and fresh and wonderful.

"Ahem," Carlisle cleared his throat behind me.

Like waking from a dream, I opened my eyes, and realized Edward wasn't _actually_ kissing me back, and I had an audience. My face became hot as I turned sheepishly to acknowledge the family staring at me from behind.

I wiped the side of my mouth with my sleeve. "Sorry, I got a little carried away."

Carlisle smiled. "It's ok Bella," he said walking toward me with a pile of clothing. "Look I hate to have to do this to you right now, but we need to get on the road." He handed me the stack, two complete outfits for Edward and me. "Get cleaned up, get dressed, and meet me in the foyer in an hour, can you do that?" He was all business again, sticking to the plan, and not about to make changes or sacrifices so I could gorge myself in joy for any longer than necessary.

I looked at the stack. Edward's jeans and brown leather jacket had somehow found their way into the pile. I couldn't wait to see him in them again, I couldn't wait…I just couldn't wait period, for anything, any longer. "No no let's hit it! Move on out! Let's let the rubber meet the pavement! Let's go!" I cried in agreement, taking the stack, and beaming at Carlisle.

"Thanks everybody, thank you," I said as Carlisle and the family left the room, well everybody apart from Alice.

"Need some help?" She asked with a kind smile as I started trying to push Edward's body to a sitting position so I could remove his gown…He was stronger already, more muscle resistance. I wanted to _BURST_, but I kept focused on the mission at hand.

"Yeah, if you don't mind, he's like trying to move a sack of potatoes," I said with a smile as she came toward us.

She effortlessly held him up, so I could slip his gown from his shoulders, and undo the tie. "Thanks," I said, gripping the gown in my hand. It was softer, and newer, and nicer than the one he left the hospital in…and this one wasn't covered in my drool. "Where'd this come from?" I asked Alice curiously.

She turned to me, and her face was riddled with guilt. "Oh you mean the 400 thread count Egyptian cotton gown with silk piping?" She asked coyly, turning her eyes from me, and moving to take off one of Edward's socks.

"Yeah," I said bluntly, my eyes bulging with curiosity.

She kept her eyes focused on Edward's foot, and didn't look at me. "I might have made that for him a few weeks ago; I thought it would be more comfortable."

"You dressed him?"

Her eyes peaked up at me, and if a vampire could look bashful, she did. "Maybe," she answered sheepishly, giving away her guilt.

"You saw him naked?!"

She dropped Edward's foot, and a wicked smile pulled from her lips. "I didn't look, I swear, please don't get mad." Her hands were held up in mock surrender, and I could tell she was seconds from bursting into laughter.

I was having fun with her, I realized it immediately, and I wanted it to continue. "You checked him out didn't you?" I said in a fake harsh accusatory tone, my smile eating up my face.

Alice rolled her eyes, and let out a low laugh. "Bella, I have a man…please."

"You did! It's all over your face, you are so busted!" I cried, grabbing a pillow from the bed and hitting her shoulder with it.

Alice grabbed the pillow from my hand without any trouble, and held it over her shoulder like she was ready to strike. "I was pretending to be a Nurse, it was completely professional." She was hardly able to speak through her laughter; she almost broke down completely on the word _nurse_.

I just pictured her alone with him in the room changing him and trying to be professional…Frankly, it was a hilarious thought…totally comical.

I feigned anger, I didn't want the fun to end, it was such a rare feeling for me anymore. "Just give me those," I huffed with a smile, grabbing for the basin and sponge Alice had resting at the foot of Edward's bed. I marched to the bathroom, filling the basin with warm water.

"A little privacy please?" I said as came back out.

Alice dropped the pillow and placed her hands firmly on her hips, giving me attitude. "Word to the wise Bella, if you are going to survive in this family, you are going to have to throw privacy out the door."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," she spat. "We have hypersensitive senses, and I'm psychic, so I can see anything I want!"

"Well Edward and I are still human, so if you don't mind, I'd like to give him his bath in peace please. You can listen in and smell us later with your hyper senses…you…you weirdo!"

Alice's jaw hit the floor, and her brow scrunched together. With a sly look she grabbed the pillow again from the bed and hit me in the head with it.

_Ouch!_

Alice's lips pursed together, and her hands returned to her hips as I rubbed my head. "I knew you were going to say that, but it sounded so much nastier in real life." She took a step toward me, and her face lit up in a grin. "Bella, I am not a weirdo!"

"_Yes you are squirt. You are the ultimate weirdo!" _Emmett's voice called from outside in the driveway…

_Wow, she wasn't kidding…_

"See?" Alice said, gesturing outside with her eyes bulging. "No privacy!"

We stared at each other for a few seconds with huge grins on our faces, ready to burst. Then, Alice lunged toward me and wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me and hugging me harder than anyone ever had…the little pixie was strong. "Oh Bella, I just knew I was going to love you! Real life Bella is so much more fun than imaginary Bella!"

I could barely breathe; otherwise I would have hugged her back. I just stood there smiling, letting her hug me, letting her become my friend, letting her become someone I could love and have companionship with for…well eternity I guess.

When she let go, she smiled up at me. "Ok, I'll give you two some _privacy_. See you downstairs in 45 minutes?"

"Yep."

"Tootles!"

Then Edward and I were alone. He was lying naked on the bed, covered only in a sheet. His eyes were rolling around in their sockets, and his big toe on his left foot was beginning to twitch. His chest was moving up and down, slowly and stronger by the minute.

I was witnessing it happen, watching him come back to life. In that moment, I was so grateful that I wasn't incapacitated and was actually able to see it. It was like witnessing a miracle…my own personal miracle.

I grabbed the basin and sponge, and placed it on the bedside table. After drawing the water out, I placed it on his face. His face was beginning to show signs of pain, slight furrowing around his brow, and tension in his jaw. "It won't last forever my love; the pain will end," I cooed, moving the sponge behind his neck.

I worked slowly and diligently, cleansing his entire body carefully and lovingly, but as Alice would say 'professionally'. "The pain won't last sweetheart; we will be together soon."

When the bath was finished, I dressed him in the clothes Carlisle left, and shaved his face and combed his hair. I would have lingered and groomed him and loved him for hours, but I had a schedule to stick to, and my time was running out.

So with a firm kiss to his newly freed lips, I left him on the bed, lying there in his jeans and flannel and brown leather jacket…no tubes, no wires, no pumps. He looked so clean and so handsome and beautiful just lying on a bed like he was napping or resting his eyes.

I wiped happy tears from my eyes and went to the bathroom to shower.

I was still in the hospital scrubs and Edward's red sweatshirt, dirty and greasy and gross. The shower was large and marble, elegant and beautiful, but colder and harder than the preformed plastic I showered in at Charlie's…

_Charlie's_…Why did I call it Charlie's? Was Charlie's house no longer home to me? Was it that easy for me to put my dad behind me, and call somewhere else my home? Call some other group of people my family? I certainly didn't consider this massive marble shower stall my home. Nor, were the hard cold beautiful strangers downstairs my family.

But the boy on that bed…he was both. He was my home, and he was my family. And as long as I was with him, wherever that may be, I was home.

I found myself on the floor of the shower holding tightly to my knees, just letting the water shower me, and cleanse me, and wash the tears that were flowing from my eyes before they could sting my face. I'd like to claim that they were happy tears, tears of relief, and tears of joy. But that wasn't the whole truth. They were also tears of loss, tears of fear, and tears of total surrender to a power greater than me. They were the kind of tears that can only be cried when you are at the total mercy of the unknown, and completely naked and vulnerable. Sitting on the floor of a shower, clutching your body in a fetal like way, is the only way these kind of tears ever get shed…

I was scared.

I missed my dad.

I missed Liz.

I missed Jake.

I never even got to say goodbye to my own mother…

So, I told myself that he is my home, he is my life. That he is my past, present, and future. And I believed myself; I believed it to be true…

Because it was.

***

I was refreshed and renewed as I made my way into the foyer. "I'm ready," I said, staring at Carlisle. "Edward's ready too."

Carlisle nodded, and Emmett ran past me up the steps. He was back in seconds, clutching Edward to his chest, holding him.

"No reason to put this off, let's go Bella. Alice?"

"All set!" She cried, grabbing tightly to my hand. "Are you ready for the biggest adventure of your life Bella?" She asked excitedly, looking up at me.

I turned to Emmett clutching Edward, and stared at Edward's now wiggling foot. "I don't think I've ever been more ready for anything in my entire life," I said squeezing Alice's cold hand. "Let's do this!"

Emmett led the way, placing Edward in the backseat of Carlisle's rather large Mercedes Benz. "Ok, he's in, scoot on in there next to him Bella," he said holding the door open for me. I wanted to climb in, but I had to do something else first.

I wrapped my arms around Emmett. "Bye Emmett, I'll see you on the other side I guess."

He squeezed back. "Looking forward to it Bella."

I moved next to Rosalie, Jasper, and Esme…the three Cullen's I knew the least. "Thank you all. I know you hardly know me, but I just want you to know how grateful I am, how much this means to me. How much _you_ mean to me."

Rosalie and Jasper just nodded at me, smiling, but I could see indecision in their eyes. It would have been too good to be true to have them all be as amazing as Alice. I figured, I would just have to work on them. But Esme, Esme came toward me and gripped me tightly in a hug. "I can't wait to get to know you Bella; I hope someday you will think of me like a mom."

"I hope so too," I agreed, and let her go. I smiled at all of them, and then slipped into the car beside Edward. "Ok Emmett, all set," I nodded, and Emmett closed the door.

I watched as Alice and Carlisle said their goodbye's to their family, one I was already itching to be a part of. Then they joined me in the car, and we were off.

The first four hours were amazingly eventful. Carlisle drove, and I just gripped tightly to Edward, who was getting more mobile as the hours passed. By the end of hour one, his legs began to twitch and move slightly at the knee. By the end of hour two, his hips wiggled ever so slightly, but they arched back, almost as if he were in pain, and I didn't like that. By the end of hour three, his chest and arms and abdomen really began to spring to life…his vocal chords as well. Carlisle was right, by noon he was screaming!

"Shh, shh, Edward. Hush my love, you're ok, you're ok."

All I could do was hold tightly to him and kiss him and pet him and love him. It was all I could do.

He liked it when I rubbed his tummy, that calmed him slightly…during hour three that is…But as hour four rolled around, he was obviously in excruciating pain, and nothing I did made any difference.

"Carlisle he's in so much pain, what do I do?!" I cried, choking on my tears, it was horrible to watch, he was in agony.

"There's nothing you can do Bella, just keep doing what you're doing, you're doing great."

By hour five…his eyes opened.

Out of nowhere, and without warning, they shot open as he let out a tortured blood curdling scream. "Graahhhaaahhhhh!" His body was twisting and contorting and violently thrashing about the car, but his eyes found mine, for the briefest of moments. Emerald's scalding my soul like hot lava. "Edward! Oh my God Edward, can you hear me! Baby it's Bella," I cried grabbing his wiggling face. "Are you there Edward, can you hear me!"

I was gasping through my tears, staring intensely into his eyes, searching for cognizance, searching for recognition.

They were rolling around, landing all over the car, brilliant and alive. "Look at me Edward! Look at me baby!"

Then they shot to me, and his chest sucked in a painful breath. "Bellllllaaaa!!!!" He screamed shaking the car. "Make it stop!!!!"

I could attempt to describe the feeling I felt in that moment, but I'm afraid I would never be able to do it justice.

He knew my name, he formed words with his mouth, and he looked at me all in the same breath.

I began to sob…

I clutched the fabric around the shoulders of his shirt, drawing his face to mine, forcing him to stare at me. "Edward, I am so sorry. The pain is temporary, it will be over soon. We're starting a new life together; you just need to trust me. Do you understand? I would never hurt you my love, I would never hurt you. Please understand Edward, I am so sorry!"

My head fell onto his chest, and I just held tightly to him, sobbing into his writhing body. "Please forgive me baby, please forgive me…"

Then he drew in another pained breath, while his right hand whipped backward hitting the window. "Bella's crying…Bella's crying…stop Bella from crying," he gurgled in a whine, while his body shook mine about the car. "I left her…I left her…someone stop her… stop Bella's crying…"

It was so much to take, so much to take! "You didn't leave me!" I cried, drowning in mucus. "You're here now baby! You're back. See? We're together!" I moved my lips to his mouth, crushing my lips to his, slamming into his teeth and his nose, while I tried to get hold of his face.

His body was getting violent, and strong…I could feel bruises forming everywhere.

But I pushed the pain aside and continued. I stroked his cheeks with my thumbs, and ran my fingers lovingly through his hair. "See, I'm right here. You're here too. We're together," I cooed, pulling out all of the stops trying to calm him.

He settled for a while, closing his eyes, and riding out the pain…But as soon as he would settle, he would erupt again into fits of agony. "Gahhhh, it burns, it burns!" He would cry through his delirium. "Make Bella stop crying, don't let her cry!"

By hour six, he was completely lost in the pain, and I couldn't get him back. He was gone…The only noises were hysterical moans and gurgles…he was completely delirious with pain.

Alice looked back at me. Her expression told me that I must have looked like I had been through a war. "We need to stop for gas, and you should eat and use the restroom, we have a long trip ahead of us. I think we should switch seats for the rest of the ride too, he's getting too strong, and he's liable to kill you if we're not careful."

I was afraid to let go of his body, afraid to break contact, afraid to leave him for fear that all of this would just go away…but I had to pee.

"Ok," I agreed with a sigh.

Carlisle pulled into the rest stop and Alice crawled into the back and got hold of Edward. She began to whisper in his ear calming words, and her voice was so sweet and musical, I just knew he would like it.

I kissed Edward's mouth. "Alice is going to stay with you for a while, I'll be right back," I said before letting him go, and walking toward Carlisle at the pump.

"Here's some money Bella," Carlisle said handing me a twenty. "Get whatever you want, and maybe some ice too, I think ice may cool him down a little…the rest of us were changed before the popularity of mass refrigeration," he said with a laugh, gesturing me toward the sign for the Roy's Big Boy, and Sbarro Pizza.

I could barely move my legs, and I think I had a giant hole in the back of my shirt, but I was really thirsty, and I had to pee, so I walked forward.

I used the facilities, and then decided on Pizza and a massive extra large drink. I filled another large cup with ice and checked it out to go.

I was weary, and a little hesitant to get back into the car…the soft sound of elevator music was a welcome reprieve from the agonizing screams in the car.

But they were Edward's screams, and I had a mission to accomplish, one I was so close to finishing.

A genuine smile hit my face.

I walked out the front door, and turned the corner to head back to the filling area, when I felt something coming up behind me.

I turned. "Sam?"

Before I had time to react, his hand was over my mouth.

_Noooooo!!!_

My Pizza and drink fell to the ground as he dragged me kicking and screaming into a car waiting in the shadows. I was screaming, but not making any noise…his hand was suffocating me. "Quiet Swan, you're coming with us," he said, as my vision went completely red, and my legs gave out.

_Edward!!! _

**AN- FFS Maggie are you serious? Oh yes, yes I am. **

**Most of you already knew it wasn't going to be easy right? Of course. **

**Don't worry though, I'm just getting to the good stuff now. Heart fail is imminent, but not everlasting, this too shall pass…maybe. **

**Whatever is going on? And how the hell did they find her, and why???**

**Please review, I want to know just how pissed you all are??!!**

**Oh yeah, I started a playlist for my story, song one is on my profile page. I also made an avatar, which is The Boy in the Water's very own Bella. That's how I picture her. **


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

**Ok, I'm going to start you out with a little Alice POV…I wasn't going to do this, but I think it would have left too many unanswered questions if we never got to hear her side. **

**Bella, comes right after, don't worry, she's in this chapter too. **

**Stephenie Meyer Owns Twilight. **

**Alice POV**

Carlisle came out of the rest stop, his hands gripping his hair. "She's gone, just gone. How could you have missed this Alice?!"

I pinned Edward's shoulders to my hips, trying to stop his squirming so I could concentrate. "I don't know I didn't see it!" I cried, trying to find Bella…but failing. I couldn't see her; she had vanished completely from my vision.

"What do you mean you didn't see it?" Carlisle asked me, raising his voice. I had never seen Carlisle so panicked, not even when Emmett killed his singer when we were living in Moscow. This was a whole new level of upset for Carlisle.

I was upset too, but my fear was almost too unthinkable to face. I couldn't see her anymore…she was gone. And, as inexperienced as I was at following humans, I could only think of one reason why.

She was dead…she had to be.

Carlisle's eyes burned into me with questions, and as much as I didn't want to face it, I had to tell him. "I didn't see it Carlisle! I can't _see_ her at all anymore! I think she's dead Carlisle, I think someone killed her!"

"She's not dead! She can't be dead!" Carlisle was never one to show emotion. He was always stoic and strong. But he was cracking, he was panicking, and he was visibly upset. His face showed a fear that I had never seen before. "When was the last time you saw her Alice? When was the last time you had a vision of her in Alaska with us?"

I searched my head. The past four hours had been so tense, so emotional. Edward was just so loud, and Bella was just so overcome…I forgot to look…I just forgot. "Four hours ago!" I cried, "I stopped looking when Edward started screaming! Oh God, this is all my fault!"

Carlisle's face hardened and he looked seriously at me. "If this is anyone's fault it's mine." He paused gripping the bridge of his nose. "Just focus Alice can you see anything, anything at all?"

Edward's moaning was impossible to think around, I couldn't concentrate, and it was beginning to shake my nerve; I wondered if I could get away from him, if maybe I could see her. "I need to get away from Edward!" I cried to Carlisle, opening the door so he could take over holding him. "I can't concentrate with him screaming in my ear!"

Running toward the door, Carlisle gestured me out of the car and took hold of Edward's torso. "Go Alice! Get as far away as you can, and see if you can find her!"

I ran from the car, trying to keep my speed at a human pace, but probably failing. I first went to the sidewalk where her scent seemed to end, and trailed it a little more carefully than Carlisle had, following it all the way behind a dumpster. Behind the dumpster, in a large shadow, lay a single slice of untouched pizza, a spilled soda, and a full cup of…_ice_.

"Carlisle look!" I cried, dropping to my knees and grabbing the plate. I sniffed it. It was definitely Bella's; freesia and strawberry flooded my nose…but so did another scent, something pungent and sour…

I looked to Carlisle, and he grabbed the keys from the ignition and stepped out, locking Edward inside. Edward began thrashing about, slamming his head into the window, almost shattering the glass…

But we didn't have a choice. We had to leave him alone, we had to find Bella.

Carlisle came straight to me and picked up the plate and smelled it. "Bella's been taken," he said bluntly. "There was a car parked here, and I can smell her adrenaline on the plate…"

"By who?"

Carlisle stuck his nose into the air, sniffing it. "I don't know. Smells like Jacob, only a hundred times stronger," he said, pausing and gripping his hair. Then, with a flash of recognition in his eyes, he turned to me. "You don't think?"

I _did_ think, I thought it the moment he did. "The wolves have come back," I said slowly, almost dumbfounded by the coincidence. The wolves appeared the exact year, exact month we decided to add onto our family after over 70 years…What are the odds? I had never seen them, only heard about them through Carlisle, but I always knew they were real, always knew to fear the Quileute's in some way.

"Yes," Carlisle answered. "The smell is unmistakable. It's animal alright."

"Then we need to go to LaPush," I said. "We'll just have to get her back!"

Carlisle shook his head. "They wouldn't take her there…not with Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and Esme so close by."

He had a point. "We need to call them; we need to get them down there right now!" I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and began to dial. "Jas, it's Alice. The Quileute's took Bella!" I cried into the phone.

"_You're sure?"_

"We stopped for gas and she disappeared, we smell them all over the spot she vanished from."

"_We'll head down there and check it out. In the meantime, try very hard to pick up the direction of her scent…I have a feeling they aren't taking her to LaPush Alice."_

"I know, we don't think so either. Just go anyway! Intimidate them! Do something! " I slammed the phone shut, and stuck my nose back into the air.

The car was my best bet. It was old, and the barium in the paint was distinctive…I could track it…

"We need to follow the car Carlisle!" I cried running back to the Mercedes.

He followed and unlocked the doors. I jumped into the back, and took Edward back in my arms. He was in the throws of it, completely lost in pain. I was glad for small favors…If he had started calling out for Bella again, I don't know if I would have been able to handle it.

I unrolled the window and caught the scent. "East Carlisle," I screamed. "Head east!"

**BPOV**

There was a throbbing in my head, like I could hear my heart beating in my ears. The car was speckled in red, and everyone was screaming at me in slow motion. I saw their faces moving slowly in front of me, red splotched and angry. Their voices trailed their mouths, screaming at me, but all I could hear was muffled, muted ambient noises.

I wasn't in the car, I wasn't present…I couldn't be. I told myself I couldn't be, because if I was, I would probably die of a broken heart. Just die.

So I sat there frozen, while Paul's hand covered my mouth, and listened to their muffled screams as they yelled…and dreamed of Edward.

I placed myself back in the Mercedes, back in his arms, back with the sound of his voice, and the feel of his lips on mine. He wasn't screaming, he was holding me to him, and whispering in my ear how wonderful our new life together would be, and how it would be a great adventure, one we could share together for eternity.

"_We can make love till the sun comes up, and never ever part," _he whispered, kissing my ear lobe.

"_That sounds nice," _I replied, _"Tell me more."_

_SLAP!_

A hand hit me across the face, forcing me into the present, ripping me from the Mercedes and placing me back in the Toyota Tercel. "Stop talking to yourself Swan, and listen up." It was Paul. Paul hit me.

I took in my surroundings then, for the first time opening my eyes, and seeing what was happening. Sam was driving, Jared sat in the passenger seat, and Paul was in the back with me, holding my arms behind my back, and a hand over my mouth. They were all shirtless, wearing only shorts, with no shoes. It was a truly bizarre sight. It was February, and the dead of winter… What were they doing?

Sam's voice then flooded into my ears, making sense and sounding sharp. "Jacob is sixteen, and has no rank whatsoever in the tribe," he barked back at me, gripping the wheel. "Do you understand that Bella?"

I was a hostage.

They took me.

"Do you understand that Bella?!" His voice was like a crack of thunder and sent shivers down my spine.

"I…"

"He had no right to end the treaty…No right!!"

As the words left Sam's mouth, tears began spilling from my eyes, the familiar feeling of an impending panic attack creeping up on me slowly.

I tucked my head into the nook between the seat and the door, feeling a wave of terror slowly building inside of me, bubbling to the surface. I couldn't listen to what he was saying…I couldn't go back there…I thought the treaty was behind me…I thought my life in hell was behind me…

Then the terror boiled to the top. And when it surfaced, I screamed, just screamed. "Stop! Turn the car around! Please Sam no! I can't be without him! Edward!" I cried.

Paul then grabbed my head, and slammed his hand over my mouth again. "Quiet Bella, you don't get to talk," he hissed into my ear, causing a torrent of tears to start falling from my eyes.

They were angry, and mean, and cold…

I was scared. Not just for Edward, not just for our life together, but scared for my own life. "What are you gonna do kill me?" I cried through Paul's fingers.

The speed of the car slowed dramatically, and Sam looked back at me. "We are doing this to save you Bella, not hurt you…"

He may have continued talking then, but I didn't hear him. The dizzying blur that had become so prevalent in my life shifted into a new gear. The crush was swallowing me. It was drowning me and burning me at the same time. Sucking my air out and flooding my lungs. I knew that once I let the crush take me fully, I would feel the physical breaking of my heart. My heart had been through too much, it couldn't take anymore.

It was broken.

So desperation and hysteria set in. "Edward!!" I wailed, while trying to free myself from Paul. "Edward!!" I screamed again, not really sure why, somehow I hoped he could hear me, wherever he was. "I love you Edward!" I was screaming in decibels that no human should, and shaking and quaking. "Edward!" I screamed, "Edward!!"

I was hysterical, and hardly coherent, the only thoughts running through my head were disastrous. It was like the scene was playing out in someone else's body and I was watching from above. Edward was changing…and I was not. Edward was going to be a vampire…and I was not. Edward would spend eternity with the Cullen's… and I would...

Not…

_This can't be happening!!!_

_Slap!_

Paul hit me again. "Calm down Bella, this is for your own good."

After maybe ten minutes, the car pulled off the highway, and onto a dirt road. Sam turned off the ignition, and turned to face us in the back. "Take off your coat Bella," he said coldly.

"No!!" I cried, deciding not to agree with anything he asked of me.

His eyes hardened. "Take it off, or Paul will take it off for you…it's your choice."

I could feel Paul's smelly hot breath on my neck, and a low laugh come from inside his chest. I didn't want him touching me, I didn't want him near me anymore than he already was, so I shrugged out of my coat and handed it to Sam.

"Thank You," Sam said. "Now put this on." He pulled a brand new coat out of a plastic bag from the rest stop, and threw it at me.

I was trembling and shaking and crying, but I took the coat and put it on. I was scared, legitimately scared.

Then Sam nodded to Paul. "Take her," he said. "We'll lead them east."

Realization struck me. The conversation Alice and I had about her senses, which just hours earlier was a welcome comical reprieve from my dismal life, suddenly had new meaning.

They took my coat, covered in my scent, and they were going to lead the Cullen's away from me. "You think that will trick them?!" I cried hysterically, as Paul dragged my body from the car. "Sam, you don't know what you're doing! Let me go! Let me go!"

Paul successfully dragged me from the car, and threw me over his shoulder. "Quiet Swan, I'm serious," he said as he began to run me deep into the woods, hanging me over his right shoulder.

In that moment I realized how tall and strong and fast and intimidating Paul had become. He ran me for miles and miles and barely broke a sweat, barely drew in a labored breath. He was like a Spartan runner, and I was a speck of dust on his shoulder.

The sun became hidden behind the trees as we got deeper and deeper into the forest, farther and farther from civilization. After a while I could no longer see the highway, and no longer see any houses or businesses, or signs of development. And as we ran deeper, I got colder and colder, my face stinging and burning with the cold. But Paul seemed untouched, warm and cozy in his bare feet running along the ice and snow. I screamed and kicked and sobbed the entire way, but he barely broke his posture, barely broke his stride, and just kept on running.

After maybe two hours, my ribs and back and legs felt like they were broken and battered from the motion. I was crying out for Edward, but also in pain. My chest was slamming into his hard shoulders, probably cracking my ribs, but Paul didn't seem to care, he just kept running.

Finally, just as I felt I would pass out from the pain, he stopped at a clearing, with just a small pup tent set up in the middle of a seemingly forgotten forest. "We're here," he said, dropping me carelessly to the ground. My first instinct was to get up and run, but I couldn't move my legs, they were cramping and aching, and I think I sprained my ankle on the fall…

_Bastard!! _

"What are you doing with me?!" I cried. "You're just going to kidnap me? Leave me here?"

Paul looked down on me, helpless on the cold wet ground. "Just shut up Swan and stop asking questions. You've done enough damage, I don't really want to hear it," he scowled at me. I could swear I heard a growl come from deep inside his chest. His eyes were cold and black, and hateful…he hated me.

I felt vulnerable with him standing over me, he was huge, and intimidating…I wanted my dad…I needed my dad. "Dad help!" I screamed murderously loud, suddenly feeling panicked and terrified of what Paul might do to me. I was alone with him, in the woods, with no witnesses. "Dad HELP!!"

Paul leaned toward me, and I cowered into the snow, grasping tightly to my head, pulling my body into a ball. "Don't hurt me Paul, please don't hurt me," I whined, squeezing my eyes shut in fear.

Then I felt his hands grip around my forearm and yank me to my feet. "Your dad Swan? Really? He's hundreds of miles away, writing letters to a fake address in Rio."

_Shit!_

He turned me to face him then. "We know everything Swan, absolutely everything."

I could feel all of the blood leave my face, and my heart began pounding out of my chest. "How do you know?" I croaked, suddenly terrified for someone else. "Where's Jacob!" I cried, finding some strength behind my voice.

Paul just let out a maniacal laugh, and dragged me toward the tent. "Jacob?" He laughed. "You're looking for Jacob?" Then he gripped both hands around the back of my shoulders, and shoved me into the tent, slamming me to my knees. "There's Jacob!" He cried.

My hands were scratched on the landing, and my kneecaps ached with pain, and a guttural sob surfaced as I fell…deep from within.

In the periphery of my vision, as my body quaked, and my limbs shivered in fear, I saw a pair of feet, tied to the legs of a chair…

I lifted my head. "Jacob?" He was tied and gagged, and had a giant black and blue welt over his left eye. "Oh God Jacob!"

**AN- Ok so Bella and Jacob are being held hostage in the woods…Next chapter is a biggie, this one was more of a set up for it…**

**I am justifying the absolute criminal cruelty of Paul using the character that Stephenie already established. He was nasty, he was violent, and he wasn't too fond of Bella Swan. My Paul is even nastier. Why you ask? Because this time, Bella REALLY pissed him off, as well as Jacob. His pride has been hit, and he might just feel that what they did actually puts the tribe in real danger. **

**He is in super tribe protector mode, they all are…Bella's not important, she's the enemy to Paul. Sam maybe thinks he is saving her, but Paul DOES NOT…Paul's a nasty dude. **

**I realize there will be a lot of questions regarding how exactly they found out, and got everything organized so fast? Unfortunately that will have to wait for next chapter… It will all make so much sense it's not even funny…**

**And also, why they just let Carlisle and Alice and Edward alone?…That also has an answer…patience grasshopper's. **

**Please review!!! Pretty pretty please!! **


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

**Stephenie Meyer Owns Twilight**

Jake's eyes opened slowly, almost like I had woken him. His left eye didn't open more than a sliver, and he winced when he saw me. "Shit," he rasped, choking on the gag in his mouth. He had no voice, it was completely hoarse. "Fucking shit!" he cried a bit louder, coughing and spitting as the black handkerchief hit the back of his throat.

When his eyes found mine, they told me he wasn't happy to see me…just as I wasn't happy to see him. This was not the way things were supposed to happen. This was not the way we were supposed to be reunited. In my mind, my reunion with Jake would be years in the future. He would be older and married and have kids running around him. He would come to Alaska, or Canada, or wherever Edward and I were at the time and visit and we would shoot the shit and reminisce about how we almost lost Edward, but saved him _together_…

But this, this was not how it was supposed to happen!

I was trembling on the ground, unable to stand, my body felt completely broken, and I was gasping for air, but unable to seem to find any. Jake's face looked like the drunken guys that Charlie held at the station after a bar fight, bloodied and bruised. His silken tan skin was gashed and swollen, and his lip was split in two.

"Jake… what… happened?" I stuttered out, gasping through each word, digging my fingernails into the dirt below my hands. "What happened?!!" I was weak, and broken, and exhausted…but I still had the strength in me to fight, I could feel it. If I needed to, I could.

But it didn't seem like Jake did, he looked completely out of fight. He looked tired, and his eyes were sort of rolling into the back of his head.

"Jake? Jake please, what happened?" I begged, trying to get him to fight with me, trying to get him to protest, or scream…I couldn't handle this alone, I needed reassurance, I needed someone to tell me everything would be fine…I needed someone to tell me I wasn't going to die in the woods and never get my happy ending with Edward. The reality was so bleak, so terrifying. I needed Jake to tell me everything was going to be alright; because if he didn't, if he couldn't, I don't know what I would do.

"Jake?" I whimpered one last time, trembling on the hard cold ground, on the verge of totally losing it.

Then his eyes rolled slowly toward me, looking dead and defeated. "I don't know," he gurgled, trying to maneuver the gag away with his tongue. "I have no idea." Tears began to trickle down his cheeks, as his eyes rolled back again. "They outsmarted us Bells…it's over…" His voice trailed off in a weak drone, like he was losing consciousness as he spoke to me, like the forces got him, and he had completely given up.

"No!" I cried, stumbling on my knees toward the chair. "It's not over, it can't be over!"

Tears began leaving trails down Jake's cheeks, and his eyes clamped shut. He looked sick, like he was about to puke. "Look around Bella," he said gesturing with his chin to the duct tape and ropes in the corner. "It's over."

Just like that, my arms gave out, and I was laying face first in the dirt, writhing on the ground. "Don't say that!" I cried, trying to find my bearings around all of the red splotches crowding my vision. "God, please don't say that!" I felt like I was plunged under water, and couldn't remember how to swim…like weights were tied to my feet, and I couldn't get myself to the surface…

Then two hands grabbed my arms, and yanked me off the ground. "Get up Swan." Paul's breath was in my ear, causing bile to rise in my throat…But this time I couldn't swallow it down, it came out…I threw up on Paul's arm.

"Jesus Swan!" He cried, turning me to face him, taking in my absolutely devastated and broken form. My eyes and nose and throat stung and burned from the puke, and the tears in my eyes just made it worse.

Paul scanned me again. "Just calm the fuck down, both of you!" He was screaming in my face, but something felt off. I might be mistaken, but I sensed a little unease in his voice, a little panic.

He dragged me over to a small green and yellow beach chair in the corner…one of those low lying aluminum frames with woven nylon straps. "Sit," he said, his tone getting even more frantic. "Just don't move…I…I have to clean off my arm."

When Paul was gone, I lurched toward Jacob, gripping his shoulder and pulling the gag over and off of his face. As I was slipping it off, my hand swiped his cheek, it was ON FIRE!

I got on my knees at Jacob's feet and held his face in my hands. "Jacob, you're burning up," I whispered. He didn't respond, his eyes were rolling in the back of his head and his body was shuttering and shivering. "Jacob?" I slapped his face lightly with my hand. _No response_. "Jacob!!"

"Paul help!" I cried, getting to my feet and hobbling out of the tent on one good leg. "Paul help!"

He was nowhere in sight, we were completely alone.

I stumbled back into the tent and searched around. In the corner there was a backpack filled with bottled water. I grabbed it and opened a bottle and hobbled back over to Jacob. Wetting the black handkerchief that was used as a gag, I placed it on Jake's forehead. "Open up Jake," I whispered frantically, putting the bottle to his mouth.

The water gurgled in his mouth, and then dripped down his chin, his body quaking too much to keep it down.

_Shit…shit…shit…_

I ran back outside, no longer feeling my legs. "Someone HELP!!" I cried to the empty expanse of forest in front of me. "Help!"

Then, through a dense stand of trees, a body emerged…It wasn't Paul though, it was Embry Call, half naked and bare foot like the rest. "Embry?" I said it like Caesar to Brutus, completely taken aback. Embry Call was Jacob's very best friend next to Edward and me.

He didn't make eye contact with me at all; he just stared at the ground and walked toward the tent. "Bella you need to get back in the tent," he mumbled, taking my arm gently and leading me toward the tent door.

I didn't have time to argue with him. I didn't have time to spit in his face and call him a traitor. Jake was sick. "Jake's sick," I whined. "He needs to go to the hospital."

Embry let out a deep sigh, and gripped the bridge of his nose. "What do you _mean_ he's sick?" He asked in an agitated tone.

"He's shaking and has a really high fever and he unconscious!" I cried, trying to get Embry to look at me. "I think he's dying, we need to get him out of here!"

Embry dropped my arm and ran into the tent. "Oh shit Jacob, not now!" I heard him cry as I limped back inside. "Shit…shit…shit," he spat under his breath, gripping his fists into his hair.

Jacob was shaking so hard his chair looked like it was about to tip over. His eyes were rolling around in their sockets like Edward's were…he actually looked a lot like Edward…

I needed to do something. "Hold on Jake," I cried, leaving Jacob to run back outside to find some ice. Embry trailed me.

There was a shaded rock with a small pile of packed snow surrounding it. "Help me!" I cried to Embry as I grabbed two large handfuls and ran it back to the tent.

Embry just stood there, gripping his hair, looking panicked and flustered.

_Enough! _

I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to know what was going on; I needed to know how Embry Call could just stand by as his friend is dying?

I got in his face, throwing the snow to the ground. "What's going on?" I cried, glaring into his wandering brown eyes. "Jakes dying in there; why aren't you helping me?" I was trying to hold it together for Jake, but in the pit of my stomach, I felt like I was being punched. I wanted to hold it together…but I had to cry… I couldn't help crying.

Embry's head fell into his hands and he bellowed out a loud frustrated groan into the cradle of his arms. "Stop asking me these questions Bella!" He shouted angrily, as he let his arms drop and ran back inside the tent.

I followed him. "You know something you're not telling me!" I cried. "How did you guys find me? How did you know?" I paused sucking in air and wiping back tears. Enough crying, I had to get to the bottom of things. "And what is wrong with Jake?" I seethed, causing Embry's shoulders to shudder.

Jacob was moaning now, low and throaty. Embry was losing his cool completely…seemingly unprepared for what was going on…his armor showed cracks, just like Paul's.

"Tell me!" I screamed, just screamed…shaking Embry.

Embry turned slowly toward me, his head downturned staring at the ground. He drew in a breath. "He reeked of them when he came back to the Res this morning; all six of them were all over his clothes." He paused looking over to Jake, and sighing. "And then Charlie came down all sad because it seems _you_ decided to skip town without even going to Edward's funeral…kind of uncharacteristic Bella, even for your crazy ass. Then we smelled the itinerary you gave him, and the scent of the little girl and the big guy were all over it. We put two and two together…"

I didn't even know where to start. "Reeked of them? What the fuck are you talking about Embry?" What was he saying; that the Cullen's smell? I was so confused. If anything they smelled really good.

Embry shook his head back and forth and glared at me. "Just never mind!" He yelled, while he started to pace and rip at his hair. He was acting so flustered…I had to crack him.

"So you found out!" I spat, still unsure as to how. "But Jacob is the heir to Ephraim Black, and the treaty is off. The Cullen's will find me, and you will all be in _big_ trouble! They'll rip you apart Embry…How could you _be_ so stupid?!" The more I threatened, the more he winced. I kept going. "They are super strong and kill all the time to survive! They'd have no problem killing you!"

"Shut up Bella!"

"No, you listen! You need to let me go…NOW! And you need to help me get Jake to a hospital…NOW!"

Embry's eyes hardened and he growled at me. "Shut up Swan, or I _will_ duct tape your mouth closed!"

I laughed; he didn't scare me. "Is this some kind of joke? Embry, you're my friend, why are you doing this to me?"

Embry winced. "You're not my friend Bella…not anymore…"

I threw up my arms, deciding intimidation was working better anyways. "Fine, we don't have to be friends, I don't care. But you are out of your league here Embry…Alice can see things, she'll find me, and when she does, you're a dead man…" My voice was cold and serious, and I could definitely see fear in Embry's eyes…intimidation worked.

Embry and I stared each other down for a beat, and then Paul was back, bursting into the tent…I wasn't afraid of Embry, but I _was_ afraid of Paul.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" Paul asked Embry harshly. "Get back out on the perimeter and keep watch like I told you to!"

Embry stiffened, and pointed firmly at Jacob. "That," he said. "That is what I'm doing here."

Paul turned to Jacob, who was completely passed out and shaking. "Damn it Jacob, not now!" He cried.

Paul turned to me then, and his eyes were seething with anger. "Get back in the chair Swan," he demanded so harshly that it knocked the wind out of me. He turned to Embry and threw him a rope. "Tie her up and then get back on the perimeter, I have to go!" He spat, running back out of the tent, and leaving me again with Embry.

Embry took me firmly, but not violently and pushed me into the chair. "Sorry Bella," he sighed as he wrapped the rope around my right wrist. "Just stay here and don't worry about Jake, he's not dying, he'll be fine," he said finishing off my left ankle.

"He's not fine!" I cried, looking at Jake, who was the antithesis of fine. "How can you say he's fine?!"

Then Embry came at me with a gag and pulled it over my head and into my mouth. "It's just the flu, it's going around," he sighed tying the knot. "Just stay here." He grabbed a large wool blanket and draped it over my shoulders, and put a wool hat on my head.

With that, Embry was gone, and I was tied and gagged to the chair, left to freeze, for what appeared to be the whole night.

The sun was beginning to set and it was freezing. I had a choice then; I could panic, or I could stay strong and wait. Wait for them to find me, wait for them to catch my real scent and burst through the tent doors and throw me back into the warm cozy Mercedes, and head back to Alaska and finish what we started.

I tried to keep one name…one thought from entering my head. I tried to think of absolutely everything else…everything and anything else. If I was going to make it through the night, make it through the next minute, I couldn't think of him… it would kill me.

So I thought of Alice and Carlisle and how much they seemed to care for me, and how responsible they would feel if they couldn't find me. They would find me, they had to. Alice loved me, she would not stop, she couldn't…I just kept telling myself she couldn't.

_Alice Help!_

Where was she? She had to see me, didn't she? I mean she saw absolutely everything…Where was she when I needed her most?

I stopped myself as I felt the tears fill in my eyes …I couldn't panic…I chose not to panic.

So, I decided to do something I've never done before…I counted sheep. I imagined them jumping about the tent from one side to the other, with little numbers painted on their wool…

_1…2…3…4…5…6…7………………………………….._

The next thing I knew, it was morning, and Paul was shaking me awake. "Get up Swan, and drink this." He was holding a water bottle under my mouth, trying to force me to drink. I wanted to spit at him and tell him no, but I was really thirsty.

The gag was out of my mouth and another blanket was over my shoulders and a small stick fire was burning at my feet. I didn't freeze, they kept me warm…I suppose they didn't intend to kill me after all.

I looked around for Jake…he was gone. "Where's Jake?" I rasped, my voice almost completely gone from my night in the woods.

"He's outside getting some air, don't worry he's fine."

I didn't believe him.

"I have to pee," I said, while conjuring a plan in my head. The Cullen's had the night to find me; now I was going to take things into my own hands…I had to. Edward would be waking up, and I would be damned before I missed it…I didn't have a lot of time.

"I'll take you," Paul said, untying my feet.

"I'm not going anywhere Paul," I lied. "Where exactly do you think I'll go, we're in the middle of nowhere?"

"Fine," he hissed. "Go to that tree over there, and then straight back. Understand?"

"Loud and clear Captain."

I felt like I was 100 years old as I hobbled out of the tent. My limbs were so stiff and the cracked ribs in my chest were so sore it hurt to breathe.

I went behind the tree and took care of some much needed business, and then it was back to my plan. It was really flawed, definitely dangerous, and not very creative… but it was all I could think of.

I picked up a rock from the ground behind the tree and held it behind my back as I walked back to the tent.

Paul peaked out at me satisfied with my obedience. His face was in perfect placement for my plan… Now I just hoped Edward's vain attempts at teaching me baseball would come in handy…

_Whip! _

I threw the rock straight between Paul's eyes…and ran for the tent pole, collapsing the tent on top of him, and began to run…It was a stupid plan, and I realized it right away…but I didn't have any other choice.

I just ran with every bit of strength I had, straight down the hill.

I didn't look back…but behind me, I could hear growling, loud and angry…like an animal…

_Keep running Bella, just keep running…_

I stumbled as I ran, and I hardly had any energy, but it was my only shot, and I just had to keep moving…

_Growl…_

Suddenly the growling noise was behind me. I froze.

_Growl…_

It sounded like an animal…a big and ferocious animal…I turned.

My heart stopped. Not even three feet in front of me stood a massive, overgrown _wolf_.

Years of lectures from Charlie told me not to scream, not to make any sudden movements…_just hold still_.

"Nice wolf," I whispered. My instincts beating Charlie's advice, I started backing away slowly, holding out a defensive hand. "Nice wolf…"

_GROWL!!! _

Its eyes were beady and orange and its teeth were bared, sharp and gushing with slobber.

I swallowed, and took another step back, preparing myself for the worst. It couldn't be that bad could it? Hopefully it would be fast and painless… I wanted to laugh actually. Here I thought Paul would kill me, and I devised this amazing plan just to run away from him and be killed by a wolf…

_Growl…_

_Edward… _He was going to be the last thing I thought of…I let thoughts of him flood my head…_Edward_…

Then in the distance I heard a voice, a familiar voice. "Bella!"

_No Jake shut up! _

He rounded the hill, as the wolf's paws scraped the ground…The wolf inched closer to me, and let out a ferocious snarl.

"Bella run!" Jake cried as he came down the hill.

Then the wolf's feet planted into the ground, ready to pounce.

I didn't run… I just winced away, hiding my face in the cradle of my arms as I prepared to let the wolf kill me.

"Bella noooo!!!" Jake cried, and as he was crying, I turned my head to look.

Mid air, as he was leaping down the hill, he exploded!! I can't explain it any other way!! His body erupted and exploded into a massive furry…creature.

_A wolf…_

"Jake!!" I screamed as the creature Jake just exploded and tackled the wolf that was trying to kill me.

They began rolling and biting and snarling at each other on the ground. It was a fight…a fight to the death…and I had to get the HELL out of there!

I didn't look back as I ran. I was sobbing, and shaking with fright, but I just kept running and pushing my battered body. Whatever was going on, I didn't care. All I knew was that I had to get away…

_Jake's a wolf…_

_Jake's a wolf!!! _

I ran for miles, not even aware of my direction, not even able to fathom how exactly I was going to get out of this…I just kept going.

I came upon an old wooden bridge that crossed a creek. Someone, once upon a time, had built it. Civilization had touched this bit of forest I found myself in. The bridge had a landing on each side, sheltered, and hidden from sight.

I needed to rest, I needed to drink, and I needed to stop.

I crawled below the bridge, and wiggled myself into the small landing, gripping my knees. I dipped my hand into the creek, and drew a sip of water. It was cold and nourishing and energizing…I took another sip.

I didn't know what to do, didn't know where to go, and was too scared to leave the bridge…

So I stayed…

For hours I watched the stream water trickle and flow down the mountain…I knew enough to know that if I followed the flow of the water, I would eventually end up on flat land…and people lived on flat land…water flowed _down_, it was simple physics.

So, with a heavy sigh, I crawled out from under the bridge, and stepped down onto a rock in the creek. I would take the creek to civilization rock by rock…

At first it was easy. The sun was out, and the rocks were smooth and dry and easy to follow. But as I traversed farther down, and the sun started getting lower in the sky, it became more difficult. The water became deeper, and the current stronger the farther down I got. Water splashed onto my legs, and into my shoes, and as soon as the sun was gone, I became very very cold.

I had to get out of the creek bed. It was becoming too difficult to follow.

On each side of me was a steep almost ninety degree valley, scooped out by the water…

I had to climb it, or I would surely freeze.

The entire day, my only motivation was to stay alive…stay alive so I could be with him again…I couldn't leave him alone…we had to be together.

So, I gripped my already frozen hands into the loose dirt and pulled myself up the valley step by step.

When I made it to the top, the sun was all the way down, and the sky was as black as charcoal, hardly any light at all.

I felt disoriented, exhausted, totally turned around and blinded by the lack of light.

I started spinning in circles, trying to find my bearings. I was tripping over my feet, getting more panicked with each rotation of my body. I had spent the entire day running to safety, but I was more lost than ever…I was alone, in the woods, in the dead of winter, cold wet and hungry…

"HELP ME!!" I cried, with the weak voice I had left. "SOMEBODY…ANYBODY…HELP ME!!"

My voice echoed off the creek bed, the only sound I could hear for miles besides the sound of the creek. There was no one around, I was completely alone. "HELP!" I cried as I fell to my knees, finally tripping over my feet. "Help me!"

Then, I lay down on the ground, gripping my knees, and crying…preparing myself to die…thinking the happiest thought I could think of…

_I was in a sun dress, removing my graduation cap. "Congratulations graduate," he whispered into my ear as he kissed the nape of my neck. _

"_You too graduate," I purred, turning to kiss his lips. _

_His eyes lit up, and he reached for his pocket. Then, he was on his knees, kneeling in the Forks high school parking lot, in front of the entire school. _

"_I was going to wait for tonight, but I can't" he beamed, revealing a small velvet box in the palm of his hand. He opened it. "Marry me Bella Swan," he said, choking on tears. "Marry me." His green eyes were sparkling, and his crooked smile was shivering with nerves…or excitement…or fear._

_He didn't have to be afraid. "Yes!" I cried, throwing myself on top of him, not even bothering to look at the ring. "Yes!" I cried, tackling him in the school parking lot. "Of course, yes!" I found his mouth and kissed him…_

"Bella!"

A voice came into my dream, but I wanted to ignore it, I didn't want to leave Edward…

"Bella wake up!!"

I searched my head, trying to get back to the parking lot, trying to get back to the kiss…

"Bella!!"

I couldn't get back…so I opened my eyes.

_Jasper? _

**AN- Whew, she's been found. What the hell is going to happen now? And where's Edward…is he vamp yet? **

**Just in case it wasn't perfectly clear, and I failed as a writer, the wolves found out because stupid Jake was bathed in vampire scent, and so was Bella's "itinerary" for Brazil that Charlie brought down to the Res. **

**They may be mean, but they're not stupid. It was a negligent oversight on Carlisle's part…he's not perfect after all. **

**More on their motivation for the kidnapping and such to come…But I just wanted it to be clear that this wasn't a long term well thought out plan…they only found out the morning Bella and Edward left for Alaska, and immediately got on the cars trail…**

**Please review.**


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**Stephenie Meyer Owns Twilight…**

**Longest chapter yet by far…about as long as three of my early chapter's…reason why it's a little late. Enjoy. **

I wanted to get back to Edward in the school parking lot. I wanted to kiss him, and I wanted to marry him. But, I couldn't. Instead a beautiful blonde was hovering over me, pressing cold hands into my face, not letting me go back. "Everything will be ok Bella," Jasper said in a smooth southern drawl, luring me back to the cold wet painful world I so badly wanted to escape.

But where _was_ Edward; the real Edward? Was he in the parking lot? Or was he somewhere in the cold and painful world that I didn't want to go back to?

Confused, I looked to the beautiful blonde hovering above me. "Edward?" I croaked out, barely able to talk. "Where's Edward?"

In what universe did he exist? Did he _ever_ exist? Or was he just a figment of my imagination that I dreamed up in the minutes before I died?

Jasper rubbed his thumb under my tearful cheek, the hard iciness of his fingertips pulling me more toward the cold, and away from the parking lot. "He's fine Bella," he sighed. "He's fine and he's just waiting for you," he said with a smile, lowering his rock hard arms to my body.

_He's fine…_

Tears began to spill from my eyes. Edward was real, he was mine, and he was waiting for me. Everything I knew to be true came flooding back. Edward existed in the cold and painful universe, and I needed to get to him.

The sun had yet to rise, and there was still time to get to him before he woke up. "Let's go Jasper," I wept, blinking out the tears that were flooding my eyes. "Bring me to Edward."

Jasper nodded, and wound his arms around my waist, reaching underneath me, and pressing into my excruciatingly painful broken ribs. I didn't have the strength to scream, but tears rushed from my eyes, and a shiver ran up my spine. My body was broken; and now that I was safe, I could feel every bruise, every break, and every scrape. It was the worst pain I had ever felt, taking my breath right out of my throat.

With a look of total horror, Jasper recoiled and laid me softly back onto the ground. His brow pulled into a deep furrow, and his jaw hardened. "Did they hurt you Bella?" He hissed. His voice was feral, and animalistic…like a wild cat, or a snake. "Did those dogs hurt you?"There was a fury, a pain behind Jasper's eyes that wasn't there when I saw him at the gas station with his family the night Edward drowned. I had brought this anger, this resentment, this futility into his life. All of this was my fault.

I drew in a painful breath and looked at Jasper. "I'm so sorry," I whined, gripping tightly to my chest. "All of this, everything, is my fault."

Jasper shook out his head, and began lightly running his hands over my body, checking for damage. "This isn't your fault; this was a long time coming," he grumbled as his hands moved to my legs. "You need to tell me what hurts? Did they hurt you?"

When his hand reached my ankle, I winced in pain. "It's broken," he snarled. "We should kill those dogs…Tell me what they did to you Bella?" I could hardly see Jasper in the darkness, but his tone told me that underneath the angelic exterior lied a very dangerous creature. He wouldn't hesitate to kill Paul if I told him what he had done to me.

I looked to Jasper. "No, they didn't hurt me," I lied.

Jasper bit down on his lower lip and looked around. "Sure they didn't," he said, ripping a sleeve from his shirt and wrapping it around my ankle. "I read emotions Bella; it's pointless to try to lie to me. The mere mention of them, and you almost had a panic attack."

I was trying not to cry, because the vibration in my chest was too painful…but Jasper was right, the mere mention of Paul made me quake. I wanted Jasper to hurt him; I wanted Paul to suffer for what he had done to me.

But, I couldn't give Jasper cause to kill him…not while Jacob was still out there...

It was clear Jasper knew about the wolves. Clear that he was aware that they kidnapped and hurt me. But he didn't know that one of them was Jacob. And if anything ever happened to Jacob, I would never be able to live with myself.

I gripped into Jasper's shirt, willing him to look at me. "I just don't want you to hurt Jacob," I cried, pleading with Jasper and all of a sudden terrified for Jacob. "Please whatever you do, leave him out of this!"

Jasper's expression softened slightly and I felt instantly calmer, like he was hypnotizing me with his eyes. He stared at me, and got even closer to my face. "Did Jacob hurt you?" He asked in a whisper, raising and angry yet curious eyebrow.

I wanted to react, I wanted to protest, but I was hit with a sudden and overwhelming feeling of calm and safety. It just rushed through my body spontaneously, and without warning. The emotions I was feeling were unnatural, not my own. Jasper was manipulating them, this was Jasper's power. And even though I felt calm, I knew it wasn't the proper emotion…I knew enough to know he was influencing me against my will.

So, I focused on his question, afraid to allow the calm to influence me…there was too much at stake.

_Did Jacob hurt me?_

"No!" I cried, feeling the emotions rush back into me, and the sharp burn of pain rip through my ribs. "He saved me," I shuddered as I drew in another breath. "But he's a wolf now too, he's like _them_. Please don't hurt him!" I begged, hoping I was understood, hoping that I wasn't too late and the Cullen's hadn't done something to Jacob unknowingly.

I was beginning to panic, but then Jasper's calming waves hit me with another round, making my body ooze back into the forest floor like I had taken a hit of heroin…pleasure and warmth flooding through me.

Jasper's eyes scanned my face, and he nodded. "Of course we won't hurt him," he said sweetly. "Bella you need to calm down, and stop worrying about Jacob. He's fine, Edward's fine…in my estimation everyone is fine except for _you_." Then Jasper moved his arms back to my ribcage, easing his hands and arms underneath me, lifting me carefully from the ground. "Let's just get you out of here," he sighed. "You're freezing."

I had so much more to say, so much more to ask, but all of it could be taken care of when I was back indoors, in the warmth, with Edward. "Just take me to Edward," I said, gripping my arms around Jasper's shoulders.

"Close your eyes," he said as he lifted me from the ground. "And bite on this." He slipped his leather belt from his waist, and stuck it in my mouth. "It'll help with the pain," he said as he took his first lightening fast stride. "Remember close your eyes!" He cried as we picked up speed.

He ran me smoothly and painlessly for what seemed like a very long time…an hour, maybe more. I just clutched my arms around his neck, and tucked my head into his chest, taking his advice and never opening my eyes. I only needed to bite down on the belt once, as he seemingly jumped us over a gorge. But the cold of his body eased the throbbing ache of my bruises, and I was strangely lulled by the timed low breaths he took every ten seconds or so.

Of course my thoughts were only of Edward. I thought of his miraculous crooked smile and his thick mess of bronze hair and his long strong limbs and bright green eyes. I thought of his uncanny way of making me laugh and the feeling that I got when he sung to me. I thought of his voice, and his spirit…and his unfaltering belief in _me_. He saw me so differently than the rest of the world. To Edward, I was strong and capable and wicked and sexy and adventurous…I wanted to be that person again, I wanted to be Bella.

But More than anything, I just wanted to talk to him…I wanted to have a conversation with the boy that I loved and tell him things and have him tell me things and share things together. It had been so long since I'd talked to him, and he talked back. For months, our conversations had been pathetic one sided rants about how we were and what he meant to me and how much I loved him and how I missed him…I wanted to hear the other side.

Jasper slowed after a long run, and finally came to a stop. My dreamy thoughts of Edward made way to nervous and excited thoughts…I had taken a small detour along my journey with the wolves, but the anxious anticipation of becoming a vampire was not an easily forgotten feeling. It shook my limbs, and made my heart beat in strange rhythms. I was excited, and ready…I was tired of waiting for happiness, I just wanted to grab it.

I opened my eyes slowly and looked around. My surroundings were not at all what I expected. We were surrounded by rocky Cliffs, wild brush, and I could see small colorful shacks in the distance. "La Push?" I asked, the sick feeling I had before I threw up all over Paul returning. I was supposed to be at the Cullen's, or an abandoned field, or a giant gothic palatial estate hidden somewhere that nobody knows about. We were NOT supposed to be in La Push.

"No! I didn't want to go _here_! Take me to Edward!" I protested furiously, trying to wiggle loose from Jasper, feeling my body at war with Jasper's power…I was winning.

Jasper's arms loosened around me, and he placed me on my feet, turning me to face him. His golden eyes were beginning to catch the light of the coming morning sun, rising over the mountains. "I _am_ taking you to Edward," he said slowly. "He's awake Bella, and he's here."

_What?_

Everything was wrong, it was _all_ wrong. I gripped Jasper's shirt, and put as much gravity behind my eyes as I could muster in my weak state. "No!" I protested. "It was supposed to take three days, it's only been two! Edward can't be awake. He can't!" Tears began to flow from my eyes and a nervous sick feeling invaded my body as I took in what Jasper told me. "I was supposed to be there!" I cried as I felt the strength leave my legs. "I was supposed to be with him!" I was overcome with emotion, with guilt, with fear. The strength in my legs totally gave out, and I dropped like a sack of sugar to the ground.

Jasper didn't stop my fall, or tinker with my emotions, he let me feel them, and let me drop.

He got down to my level on the ground and gripped my cheeks. "After the Quileute's took you, Carlisle injected Edward's heart with extra venom. Having him in his state was too difficult, he wanted to see if he could speed up the process…It worked," he whispered slowly, trying to fill me in on what I had missed, trying to get me to comprehend. He stroked a thumb under my cheek and smiled. "He's awake Bella. He's awake, and he's here, and he's looking for you."

I took in a deep breath, and pushed my tears back with my sleeve, and allowed Jasper's words to process in my brain. _He's awake…he's here…and he's looking for you…_

I lifted my eyes to look at Jasper. "He is?" I eked out, tears cascading down my cheeks. "He's looking for me?"

Jasper smiled. "Yes."

A smile pulled from my trembling lips. "Can you take me to him?" I asked, my legs feeling more wobbly than ever.

"Sure," Jasper whispered, taking me back into the cradle of his arms.

Jasper walked me slowly, giving me time to process what was happening, and allowing me the time to cry myself out before I had to see Edward. I didn't want him to see me crying, I didn't want him to know about the pain and the torture and the agony that filled my life once he left. In the car on the way to Alaska he was screaming about stopping my cries, I didn't want him to see them now.

I wanted him to see me as he remembered me…but I was afraid that girl might be completely gone. I wasn't sure if she would ever come back…

But at least I could try.

Jasper came up to a clearing in the brush, and he paused perking up his ear.

"What is it?" I asked, "What do you hear?"

Jasper's expression hardened and he looked down at me. "Bella we can't go down there, not yet."

"What? Why not?" I wiggled myself out of Jasper's arms and urged him to let me down on my feet. My ankles sharp pain pushed to the back of my mind as I started making my way through the brush, trying to hear what Jasper was hearing.

As I almost reached the edge of the hill that looked out over the reservation, Jasper grabbed my arm. "Don't Bella, not yet." His voice was so quiet, barely above a whisper, almost like he was afraid.

"Let me go Jasper," I insisted, deciding to whisper just in case. "Whatever it is, I can handle it."

Jasper contemplated what I said for a beat and nodded. "Ok, but move slowly and don't you dare go down there until it's safe."

At this point I was itching and physically aching to see Edward. I wanted to run, to sprint, to hurl myself down to the reservation, but Jasper wanted me to crawl. "Fine," I huffed, and started pushing my way through more of the brush.

As I got about ten feet from the edge I heard something…an argument.

"_You let this monster touch her?!" _A voice screamed. It was higher and smoother and less raspy than the voice I remembered, but I would know it anywhere. It was Edward...and he was upset.

I wanted to run, but Jasper gripped my shoulder, holding me back. The tears I wanted so badly to keep at bay were rushing down my face. I put my hands over my mouth to keep from gasping out a loud sob.

Then another voice spoke… "_I was doing what I thought was best for my people Edward, for my tribe. Please, I didn't know he would be so cruel." _It was Sam.

"_Jacob told me Paul hit her! Did you hit Bella you coward?!!" _ Edward screamed, just screamed.

When I heard my name on his lips I shrugged away from Jasper's hand and closed out the last ten feet, opening myself up to the clearing…seeing what was going on below me.

Jasper's hand slipped over my mouth as we watched the scene below.

Edward was there…brilliant and beautiful and strong, and _pale_. He was being held by Emmett and Carlisle on both sides. He looked completely unhinged and upset, but I knew why, and I wouldn't have expected any other reaction from him. If Jacob didn't kill Paul already, Edward certainly would.

Jake was standing there with him, beaming and smug, glaring daggers into Paul. My heart skipped at the sight of Jacob, thankful that he was alright, so happy that he was with Edward again. Embry and Alice stood behind Edward too, crouching protectively, while Paul, Sam, and Jared stood on the other side, on the defensive.

They were in a dispute, an argument. And based on the posture of Paul Sam and Jared…Edward and Jacob had the upper hand.

"If Jasper finds her in anything but mint condition, I will end you Paul do you hear me?" Edward spat at Paul, his voice dripping with a newfound ferocity I had never heard. "End you!"

"Sorry, I don't speak bloodsucker!" Paul spat back, causing Edward to fight against Carlisle and Emmett constraining him.

"I'll kill you Paul! Kill you!" Edward snarled, whipping and thrashing in their arms. I wanted to scream, but Jasper's hand was clasped tightly over my mouth, and calm waves kept me from overreacting. So, I just kept watching, totally mesmerized by Edward's new strong body.

Paul's body began to quake, and the familiar growl that had so terrified me was growing in his chest. I was squirming in Jasper's grasp, dying to scream out to Edward. But Sam stepped in first, grabbing hold of Paul. "No Paul!" He cried, urging Jared to take Paul's other arm. "It's over Paul," Sam said with a sigh. "We need to respect Jacob's decision. He is our Alpha now, we don't have a choice."

"Fuck that Sam!" Paul screamed, squirming and wiggling mimicking Edward. "Come and get me Masen, you filthy leach! You too Black!"

"Enough!" Carlisle chimed in. "Get him out of here Sam!"

Edward's beautiful face was twisted and contorted into a pained angry snarl, but as Sam and Jared led Paul away, it softened.

Once they were gone, I looked to Jasper, begging him with my eyes to let me go, to let me go to Edward.

Jasper nodded. "Slowly, and keep a distance. He is a newborn Bella…he's very dangerous."

I shook my head in understanding and Jasper let go of my mouth, slowly easing his icy hand from my lips. "Just hold my hand, and keep a small distance behind me," he said as he gripped tightly to my hand and pushed me behind him. "No sudden movements."

"Ok, ok," I huffed my anticipation reaching a feverish frenzy.

When we reached the crest of the hill, we came into full sight of the standers by below.

All Edward had to do was look up, and he would see me…but he was staring at the ground, digging his feet into the dirt like a raging bull.

I had to say something. "Edward?" I whispered very softly, afraid to frighten him, or do anything to upset him.

Instantly, all of the bodies stilled below me, turning slowly.

Edward's eyes snapped shut, and his posture stiffened. Then his head shot to me, in a quick but smooth flash. His eyes found mine instantly…_red_. "Bella?" He asked. But it wasn't a question, he knew it was me, I saw the tension fade from his face.

I swallowed, and took in a breath. "Yes," I whispered, tears running from my cheeks. "I'm here Edward," I choked, "I'm here baby."

We were at least a hundred yards apart, but I knew he could hear me, I knew he could see me. His eyes were beautiful and bright red and his hair was restored to a brilliant shine. The sores and the atrophied muscles I had come to know were gone, and replaced by hard bulging muscle and crystal clear and smooth white skin.

He was magnificent.

I wanted to run to him, but the firm grasp of Jasper told me I couldn't.

Edward tried to pull free from Emmett and Carlisle as well, but they wouldn't let him go. He looked angry, but also amused. And then he looked at me, and a crooked smile pulled from his face. "Can you get down here?" he asked with a musical laugh trailing his words. "I guess I'm dangerous or something."

He was already making jokes; making me laugh and making me melt at the sight of his smile. The happiness I felt was indescribable. He had come back to me; he had really come back to me.

Gasping sobs were tearing out of me, but my face held a smile. "I'm coming baby," I wept. "Hold on."

I began to hobble slowly down the hill, keeping a smile on my face, trying to mask the pain I was in. Jasper kept a hand out for me, as I kept my eyes focused on a beaming Edward, who looked just as itching to get to me as I was to get to him…although his red eyes were a bit alarming to say the least.

"Careful Bella," Carlisle warned as I got about halfway down the hill. "Don't get too close, give him time to adjust."

"I won't hurt her," Edward smiled at me as I got closer. "But don't come too close love, just in case," he winked, while flashing me his brilliantly white new teeth, the chip from when I hit him in the mouth with a softball seemingly gone.

Edward was now about fifty feet from me, and his newly brilliant and shiny bronze hair was blowing and swirling in the wind. He looked glorious, like the version of him that I only saw in my dreams…he was perfect.

I knew I probably looked like twice run over road kill, but the expression on his face told me that didn't matter. We were beaming at each other, our faces never before containing such massive smiles.

I began to step even closer, trying to mask my painful limp. Then Carlisle raised his voice. "Ok, that's close enough Bella," he warned, stopping me in my tracks.

My heart sunk at Carlisle's request, but I didn't want to make anything uncomfortable for Edward, so I stopped. "Is this good?" I shouted to Edward, whose face was suddenly wearing a new expression.

His jaw was fixed and hard and his eyes were downcast…he looked up at me. "They hurt you" he hissed, a low rumble emanating from his chest.

_No…_

"No, they didn't, I'm fine," I lied, wanting his smile back, not wanting to have to think about stupid Paul ever again. It wasn't important, I was fine.

"Yes they did, don't lie!" he spat, again feverishly thrashing in Carlisle and Emmett's arms.

Emmett grasped his right arm around Edward's flailing chest. "Easy Edward, easy," he soothed, "Let's be happy man, Bella's here now, we found her…"

A snarl ripped from Edward and he looked at me, his eyes both pained and angry. "I can see it in Jasper's head, she was left for dead to freeze and starve," he cried, scary growls and roars vibrating out of him, while his eyes looked wounded and pained. "Her bones are broken; she's hurt!"

I didn't know how he knew any of this, but I had to calm him down. "I'm fine!" I cried again, cutting him off. "It's ok sweetheart, everything is ok." I tried to move toward him, but Jasper held me back.

Then Edward's face moved in the other direction, towards La Push. "Paul!" Edward cried. "I'm calling you out Paul! Get your ass out here and let's settle this!" He was thrashing so hard and he seemed so strong that I wasn't sure if Carlisle and Emmett could hold him.

Then through the trees, Paul came out, flanked by Sam and Jared. "You rang?" Paul sniveled, getting dangerously close to Edward's face.

"Paul…Edward…No!" I cried, but they didn't listen.

Carlisle looked distraught, holding back a ferocious Edward. "I thought I told you to get him out of here!" Carlisle screamed to Sam, whose face was downcast.

Sam looked up. "He came to apologize and make amends, didn't you Paul?" Sam said with a tinge of uncertainty.

"Yeah, apologize," Paul hissed under his breath, glaring into Edward, who was proving to be too strong for Emmett and Carlisle. Alice had dropped to her knees and gripped her arms around Edward's legs.

I was frozen where I stood.

Edward looked over to me and the torturous pained expression grew exponentially on his face. Then he turned back to Paul. "Apology not accepted. You hit Bella! You hurt Bella! You die! Do you understand that?!" He screamed, spitting clear liquid into Paul's face.

Paul took a step back and wiped the liquid away with his arm, the low growl that I had come to know emanating from his chest, his body beginning to shake with anger…

I wanted to scream, but I didn't want to make things worse, this was so far beyond me.

Sam and Jared grabbed hold of Paul's arms, trying to stop his shaking. "No Paul," Sam said firmly, pulling him even further away from Edward, almost to the edge of the cliff looking out over the ocean.

Edward began wiggling and shaking uncontrollably, all of his limbs tied down. "Let him go! Let us settle this man to man!" He cried, his head thrashing about like a lunatic.

Paul lifted his head, and his body stilled from quaking for the briefest moment as he looked directly at Edward. "You know I would, but that little _skank_ just isn't worth my time," he spat, nodding a head toward me, and then returning his focus to Edward. "Call me when there is something _worth_ fighting over."

Then a roar ripped out of Edward, unrivaled by anything I had heard before. It was ferocious and menacing and as loud as an explosion, shaking the entire bluff.

_RAAAWWRRR!!_

"No Edward!" I cried, as I saw him effortlessly break free from the Cullen's restraints, and hurl himself at Paul, dangerously close to the edge of the cliff.

Paul shifted into wolf form before Edward even reached him, exploding in milliseconds into a furry monster.

The other wolves shifted too, all of them, even Jacob and Embry… Jasper left my side and joined the wolves and vampires as they circled Edward and Paul who were rolling around on the cliffs edge, biting and clawing and tearing at each other.

"Edward NO!!" I cried, barely able to form words, as I saw Paul ripping into his back.

Then Edward got the upper hand, rolling on top of Paul, and using his forearm to hold Paul's neck, ready to snap it. "I should kill you!" he screamed, clear liquid oozing from his mouth.

"Edward don't!" I cried, "It's not worth it!"

Edward looked up at me, contemplating whether to end Paul, and his eyes suddenly got distraught and sad.

"Don't," I mouthed. "Please don't."

Edward's brow furrowed, and he loosened his arm around Paul. "Get out of here!" he cried to the whimpering wolf. "All of you. Get out!"

Sam, Jared and Paul scurried off into the forest with their tails between their legs, whimpering like lost puppies.

Unthinking, I ran to Edward…dropping at my knees by his side…

"Bella No!" Alice cried, but it was too late.

Edward rolled onto his front, crouching on his knees, a low rumble shaking his chest…his eyes black, and clear liquid oozing from his nose and mouth…_Venom_

_FUCK!!_

"Get away from me Bella….NOW!!" He growled as he crawled closer to me, causing me to stumble toward the cliff.

I didn't have anywhere to go…I was stuck.

Alice jumped onto Edward's back. "No Edward!" She cried, but he whipped her off of him like a fly on a horse.

Emmett tried next…same outcome…

In that split second before he came at me, I made a decision.

He was going to kill me, but I couldn't let him. The guilt he would feel would eat him apart for eternity.

In his eyes I saw everything that ever mattered to me. He was my heart, my soul, my happiness, my sadness, and my pain. Anything significant or important or special or interesting about me was wrapped up in him. We were like two threads from the same string, two halves of one whole, two components of the same soul…

So, I took a step back, the heels of my feet hovering over the cliff.

I couldn't let him kill me…

I stared into his magnificently piercing black eyes one last time, as the sun rose over his back lighting him like an angel, and the gushing wind twisted and twirled his hair bronze hair, while venom flowed from his mouth…

All I ever knew was to love him…

"I love you Edward, always," I said as I took a deep breath and pushed off the cliff and flung myself off the fifty foot ledge, knowing that below me was arctic water and sharp rock, knowing that as soon as I hit, I would surely die.

It was a sacrifice I was willing to make. I made my bed, I made Edward a vampire, I made him that way, and I would be _damned_ if I let him suffer for my mistakes. Dying to ease his suffering was something I did willingly. The moment I met him I knew I was capable of it, if it meant he could live without the guilt of taking my life…

I stared deeply into eyes as I dropped, trying to convey all of the love I felt for him with my gaze. His hungry feral eyes never left mine, intense and penetrating and hopelessly beautiful…

"I love you," I mouthed silently as I felt the rock hit my back, impaling me and casting a sickening pain so awful it's beyond description throughout every crevice of my body.

The water came next, salty and stinging, filling my lungs and taking me out to sea, filling my wounds with acid and fire, like I was being drowned and burned at the stake simultaneously. I fought the urge to swim, I let the water take me, I didn't try to fight it…any minute and it would be over…any minute.

I remembered the day we met…the sunny June afternoon on first beach, splashing and playing and being hurled like dolls into the surf by my father. The day was cast in gold and green, and the water shimmered for us like diamonds. We were warm and freckled and our tiny bodies limber and painless. I imagined Edward swimming around me, offering me his friendship and love. The boy in the water with sea glass eyes and bronze hair was so kind…the boy in the water was so beautiful…the boy in the water was my whole life…

I had never felt it before, but the feeling I felt just as I was about to die felt strangely familiar. Like every person somehow knows death and is prepared for it when it comes…It was coming…I knew it was…

Or maybe it already had?

I was floating like a feather through the water, no pain, no fear, no regret…

But before I went, I wanted to see him one last time; I wanted to imagine him with me.

So, I opened my eyes.

And just as I thought he would be, he was there, swimming toward me, reaching out for me…

His face looked as it did only in my dreams…perfect and angelic, like he was carved from stone…

Then his arms gripped me, and his wandering eyes found mine…they were black like when I saw him last, not sea green like the boy I met…but it didn't matter, he was with me.

I wanted him to hold me, I wanted him to comfort me, and just be with me as I passed…but Edward had other ideas...He gripped me tightly, searing pain into my back as he swam me to the surface, leaving a thick trail of blood in our wake…I could feel every nerve ending in my body, as we moved rapidly to the top, the fire and the acid burning me.

It occurred to me that I may not be going to heaven at all, and that the demon vampire Edward had come to drag me to hell.

But I would take the pain for a thousand eternities if it meant I could keep him with me…

He dragged me from the water, and all I could see was his face, nothing else, just his face. We were on a warm beach somewhere I think, surrounded by golden sand and rock and palm trees.

"It's gonna be ok Bella," my angelic love whispered to me as he turned me onto my stomach. "I'm gonna make this go away," he whispered as I felt his tongue lick up my spine.

He was making love to me…I was in heaven after all…

Next he left little nibbles up and down my spine, leaving bites along my wounds, kissing them, and taking away the pain.

He came up to my face and gripped it. "I'm gonna make this go away," he said again as he moved to kiss my neck, opening his mouth and leaving a deep penetrating kiss.

He kissed and licked my whole body, alone on the beach…

I would spend forever this way; it was the best way to spend forever…

"Bella wake up!" he said after a few minutes, shaking me on my shoulders, causing pain to radiate through my back…

_I'm dead, why am I feeling pain? _

"Bella, breathe for me love!" My angel cried as his hand smacked my back violently, setting off a fiery volcano of searing pain.

_GASP! _

My lungs sucked in air…

_GASP! _

And then again…

Edward whipped me into his arms, holding me, and cradling me. I was feeling pain so indescribable; I assumed I must be in hell.

A hand smacked my face. "Wake up Bella!"

_Wake up? _

"Come on love, open your eyes," my angel urged, as I felt another smack on my face.

_My eyes are open…_

Then I felt cold hands on my face gripping it. "I love you," he sighed, and then I felt his lips on my eyes. "I love you," he whispered, and then I felt his lips on my other eye. "I love you Bella, please come back." And his lips were on my cheek. "I love you Bella, forever and ever." Lips on my other cheek…

_Why does this seem so familiar? _

"Don't go Bella, please don't leave me," my angel whispered as his lips touched my ear, his voice sad and desperate…

_Don't be sad baby…_

Edward's arms gripped tighter, clutching me to his chest. I could feel cold breath in my ear. "Do you remember the time we got poison ivy and I gave you my Donatello doll?" He said sweetly, leaving a cold kiss on my ear, the pain in my body silenced for a brief moment.

But something he said, everything he said, sent an alarm off in my head…

_Wait a second…_

I opened my eyes…_Really_ opened my eyes.

Staring down at me was Edward, the real Edward, the vampire Edward, rock hard and beautiful.

We were on the beach, but we were not alone… Alice and Jacob and Carlisle and Emmett hovered over us, staring down at me.

It was winter, cold and blustery…and there were no palm trees, only pines and rocks.

"Edward?" I gasped, finding red eyes through my haze. He dropped his face into the nape of my neck and let out a strange deep cry.

And then everything made sense. Edward had saved me, and bit me, and chose to make me like him instead of killing me…

And I was alive, and he was repeating the words that I had chanted to him like a mantra over and over for the past five months…

Then I looked up at him, tears of unimaginable joy dripping from my eyes. "It was _you_," I whispered, putting my hand to his cheek as his brilliant smile took the immediate pain from my body. "It was you all along," I cried as I let out a gasping sob, finally allowing the fiery pain to take me completely.

Edward gripped me tightly in his arms. "I couldn't leave you Bella," he whispered softly in my ear. "I love you too much."

**AN- This took me a long time to write, and I put a lot of thought into it. I hope you liked it. All of the feelings and emotions are really hard to get down on paper, but I hope I did Edward and Bella justice.**

**Edward had the strength to save her…and he was the one who wanted to be together as vampires all along…something that many of you already figured out. Smart ones you are ;)**

**Please review. This was my most important chapter yet, and I'd really like to know what you think. I don't mean to be a pain, but it would really mean a lot. **

**A little note…this is officially the end of the first half of my story. If these were books, this would be the end of the first book, sans epilogue, and next chapter would be the beginning of book two. The theme changes as we move ahead…it's going to be lighter, smuttier, and happier…with another main plot taking center stage…think Alice's vision.**

**So, you can choose to stop reading now, or you can come with me to the second half…totally up to you. **

**Oh yeah, Stephenie never made a realistic newborn in Bella, so I tried to make Edward as volatile and angry as possible…He's a little unhinged, and has trouble keeping his emotions in check. He's not violent by nature…it was the newborn in him making him so crazy! **

**Ok, enough from me…sorry. **


	20. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

**Stephenie Meyer Owns Twilight**

**Hey all, doing a little Jacob POV. This is a bit of a deviation from Bella, but a lot of good stuff is in here, so don't be too mad. ;) Bella's chapter is taking a bit of time, so read this in the meantime!**

**J POV**

I phased immediately back to human as I saw Bella stumble toward the edge, grabbing what remained of my pants, and tripping into them as I made my way to the cliff.

Edward had her cornered, he was going to kill her, it was just a matter of when.

The Cullen's were just throwing themselves on his back and his arm would shoot out and slap them away before they could even get close. He was like Iron Man or some shit, unbelievably strong and nothing they did made any difference.

But my real attention was on Bella. She was just staring at him, staring at him and her face was so fucking confusing. She didn't look scared at all; she looked fucking apologetic and sad. She was internalizing it, I know she was, and she was making it her fault.

The Cullen's were distracting him, and I had seconds to react, literally seconds…

But before I even had a chance to get to Edward…she did it.

She fucking jumped.

"I love you Edward," she said, "Always," she whispered in this reverent worshipful tone as she just hurled herself off the edge.

It happened so fast, one second she was there, and then the next her body was just gone from sight…and it fucking hurt. I couldn't even think straight, she had come to mean too much to me lately, I didn't even know what to do.

My mom died, my best friend drowned and was in a permanent coma, my dad ended up in a wheelchair, and my sisters basically left town never to be seen or heard from again…And yet after all of that, I still took Bella Swan for granted. She was the one constant; the one sure thing in my life that I always thought would be there.

And when I saw her jump from that cliff, willing to end her own life just so he couldn't, I realized for the first time that losing her would be the biggest loss of all. Losing Bella would hurt the most.

I guess I just never let myself feel it. The fucking painful blur the last five months had become was almost too fucked up to describe. We were both just rocked ya know? We were young as hell and happy and carefree and had not a care in the world, and then we just got _rocked_…

And somehow, the friendship we had before became something totally different. She became like the reason I did anything anymore. Some weird force was driving me to protect her, to comfort her, to do anything she fucking asked me to, because I just fucking had to, I didn't have a choice. She didn't leave me a choice. I cared too much about her; I cared _so_ much about her.

And she just fucking killed herself for him.

_Fucking figures…_

But she didn't have to die. The miracle I had witnessed with Edward told me that. And I wondered if Bella knew that too? I wondered if she knew somehow that she could make it out of this?

Probably not…

But I did.

"Edward!" I screamed as I ran to him. He was crouched like a cat looking over the edge, his mouth was frothing and his eyes were crazy scary, but I knew I had to reach him, I knew I had to snap him out of it…I was the only one that could.

"Look at me!" I cried, trying to grab hold of his face. His body was getting limp and his eyes were losing focus under my hands. He was like catatonic suddenly after watching her fall.

I looked out to the water. Blood…everywhere blood. Her little body was taken by a wave and she was sinking. No way would she survive this, no way. She would bleed out before she made it to the fucking hospital.

There was only one option.

The Cullen's came running toward us, and I looked at Carlisle. He could save her. But I knew my friend, I knew Edward, and I knew he could too.

"Look at me!" I cried again into his deranged eyes. "Fucking look at me Edward!" He was just staring at the blood staining the water, weak and docile in my hands. The red color in his eyes was coming back, the black was fading…

"That's Bella in the water Edward! Bella Swan!" His eyes shifted to me slightly, looking confused and worried. "Love!" I cried. "You call her love!"

He looked to the water again, and all you could see was long brown hair, little white floating hands, and blood. His head perked up. "Bella?" he questioned in a whisper.

"Yes Bella Swan. You love her Edward. You met her right here ten years ago. Sometimes you call her ruffles, and she calls you baby…" I was just grasping his face and screaming at him, and everything I said made his eyes a little clearer, made the venom drip a little less.

"Bella?" He questioned again a little more certainly.

"Yes Edward, Bella…You sing to her, you call her love, and you want to marry her…"

Then his eyes slammed shut, and his body stiffened underneath me. "Bella!" he screamed, shaking the hillside. "Bella!" He looked out to the water, looking at the blood trail as she floated out to sea.

And then, just as I knew he would, he dove in after her, without even the slightest hesitation.

When he brought her to shore, he ripped off her clothes and licked her wounds, sealing them like his venom was made of glue. He was in a zone, a trance, and completely in control. He was doing something that I could never do. I couldn't save her, I wasn't capable of it. I was never capable of it.

If Edward had died, I would have tried for the rest of my life to make that pain go away for her, to make her happy…But seeing her eyes before she jumped, seeing the look of complete adoration and unconditional love she felt for Edward, I realized I would have failed.

"I'm gonna make this go away Bella," he kept saying as he bit her and licked her and moved like a ghost over her entire body.

She looked like an angel laying there. Bella was so beautiful, even covered in blood and skinny as shit and bruised and battered. Her white skin and brown hair and deep soulful eyes had become the very reason for my existence over the past five months.

I loved her. I wasn't in love with her per-se, but I felt so much for her. I felt enough that my stomach panged with guilt as I watched my very best friend rock her and kiss her and beg her to breathe.

He loved her more…infinitely more, that fact had just become blaringly obvious. The little bit I knew about newborn vampires told me that what he just did was virtually impossible. Yet, there he was cradling her bloodied body in his arms, kissing her eyes and whispering reverently in her ear.

Then the most miraculous thing happened. I don't think I will ever witness anything so amazing again in my life. She woke up, and opened her eyes and she smiled this gorgeous smile at Edward and put a hand to his cheek, ghosting her little white fingers over his new studly face. "It was you," she said, fucking crying like a baby as usual. "It was you all along."

Of course it was. I knew what she meant immediately. And like the jackass I am, I started to cry too. Edward gave the little psychic her vision. The romantic fucking stud had this whole thing in mind way before Bella did.

_Figures…_

But I didn't want to be jealous, I couldn't be, Edward meant too much to me. So, I remembered her words, her pleas for me to go out and find love myself, find a girl and never let her down, never fail her.

I suddenly wanted that so badly. With Bella back in Edward's arms where she belonged, I wanted to fill my arms with the girl that belonged with me. I was ready. After everything I had been through, I was ready to give myself over to someone. I was ready to be happy for myself, not just fight for someone else's happiness.

It was my turn.

They were in a big hurry to leave, it was sunrise and the people on the Res were starting to stir…

So, I said goodbye to them, leaving a kiss on Bella's quivering forehead, she was deep in the throws of unimaginable pain. I wanted to take it away, but it wasn't my job anymore, Edward had it covered. I made him promise to take care of her, and he thanked me from the bottom of his heart for being there for her. I told him she was special, truly special, and that he better never let her doubt it. He told me he would never once leave her side, not for anything.

And as I watched them pull away in a giant Jeep, I realized that I would probably never love anyone ever again as much as I loved them. They were the two most important people in my life, and they just left me to go be immortal lovers in Alaska, and it felt like I was abandoned, and it hurt.

But now I have this whole new life, this whole new responsibility. I am a werewolf. Sounds fucking bizarre I know, but to me, as soon as it happened, it felt like the most natural thing in the world, easier than breathing.

I am also the Alpha of the pack, taking the role from Sam unknowingly. He was the Alpha before me, but as soon as Embry and I got Paul off the mountain and brought him back to the reservation, Sam ordered me to put the treaty back in place…and I said "No." I wouldn't do that to Bella, he may as well have killed me first. And as soon as I said it, he was obedient to me. The only one not obedient is Paul.

In wolf form, we can communicate in our heads…bizarre, but stick with me. So, Paul's voice isn't audible to any of us, and we're not sure why.

Sam doesn't want to obey me, and to be honest, I don't want to make him do anything he doesn't want to do. But if push came to shove, I know he would. He is a firm believer in the tribe, and in the proper order of things. And crazy as it sounds; Jacob Black rules the fucking roost.

The only non wolf that knows about any of this is my dad, and maybe a few elders, I'm not sure. I have sworn everyone, including my dad to silence. What I did for Edward and Bella was my right, and not a word of it can be spoken ever again.

I wanted life to go back to normal. I wanted to just get on with things, and start living my life, not Bella's, not Edward's, but mine.

And a few days later at Edward's 'funeral', the most unexpected person stepped into my life.

I was standing by the punch bowl at the reception, trying to catch my breath after helping Ed hold Liz up for the entire ceremony, she was a mess. I wanted so badly to spill the beans and drive her sad ass to Alaska, but I think that would have been a huge mistake. Ed finally took her home, she just couldn't handle it.

So Charlie and I were left to entertain the guests. Grandma and Grandpa Masen were there as well, but they just sat at a table in the corner, true pain behind their eyes. Grandparents shouldn't be at their grandson's funeral, that's just all wrong.

I was shaken from my trance at the punch bowl, by none other than Lauren Mallory.

She poked me on the shoulder. "Is Bella coming?" She asked me tearfully as I turned to look at her.

I shrugged, noticing how truly fucking sad this girl looked. "No, Bella left town," I sighed, trying not to be an ass to her, she looked like she was going through hell.

Tears streamed down her face. "Are you in contact with her? She asked, reaching for something in her pocket. She was a very pretty girl, not gonna lie, but she was no Bella. She was tanned and her skin was a bit leathery and her hair was frizzy from bleach. Bella was soft and her hair was soft, and everything about Bells put this girl to shame.

_Stop thinking of Bella…Stop! _

I focused on Lauren. "Sure, I can contact Bella. Why?" I asked.

She showed me the object in her hand. It was a picture of Bella and Edward. They were sleeping in the picture, passed out by a campfire. Bella was sprawled on top of him, and he was laying flat on the dirt, holding her to him. They both had the most serene faces. It was a beautiful photograph of them…the best I had ever seen.

"I wanted to give her this. I took it at Tyler Crowley's campout last year…it's…"

I came to, entranced by the photo. "No, it's great. I'm sure she'll really appreciate having this Lauren," I said, taking the photo into my hand.

Then Lauren's eyes just started gushing, and I could tell she was trying not to get hysterical, but little whimpers were coming from her. God she was sad.

She looked up at me. "I really am sorry you know," she whined. "I don't know what happened? I was just standing there on the rock talking to Jessica and then my foot hit some moss and I slipped and…"

Without thinking I just grabbed her, and clutched her to my chest. "Shhh, Lauren, it's ok, it was an accident," I whispered. "I can't speak for Bella, but I know her pretty well, and I know that she's forgiven you," I said, having no clue if that was true or not, but I did know Bella, and she was a very big person, and she wouldn't hold that grudge forever.

Lauren's head perked up, tears rushing from her eyes. "She has?" She asked, like my answer held the key to her very life.

I clutched her tighter. "Sure sure she knows it was an accident. It wasn't your fault," I said, calming her shaking body in my arms.

When the moment got sufficiently fucking awkward, she let go. "Thank you Jacob," she said, and she walked away.

No, Lauren Mallory was not the unexpected person I ran into. It was someone else entirely.

"That was good of you Jake," a low raspy female voice whispered to me from the corner.

I turned. "Hey Leah."

She walked toward me, as intimidating as ever. She was gorgeous of course, Leah Clearwater had always been the prettiest girl on the Res by far, and she always belonged to Sam…but not anymore. He broke up with her, imprinted on her cousin Emily.

Long story cut really short, imprinting is like finding your soul mate, and the minute you do, the person is the only person in the world to you. Sam imprinted on Leah's cousin Emily, and just broke up with her, no questions asked, and went gaga over Emily.

No one told me exactly what happened until I became a wolf too. And it seemed harsh at the time, but I was so wrapped up in Bella and Edward, I didn't really pay much attention to what was going on with Leah.

Now, I had nothing but time for her.

She walked closer, in a navy dress and heals. "So my mom told me the whole thing…wolves, vampires, all that shit," she said, reaching for a punch glass, getting dangerously close to me.

Stupid Sue Clearwater had the biggest fucking mouth.

"She shouldn't have," I hissed, as I grabbed the glass from her hand and served it for her.

Leah gave me a curt smile. "I know, but it was that or have me put Nair in my cousin Emily's shampoo bottle." Her face was unreadable, it was hard to tell whether Leah Clearwater was truly a bitch, or just pretending.

But I knew her well enough to know she would definitely put Nair in someone's shampoo. "You _would_ too," I laughed, guiding her to a bench in the hallway.

We sat.

"So what's it like?" She asked me after a long pause. "Ya know being a wolf?"

I looked to her and sighed. "It's like breathing, like the most natural thing in the world. I can't explain it, but once it happened it was like I knew exactly what to do. Paul was going to kill Bella, and Edward was out there…"

Leah's face got white, and she stiffened. "Bella? I thought she was in Brazil? And Edward? He's dead…What are you talking about Jake?" Her voice was quivering and she looked at me like I had two heads.

_Ok Fuck! Fuck with a cherry on top! _

I stared into her eyes, trying not to panic. "What exactly do you know Leah?" I asked, trying to get hold of the situation.

She looked bewildered, but nodded to me with perceptive eyes. "I know that Paul and Jared and Sam took you to the woods so you could phase away from the tribe," she said slowly, checking if I was following. "That's why they have that tent in the woods, and all the supplies. Sam took Paul Jared and Embry there too."

_So that's why they had that stinking tent?_

I just stared at her frozen, not sure how to proceed. I fucked up…

Leah's eyes grew even wider. "Jake what's the matter, what's going on? Where's Bella?"

I had to get away. Standing from the bench I looked down at Leah. "She's in Brazil," I said firmly. "Look I got to go," I whispered, putting my head down and making a b-line for the exit sign, running for the Rabbit as soon as I made it outside.

_Shit! _

When I got home, Billy was waiting for me in the kitchen in his suit and tie, having left with Embry earlier. "So how did it go?" He asked. "Is Liz holding up?"

"She'll be fine," I mumbled.

Ever the perceptive bastard, he wheeled closer to me. "Something wrong?" He asked with a knowing look on his face. "Having second thoughts?"

I rolled my eyes. "No," I said sharply. "I don't regret what I did dad, I don't know how many times I have to explain that to you."

Billy laughed low in his chest, nodding his head back and forth. "I know you don't son. But it still doesn't mean I agree with it. But, as I have said before, it was your decision to make, so I respect it."

We had been back and forth about what I did all week. But he was generally pretty cool about it. Mad as hell of course, but like Sam, respectful of the ways of the tribe. It was what it was, and somehow I got to call the shots.

"Thank you," I nodded tersely, grabbing a soda from the fridge and heading to my puny little cell Billy liked to call my room.

I was exhausted to the point of delirium…Feeling like with the funeral behind me, I could finally sleep, knowing everything was as it should be.

Bella was awake, and word from Alice was that they were doing great. She had sent me forged letters to put in Charlie and Liz's mailboxes from Bella, post marked and dated from Rio de Janeiro.

So far, no one suspected a thing. But there was a weight in my chest, waiting for the future. Bella and Edward wouldn't have to deal with Elizabeth and Charlie anymore, and wouldn't have to be present and holding them up when Bella finally 'died'. But I would. It was a burden that was placed on me…

_Knock… knock… knock_

I was shaken by a light rasping at my window. It had gotten dark as I sat with my thoughts, a full moon lighting the sky.

I pealed back my black curtains, and a beautiful face, the most beautiful face stood outside.

_Leah's_

I threw open the window, inviting her in.

Her hands were cold, but fit in mine as I pulled her through the window.

We were silent for a moment as I made room for her on my tiny bed. And then she looked to me. "Bella's not in Brazil is she?" She asked quietly, struggling to keep eye contact, clearly nervous.

I had to tell her. I wanted to be honest with her.

"No," I whispered.

She drew in a deep breath. "My mom told me the treaty is off with the Cullen's because they left town for good, promising never to come back…"

"They did leave town," I assured her.

"But it didn't make any sense to me to end the treaty, so I started thinking about what you said…"

"And?" I encouraged, wanting her to say it, she had to figure this out herself.

She closed her eyes, looking away from me. "You did it," she whimpered. "You ended the treaty to save Edward. And Bella became a vampire too didn't she?"

She knew. "Yes," I said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

She stiffened beneath my touch. "You shouldn't have done that Jake," she cried in a whisper, turning to look at me, and unleashing all of her beautiful fury at me through her dark eyes.

She was livid, furious, fuming with anger…I should have expected it from her, she was Leah after all, but it took me off guard.

I rose from the bed, and pointed a hand toward the window. "You know too much Leah. You shouldn't even know about the Cullen's, let alone the treaty, I think you should leave."

I tried to impart my authority into my voice, but her face told me she wasn't affected.

"Don't pull that shit with me Jake, I'm not afraid of you," she said, rising from the bed and getting in my face. "You may be some sort of leader now, but I don't have to follow you. You're no better than Sam. Traitors, you're all traitors and cheats!"

I didn't want her to leave, but it was my only weapon against her. She was in my house; the least I could do was kick her out. "Get out of here Leah," I spat, pointing again to the window.

Tears were beginning to form in her eyes, and her chin started to tremble. "Can you please stop asking me to leave?" She cried, her eyes starting to gush. "Everyone wants me gone; no one wants me near them anymore!"

She looked heartbroken, devastated, completely gutted…It was a look I was all too familiar with. I had seen this face before. The face of a girl who's heart had been completely smashed to a thousand pieces, just holding on by a thread, completely lost and aimless.

She looked to me again, her voice barely above a whisper. "Please don't ask me to leave?" She said again, burning her beautiful brown eyes into me.

I said the only thing I could think of. "I'm sorry about Sam," I whispered. And I meant it.

Leah shook out her head, wiping her tears with her sleeve. "No you're not," she whined, getting a little of the sass back in her voice.

I sighed, stepping closer to her, biting the bullet and putting my hand on her waist. "I am Leah," I said, wrapping my other hand around her. "Look, I am sort of a professional at dealing with heartbroken women. So, I'm here for you if you need me."

Then Leah's head collapsed on my chest, and she began to sob. "I just felt like I couldn't say anything, I couldn't get upset, because what Bella was going through was so much worse," she cried, leaving wet tears all over my shirt.

"Shhh, shh," I whispered, trying to comfort her, going into autopilot, having done this so many times before. "You're, sad, but that will pass, you'll feel better eventually." I stroked her back and put my fingers into her long hair trailing down her back…

Then an even louder sob escaped her, shaking the room. "I want to die!" She cried, gripping into my shirt, sobbing like Bella on a good day, but still sobbing.

No one can beat Bella; she should have a fucking plaque or something.

I laughed at what she said. I shouldn't have, but I did. "Oh for fucks sake, not you too?" I laughed, pushing her away from me, trying to find her eyes.

Leah looked at me, and the realization of her tantrum sort of hit her, and she laughed too. "Sorry," she said. "I guess that was a little dramatic."

"S'okay."

She took my hand and led me back to the bed. We sat, and she looked to me. "You really have been through it with her, haven't you? With Bella?" Her voice was kind, totally present, and curious. She was being real with me, and I appreciated that.

I shook my head in agreement. "You have no idea," I sighed rolling my eyes. "Bella was definitely a handful."

Leah dropped her head, staring at her lap. "I'm ashamed to say this, but I admired her you know?"

I snapped my head in her direction "No," I said firmly. "I'm sure I don't know. You realize that she was a fucking wreck right?"

Leah nodded, keeping her head downtrodden her shoulders starting to slump. "Yeah, a wreck with friends and people who were there for her when she cried. And on top of that, the knowledge that Edward loved her and didn't dump her for her cousin," she said coldly, finally turning her head to look at me. "Look, I know I sound like a self centered cow, but it's how I felt…how I feel."

Then she started to cry again, just really cry, and again, I knew exactly what to do.

I pulled back the covers on my bed. "Hey come here," I whispered, inviting her to slip in next to me.

She came over hesitantly, and wiggled underneath. I wrapped my arms around her and placed a kiss on the top of her head. "Everything is gonna be ok Leah," I whispered as she cried. "I'm here for you."

She wasn't Bella, but she needed me, and somehow I think I needed her too.

**AN- So this is a little taste of Jacob and Leah…Nessie is non existent in my universe, thank you very much. I could flesh this out or just leave it here and have them come back in when necessary…it's up to you? Tell me if you want their story included, or separate from The Boy in the Water, or just nix them altogether, and bring them back when they are needed. Lemme know?!**

**I am working on Bella's first chapter back, and am just making sure it's perfect, and say everything I want to say. In the meantime, Jake and Leah were just scratching and screaming in my head, and I had to get them down. **

**Leah has never known the threat of vampires. In this telling, James and Laurent and Victoria passed right on through Forks, perhaps after a game of baseball, but no humans would have participated. Therefore, her hatred never had a chance to manifest. She's also kept her shrew like ways to a minimum, suffering silently, and admiring Jacob's affection and attention to Bella from afar. She's never allowed herself to get as hateful as she did in Twilight, because she just felt so badly for Bella. She is a bit of a better Leah. Why? Because I made her that way! **

**Please review, and let me know what you want me to do about Jake and Leah…**


	21. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

**Stephenie Meyer Owns Twilight.**

**AN- Forgive me, but I am skipping the transformation. I don't see how I can do anything more than the descriptions that Stephenie, and past fanfiction writers have already provided. There are only so many ways to describe burning flesh, licking flames, and hummingbird heart beats. So, my Bella went through all of that…just use your imagination!**

**BPOV! **

When the rapid humming of my heart stilled, and the fire had finally exploded in my chest, the pain stopped…just stopped. My swimming lesson in the volcano ended with a bang, literally, and everything just felt good, strong, and painless…apart from the dry cracking ache in my neck.

I knew I was in his arms, I could feel them wrapped around me. When the fire was burning me, certain points on my body were cooled ever so slightly by his flesh. And through the hellish flames, and the loud humming of my heart, I could hear him too. He was there, rocking me, and singing in my ear. He was there…

And when I opened my eyes for the first time, he was the first thing I saw…

_Beautiful…_

It was like opening my eyes in a whole new world. Like Dorothy pushing back the door, and walking into Oz. The new world I lived in was bright, and beautiful, and in sharp high definition Technicolor.

And the first thing, the first person I saw in it was the most beautiful creature of all.

_Edward. _

He was staring down at me, smiling his perfect crooked smile, looking not exactly like the boy I knew before, but like the version I only saw in my dreams.

"Welcome back," he whispered, lowering his lips to my forehead, leaving a soft wet kiss.

I leaned into him, allowing the softness of his lips to enter my senses, really trying to feel it.

It felt good I suppose, and somewhat familiar, but really a little different than I expected. And something was definitely off, something was missing…and that scared the shit out of me.

Pushing the thought away, I found his eyes. "Hi," I sighed in a strange high pitched voice that I wasn't familiar with. "It's good to be back." I smiled at the stone god staring down at me. He was Edward, I knew that, and I could feel it, but like I said, something felt off.

Something about _us_ felt off.

Waking up to Edward was supposed to be the happiest moment of my life. We were supposed to ravage each other at first glance and make love under a mountain waterfall surrounded by forest animals and snow tipped trees. Isn't that how these sorts of things go in fairytales? And they all lived happily ever after?

"Everything alright?" Edward whispered, looking down at me with a concerned furrow in his brow, his smile fading by the second. "I have no idea what you're thinking…"

Besides the agonizing burn in my throat, and the fact that I could see, hear, and register absolutely every sight, smell, and texture pattern in the room…I was thinking about how wrong I felt in Edward's arms, and how I kind of wanted to wiggle out of them.

But that wasn't right, that couldn't be right, I had to change it.

"Please, please kiss me," I asked with a forced smile, hoping that his lips on mine would erase this strange sick feeling inside of me.

It didn't.

He lowered his mouth to mine, and I pressed my lips to his, and it just felt like two sets of lips touching. I couldn't feel the spark, I couldn't feel the love. I could only feel sadness, and weirdness…and anger?

I had to pull away; the pain in my neck was excruciating, and the kiss didn't feel right, it didn't feel good. It was like there was this distance between us; this strange awkwardness. It was more than an awkwardness, it was a disconnect, a divide. It felt like we were strangers, total strangers.

It was a desperate feeling, and I wanted it gone. I don't know why, but I was expecting to just pick up where we left off. I was expecting to just wipe the last five months from my memory and pretend like they never happened.

But when his lips were on mine, I realized the last five months did happen, and perhaps I was naïve to think they would just disappear into the ether and my life would be instantly blissful.

So much had happened. The person I was five months ago was like a stranger to me now. Something was eating at me, something was bothering me, something was keeping me from returning the kiss the way I wanted to.

I just didn't know what that something was.

When I pulled away, Edward's face twisted and he looked sickened or something. Not angry with me necessarily, but just upset, and sad. I hated making him feel that way, but I couldn't lie to him; I was never able to lie to him. He knew something was wrong, he knew I didn't feel like kissing him…he knew.

After a long wordless pause, he pushed my shoulders back and looked at me with a totally blank expression. "You need to hunt," he whispered low in his throat, turning away from me. "Come on." He stood from the bed and reached for my hand, his eyes not making proper contact with mine.

"Where is everybody?" I asked, trying to change the subject, trying to draw attention away from the terrifying elephant in the room.

Edward kept his eyes down. "They went to stay with a coven close by. I thought you might like some privacy, some time to adjust."

He knew me. I did want privacy. I did want to be alone with him. I wanted to say something, I wanted to apologize…but I just took his hand and let him lead me outside, silent, without once looking at each other.

Being in the open air was another shock to my senses. Every smell, every texture, every last bit of organic material instantly registered in my brain. I could smell the snow, hear the air, taste the dirt. It was strange, but not as strange as it might seem. I adjusted to it, I understood it, I didn't fight it, I just went with it.

Edward stood silently beside me, letting me take in the amazing universe I had just been born into. I had spent eighteen years in it, but had never really seen it. Now, I was seeing it, and tasting it, and hearing it, and smelling it, and it was _amazing_.

I wanted to get lost in the majestic beauty of Alaska, and run with Edward and play in our new world. But the awkwardness was still there, and my throat felt like the Mojave.

I turned to him, trying to find his eyes, trying to salvage something. "It's beautiful," I said, breathing in the amazingly fragrant crisp air, taking in the absolutely magnificent sight of the massive log cabin we now lived in, surrounded by the most amazing mountains in the world.

Edward's face softened, and he turned to me. "You're beautiful," he said sweetly, flashing his crooked smile, the very smile that used to be my undoing.

Now, it just made my stomach ache.

I _was_ probably beautiful. I felt more beautiful than before and I hadn't even seen myself. I noticed someone had put me in a dress, Alice most likely, and my body seemed tighter and smoother and stronger. My hair was definitely shinier, and my hands…my hands were like mannequin hands, flawless and perfectly formed.

But, I never cared about those things…

So, I shrugged it off, the flowing venom in my mouth was beginning to bother me, and my throat ached, just ached. I gripped my neck, tying to ease the pain, but nothing helped…it was excruciating.

Edward watched me struggle, and grabbed for my hand. "Come on," he said quietly, again with the sad look in his eye, "Run with me."

I nodded, giving him a small smile, trying to remember how to be normal with him, trying to remember how to love him like I wanted to. "Ok," I whispered.

Edward took off first and pulled me behind him, always one step ahead of me. We were flying, literally flying. It was like my legs were being propelled by giant jet engines, thrusting me forward, sending me soaring through the air.

My body knew what to do, it knew how to run, and I was good at it. There was a power in my new body, brute strength and inconceivable agility. I could move twenty yards in one step, and I could feel the strength radiating from every pore. I could break a tree, break a boulder, I knew I could, I could feel it.

I looked to Edward and saw that he liked it too; he liked being a vampire, and he was good at it too. I smiled at the sight of him alive and free, running through the forest like a gazelle, no tubes, no wires, no sores or atrophied muscles.

He was this magnificent strong and beautiful creature, and in his eyes I saw the definitive glimmer of happiness.

I wanted to be in that place with him. I wanted to let go and run and rejoice and just get drunk with the absolute miracle of it all.

But something was holding me back.

When we finally stopped, after a total sensory experience that went so far beyond anything I had ever imagined possible, I found myself alone with him in a dark extremely remote forest, high in the mountains.

Edward turned and found my eyes. He looked so strong and so sturdy and beautiful. When I saw him like this with my human eyes, I only saw a fraction of his absolute stunning beauty. The skinny freckled boy I fell for was now this absolute god of a man.

And I was terrified of him. Terrified, because he possessed a power over me that no one else could even touch. He and he alone had the power to destroy me, to break me, to cripple and crush my heart.

And I hated him for that.

Staring at him, majestic and beautiful and strong in the forest, I realized how angry I was with him. When he was sick and dying, I couldn't allow myself to feel it. But now, with him standing in front of me healthy and beautiful and alive…I couldn't ignore it any longer. I had to ask him the question that had been eating me apart for five torturous months. Months that I wanted to just erase, but was quickly realizing I couldn't.

I had to confront him…I had to understand.

I stared at Edward, anger just building and boiling inside of me, my thirst pushed to the back of my mind. I drew in a deep unnecessary breath, and set my eyes on him. "Why did you do it?" I asked

Edward took a step closer. "Do what?"

"Dive in after _her_?" I whispered, drawing in another slow breath. "Why?"

Recognition flashed in Edward's eyes, and then they closed slowly, his whole body becoming completely still. "I had to," he said, opening his eyes again and staring deeply at me. "She would have died if I didn't."

My anger had finally found its source. This was it; this was what was holding me back. I was so angry with him I could spit! He risked his life, he just dove in, and he did it without a single consideration of the consequences.

And that killed me.

I took a step back, knowing I would have burst into tears if I were still human. "You both could have died!" I cried tearlessly, not needing them, Edward's reaction told me he understood. "You were drunk and Sam is a much better swimmer than you are!" I screamed, causing his still body to shake. "Why?!" I screamed, just screamed.

Edward's eyes never left mine; he stayed focused on me and took a step closer, holding out a hand. "Bella I saved her life," he whispered firmly, like what he said was the answer to all of this.

But it wasn't, it wasn't the answer…

I stopped where I stood, and a whine came from deep inside my chest, somehow finding its way out. "You left me!" I cried, "I needed you, and you left me!" The whine was more desperate and more melancholy than anything my body produced as a human, and it shook Edward's body to the core, causing him to wince, and let out a whine of his own.

He took a step closer, his red eyes brimming with sadness and pain. His hand inched toward me. "I'm right here," he whispered with total desperation in his voice. He reached to touch me, and when he did, an angry shiver ran through me.

He wasn't getting it. He had no clue what he put me through, what I went through, what we _all_ went through…

I shirked away from his hand and waved my arms around the forest, and over my newly perfected body. "This doesn't count!" I screamed, checking Edward's absolutely terrified eyes for recognition. I pointed at him, a gesture I never used. I pointed my finger into his chest, glaring at him. "Take all of this off the table and you would be sitting on top of your parent's mantle in a _jar_!" I paused and breathed. "Do you understand that Edward? That's where your mom thinks you are. She thinks you are dust in a fucking jar!"

Edward grabbed my poking hand, and took it into his, and brought it to his face. I wanted to pull it away, but he just stared into my eyes and brought my hand to his face and held it tightly to him, making me feel him, making me look at him. He stared so intensely at me, I stopped breathing and became completely still. "Bella," he whispered slowly through clenched teeth. "Please Bella…"

"You just dove in," I whined, losing my resolve, feeling his skin on my hand and his eyes glaring into my soul. "Did you even think of me?" I eked out, allowing the strange vampire sob to just shake the forest.

Edward stepped closer, getting inches from my face, holding so tightly to my hand, like he was holding it for dear life. "All I ever do, all I've ever done is think of you… Bella, I love you," he whispered slowly, placing his other hand on my face, causing me to still under his touch. "God, I can't even begin to tell you how much I love you, it's…"

I cut him off, feeling the last of my resolve fading. "If that was true you wouldn't have left me," I whimpered, barely able to form the words, totally losing to Edward. He was winning.

"I love you," he said again, never breaking his deep stare.

There was just this mountain of anger inside of me, this ocean of pain. I needed him to feel it, I needed him to understand. But I didn't know how to express it, I didn't know how to fix it, I didn't know what to do…So I slapped him.

_Slap! _

I drew back my left hand with all of the strength I had and just unloaded it on his perfect face.

The noise from the slap was like a crack of lightening, but it was nothing compared to the look in his eyes. He took it. He stood there and took it, never letting his eyes leave me, just baring his entire soul into me with his stare. He wasn't going to let me win, I could feel it. I didn't want to win; I just wanted him to understand. I don't think I could spend the rest of my life with a person who didn't understand how badly he had hurt me, how angry I was with him, and how abandoned and lonely I felt without him.

"You left me," I whimpered, pulling my hand back, tucking it behind my back.

He stepped closer, so close I could taste his breath on my tongue. "I would never leave you," he breathed, ghosting his hand over my eye, and down my cheek. "Bella I'm sorry."

I breathed in his taste, relaxing ever so slightly under his touch. "It hurt so bad Edward. I thought I lost you. Do you have any idea how that felt?" I found his eyes, and really let him see me. I needed him to feel it, I needed him to know.

Edward's hand clutched my neck, and gripped into my hair. "Yes," he sighed, gripping even tighter. "When I went under that water, and you were screaming at me to swim, and I lost sight of your face…Bella, it was indescribable. Leaving you, causing you pain…it hurt me in ways you can't even imagine."

I couldn't look anymore, it was too much, and I had to look away. But before I could, Edward grabbed tightly to both of my cheeks. "Bella I love you," he said, his lips almost to mine, honey and sweetness drowning out all of my senses. "I could hear you, only you, talking to me, loving me, bathing me, caring for me. You were with me all the time, sleeping beside me and telling me stories. I could feel you, I could hear you."

I tried to pull back, I tried to hold out, but he was winning. I wanted him to win. "I never thought I could love you more than I already did," he whispered, moving one of his hands behind my neck, holding me like he used to, unraveling me like he used to. He stared deeper, forcing me to look, forcing me to give in. "Bella I _need_ you, I can't _exist_ without you," he breathed and his lips brushed my mouth, making my body come alive in ways I never dreamed it would again. I wanted him, I needed him, I loved him.

God how I loved him.

Hesitantly, I raised my arms that were hanging at my sides, and I gripped them into his t-shirt. "Show me," I moaned, my lips brushing his. "Make this go away Edward, make my pain go away?" I begged, becoming desperate under his touch, allowing my lips to form to his, just holding them there, letting him feel me.

Edward let out a loud relieved breath. "Oh God Bella," he cried. "I love you so much."

I put my mouth into his neck and let out a cry. "I love you too Edward." I sobbed. "I missed you so much."

Edward wrapped his arms around me and held me as I cried, dry heavy sobs. They were as real as anything; my emotions were just as real and just as powerful as they ever were.

Maybe even more so…

"Show me Edward," I begged into his chest. "Show me how much you love me."

Edward shook his head slowly, and without a word dropped an arm and picked me up from the ground. Giving myself over to him, I straddled my legs around his body, allowing him to carry my weight.

He placed my back on the forest floor, carpeted by soft pine needles.

I just gripped his hair, running my fingers through it, trying to take him in, trying to erase my pain.

Edward's eyes left mine, and went to my legs. In a slow, but fluid motion, he slid his hand up my leg, and slowly pushed up my dress, lifting my hips, and slipping down my underwear, putting a finger inside of me.

"See?" he whispered as he slowly moved his finger inside me. "I love you," he sighed as another finger dipped into my soaked folds.

The sensation, the feeling, it was like nothing I had ever felt. My whole body was just alive.

"Yeah," I whined, "More?"

"Anything Bella," Edward whispered as his hand began rubbing me harder, and his other hand gripped the fabric of the thin dress I was wearing, tearing it from my body in one swipe, leaving me totally naked below Edward.

"See," he sighed, as his lips went to my breasts. I gasped, and trembled with pleasure when his wet mouth latched onto my nipple, circling it teasingly, and then flicking it with his tongue. "See?" he said. Dropping my nipple from his mouth and raising his intoxicating eyes to look at me. "I love you."

Then he explored my body, touching and feeling everything. It was a body that I wasn't even yet familiar with. But my body was never really mine, it always belonged to him, and I wanted him to see it, I wanted him to know it. His fingers remained inside of me, teasing me, and letting me feel his presence, and feel the pleasure only he could provide.

When the sucking and rubbing and licking and exploring just got to be too much, I needed to kiss him. I needed to erase the terrible kiss from before, and have our proper first reunion kiss. "Kiss me Edward, I want you to kiss me," I whispered, grabbing for his hair, and lifting his eyes to mine.

Then Edward flashed me his crooked smile, and it hit me so hard I could have burst. He crawled up my body, and his fingers pulled out of me slowly, and he lunged at my open mouth, kissing me, really kissing me for the first time.

I just opened my mouth to him, and we kissed so sloppily and so desperately it was like we were trying to eat each other's heads. I gripped his hair and plunged my tongue into his mouth, and swallowed his tongue with mine. Kissing, consuming, and taking him in.

The burning in my core was so intense, more intense than I had ever felt, so I pulled his hips to me, wanting to feel if he was feeling what I was feeling, wanting to know if he was as desperate for me as I was for him.

He was. He was hard as stone, driving his pant covered erection into my open cunt.

I needed him in ways I had never needed him before.

So, I lunged forward and tore his pants from his body, my amazing strength no match for the denim. It was like tissue paper under my fingers.

Edward's cock sprang out, looking perfect as always, surrounded by his strong muscled thighs, and round bum.

He was amazing; I wanted to see the rest. He had his chance to explore me, I wanted to explore him.

I gripped the fabric of his gray t-shirt, and ripped it away in one swipe, revealing his torso, stomach, and shoulders. He was built like an Adonis, rippling with muscle, and smooth and white like marble.

I needed him.

"Make love to me Edward," I said with a purr, wanting him to just erase all of the sadness and just make me feel good. I wanted to feel good.

Then Edward was all over me again, gripping my breasts and running his hand over my hip, crashing his lips to mine.

I inhaled his tongue with my mouth as I grabbed desperately at his cock; it trembled and grew rock hard under my hand, and I needed it inside of me.

I invited him in, opening my perfectly formed white legs for him, guiding him into me.

He was so hard and so eager that he just thrust into me harder than I ever thought possible. His new body was so strong and smooth and fit so perfectly with mine. We were different, but we were so much the same. We were always perfect lovers, perfect mates, perfectly perfect for each other.

We shook the ground below us, digging a small hole into the dirt with my back.

He thrust again and again…strong meaningful thrusts, taking my breath, and annihilating my pain.

Pleasure, intense pleasure, and immeasurable joy was all I could feel.

Thrust after powerful thrust just erasing the past five months…

Edward's eyes never left mine; we just stared as we got lost in each other's bodies. Lost in the sensation of being joined together…alive, and present. He was with me, he had come back to me, and he was fucking me senseless on a mountain in Alaska.

It was more than I ever hoped for…more than I ever deserved.

Before long my body erupted in a massive orgasm, more intense than my human body could even handle. I just began whimpering and crying and writhing in pleasure so intense I could scream. My strong perfect muscles clenched like vices around Edward, pulsing and burning around him and milking him until he slammed me against the dirt one last time, riding out his own pleasure.

He collapsed on top of me, and our old routine resumed like no time had passed. I clutched his head to my breast, holding his quivering body, kissing his thick mess of bronze hair, and rubbing my hands slowly up and down his back.

It was like we had been sent back in time, a time before the pain, before the devastation, where we were just together and just blissfully happy in each other's arms.

"I love you," he whispered over and over as he left open mouthed kisses on my stomach and breasts and neck. "I love you Bella."

I just held him to me, vowing never to let him go, never to lose him again.

He showed me how to hunt a few hours later, and then we spent the rest of the night, the whole night, in each other's arms loving, making love, and forgetting the past.

**AN- Well, that's that. I know my vampire description is a little weak, but this story is a story about love and emotion and all of the fears that come with being alive.**

**It's not really a vampire story. **

**So, if you felt I sort of blew it in that respect, I kind of understand, but I gave it my best shot, I really did.**

**More of the vampire stuff will unfold in future chapters, but this is what I wanted to say in this chapter. Bella had to confront him. He ripped her heart out when he dove in after Lauren, and she needed to understand that he really does love her, and that he is sorry. **

**Please review! My last chapter hardly got any, and I was curious to know what you all felt about Jake and Leah. So, I guess that's a big fat no on that one. That's cool, I can take a hint. ;)**


	22. Chapter 21

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight**

**Chapter 21**

The Cullen's stayed with a neighboring coven in the Denali region for three days, allowing Edward an I some time to reconnect, some time to rediscover each other, and get back to our old ways. We did a lot of that…a lot of reminiscing, remembering, and laughing about the way we were, looking back fondly on the fragile foolish humans we used to be.

It was like we couldn't talk fast enough, couldn't remember it all fast enough. We had to make sure that we remembered everything we had ever done together; every kiss, every scar, and every hilarious prank we played on Jake.

And while remembering the past, we also learned new things about each other, things that were unique to our new lives. The most amazing and shocking being the fact that Edward had a power, one that I was immune to apparently. He could read minds, and hear people's thoughts, and see them as pictures in his head if he needed to. He could do this to everyone he had come across since waking up, except for me.

He realized it soon after I woke up, and we have no good theories or explanations as to why he can't hear me, he just can't.

And all I have to say is hallelujah!

There are a lot of things that Edward doesn't know about me…A lot of hopes and fears and insecurities that I have managed to keep to myself. I love him, and I want him to know me, but I don't want him to know everything. I don't think your lover or your mate should know everything about you. There would be no mystery in that.

So needless to say, the fact that my mind was blank to Edward was a cause for celebration for me. Our relationship would have been greatly changed, greatly changed, had he been able to hear me.

And while his power was apparently very rare and very special…I seemingly didn't have one.

Not every vampire has a power, and I don't mind being ordinary, I always have been. I don't see why that would change. Edward was never ordinary, it didn't surprise me one bit that he would turn out to be special.

When I saw myself in the mirror for the first time, it was a similar feeling. I was gorgeous, stunning, and absolutely flawless in every way. But somehow, I wasn't special. I wasn't prettier than Rosalie, or cuter than Alice, or as womanly and lovely as Esme…I was just Bella Swan as a vampire. And to me, that's exactly how it should be.

I think changing dramatically, losing the girl I used to be, or becoming someone Edward no longer recognized would be a loss in a way. Throughout the years I had come to really like being me, really like being the ordinary girl who was in love with the extraordinary boy…And I'm glad that didn't have to change, I'm glad I could still look in the mirror and see Bella.

The first two days Edward and I spent together were all about discovery, and rediscovery. I couldn't get enough of him. I can't even begin to describe how much I missed him, just missed him. I missed his laugh and his kisses and his dry sense of humor. I missed his strange fascination with my hair, and smiled every time I felt his fingers tangle into it. But most of all I just missed how I felt in his presence, warm and happy and loved.

The months I spent without him were beyond excruciating, and lonely, and empty. And for those first two days it felt like I was just trying to make up for it, trying to fix my broken heart, and attempting to completely heal all of my deep trenchant wounds.

Most of my pain over losing Edward was pacified. The gaping hole in my chest was filling, and the pain was slowly lessening and being replaced with contentment, with joy, with real tangible happiness.

I was happy again, truly happy.

But on the third day, I realized that one big worry remained, and no amount of love and togetherness and overwhelming joy could quash it. Really, it only made it worse. Being with him and loving him again, only made me realize that I would forever live in fear of _losing_ him.

The fear of losing him would never leave me.

It was the one lasting wound from almost losing Edward that I would carry. The eternal reminder of the hellish nightmare that I experienced in my final months as a human, and I was afraid. I was afraid to let him out of my sight. I was afraid to let him leave the room. I was afraid to let him drop my hand so he could chase a caribou across a field. I was just afraid.

On the third day, we had spent the morning running and playing and swimming in the icy river about a mile from the house. We found a spot where the water flow was heavy enough that the river didn't freeze. Our bloodless bodies couldn't really feel the regular chill of the air, but the water in the river was frigid, and it was invigorating, even for vampires.

Edward liked to swim under the ice, and I would run on top and follow the shadow of his body. He loved the almost limitless possibilities that his new body provided him. And I loved watching him. He was so free, and so strong. Seeing him healthy didn't bother me anymore, I had forgiven him, and now I was just able to enjoy it.

I followed him to the spot where the ice was totally gone and opened up to a deep pool, perfect for swimming. "Come in with me?" he asked, shaking out the ice from his bronze hair, his white marble skin glistening from the frigid water.

He didn't have to ask me twice, I would do anything he asked. "What will you give me if I do a cannonball?" I said with a smile, just happy to be playing with him again.

Edward's head cocked to the side and he smiled. "I will give you a mountain lion, a fat one, and serve it to you on a picnic blanket!"

I braced myself to jump, trying to ignore the seemingly unquenchable thirst for blood that overtook me at the slightest mention of animals or hunting. "Deal!" I squealed as I smiled at Edward and flung myself into the river.

When my body hit the icy water, Edward's arms were there to catch me. I wrapped my hands around his neck and my legs around his waist, trying to ignore my thirst, trying to prolong our playtime, but it was nearly impossible to ignore.

Edward's chilly lips found mine instantly, his hands gripping into my hair, pulling me helplessly into a wet deep kiss. His bare chest felt divine through my flimsy dress, and I wanted to continue kissing him, I wanted to take him right there in the river, but without permission from my brain, my right hand went to my neck.

_Damn…_

Edward sucked on my lower lip, trying to get me to keep going, but he quickly realized I was no longer participating. He pulled back and cocked his head at me, noticing the placement of my hand. "Thirsty?" He asked sympathetically, stroking my neck, as if his touch could take away the pain.

"Yeah," I sighed, running my thumb over his red lips. "Too much talk of mountain lions."

Edward gave me an understanding smile, and pushed back the wet hair in my face. "We should go see if that caribou herd is still grazing on the north face," he said, planting a warm kiss on my cold cheek. I didn't want to leave the river, we were having so much fun, but the mere mention of a caribou, and my throat just ignited.

Edward carried me from the river and we ran together to the north face of the mountain. When we came over the crest to the spot where the caribou grazed, my body stilled, going into an instinctual mode that is hard to explain. My mind went blank, and I handed myself over to my senses, trying to smell, hear, or taste something, anything to feed from.

And once I sensed it, it's like everything else just disappeared. The smell entered my nose, and touched my tongue and then the next thing I knew my mouth was latching down on a jugular vein, and I was miles from where I started. The chase was so innate, so instinctual, that I hardly remember it at all. I just hunted.

Edward and I usually caught the same scent and ended up in the same vicinity with our kills. But on the third day, after I had drained my caribou, he was nowhere in sight. I couldn't hear him, I couldn't smell him, I couldn't sense him…he was gone.

My normal rational brain would have told me he caught a different scent, went in a different direction, and would find me eventually. But I didn't function that way anymore for some reason. Being away from him, in any capacity, sent me into a tailspin.

"Edward!" I cried, dropping my caribou, and running around in a frantic circle. "Edward where are you?!"

My mind couldn't focus, I was totally panicking, unable to gain control over my emotions. "Edward!"

I tore the forest and the mountains apart looking for him, running in nonsensical patterns, no method to my madness, just totally flustered and confused.

All I could think of, the only thoughts that processed were that he left me, that he abandoned me, and that I would lose him again.

"Edward!" I cried, completely lost without him. "Edward!"

When he finally found me, I was in a ball on the ground, punching holes into the dirt.

"Bella!" He cried running to me. "Bella what's the matter?!"

The second his hands touched my face and his eyes found mine, I broke down into a deep sob. "Where were you?!" I cried, my screeching whine shaking the forest. "Where did you go?!"

Edward pulled me into his chest, rocking me quickly back and forth, rubbing my back. "Shhh my love, it's ok, I'm here."

I was beside myself, totally unprepared for the extreme emotions I felt as a vampire. The fear of losing Edward as a human was overwhelming, but as a vampire, it was potentially catastrophic. And no amount of rationalization made it any easier. I felt completely out of control.

"Where the hell were you?!" I kept screaming over and over as Edward tried to gain control of my flailing body. "Where did you go?!"

Edward grabbed me tighter, using his superior strength to still me in his arms. He looked down at me and his expression was unreadable. He looked just as scared as I did, but maybe a little frustrated as well. "Bella we will have to separate sometimes," he cried, gripping his hands tightly to my biceps, holding me like a misbehaving child. "I caught a different scent, I didn't leave you. Do you understand that? I'll come back, I'll always come back." Edward's eyes were pleading and sad, and I just didn't know what to make of it, I didn't know if I could trust him.

"But what if you don't?" I whimpered, begging him with my eyes to reassure me, to make the feeling of panic go away.

"I will," he whispered, dropping my arms and pulling me into a tight embrace, clutching me to his chest. "I will always come back."

I relaxed slightly from his words, but my fear was still there, and still very real. "If I lose you again, I don't know what I'll do."

Edward grabbed my face. "Look at me. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere." His eyes were so intense, so sincere. I wanted to believe him, I wanted to let it go…

"But what if…"

Edward's lips went to my ear. "Bella you have to let this go, you have to forgive me," he sighed leaving a kiss on my earlobe, warm and calming. "Please Bella, please forgive me," he cooed, stroking my face and kissing my ear.

He thought I was still angry at him for jumping, and that simply wasn't the case. It went so far beyond that. I wasn't angry with him…I was so in love with him, that the fear of losing him was crippling me.

I looked to him. "I have, I have forgiven you," I whispered, making sure he understood. "I don't want to feel this way; I don't want to be afraid. I just am."

Edward let out a deep sigh, and stroked my cheek with a feather light touch. "Then tell me what I can do to make you less afraid?" He begged, holding me protectively in his arms. "Bella I feel so hopeless, how can I help you?"

He couldn't help me. There was nothing he could say or do that could take away this particular fear. It was something we would have to live with, something we would have to deal with. Because there was absolutely no way that I would ever forget the way I felt without him, and that feeling would always haunt me.

"Just hold me," I answered with a weak smile. "Just be here Edward, always be here."

Edward left a lingering kiss on my forehead. "Always Bella," he sighed. "I'm not going anywhere, I love you."

"I love you too," I replied in a whisper, leaving the conversation at that. It was all that there was left to say. We loved each other.

The next morning, we prepared for the Cullen's return. I had spent three days in the same flimsy dress, and bathed only in river water. We never went inside, we lived and played in the mountains and the forest, hunting and running and being completely wild and animalistic.

Knowing the Cullen's were coming back snapped me back to the idea of domesticity, of family, and of living amongst civilization.

My first order of business was a proper shower.

It's stupid, but I was a little hesitant to close the door behind me, afraid that Edward would disappear. I made him promise to sit outside the door, so I could talk to him if I wanted to, to make sure he was still there.

Edward rolled his eyes and agreed, but I could see that he was concerned for me, really concerned. He wanted to make it better, he wanted to assure me in some way, and he wanted to take away my fear.

And when I stepped out of the shower and opened the door, Edward was on his knee, staring up at my toweled head.

I froze where I stood, and he looked deeply into my eyes. "You are afraid that I'm going to leave you," he said, "And you are afraid that we will be apart again?"

I shook my head 'yes', unable to talk.

He took a deep breath, and the look behind his eyes was so sincere it stunned me. "I can't promise that won't happen," he whispered lowering his voice, struggling with the words. "After everything we have been through, I can't promise that."

"Don't say that," I stuttered, cutting him off. "Please don't say that."

Sensing my panic, Edward rose from his knee and came to me, grabbing my face in his hands. "But I want to make you a promise that I _can_ keep."

I nodded, urging him with wide eyes to continue.

He stroked his thumbs under my cheeks and smiled a perfect crooked smile. "Bella I want to promise my heart to you, officially, in front of God," he said slowly and purposefully, making sure I heard and felt every word. "I want to vow to you that I will love you and honor you until death do us part." Then his lips went to my forehead briefly, and then he returned his eyes to mine, open and vulnerable. "And I don't know about you, but I have absolutely no intention of dying. So no matter what happens, wherever the future takes us, I want to give my soul to you, I want to make that promise, I want to be your husband."

I needed tears, but none were coming. I always imagined myself crying in this moment.

Edward put his mouth to my ear and breathed deeply, taking in my scent as I took in his, honey and sweetness filling my senses. "You are all I've ever wanted Bella," he sighed on the exhale. "And I know you hurt, and I know you have scars, but Bella, I will spend the rest of eternity trying to make that all go away. If you'll let me, I want to be your husband, and I will spend forever trying to deserve you."

Then his lips moved from my ear, and his eyes returned to mine, pleading and hopeful and genuine and sincere. We just stared for a long beat. I was overwhelmed by his words, overwhelmed by him, overwhelmed by how amazing he was and how lucky I was…

Breaking the silence, Edward cocked his head at me and flashed a perfect crooked smile. "Say yes Bella," he urged with a laugh. "Please say yes!"

In all of my excitement, I forgot to answer. But he knew, he had to know there was only one answer to this question. I had to experience the hell of being without him to realize it. But now there wasn't a doubt. I would say yes, of course I would say yes.

"Yes…With everything I have; yes," I eked out, throwing my arms around his neck and just wantonly showering his neck with sloppy kisses.

Edward's arms gripped around me, and lifted my feet from the ground, and my legs just wrapped around him in an absolutely elated embrace.

My towel dropped to the floor, and Edward carried me to the bed, with my naked body clinging to him, and placed my back gently down onto the soft cotton. His lips went to my neck and my collarbone and my breast and my belly… And I grabbed at his hair, and tore off his shirt, and braced myself for sex as an engaged person…on a bed as opposed to a river, or a mountain, or a pile of leaves…

And then the unmistakable sound of a train of cars pulling down the driveway snapped us from our bliss.

I let out a light laugh, and Edward rolled off of me, covering me in a sheet. "Are you ready for this?" He said, grabbing for the remains of his clothes, stepping into a pair of boxers.

We were not going to make love, but our family, our new family had returned, and I suddenly felt really good. "Yeah, I think I am," I said with a smile.

Edward smiled back at me, but his eyes quickly got serious. "Are you feeling any better?" He asked, referring to my stunt in the woods.

At the moment I was. But I couldn't know what the future held. So I shrugged, and answered Edward. "I don't know." I said. "But I know that I am really looking forward to being your wife Edward."

Like I was sure of how much I loved him, I was sure I wanted to be his wife; I had no doubt about that.

Edward rolled toward me again and stroked my cheek. "And I your husband," he said with a smile. Then his ear perked up and he let out a laugh. "Bella…brace yourself."

Just then, Alice's voice called up to me from the downstairs. "Bella Swan get your cute butt down here, we have a wedding to plan!"

**AN- Ok so maybe the second half won't be all fluffy and wonderful…I lied. Bella's issues just keep coming up every time I sit down to write a chapter! **

**I might take a short break during the New Moon hullabaloo, I might not, I haven't decided. Reviews would certainly motivate me…so please review. **


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 22.**

**Stephenie Meyer Owns Twilight. **

**Sort of fluffy, sort of transitional…Hope you like it!**

A strange feeling of permanence settled over me when the Cullen's came into the house. This wasn't some weeks vacation in Alaska with Edward. We were vampires now, immortal, and bound to live out eternity not only together, but with a family that we hardly knew.

I was excited to go down and see them, but apprehensive over this vast unknown future ahead of me. I would live forever…Wrapping my head around that, even with my new and improved brain, was difficult to swallow, difficult to comprehend.

Edward and I were now a part of the Cullen's family, a part of their lives, and were graciously taken into their home. And with that came a responsibility.

A responsibility to be worth it…worth their trouble, worth their time, worth their love…

I wanted to love them, and I wanted to feel loved in return. The fear lied in the possibility that life with them wouldn't work out and that somehow this would all fall apart. It was a scary thought.

"There, you look decent for viewing," Edward whispered as he finished buttoning my dress and pushed back a few damp strands of my knotted hair. He smiled at me and his red eyes had become my new favorite color. They were the eyes that loved me in that moment in time, and for that, they were my favorite.

I grabbed hold of his shirt, taking the fabric into my fists. I pulled his lips to mine, getting in one last perfect kiss before a new set of issues entered our already complicated lives. I just relished in the feeling, the feeling of a kiss. As a vampire I could feel it all; the soft of his lips, the taste of his mouth, the sweet of his breath, the silk of his tongue. It was all so divine, I could kiss him forever.

And I would have, if Edward didn't push me away. "We have to go," he laughed into my neck, pushing back my shoulders. "They are eagerly awaiting you, especially Carlisle, he really just needs to see that you are ok. Oh, and Emmett is about to come up here…"

_Holy shit…_

Stunned, I took a step back and stared at Edward. "Sorry, but _that_ is going to take a little getting used to," I gasped, totally taken aback by his new ability. He could hear every thought that passed through their heads. When he told me about it, I never imagined how it would play out in real life. It was unbelievable, and alarming, and scary, and just completely bizarre. He was still Edward, my Edward…but now so much more than that. He was magic.

Edward grabbed my hand, and looked away bashfully. "It's no big deal Bella, I haven't changed," he mumbled low under his breath. He looked embarrassed, or ashamed, or regretful over his new power. I didn't want him to feel that way.

With a sigh, I grabbed his face. "Hey," I said, stroking my thumb over his cheekbone. "You're amazing." Edward's head melted into my hands and I held his worried face. "Don't be embarrassed baby, you're magic."

Edward let out a small relieved laugh and his eyes brightened and he looked at me. "I'm a freak Bella. But thanks," he said taking my hand. "Come on let's do this."

When we turned the corner, and appeared to the Cullen's from the top of the staircase, Alice let out a scream that could round up every whale in the ocean. "Ahhhhh! Bella you look amazing!!!" She cried. She was jumping up and down, five or six feet into the air, shivering with excitement.

I smiled at the family below, truly happy to see them, truly happy to make this announcement.

Edward smiled at me, and cleared his throat, gaining the attention of the room. "Everyone," he said proudly. "I would like to introduce to you Bella Swan, my fiancé."

He pushed me slightly forward and displayed me to the eager crowd. I was proud in that moment, if only for the fact that I was indeed Edward's fiancé, something that made me just feel warm and good and happy…

"Oh Bella, you're lovely dear," Esme cheered from below, clapping her hands together.

"Told ya!" Alice shouted, shaking with another shiver.

"Looking good Swan," Emmett said firmly, arms crossed, giving me his definite approval.

"Congratulation's Bella and Edward," Jasper drawled from the corner, his face almost unrecognizable with my new eyes. He was covered in scars, thousands of them.

"Jasper…" I whispered, reaching a hand out.

His mouth pulled into a big grin. "Oh these?" He laughed, drawing a hand to his face. "Never you worry, these are old battle wounds, I'm alright."

There was so much about him, about all of them that I didn't know, and I suddenly wanted to know everything. But that would have to wait, because we had forever to get to know each other, and I had to say hello to Carlisle.

He was leaning against the wall near Esme, simply striking with my new vampire eyes. He was the most handsome man I had ever seen.

He looked to me seriously, as if he knew that everything had not been smooth sailing since I woke up. "How is everything?" He asked sweetly, coming towards me. "Are you having any difficulty hunting? How is the thirst? Anxiety? Strange moods?"

I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted him to know how scared I was and how wacked out my emotions were. But I didn't want to be a burden, I didn't want to take a wrong step and alienate myself from the family so early.

So I reluctantly dropped Edward's hand and walked slowly down the steps and wrapped my arms tightly around Carlisle, pulling him into a hug. Leaving Edward's side was hard, but I needed to give Carlisle a proper hug, a proper thank you for all that he did for me. It was the right thing to do.

"Everything is wonderful, thank you Carlisle, thank you." It was true, but at the same time a giant lie. But I didn't want to give him any more grief than I already had.

Carlisle squeezed me tighter. "Oh Bella," he sighed. "I wasn't sure this day would come." He pushed my shoulders back and took a good look at me. "You're lovely dear, truly stunning. And congratulations on the engagement

"Thank you," I nodded with a smile.

Edward came down and snaked his arm around me in the nick of time, I was already getting anxious.

We just stood, as the Cullen's stared. I knew they were just taking it all in. Seeing Bella and Edward together side by side in the flesh after everything that had happened had to be a pretty gratifying experience. They had put it all on the line for us, and I still wanted to know why? But that was a conversation for later, apparently Emmett had other plans for how to spend the afternoon.

He cleared his throat, and looked to Edward. "So Edward," he said, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "Alice says you're pretty fast brother. Care to race?" His face was so innocent, so expectant…until his expression was broken when Rosalie elbowed him in the arm

"What kind of idiot sets himself up to lose? He's newborn," she hissed, not at all amused, or playful like her mate. She looked like a fallen angel, the most stunningly and amazingly beautiful creature walking on this entire earth perhaps. But she had a crappy attitude, and again I wanted to know why.

I expected awkwardness, I expected tension, but Emmett ignored her. "Relax babe, just trying to have some fun with the new recruits. So Edward what do you say? To the north face and back, just you and me brother?"

Every eye in the room was on Edward and me, and I wondered if he felt the same sort of pressure that I did to please them?

He looked down at me, asking me with his eyes if it was ok. I wanted to say no, I didn't want him to go anywhere that I couldn't go…but I caved to the six sets of eyes staring at us. "That sounds like a really good idea," I lied. "It will be fun!"

Edward gave me a hesitant smile and turned to Emmett and nodded. "I think I'd be up for that. Sure, why not?"

I looked to Alice then, who had suddenly gone quiet. She just held her mouth in a tight smile, allowing the events that she knew were about to take place, take place. I realized that she must do that a lot. She has to let people live, even if she knows the outcome.

We made our way onto the lawn. This wasn't exactly how I imagined our first day with the Cullen's, but at the moment I couldn't really think of an alternative. When you are ridiculously grossly rich, with nothing to do, nowhere to go, and have absolutely no physical restraints…you play. It makes sense.

Edward lined up next to Emmett on the snow covered lawn, ready to start. "Kiss for luck?" he asked me leaning down.

"Good luck," I whispered, leaning up to plant a small kiss on his mouth. Then I turned my head to our hands, and I just stared at our entwined fingers, reluctant to let him go.

"Bella you have to let go of my hand," Edward whispered so low no one else could hear. "I'll be back remember? I'll always come back."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and with a curt nod, dropped his hand.

Alice took that as her cue, and ran out about twenty feet in front, posing herself as Natalie Wood. Emmett was jumping around doing karate chops into the air, making grunting noises and psyching himself up. Edward just stared at me, worried.

"Ok boys," Alice chimed. "On your mark…get set…GO!!!" She waved her hands into the air, and with one last hesitant look, Edward took off like a bolt, leaving a gust of wind in his wake.

They were out of sight before I could even process the fear. I didn't want to make a scene; I didn't want to spoil the fun…so I just stood there with my arms crossed completely still.

"Go Edward!" Alice screamed.

"Run you monkey…run!" Rosalie yelled in a voice only a stage mother could appreciate.

"Wow Edward really is fast!" Carlisle smiled, nudging Esme.

"Really fast!" She cried. "Go Edward!"

The only one not completely captivated by the race was Jasper. He was staring at me.

I looked to him and I'm sure my face told him everything. He came to me. "You're completely panicked Bella, what's going on?"

I tried to shake it off, hoping that Edward would be back before I broke down. "No, I'm fine," I lied with a tight smile.

Jasper wrapped his arm around me and got close to my ear. "Bella, there's no use lying to me. What's the matter?" His southern drawl was soothing, and he let a very small calming wave touch me.

I looked to him, thankful for his gift. "Just separation anxiety, it's no big deal," I whispered. "I have this fear of losing him again, and it's been pretty tough."

Jasper shook his head in understanding, and squeezed my shoulder gently. "He'll be back little darling, I hear them coming right now."

Then I perked up my head and the unmistakable sound of running vampires entered my ears. Then, in no time Edward's beaming beautiful face came into sight. He was yards ahead of Emmett, taking long effortless strides, totally uninhibited and free.

He was magnificent.

When he crossed the finish line, the Cullen's erupted into cheers, patting him on the back and congratulating him, saying he was the fastest vampire they had ever seen.

He relished in their praise for a short while, until he looked to Jasper, and his face hardened and became pained.

Jasper was looking at him, telling him something without words…a silent conversation.

Edward ran to me. "Are you ok?" he cried, gripping his hands behind my hair. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left."

It is so sad to admit, but the moment his skin made contact with mine, I was able to breathe again. Vampires don't need air, but they breathe all the same. And I took in a gasping breath when he touched me, like time stopped for me without him, like I couldn't function on any normal level without him.

It was fucked up.

Everyone became silent, and all of the smiling and cheering stopped. It was like in the movies when the record player cuts out and the cops tell everyone to go home. I was already the party pooper, and they had only been home for fifteen minutes.

Edward took my hand, and looked to the Cullen's. "Excuse us for a second," he said, pulling me to a corner behind the house.

When we were safely behind the house, I broke down. "You shouldn't have done that," I cried in a whisper, gripping Edward's hands.

His eyes snapped shut and he let out a sigh. "I know, I'm sorry, I never should have raced."

He was missing the point.

"No, you shouldn't have come over to me like that; I was handling it, now they all _know_."

Edward's brow furrowed in confusion. "I'm sorry, I didn't…"

I cut him off, placing my hand on his face. "It's not your problem Edward, it's mine. I'm spoiling everybody's fun, and they haven't even been home an hour yet. God what is wrong with me?!"

Edward grabbed me in his arms and slammed me to his chest, making me feel safe and warm and protected again. "You've been through a lot Bella, no one's fun is spoiled, I promise. Everyone knows what you went through Bella, they just want to be here for you, and help you." His fingers went to my chin and he drew my face up to look at him. "Ok?"

I wanted to believe him, I did believe him. The Cullen's weren't judging me, they wanted to help me, and I needed to let them. After everything I had already been through with them, I was wrong to think the worst of them and think they would give up on me now.

"Ok," I said with a smile, getting on my toes to kiss Edward. "You're right."

Edward smiled back, and knotted his hands into hair. "I have an idea, but you need to trust me," he whispered quietly, his nose ghosting over my cheek, making me feel insanely good, just good.

I didn't know what he had in mind, but I was not really finding any reason to doubt him in that moment, his power of persuasion over me was too great. "I trust you."

We walked hand in hand back to the lawn, and Edward squeezed my hand tightly and looked to Emmett. "Hey Emmett," he said slowly, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand. "Bella here would like to challenge you to a race. Are you up for it?

_Shit…_

Emmett jumped up and judo chopped the air. "Bring it Swan!" He sang, running in place like a Marine in training.

I wanted to scream. "Edward I don't…" was all I could eke out.

Edward gripped my hand even tighter and leaned into my ear. "Trust me remember?"

I looked to Alice. "You can do this Bella," she said. "Just to the north face and back; you can do this."

Then my ears were flooded with encouraging words. Everyone believed in me, everyone believed I could leave him and be free of my fear.

"Ok," I agreed. "Let's do this Emmett!"

I was as nervous as I could possibly get, practically shaking on my walk to the start line. But I wanted to do it, I wanted to race.

Alice ran out to her spot in front, and Edward held his hand against my back. "Just keep your eyes forward, and focus on getting there and back," he whispered. "I'll be here waiting for you."

I didn't want to look back at him so I just stared at Alice. "Ok," I agreed. "Just don't move, and I'll be back," I mumbled under my breath trying to convince myself it was true. "Just don't move."

And then before I was ready, Alice was waving her hands and everyone was screaming at me to go.

"Go Bella!" They cried as I watched Emmett take off in front of me.

My feet were frozen where I stood. "I can't…I don't…"

I turned to Edward and he was jumping in excitement, smiling and waving me forward. "You can do this. Go love…GO!!" He cried, watching Emmett turn the corner and disappear.

I didn't want to let him down. I wanted to run.

I drew in a breath and smiled at Edward. "Stay here!" I cried. "Just don't move!"

Then I turned forward and let my legs loose, pressing into the hard ground, leaving deep tracks in my wake. With each stride I just let the immense power of my legs propel me forward, faster and faster, gaining speed with each powerful step.

Before I knew it, Emmett's head was in my sights, he was losing speed as he climbed the mountain.

I threw my legs forward, one after the other, moving faster than I ever had on my own. Edward would pull me behind him and we would fly, but now I was making myself fly.

When we rounded the north face, I was gaining on Emmett. He passed me on his way down; surprised to see how much ground I had gained. "Later Swan!" He cried, hurling himself down the mountain in a leap, giving me just the right amount of motivation to push it into another gear.

I rounded the corner and let my arms pump and my legs fly and my feet soar.

And then, I saw him. He was a mile in the distance, down the mountain. He couldn't see me, but I could see him. He was jumping up and down clapping and screaming and smiling and laughing and just totally amazing.

I had to win!!

Then I just focused my eyes on his face and ran. I didn't look at Emmett, just Edward, and ran like I was running for my life.

When I was at the bottom of the mountain, Edward could see me again, and his face lit up in a massive gorgeous smile. I was getting closer to him, and closer to Emmett.

"Go love!!" He cried. "RUN!!"

For the last hundred yards I just ran like there was no tomorrow. And as I saw Emmett approaching the finish line, I put all of my weight onto my back foot and propelled myself forward in a giant leap, throwing myself across the line and into a completely elated Edward's arms.

My body just collided with his, and we fell into the snow, rolling and smiling and laughing and completely happy.

"I did it!" I screamed, pinning him to the ground and grabbing his beautiful face. "I did it!"

Edward grabbed my face too. "You did it!" He cried in a hysterical laugh. "You fucking won you nut!"

_I won?_

"I won?! I won!!" I cried in disbelief.

Edward rolled on top of me and splayed my arms over my head. He dropped his head into my neck and just let out a deep belly laugh. "Yes you won! What did you think you did?!"

I stilled slightly underneath him and moved my hands to his face, making him look at me. I stroked his cheek. "I thought I left you, on my own, without fear," I whispered. "Wasn't that what this was about?"

Edward grabbed my hand and took it to his mouth, leaving a kiss on my palm, killing me with his intense and contented eyes. "Yes," he whispered dropping another kiss on my hand. "God, I love you."

I gripped my hand into his messy snow covered bronze hair and smiled. "I love you too Edward."

Then we rolled over and looked at the family, grinning over us.

"Way to go Bella!" Alice cried.

I looked to Emmett. "Rematch same time next week Swan?" He asked, looking no worse for wear. He was such a great guy.

I nodded and looked to Edward. "I'll be here," I said with a smile.

Edward beamed at me. "That's my girl."

**AN- Ok, so this is officially the last "adjustment" chapter before the main plot of part two starts. Next chapter, the story takes a new turn. The difference between waiting a week to read it, or two days is motivation. Leave me some motivation!!! **


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 23**

**Stephenie Meyer Owns Twilight. **

A week after the race, my ability to be apart from Edward was put to the test yet again. Alice had sequestered me to the sewing room to begin making wedding plans. We had decided on June, apparently the prettiest month in Alaska, and according to Alice the _only_ month appropriate for a wedding.

We had three months to plan, yet Alice wanted to start right away.

"Ew, how about a Vera Wang? Do you like Vera Wang?" She shrieked, shoving another bridal magazine in my face.

I pushed it away. "Who is Vera Wang?" I asked in a huff. Wedding planning sucked.

Alice rolled her eyes and glared at me. "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that."

For the life of me I could not understand how so much anger could radiate from one so small, and over something as ridiculous and trivial as a dress. But, I held my ground. She couldn't make me like wedding planning. And if it were up to me, I would have had the wedding a week ago. And I would have, except for the fact that Edward told me that our wedding was all Alice thought about…literally. Her head was Bella and Edward's wedding 24/7. I can't imagine how her brain works? I mean, how boring!

But if it meant that much to her, I would go along… sort of.

After a few minutes of glaring, she broke down and grabbed another magazine. "Here," she said, pointing to another white disaster. "Do you like this gown?"

It looked like a straight jacket with a skirt.

"That's not a gown, that's a torture device," I sighed, grabbing at the flimsy floral day dress I was wearing. "Can't I just wear something like this?" I asked, kind of liking the pretty little dresses Alice had filled my closet with.

Alice threw up her hands and growled. "That's a house dress Bella! _No_ you cannot wear that to your wedding!"

"Why not?" I shrugged. "They have grown on me and they're really comfortable."

Alice ignored me, and with an eye roll, began rustling through her stacks of magazines again. "I bought you those to ease you into wearing dresses and liking fashion," she said under her breath through gritted teeth, trying to regain her composure. "I saw you being difficult Bella, but not _this_ difficult!"

I would have been angry with her, but her face was so priceless. It was all scrunched and angry. I mean, she cared _so_ much, and I could not care less if I tried.

I was tired of wedding planning, I wanted to play. Alice and I got along so much better before the wedding planning.

So, in an attempt to break the ice and get her off my back, I grabbed a decorative pillow from the loveseat and threw it at her. It flew like a rocket, right at her face.

"Not smart Swan," she sighed with a small smile as she deflected the pillow with her hand, not even having to lift her head, like she knew it was coming before I even threw it.

_Tricky…_

The pillow ricocheted off her hand and directly into a table stacked with papers and magazines, making the papers fly, and scattering them all over the floor.

_What a mess!_

Alice glared at me.

"Oops," I squeaked with faux innocence, getting to my knees to pick up the mess.

The very first thing I picked up was a letter…addressed to _me_.

"What is this?" I asked.

But I could see very clearly what it was. It was a letter from Charlie, and it was already open. The letter had been rerouted from Brazil to Alaska, and the postmark was over a week old.

Without waiting for Alice's response, I pulled the letter from the envelope.

_Dear Bella, _

_Glad to hear you are warming to Brazil, but I must admit I miss you kid, I miss you a lot. I don't want to be a pain, but please honey, please come home? Liz and Jake and I need you sweetheart, and it's just not the same without you. Bella, don't let this become a pride thing. I don't want you to feel like you have to prove something to anyone, especially to yourself. We need you back kiddo. Please Bella, I'm begging, come home? _

_Dad_

A sharp pang of something…betrayal maybe, filled my chest cavity. Just days earlier I had received a 'letter' from Charlie saying he was doing great and that I should take my time and heal…

I looked to Alice. "What is this?" I asked again firmly, trying very hard to keep my cool. But I knew what it was…I knew.

Alice just stood in the corner by the dress form, wide eyed and frozen, chewing on her lower lip.

"Is this the only one?" I asked coolly, trying to get a response from her, trying to understand.

Her eyes clamped shut and she lowered her head. "No," she whispered low under her breath, shame in her tone. "Liz has sent a few too."

I swallowed my anger and walked toward her, holding the letter in her face. "Alice how could you?!" I cried in a whisper, not wanting to alert the family who were in the yard. "Hiding a letter from my dad? From Liz? Seriously?!"

Alice took a step back, almost tripping into the dress form, and held a hand out to me. "You've been doing so well; I didn't want to upset you. I'm sorry Bella," she cried, the look in her eyes apologetic and somewhat panicked. She was truly the last person in the Cullen family I thought I would be angry with. I thought she was my friend.

I looked to her, angry that she put me in this position, angry with her for making me angry with her. "Damn it Alice!" I cried, disappointed above all things. I wasn't some baby that she needed to protect, that wasn't the deal. If my dad was suffering without me, I needed to know.

Alice reached a hand out to me, and I shirked away. "You've just been so emotional," she cried desperately. "I didn't want to make it worse! I was going to show you eventually, I swear!"

I wanted to believe her, but the hidden letters were not the only thing bothering me. I had tried to broach the subject of her vision on several occasions and she always blew me off. Early on I was afraid of overstepping, afraid of alienating myself…But now I didn't care, I needed the truth.

I looked out the window. Edward and the others were playing baseball in the yard.

"Up for a hunt?" I asked, needing to get her alone, needing to get my answers once and for all.

She sighed and looked pointedly at me. "Now is not the time Bella, just trust me."

I wasn't going to take no for an answer, enough was enough. "Why the hell not?! I'm one of you now right? Carlisle promised that as soon as I was one of you this would all make sense," I cried grabbing for her hand, willing to drag her to the forest if I had to.

She resisted, wrapping her ankle around the door frame.

I looked to her, so confused, just not fully understanding why there were suddenly secrets between us?

I took a deep breath. "I'm waiting for all of this to make sense Alice?" I exhaled in a pained whine. "Why won't you tell me?"

Alice held her ground and stared vacantly at me. "Carlisle shouldn't have told you anything. We weren't even going to tell you remember?" She whispered flatly, not at all the person I thought she was.

She was hiding something… something big.

I shook out my head and my hands went to my hair and I glared at her, trying but failing to contain my rage. "Oh I get it!" I cried, no longer caring if anyone heard me. "Make me a part of this family, but never let me in. Is that it? God, do you even want me in this family? You're hiding something Alice, and I want to know what it is?!"

As I raised my voice, Alice came at me, covering my mouth with her hand. "Stop it!" She cried in a whisper. "Just shut up and listen to me!" Her voice was stern and serious, angry even. I had this impression that the Cullen's were perfect contented creatures living in Utopia. Very quickly, I realized I was wrong as her hand jarred my neck, straining it and causing me pain.

I wiggled out of her hold and grabbed at my neck. "Ow!" I cried, moving away from her, giving her a look that made her wince.

Alice looked around and then dropped to the loveseat, her head falling into her hands. I had never heard her cry, but tiny squeaky whimpers came bursting out of her. "I'm so sorry Bella," she yelped through her cries. "I only did this for _you_…"

I took a step toward her, closing the door behind me. "Did what? Did what for me?!" I demanded, not sure if I was still angry with her. Her cries were painful to hear, so desperate and sad.

She lifted her head, and beckoned me closer. "I have to tell you something and I need you to promise that you're not going to hate me. Because I don't think I could handle you hating me Bella."

"Fine, I promise. Alice what is it?"

"I lied.

"Lied about what?"

"My vision of you and Edward. What I told Carlisle? Well, I made it up."

All of the scenarios I imagined involving her vision did not include Alice lying to Carlisle, or fabricating the vision. And the look behind Alice's eyes just proved my naiveté. This was more than I thought, much more.

_Shit. _

I walked to the loveseat and sat next to her. "What did you tell Carlisle?" I asked in as cool a tone as I could muster. I was getting my answers, and I had to deal with them, not turn into some emotional wreck like she anticipated.

Alice took a deep breath, and looked out the window, staring directly at Edward who was rounding the bases in the yard, oblivious to our conversation. He was singing the theme to Rocky as he rounded the bases, grinning ear to ear. "Da-na-naaa!! Da-na-naahhh!!" he sang, making Alice let out a bittersweet laugh.

She turned back to me. "I told Carlisle that you save my life," she said slowly, sort of swallowing her words as they came out, almost like at any moment she would stop talking.

_Come again?_

She lied, and told Carlisle I save her life? Why would she do that?

Just then, we heard Edward let out a huge laugh in the yard. "Home run!" He cried. "The kid's still got it!"

I looked to Alice and she held her mouth in a tight line and nodded out to the yard, out to Edward.

_Oh… My… God. _

I grabbed Alice's hand and rubbed it furiously, beginning to understand. "You lied to save him?" I asked, looking out to Edward in the yard, the truth hitting me with every verse of the Rocky song, with every jovial laugh coming from him…

Alice did it for me. She did it for _us_.

"I just wanted to give him back to you," she whined squeezing my hand back, giving me a faint smile. "I saw you two here, and happy, and a part of this family…Carlisle would never have agreed unless..."

"I did something that made me indispensible to you?"

"Exactly."

"So you lied?"

"Big time."

Alice looked terrified and scared and tiny whimpers were coming from deep inside of her. I didn't want her to feel that way. My God she was my hero. The very best sister I could ever even imagine having. She put it all on the line for… _me_.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her tiny body into my chest. "Shh Alice," I cooed, stroking her back. "It's ok."

I tried to think back to my human life, think back to the time when all of this was going down. Sure there were questions, there were risks, there was danger…But it all worked out in the end. I'm sure if she came clean, no one would stay mad for long. Edward and I were safe and alive and happy. She did a noble thing, Carlisle would understand.

I pulled her shaking body to face me. "I think you should come clean Alice," I said, stroking her little cheek. "I think everyone would understand."

Then her eyes clamped shut and she shook her head back and forth, pulling out of my grasp and turning her head toward the wall. "It's not quite that simple Bella," she said slowly, no longer crying, or looking at me. She went cold again.

"Why?" I begged. She couldn't shut down on me now. I needed the truth, the whole truth.

She turned back to me, and the look in her eyes told me everything. She was terrified, utterly terrified. "Because there's more," she said sadly, standing from the loveseat and walking to the window, pulling the blinds shut.

I stood too, and followed her. "How much more?" I asked, suddenly scared of the answer.

She turned back to me, and I could see her considering her next move. "Please Alice?" I begged, staring deeply into her worried golden eyes. "I just need to know the truth."

She nodded, and gave in. "Ok," she sighed. "I haven't had a proper vision since before you were taken from the gas station," she said slowly, checking me for understanding. "I used to be able to see weeks, months, sometimes years into the future. Now I'm lucky if I can see a few days ahead, and sometimes I see nothing at all, everything just goes blank."

I was panicking, but I didn't want her to know. Alice's visions had become a sort of safety blanket for me, helping me out of a number of jams, even before I was changed. The idea of them going away, or not being accurate…Terrifying.

I asked the first thing that came to mind. "What does Carlisle think?"

Her eyes became serious. "He doesn't know," she said gravely. "He'll overreact Bella, you don't know him. He'll make us move, or separate us, or just go crazy trying to figure it out. It's only been a few weeks. I want to give it more time before I tell him."

My short amount of time spent with Carlisle told me that she was probably right. Carlisle did seem to be a bit obsessive and overprotective. But at the same time, he definitely cared the most. If there was really something wrong, I would want him to know. But apparently Alice didn't, and after everything she had done for me, I really had no place arguing with her.

"What do you think is causing it?" I asked, confident that if I could get her to have this conversation, something would get figured out. She needed to talk.

"The wolves for sure," she answered. "They are the only creatures in almost ninety years that I haven't been able to see."

"They are over eight hundred miles away right now," I said, clearly stating the obvious.

"I know that Bella!" Alice sort of spat, raising her voice slightly. "Don't you think I've considered that?!"

I took a step back and gave her some space. "Then what does this mean?" I asked, dropping my voice. I was curious to see if she even knew? I got the impression that she was completely clueless.

She began pacing in front of the window. "I don't know," she whispered, grabbing at her hair. "But I do know that it means our futures, _all_ of our futures, are tangled somehow with the wolves. Jasper thinks your involvement with Jacob is just leaving a residual blur. Do you think of him a lot? Think of bringing him here?"

"All the time."

"Then hopefully that's it."

"But why is everyone blurry, and not just Edward and me?" I asked, feeling we were making progress.

She looked to me confidently, like she had an answer. "Proximity," she said surely. "We aren't going to leave you two behind, not for anything." She circled toward me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Look, we're safe here. We haven't had a disturbance or enemy in over fifty years. I think the near run in with the wolves has us all a little paranoid. But I really don't think we should be."

"So we're not in danger?"

"I don't think so, no."

"Then why is this some big secret Alice?" I asked, not really connecting the dots. Why was this some State secret? Why the lies if we weren't in danger?

Alice shrugged. "Like I said, Carlisle will overreact."

She was lying, it was so obvious.

"Bull," I said raising an eyebrow at her.

She let out a huff, and looked to me, knowing I wasn't backing down. "Ok, maybe it's more than that," she said dropping back to the loveseat.

"Like?" I asked, standing above her, arms crossed.

"Like we're not the only vampires out there Bella. There are other vampires, other coven's, other ways of life."

"You said we were safe, I don't understand?"

Alice nodded. "_We_ are safe," she said, squinting her eyes at me like I should be understanding her point.

I didn't.

"So?"

"So, the fewer vampires that know I lost my power to the wolves…wolves who are genetically designed to kill vampires…the better. We need to keep quiet to protect..."

_Of course. _

"Jacob," I stuttered out, finally grasping her point.

We were infallible, we were safe. Jacob and the wolves were not.

I stood above Alice, completely stunned. Every last thing she had done, every lie, every avoidance, every con, she had done it all for me.

"Other vampires might go after Jacob?" I asked, realizing that the world we lived in was so far from the fairy tale I had imagined. It was almost sickening.

Alice nodded. "That's why their existence, their power, needs to be kept a secret. So far, no one is the wiser that my visions are gone, not even Edward. You and Jas are the only ones who know. If we keep it that way, they should be safe…for now."

"Thank you Alice," I whimpered.

Alice smiled up at me and shrugged. "When I told you that I loved you Bella, I wasn't lying. I will do anything for you. If that means lie to my family to protect Jacob? So be it."

I was speechless.

Just then Edward came bursting through the door, wet from the snow, mud covering every inch of his body. "There she is!" he cried, snaking his arms around my waist, pulling my back into his chest. "What are you two talking about?"

I looked to Alice, and she raised her eyebrows at me and shrugged her shoulders, silently telling me that I had a choice. I could tell him, or I could keep her secret.

"Nothing," I answered, turning to Edward and leaving a kiss on his muddied cheek. "Just wedding stuff."

Edward smiled down at me. "Not you too?" he asked, dropping a kiss on my lips. "Alice's head is wedding 24/7!"

_Of course it is. _

**AN- Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies…Ruh Roh. **

**Ok, so I know this chapter was serious overload…a lot happened. The gist if you had trouble following is that Alice has been having some trouble with her visions. She hopes it's because Bella and Edward think of Jacob a lot, and think of bringing him up for a visit. She doesn't want to tell Carlisle, or anyone for that matter because she is afraid that somehow the information might make its way into the hands of someone bad. **

**Also, she really loves Bella…a lot. She lied to give Bella what she wanted, and doesn't regret it, but is not exactly jumping at the chance to admit her lie to her family. She has a stack of lies a mile high, and isn't ready to divulge any of them.**

**Also, she has been hiding letters from Bella. Why? She wanted to protect her. That's it. **

**Now Bella is lying to Edward, and we have the setup for part two. Hope you are ready, because as always with me, it's going to be a bumpy ride! **

**Please review. **


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 24/ Stephenie Meyer Owns Twilight.**

**This chapter is a gift to my readers. It's just all B/E love, and a glimpse at how they really are together on a daily basis. I think you'll like it. **

**One Month Later**

Incredibly, I was able to keep Alice's secret from Edward for a whole month. Lying to him wasn't something I was used to. When we were kids, humans really, there was nothing that came between us. Our lives and our relationship were not typical for high school kids. There was no drama, we didn't really fight. We loved each other, and we didn't hide things or deceive, we were always open. Hot Izzy excluded of course.

So, this new thing I was doing for Alice felt weird, it felt bad. But surprisingly, it was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be. Not because I particularly liked lying to Edward, I hated it actually. But because not being able to talk about it allowed me not to think about it too.

Living in denial was something I had become accustomed to in recent months. I was good at it, and apparently, I would continue to be good at it. Burying my true feelings deep within my chest as a self preserving mechanism was now my forte.

Really, denial only got me so far, reassurance from Jacob was also helpful. He'd check in with a phone call every week or so. Sure Paul was still being an ass and disappearing from time to time. But besides Paul, the rest of the pack had really fallen in line, and everything on the reservation had gone back to normal. Jake even got himself a girlfriend…Leah Clearwater of all people.

I even got the nerve to ask Jake if there had been any evidence of vampires anywhere near the reservation. He just laughed and said of course not. He didn't sense any danger, he felt safe, and I had a duty to keep it that way.

Sure telling Edward would make _my_ life easier. But Alice seemed convinced that keeping the secret, at least for a little while, was in Jacob's best interest. She didn't trust her fellow vampire friends; that was clear.

So I did as I was told, I kept her secret, and in return, I was rewarded with a windfall of extravagant gifts.

This week? Skis.

As Alice well knew, the last weekend in March was spring break for Forks High School. Last year our class went to the Hurricane Ridge resort, and rented cabins and spent the weekend skiing and drinking and being overall debaucherous teenagers. Alice didn't go of course, but Edward and I did, and I spent the weekend in the lodge nursing a sprained ankle while Edward had a blast on the slopes without me.

I told Alice about it, and six days later, I was presented with two brand new pairs of skis, gear, and a case of beer. She said, "Happy spring break," winked, and skipped away.

She had been buying me off like that for weeks. But this particular gift got me excited. Why? Because Edward was gonna love it!

"_You…_ want to go skiing?" Edward asked skeptically as I led him to the garage, a smirk pulling from his lips.

"Yes," I nodded, dragging him behind me.

He let out a chuckle. "Why?"

"Because it's the cool thing to do for spring break don't you know?"

"You're serious?" He asked amused, a low laugh escaping his chest. He was undoubtedly recalling the ankle incident.

"Yes!" I cried, as I approached the garage door, gripping his hand tighter. "If we were at home, you would be waxing up your ski's…"

"Snowboard," he corrected with a scoff.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever." I continued, "And I would be packing up my books to read in the lodge, while you spend your afternoon on ski lifts with Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley."

Edward's golden eyes, yes golden, became suspicious. "Point?" he shrugged, peeking under the door as it opened, a curious crooked smile pulling from the corners of his mouth.

_Point? Is he dumb?_

I shoved him in the shoulder, making his smile grow wider. "I am indestructible now moron!" I cried. "I want to learn."

Edward was full on laughing now, always seemingly amused by my theatrics. "Oh you do, do you?" He said softly with a gentle smirk, pulling me to his chest and leaving a kiss on my forehead. "And where do you propose we get skis?" He asked, his beautiful golden eyes alight with curiosity. "We're stuck in the middle of nowhere." Then his nose ghosted over my forehead, and his long fingers gripped into my hair, just as the garage door finished opening.

_Bummer…_

Anxious to give him his gift, I gave Edward a knowing wink, a quick peck on the lips, and wiggled out of his grasp.

I took his hand again, and dragged him inside. "Ta Da!" I cried, pointing out the brand new skis Alice had purchased for us, complete with red bow, and of course the useless case of beer displayed right in front.

Edward's skepticism was seemingly erased immediately, and his eyes became wide with excitement. "Whoa, Dynastar Avant Premiere's, these are almost impossible to get, not to mention nearly three grand!!" He cried as he got to his knees and started examining the skis and gear.

"You're Edward Masen; what else were we supposed to get you?" I shrugged with a smile. Dating Edward Masen was always akin to dating Richie Rich. I guess Alice knew to get the best.

Edward turned to me, and raised a simpering eyebrow. "Very cute," he said with a smirk. "Regular skis would have been fine."

I bent down and grabbed his cheeks firmly. "I don't think the word regular is in Alice's vocabulary," I laughed, leaving a playful kiss on the top of his head.

With a knowing nod, Edward stood and slipped his hands into my back pockets. "So this is another gift from Alice I see?" He said, drawing me into his hips. His lips went to my ear. "Call me crazy, but it's almost like she's trying to buy you off or something. All these gifts Bella, she's making me look bad." His words came out in a breathy whisper, sultry and hypnotizing. He was trying to seduce me…in the garage…in ear shot of the family. _And_ he was trying to get me to confess to something…

_Be strong Bella!_

I pulled away and roughly pinched his right cheek. "The only gift I need from you is you," I said with a saccharine smile, slapping his butt with my other hand. "So are you going to teach me or what?"

Edward laughed. "Hell yeah I am," he cried excitedly. "This is great! Thank you."

"Why are you thanking_ me_?"

"Because I know that you're doing this for me…You hate sports."

"Nonsense Masen, I'm a new woman. Now let's shred some powder!"

"Don't say that ever again…"

"Right."

***

**An Hour Later**

"If you really want the full experience, you have to wear the cumbersome clothing and goggles. It's not really skiing unless you have a massive wedgie, static hair, and a goggle rim around your eyes," Edward said as he plopped the ridiculous, not to mention pointless, stalking cap on my head. I was swimming in polyester, wool, and nylon. Having worn next to nothing for the past month, I felt restrained by mass amounts of clothing.

I felt like the Stay Puff marshmallow man. Edward looked like the cover of the L.L. Bean catalogue.

"Just show me the way good sir," I said through gritted teeth, already pulling at a wedgie, and blinded by the plastic covering my eyes. Vampire vision and ski goggles didn't mix.

Edward grabbed my hand. "Well, without a ski lift, we have to run," he said, starting us in a jog up the mountain, carrying our skis and poles over his shoulder. "Part of the experience is riding the lift and freezing your ass off. But I think you can imagine that."

Either his human memories were really blurry, or he had blocked the traumatic incident out completely, but I was a little appalled that Edward didn't remember last year's ski trip and my unfortunate experience on a ski lift. I fell as I was getting off the lift, spraining my ankle immediately, and having to be taken down the mountain by the snow patrol on a sled dragged by a snowmobile. It was humiliating!

I stopped us at the top of a hill, and turned Edward to face me. "I rode a lift once remember?" I sort of spat, still a little peeved at his weekend-o-fun, while I was laid up with an ice-pack and crutches.

Edward's face lit up with a smile, only enhanced by the faint sparkle on his skin from the morning sun. "Of course I remember," he laughed. "Jake doesn't call you spaz for nothing love."

"Funny."

Edward dropped the skis, and pulled me to him. Pushing back my goggles, he got close to my ear. "It wasn't funny," he whispered. "I'm sorry." The sincerity in his voice, and the honey of his breath was almost impossible to resist. He owned me. Being mad at him was nearly impossible.

"Yeah, yeah," I huffed with a smile, nuzzling my face into his neck. "Let's just do this thing."

Edward kissed my mouth gently, and then pushed back my shoulders, looking around, and scoping out the mountain. "This should be good." He said, pointing at the steep snow covered mountain in front of us. "It's perfect really."

Then he grabbed his skis and clicked into them, grabbing mine and laying them at my feet. "Step in and let's go," he said, very nonchalantly, like I had the first clue what I was doing. I kind of missed the old damsel in distress routine I could play as a human. But those days were over. Edward was just going to let me fly down that mountain, and if I face planted into a boulder he would probably laugh.

"That's it?" I asked, still traumatized by my human experience. "You're just going to let me go down by myself?"

Edward sort of scratched at his hair through his hat, shrugging his shoulders. "What did you want me to do? Put my hands on your hips and my mouth uncomfortably close to you neck and 'instruct' you like they do in porno's?" He asked like an ass. Grrr, I kind of missed the days when he thought I was mad at him for diving in after Lauren, he wasn't such a jerk wad then.

I punched his shoulder….HARD. "Could you?" I snarled. "You're just turning me on right now with all of your genius quips and humor."

Edward laughed and bent down and grabbed my feet and helped me into my skis. Handing me my poles, he said, "How about we go down together, you can follow me?"

I nodded. "Better."

"Just push off with your poles, and try not to hit anything," he said with a laugh, as he pushed off in front of me, moving slowly away from me, peaking his head over his shoulder and giving me a heart stopping smile.

_Why does he have to be so damn cute?! _

With a sigh, I shoved my poles into the snow and gave myself a push, starting slowly behind him.

As a human, I had no sense of balance, no equilibrium. But that had all changed. Now, my feet were in full control, and the skis underneath them were just a means of transport, not a death trap.

Edward gained speed, and I just pushed my poles harder, and quickly caught up to him. I wanted to go faster, so I crunched my knees to my chest like I saw on TV, and shoved my poles into the snow, causing me to spring forward, and whiz past Edward.

"Try and catch me Masen!" I cried to him behind me, as I soared down the mountain at Olympic speed.

"Just watch the trees!" He cried with a laugh as I just took off like a maniac, jumping the boulders, weaving through the trees, and doing somersaults over the bumps.

The bottom of the mountain came too quickly, and before I knew it I was stopped on flat land.

Edward came down behind me in perfect form. I guess there was some proper technique to skiing or something, somersaults not included. "I didn't think you would need my help," he laughed, parking his skis in perfect parallel lines, showering me with snow. "Nice flip there love, very X-Games," he whispered, sidling up next to me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

I pushed back his hat and grabbed at his hair. "Let's do it again!"

***

That night, after a nearly perfect day together, Edward and I stayed in the mountains to be alone. Edward's power made being in the house at night uncomfortable for him, so we spent most nights alone together in the wilderness.

We had set up a blanket on top of the mountain, stripped down only to our Long Johns. Mine were red with reindeer on them; Edward's were solid navy. I swear Alice was getting a kick out of humiliating me.

Edward rolled over slightly on the blanket, and propped his head on his hand, smiling at me. "Tell me something about you that I don't know?" he asked, using his other hand to push back the hair that had fallen in my face.

I smiled back at him, nuzzling my face into his hand, liking this game. "Ummm," I started, tapping my chin in thought. "Well, when you went away to genius camp for a week the summer before I moved to Forks, I stole a pair of your socks from your sock drawer and wore them every single day that you were gone."

Edward's nose crinkled and his chest shook with a laugh. "Bella," he snorted, reaching his hand out again and flicking me in the forehead with his finger. "You should keep that creeper stuff to yourself weirdo!"

"You asked!" I cried, rubbing my forehead, and then I turned the quizzical eye on him. "Ok your turn."

Edward thought for a second, and then drew me closer, like what he was about to say was really embarrassing. "Ok," he started, trying to contain his laughter. "Well I might have gone to a dance with Jessica Stanley in the seventh grade."

My mouth fell open. "You might have?"

Edward shirked away in embarrassment. "I did," he whispered, closing his eyes, anticipating the wrath.

"You didn't!" I cried in mock horror. Hey, who was I kidding, we were engaged and immortal. Jessica could suck it.

Edward laughed, playing along. "She asked me, and promised me that her dad would take us to the Lodge for hot fudge sundaes afterward. What was I supposed to say?"

I furrowed my brow, and crossed my hands over my chest, really acting pissed. "So did you kiss her?" I grunted, turning my face to the stars, no longer making eye contact.

Edward rolled on his back and tilted his head to mine, making our foreheads touch. I liked it when our foreheads touched. "Well if you must know," he whispered, finding my eyes in the moonlight, his sweet breath flooding into my mouth. "She asked me to kiss her goodnight and I told her I had a girlfriend. It made her cry Bella, I felt really bad."

_Oh please!_

As he was going in to kiss me, I pushed my palm into his forehead and shoved his head back. "Then you shouldn't have used her for ice cream you insensitive ass!" I cried with a laugh.

Edward's lips pulled into a smile. "I know I felt so bad. Poor Stanley!" He cried.

"Poor Stanley," I agreed.

It was silent for a moment as Edward and I stared at the stars. I don't know what he was thinking, but I was thinking about how in a hundred years Edward and I could be on this very mountain, looking at the exact same stars, and looking just the same as we do now. Jessica Stanley would be long dead, along with Charlie and Liz and every single person that we ever knew. I realized that at the end of the day, Edward was my one constant, my one true companion, and my very best friend…

And I was lying to him.

Before I had time to consider it further, Edward rolled over again and looked at me. "Have you ever lied to me?" He asked quietly, not in the joking playful tone from before, but serious and sober.

"What?" I gasped, taken off guard.

Edward raised an eyebrow, and lowered his chin, his golden eyes staring deeply into me, scorching, yet strangely distant. "It's a simple question Bella. Have you ever lied to me?" He said slowly, stern and somewhat cold.

His coldness made me feel sick in the pit of my stomach. The reality of what I had been doing sort of hit me all at once. I had been lying to him, lying to Edward…But this wasn't my secret to tell. Alice trusted me to keep it, and she claimed it was for a good reason…

I took a deep breath and forced a smile. "Sure I have," I said in a stuttered laugh, looking just past his eyes. "You've been my best friend for ten years, it's inevitable."

There was a marked distance between us then, and I wanted to close it. I wanted him to push me further, to force me to spill. I realized, I wanted him to know…

But instead, Edward rolled away again and returned his eyes to the stars, making the distance grow. "Yeah, I guess that's true," he whispered with a long sigh. "I suppose it is inevitable."

"Edward I…"

"Whatever Bella, don't worry about it…"

_What am I doing?_

Sick and disgusted and terrified by the tone in Edward's voice, the chilliness of his stare, the stiffness and distance of his body…I rolled myself over and crawled on top of him, draping myself over him and clutching tightly to anything I could grab. I crushed my face into his neck and grabbed at his shoulder and at his hair. "I'm keeping a secret for Alice, and I promised her I wouldn't tell anybody," I cried in a whisper into his ear. "I'm sorry," I moaned. "I'm sorry but I…I can't tell you."

Edward's body was still beneath me as I writhed and grabbed and tried to get him back, tried to get him to smile at me, tried to make the distance go away…

"Please Edward say something?" I begged as I curled my fingers into his hair, and opened my mouth to his neck. "She wasn't even going to tell _me_, but I sort of forced her into it. She thinks it's for the best baby, and I want her to trust me," I whimpered as his body remained stiff. "Please baby, say something?"

I just laid there on top of him for a beat, neither one of us moving. He was so still I wanted to scream.

Finally, his arms moved from his sides and wrapped tentatively around my back. "It's ok," he whispered. "I won't make you tell me," he sighed, the cold distance still present in his voice.

I pushed back and grabbed his face. "I will if you want me to. I swear Edward I will!" I cried, desperate to make it right, so sorry I even considered keeping it from him.

Edward's eyes finally made contact with mine, and I tried to convey to him that I would do anything to make it better…anything to make it go away. "I will," I whimpered again.

Edward's arms then collapsed around me, and his tentative grasp was replaced by a crushing hug. He pulled my head to his chest, and his hands wrapped into my hair and clutched the back of my neck. "I know love," he whispered. "I know. You don't have to tell me. I trust you."

A sob tore out of me then, from both relief and unimaginable fear. Every perfect day we had spent together was always somehow highlighted by moments of total desperation. The magnitude of what we had together, and what we stood to lose, was so overwhelming at times…It took us both off guard.

"I love you Edward, I'm so sorry," I sobbed, burying my face into the blue of his shirt, grabbing at him and writhing on top of him, like I was trying to bury my shame within his body.

Edward just held me tightly, and let me say everything I needed to say. But he didn't make me tell him Alice's secret, he didn't make me. He just comforted me as I cried, and soothed my shaking with the stroke of his hand. He let me bury my shame in his body. He let me be the person I was…

Imperfect.

We spent the night silent, and wrapped in each other's arms. I would break the silence every so often to lay a kiss on one of his palms, and reassure him that I loved him and that I was sorry.

I was finding it hard to remember why I was lying for Alice at all? Why she was lying to everyone? But I always remembered the underlying unspoken threat that Carlisle and Alice had alluded to in the past. The idea that we weren't alone, that nothing was guaranteed, and that fairytales don't exist in real life. That whatever Alice was doing, was for a reason.

Becoming a vampire didn't guarantee me happiness, it didn't guarantee me peace…It just guaranteed that I would have a really long time to try and find it, if_ it_ even existed at all.

As the sun rose over the mountain, Edward stirred below me. Throughout the night, his cold distant posture slowly evaporated, leaving behind only warmth and understanding.

With every new passing day, his actions just demonstrated to me over and over why I loved him in the first place. If I had one mission for eternity, it would be to be worthy of his love, really worthy of it.

"Good morning," I whispered, as I felt his hands wrap into my hair, pulling me even deeper into his chest.

"Morning love," he whispered back, sitting up and pulling me into his lap. I rested my head on his shoulder, as we took in the new majestic day.

We didn't sleep, we couldn't, and up to that point we had spent pretty much every night fooling around. But that night was almost like sleep, silent and contemplative. No sex, no talking, just peace.

"Hey I have something for you," Edward whispered as he moved our bodies toward his ski jacket which was in a ball beside the blanket.

He reached into the pocket, and pulled out a box. A jade green velvet box.

His long white fingers flicked it open in a smooth effortless motion, revealing a ring. A ring I had seen and admired a thousand times. A ring I had always dreamed would someday be mine.

"Edward," I gasped as I took in the sight of Liz's giant diamond cocktail ring. It was gold and dripping with diamonds, and absolutely ridiculous and conspicuous. I used to stare at it on her perfectly manicured elegant fingers, so bold, so glamorous. She used to let me try it on with her minks when I was a kid and walk around the house in her heels.

I always wanted that stupid ring. And here it was.

"You didn't think I'd leave that finger bare did you?" Edward said with a devastating smile, his eyes light and beautiful.

"How did you get it?" I whispered, no longer looking at the ring, but at the beautiful creature who gave it to me. He looked so proud and so happy and so inexplicably in love with me. I couldn't help but gasp out a happy cry.

"Jake mailed it," Edward said as he grabbed for my left hand and took the ring from the box. I watched as he slipped it slowly onto my finger.

"It's absolutely perfect," I whimpered.

With a smile, Edward grabbed my cheeks and stared deeply into my eyes. "I love you Swan, even if you are a big fat liar," he sighed with a laugh, dropping his lips onto mine, taking me into a kiss.

The kiss was soft and loving, his lips just brushing lightly over mine as his tongue slowly twisted and tangled with my own, slow and soft. It was a perfect kiss. A perfect kiss on a perfect morning, following an almost perfect day…

Almost…

**AN- So I wanted to do something a little different. I wanted to show them as they are on any given day. They sort of bicker, sort of give each other a hard time…but in the end it's all love. On this particular day, a lot happened, sue me. But you get the gist. I won't be doing many chapters like this, so this one was sort of special. **

**Also, I'm saving Lemons for dramatic purposes. I won't do one every chapter, I want them to mean something. So the next lemon I have planned is a biggie…**

**Please review! **


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 25/Stephenie Meyer Owns Twilight.**

**Yep this is really late…but ya know Christmas and all…**

**Two Months Later… June 20****th****.**

"Just lower it a little… talk in the back of your throat," Edward said softly, while his long white fingers gripped my neck, feeling my vocal chords.

Nodding in understanding, I straightened my shoulders to try again. "Like this?" I asked, making my words come from deep in my throat. I was trying to sound like I did as a human, but was failing miserably.

I looked to Edward hopefully, but his brow furrowed, shielding his amber eyes. "Lower," he instructed, sliding his hand slowly over my voice box, stopping to give me a patient smile. "Don't garble your words…just make your voice lower."

With a determined sigh I cleared my throat and lowered my chin, hoping that would help. "Like this?" I said again, realizing right away that the sound coming out of me was more like a weather girl in drag, generic and low, and less like a teenage girl. "Damn," I hissed.

Edward's once hopeful eyes fell to the tile floor of the bathroom and he dropped his hand from my neck. "Just tell her you have a cold," he said with a humph. "It's not even close love." Lifting my sagging chin, he brushed his knuckle over my cheek and gave me a sweet half smile, failing to mask his frustration. "You know you don't have to do this right? He asked, looking over my shoulder to the locked door, showing me the exit…

Edward's eagerness to scratch the plan frustrated me. He knew full well why we were locked in the bathroom, but seemed keen to leave. I on the other hand wasn't as easily defeated. I was going to call, I had to…"Yes I do," I snapped at him, grabbing the disposable cell phone from his hand. "It's your birthday, I have to call her."

My voice had prevented me from calling for months now. But this particular phone call, I just had to make. It obviously upset me that Edward didn't understand that, or that perhaps he no longer cared. Truth is he barely even breathed his mother's name anymore. At best he would mention her vaguely in passing, like an old classmate or brief acquaintance. But I thought of her constantly…wrote to her constantly, and agonized over how badly I would have to hurt her…constantly.

"I'm calling," I croaked, pressing my hand to the send button, having dialed the number over an hour prior… "My voice doesn't matter, I'm calling."

_Ring…ring…ring…_

There was a click on the other end…someone answered. _Oh shit_.

"_Hello Masen residence, Liz speaking_…"

Her voice sort of hit me like a swift punch in the gut, causing memories of my human life to wash over me and remind me of the world that I had left behind. Her voice was as familiar as anything I knew, yet somehow I had forgotten it. The rasp from years spent singing in the car and sneaking cigarettes from Ed. The soft way she went up an octave on her O's, showing her Midwestern upbringing…The underlying sadness that only a mother who lost her only child would have chasing her every word…

"_Hello_?" The familiar voice said again…"_Hello is anybody there_?"

I was frozen where I stood, holding the phone to my ear, listening to the voice on the other end, but not responding to it. It's funny, but in all of my preparation, I had never really figured out what I wanted to say. Or, if I had, I had forgotten…Because I had nothing…just dead air…

I looked to Edward, completely dumbstruck and helpless.

"_Hello?"_

Edward came toward me and grabbed my hand, urging me with his eyes to talk, telling me it was ok.

I took a deep breath, so nervous, yet so anxious to talk to her. "Hi Liz…it's me," I stuttered out in my garbled girly-man voice, low and raspy.

"_Bella…Bella sweetheart is that you?"_

"Yeah."

"_Oh honey I've been so worried! Where the hell are you?! Why haven't you called?!" _

"I'm fine," I whispered, feeling Edward's hand clamp down around mine abruptly. Reacting to the swift pain, I lifted my eyes, and found his. They were scrunched sort of like he was on the verge of crying, but obviously crying tears that would never come.

He looked completely stunned, and sad, and just as kicked in the gut as I was.

He was feeling it too…

I stepped slowly toward him and laid my head on his chest and waited while he carefully wrapped his arms around me. Feeling his arms, stiff and nervous, I lifted my hand and stroked his worried cheek lightly, giving him a small apologetic smile, fully understanding his heartrending expression.

Hearing his mother's voice, sensing her distress, her sadness, her pain…it hit him hard. And I was glad for that.

"_Bella? Bella sweetheart are you there?" _Liz cried from the other end, steering our attention back to the tiny phone in my hand.

I looked to Edward and he nodded, urging me to continue.

"Yeah I'm here," I whispered, nuzzling my face again into Edward's chest, holding the phone so he could hear it. He was grasping me tightly and his eyes were closed, just listening to his mother's voice.

"_Bella are you alright honey, what's the matter? You sound sick."_

"No, I'm fine, just bad reception, and…um allergies…"

_Lie._

"_What have you been doing? It's been almost four months and you haven't called…"_

"I've been going to school."

_Lie._

"_And?"_

"I've been writing a lot."

_Lie._

"_No, I mean how are you doing sweetheart? You never tell me in your letters. Are you coping alright? I've been so worried about you."_

I didn't know what to say next. She thought I was in South America, completely alone, privately grieving the death of Edward, the love of my life who was tragically taken from me at 18. In reality, my forehead was pressed against his chest so closely that the warm honey of his scent was wafting into my nose and the smooth rhythmic purr of his breath was tickling my ear. I was with him, really with him, deliriously happy and loved. We were getting married in two days, and had spent the morning lying naked on river rocks and soaking in the coming summer sun, gorging ourselves on the blood of mountain lions…

Anything that could possibly come out of my mouth from that moment forward would not only be a lie, but a damaging lie. I would naturally want to lead her to believe that I was coping, healing, and getting closer to coming home…When the reality was that I was NEVER coming home, and anything I said to make her think that, would just do more harm than good. Leading my loved ones on, and making them think that I was on my way back was a mistake. No one ever wrote the book on how to handle this. Even Carlisle couldn't offer proper advice. Becoming a vampire had a completely unique set of circumstances.

Knowing what I had to do, I gripped tightly to Edward, wordlessly telling him of my next move. The stiff posture of his body told me that although torn and saddened by how fucked up it all was, he agreed with my decision. I lifted my chin slowly, and our eyes locked, surely matched in sadness.

"I'm sorry Liz, I can't do this," I whispered, feeling a familiar pain tear into my abdomen, impaled on the spot by a massive tree…"I…I have to go," I stuttered as I grabbed the throbbing gaping hole, trying to keep a steady voice.

Liz reacted exactly as I expected her to. "_No Bella, don't hang up_!" She screamed, all of the weakness in her voice instantly gone. She wasn't going to let me hang up without a fight, I knew that going in.

I didn't say anything, I couldn't, but I didn't hang up either…

"_Damn it Bella talk to me_!" Liz screamed again, causing my suddenly excruciating body to shake.

Edward pulled me to him tighter, panic in his eyes. "Hang up," he mouthed. "Hang up." He reached for the phone, but I pushed his hand away, realizing suddenly that I was not quite finished saying what I wanted to say.

What I wanted to say was still relevant. I had called for a reason after all. "I just wanted to call you on his birthday," I whimpered in my hunch. "I'm sorry…"

Then I heard a swift pounding noise come from the other end. I could picture Liz on the phone in the kitchen, slamming her fist into the refrigerator. "_Don't Bella! Don't you dare hang up_!"She cried, making me lose it. My knees went weak, and Edward held me up, gripping me to his body. _"Let's just talk sweetie…Please?!" _She was crying and gasping on the other end. _"Please Bella?!"_

I was listening to her whimpers, her cries, her agony, and feeling the indescribable pain in my own body…And then everything just became instantly crystal…So clear, it's impossible to imagine a time before I had my epiphany…

I had to let her go...

Like a light bulb going off in my head, or a lightning strike, it just hit me.

I had to let her go…

It would kill me. It would hurt. But it was right.

I had to let her go…

I looked to Edward one last time, showing him my fear, my trepidation. With a nod, his golden eyes folded closed and his parted mouth found my forehead, pulling me into a gentle embrace, filling me with the strength I needed to proceed.

I could let Liz go, I _would_ let Liz go, and Edward was the reason. I never had a choice when it came to this. Edward Masen was the only choice I ever had. Everyone else would have to lose me, everyone else would have to suffer. Because no matter what, I couldn't live without him… And this was the sacrifice. Liz was the sacrifice.

"I love you Liz," I whispered slowly and clearly, making sure she heard me. "I'll always love you." I paused, finding it difficult to get out the last bit, but strengthened by the arms that held me. "Goodbye"

Then I was holding the phone in my hand like a dirty sock…not sure of what to do with it. I could say goodbye, but I couldn't be the one to hang up…I couldn't do it.

Through the receiver, we could hear Liz screaming... _"Bella! Bella don't hang up! Bella!"_

After too long, Edward stoically took the phone into his hand…_Click…_and folded it closed. "I'm proud of you," he whispered in a voice that I had never heard before. It was the voice of an adult, a man, not a boy. There was a newfound maturity behind his tone, like something in him had changed over the past two minutes. "You did the right thing," he continued, dropping a kiss on the top of my head and pushing back my shoulders, so he could see me, perhaps assess the damage.

The Hemlock through my heart hurt, but not nearly as much as it could have. Seeing Edward in front of me, feeling his long fingers cupping my shoulders, seeing him all perfect and strong and mine in the massive cabin bathroom, was the only sight I wanted to see in that moment. Imagining myself in Forks without him was so completely and totally impossible, I just knew instantly that saying goodbye to Liz was just the first step in a long process of goodbyes, of letting go, and of grieving…Because there was never another choice. Edward was always my only choice.

I smiled at him. "I'm so glad I chose you," I whispered, tripping forward, and landing my head once again into the comfort of his chest.

Edward's arms dropped my shoulders and wrapped tightly around my back, his mouth pressing into my cheek, just shy of my left eye. "Me too," was all he said. Not much more needed to be said. Our love for each other didn't really require a whole lot of explanation.

I looked to the door then, ready to exit. "Let's get out of here," I said, smiling, but it wasn't forced. "It's your birthday, and we are _not_ spending it locked in this bathroom."

Edward's chest shook and the corners of his mouth pulled up. "Well," he said coyly, drawing his words out slowly. "We could hang out in the bathroom..." Then his eyes darted to the tub, mischievous and sly. "I mean, only if you want to," Edward offered, perhaps feeling a little brash wanting sex after what had just gone down.

But the thing was…I wanted to. It seemed inappropriate, and maybe a tad disrespectful, but somewhere deep down I knew that if Liz knew we were together, she would want us to be happy. I made my choice, I chose a life with Edward, and he wanted to have sex in the bathtub, and by God I was going to let him…

Without another word I jumped up, leaving my feet, and wrapped my ankles around Edward's waist, straddling him. My hands cradled the back of his neck, playful and light. "Show me a good time birthday boy," I laughed, letting him lead me to the tub, fully clothed.

Edward's smile grew even wider, seemingly contemplating a serious question. "Now," he said, dropping my back into the tub, kicking on the water. "Do you want to be thoroughly fucked by an eighteen year old, or a nineteen year old?" he laughed, unbuttoning my dress, causing my breast to pop out. Then his eyes got dark and hooded, as his mouth latched around my nipple. "This is a very important question Bella," he hummed, while his wet mouth teased my hard nipple, soaking me on the inside, as the hot water filled the tub, soaking me on the outside as well.

I lifted my warm wet hands from the water and ran them through Edward's thick bronze hair, holding him to me as his expert mouth traced the outline of my areola. Then I shifted my dripping bare knee, running it teasingly over the crotch of his jeans, pretending to mull over his question. "Ummmm," I said, moving my knee in slow circles teasing his already giant erection. "Nineteen," I purred, moving a hand to the fly of his jeans. "Definitely nineteen."

"Nineteen it is," Edward hissed as his fingers entered me, and I freed his erection from his pants, tugging on it firmly. "Brace yourself love, I'm older and more experienced…"

Then his thumb ghosted my clit…turning me to Jello.

"Nineteen is good," I hummed.

***

Edward's arm shifted, moving my floating chestnut hair, the warm bathwater almost pinkening his alabaster hands. It was most likely an illusion, but lying there naked with him, with my back pressing into his chest, and his long legs wrapped perfectly around mine in the warm water, almost made me feel human again.

"So, now that we did …that…Do you wanna talk about my mom?" Edward whispered into my ear, sliding his drifting hand over my hip, and settling it on my tummy.

I turned my head slightly and nuzzled into the crook of his neck, holding my hands behind my head and gripping his face, pulling him down for a kiss. He kissed me lightly for probably the hundredth time that day, but I needed it. I needed to enjoy my choice…Liz would have wanted it that way. "I'm good," I sighed, feeling strangely and uncharacteristically at peace with my decision. But Edward broached the topic, perhaps he wanted to talk? "Do you?" I asked, pressing my lips again to his. "Was it weird hearing her voice?"

Edward's head fell back onto the ledge of the tub. "Yeah maybe," he sighed. "I've been avoiding thinking about it I guess. But if it's alright with you, I think I want to talk about it?"

I turned over in the water, putting my knees onto the floor of the tub, and rested my chin on Edward's chest so I could look at him. "Of course baby," I sighed, lifting my hand to stroke his cheek. "But not while naked," I laughed, shifting to my feet and standing, reaching for Edward. "No talk of parent's while naked, we made that rule when we were fifteen remember?"

Edward reached for my hand and stood to meet me, showering water over me, and pulling me into a wet steamy hug. "Oh yes," Edward breathed with a smile. "Good rule."

***

"So she's been on medication?" Edward asked as we watched the sun fall over the mountain, purple and orange and green and spectacular.

"Yeah…we all were," I sighed as I reached for his hand and rolled toward him on the blanket. "Even Charlie."

"And she's drinking?"

"Bourbon."

"My dad?"

"Single malt…straight up."

"Oh."

Edward dropped my hand and sat up, gripping his knees and staring blankly at a fly that had been circling us most of the afternoon. "I was stupid to jump in their after Lauren Bella. I know that now."

"You saved her life."

"Yeah…"

I sat up and wrapped my arm over his shoulder, gripping him tightly with my fingers. "Hey," I said, nudging my head into the nook of his neck. "You're a hero."

"Yeah…"

"And I love you."

"I love you too."

"And the boy I love wouldn't have let her drown… Iknow that now."

Edward's body collapsed into me, letting me shoulder his weight. "You don't know how badly I needed to hear that," he cried, as his head fell into my lap. "Thank you Bella…thank you…"

"Shhh baby, shh…"

***

**June 21****st**

"Ok, I realize this isn't exactly the best timing, but I have a surprise for you, a wedding gift of sorts," Edward said excitedly, pulling me running behind him through a remote forest we had yet to explore. It was farther south than any we had explored before, getting close to the main roads…

"We agreed…no gifts!" I cried in a laugh, completely clueless as to what awaited me, but strangely excited.

The previous day had been one of the most significant in our entire relationship, making me even more excited for our coming wedding. Edward and I were in a perfect place together, everything just aligning and working out. Wounds were healing and life was starting to become that blissful heaven that I dreamed of before we changed. The previous day was one of the best of my entire life, because Edward and I grew even closer, something I thought was impossible.

But as we ran, a strange feeling if trepidation came upon me for no explainable reason…it was just a feeling. And before long, my strange feeling was realized, as I saw a familiar flash of red peaking through the trees…and a foul odor waft into my nose…

I froze in my tracks, yanking Edward's hand, pulling his body abruptly backward. "Is that my truck?" I squeaked in a barely audible whisper; panic blurring my vision in ways I didn't realize were still possible.

But it was the odor…the odor!!

"Hey Bells!!" A familiar voice screeched joyfully as it came toward me. "Holy hell you look hot!!"

_No!!_

I turned to Edward, avoiding the form running toward me, hoping it would disappear. "What have you done?" I asked slowly, emphasizing every syllable.

Through the blur, I could see Edward's mouth pull into a smile. "Surprise!" He cried. "Jacob's here for the wedding!"

_Silence…_

"Bella? What's wrong?"

**AN- Dun Dun Dun… Just when Bella thought it was safe to be happy…Jake shows up!! What the hell is he doing there? And why is Alice such a sucky psychic?! And who the hell has sex after talking to a grieving mother? **

**And if you're wondering…I'm cockblocking you all on purpose. I have this thing about wasting perfectly good lemons. I want to save mine…So hold tight, I have a few good ones planned. **

**Like this chapter? Lemme know. Didn't like this chapter? Lemme know…**

**You get the drift…please review. **


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 26/ Stephenie Meyer Owns Twilight. **

**It's a long one, and one of my favorites so far. I hope you like it. **

I turned to Edward, trying to focus on his puzzled face through my splotched vision. "What is he doing here?" I asked in a gasp, barely able to form a coherent thought through my panic. I was seeing red like I did as a human, and I wasn't exactly sure what was happening, but I did know Alice was going to freak out!

Jake was not supposed to be here. That much I knew!

Edward looked confused. "I thought I'd surprise you," he offered, forcing a smile through his furrowed brow. "Surprise!" He cried, pointing to Jacob who was now standing awkwardly beside him, staring at his feet.

I tried not to look at Jacob. If I acknowledged him, it would make it real. I was still hoping he'd vanish.

I kept focused on Edward. "Did you ask Carlisle?" I spat sort of angrily, making Jacob shift even more awkwardly in the periphery, his big hands were wringing together.

Ugh!

Edward's posture became stiff, and his once confused eyes were now down right pissed. "Ask Carlisle what?" he hissed. "What the _fuck_ Bella?"

I ignored Edward's attempts to engage me, and kept going with my line of questioning. "So no one knows Jake is here?" I asked, with an impatient whine in my tone. If this wasn't handled properly, we could all end up dead. That was my mantra, and I was following it. Edward's anger was the least of my worries.

Edward's hands flew into the air, and his eyes were blinking in bewilderment. "Alice probably does," he huffed. "But she didn't say anything, so I figured she wanted to keep it a secret too." Then he lurched toward me and really glared, telling me with his stare that I was being unforgivably rude. "Bella, what the _hell_ is the matter?" He asked, nudging his head toward Jake, who was now laughing lightly under his breath…

Oh Edward, you're so naïve sometimes…I'm not trying to hurt Jake, I'm trying to help him…Or something like that…

_Why the hell am I doing it again? _

I needed to get to Alice. I needed to talk to her. I was shitty in crisis mode. The quicker I could get away the better. I had to get through this, and bail.

So I plastered on a smile and decided to acknowledge Jacob for the first time. Ignoring him wasn't going to make him go away. And it was pissing off my fiancé…

I turned to him, and he was still smiling gently under his breath. He looked about the same: perfect tan skin, clear dark eyes, shiny raven hair. He was a little better groomed than I remembered: a decent haircut, his shirt looked ironed, nice shoes. Almost like a woman had gotten to him…hmmm…Leah?

But he was still Jake, and I really had missed him. There was such a familiarity in his smile, his laugh, his awkward gangly posturing. "Hey Jake, I'm so happy to see you," I beamed, going for it and grabbing him and hugging him. He grabbed me back and pulled me into a tight squeeze, his light laugh picking up into a full deep chuckle. The temperatures of our bodies were in sharp contrast, and I was really able to gauge how cold mine actually was. My body was cold…really cold.

It was a strange realization, making what I was now all the more real. And on top of that, my nose picked up his scent, something I couldn't do as a human….and he reeked.

I started sniffing him, letting my nose trail like a hound-dog over his chest.

"God you're weird," Jake laughed as his massive hands pushed back on my shoulders. "Are you smelling me?" he said with a teasing smile as his eyes scanned my new vamp self. "Weird, but hot Bells…Damn!" Jake nodded his approval, too enthusiastically, but Edward didn't seem to mind.

"Right?" Edward chimed in from beside me, in agreement with Jake.

_Ewww…_

"Ok, ok," I protested, pulling away from Jake and moving back to Edward's side, sneaking myself under his arm. "No more talk of my hotness," I said, burying my embarrassed face into Edward's shirt, feeling his chest shake with laughter. "But I really am glad you're here Jake," I mumbled, my nose crushed into Edward's body, my eyes just barely peaking out at Jake, the smell of warm honey and sunshine a welcome reprieve from road kill and week old garbage.

"You have an odd way of showing it!" Jake cried, "Look Bells, I know you hate gifts…But when the gift is your best friend, and a truck that I literally had to have resurrected from the dead, you could act a little more appreciative," he crowed teasingly, but I could see behind his eyes that I had sort of hurt his feelings, and Edward's as well.

But before I fully apologized and broke down, I remembered what Alice had told me, remembered what she warned me against. We weren't alone, and Jake wasn't safe in our presence…

"You just…you just took me off guard," I sighed, trying to think of a way out, I had to get to Alice, we were wasting time. "I reacted wrong, I'm sorry." It was the best I could do. What did he want a welcome parade?

But much to my dismay, Edward seemed to agree with him. "Seriously!" he cried, squeezing me tightly to his side, "I mean it looked like you wanted him _gone_ or something. What the hell was that?!" He laughed, poking me in the ribs playfully, moving his hand to tickle me.

Edward and Jake wanted to play and laugh…I wanted to run. As much as I would have liked to relish in the fun of having Jake back, I couldn't. No one could know he was here.

I grabbed Edward's roaming hand and stilled it, stiffening my posture beneath him, letting him know that it wasn't the time. Thing is, he knew I hated surprises, and this was the mother of all surprises to spring on me now. I figured if I could make him believe I wasn't in the mood to play with them, they would let me leave. "Sorry baby," I smiled through gritted teeth. "But I can't help how I react. That's sort of the point of a _reaction_ in the first place now isn't it?" I hissed, but not very convincingly.

"Well you could have at least pretended," Edward scoffed like it was the most obvious thing in the world. What he didn't realize was that I was about to shit my unshitable pants. I needed to get to Alice, and I was still fucking around with Stan and Kyle.

I put a hand on my hip and really glared at Edward. "I failed Acting 101 my freshman year in Phoenix. Got an F Edward…Had to go to summer school…Didn't show up to Forks until July…Any of this ring a bell?"

_I mean how does one fake a reaction anyway? _

Edward and I stared each other down. The first to break would win…

_Come on Edward, break so I can leave! _

But neither of us was the first to break…Jake was? Loud gasping sobs were coming from his direction.

_What the hell? _

Edward and I turned to him, he was a sobbing mess.

"Why the hell are you crying!?" Edward and I both spat in unison at Jacob.

"You guys still fight?" Jake croaked through his tears, raising his red eyes to look at us, a goofy grin on his face.

Edward and I turned quickly toward each other, fire in our eyes, then back to Jake. "All the time!" We cried in agreement.

Jake shook his head back and forth and blew his nose into his black paisley handkerchief, last used to gag him by Paul. _Weird_. "That's so awesome," he wept, blotting his eyes with the torture device. "This is so awesome. And Bella, you look so pretty…And Edward, man you're alive. Fuck me this is so awesome."

It was awesome. And I really wanted to relish in Jake's sentiment, because hell, it was _more_ than awesome…But I _really_ had to go.

"Yep everything's awesome," I agreed with a smile. "Super duper awesome."

Jake and Edward both looked at me like I was the cold bitch who had just knocked the wind out of their sentimental sails. But I didn't have time, they would just have to be sentimental together. And that gave me a perfect getaway plan. "Hey I have an idea!" I cried, grabbing hold of Edward's right arm and Jake's left, pulling them with me toward the truck. "Why don't you two drive the truck back to the house and catch up?" I said in a high pitched voice, shoving Edward into the driver seat, and pulling Jake with me to the passenger. "I'll head home and let the others know you're here. Sound good?" I said slamming the door behind Jacob.

I didn't let them get a word in edgewise, but the drive back would take at least an hour, and I could run in two minutes, I didn't have a choice.

"You sure?" Edward asked me though the glass, starting the engine. He had sort of adjusted to my strange behavior over the past four months, he didn't seem overly phased.

I walked to his door, and waited while he rolled down the window. Once down I placed a hand on his cheek, because my next sentiment was genuine. "Yeah," I sighed, stroking my thumb just under his eye. "You guys have a lot to catch up on," I whispered, looking past Edward's amber eyes to Jake, sitting in the passenger seat. Seeing the two of them together in my truck, about to take a joy ride…

Not really easy to describe.

"Ok," Edward smiled, pulling my hand to his mouth and leaving a kiss on my palm. "See you back at the house in a few hours." His smile had a little extra happy in it and I wished I could have been fully with him in his excitement over seeing Jake…But I couldn't…not yet at least.

"Jake! It's really good to see you…Really!!" I cried as they pulled away.

"You too Bells!" He called out the window as they drove back toward the road…somewhere Edward had never been.

"Roll the windows up and don't breathe if you pass any cars!" I screamed with a laugh as they got even closer to the forbidden road.

"Will do!" Edward screamed back. "Bye love!"

"Bye…"

"I love you!"

"I love you too!"

"I love you too! Muah…muah…muah!!" Jake chimed in…

And they were gone…

_Mother Fuck!!_

As soon as they were out of sight, I bolted toward the house, never running as fast, not even in my weekly races against Emmett.

"Alice! Alice!" I cried as the house came into my vision. "Alice!"

Alice met me on the lawn, holding silk napkins in her hand, covered in glitter. "What is it?" She asked annoyed, clearly not registering the complete panic that must have been burned into my face by now.

I grabbed the ugly ass napkins from her hands and threw them on the grass. "You don't know? At all?!" I cried, getting really aggressively close to her face, totally uncharacteristic for me.

Alice shrugged her shoulders, and her mouth pulled up at the side. "Bella, I told you my visions suck…"

"Jake's here," I spat, cutting her off. She was clueless.

It took her a few seconds, but eventually it registered. "What?!" She cried, "How?!"

"Edward invited him to the wedding. He's been driving for days in my truck!"

"What do we do?!" Alice cried, asking me. _Me!!_

I grabbed her tiny shoulders and pushed her toward the garage, away from possible prying ears. "You're asking me?" I spat in an angry whisper. "Holy fuck Alice are you kidding me?!"

Alice whipped open the garage door and got inside Emmett's Jeep. "Get in!" she cried, "And watch your mouth!"

She settled herself for a moment, and I let her think, pulling myself into the massive Jeep, a place Alice and I would go sometimes for added privacy… "Ok, ok, we can handle this," she breathed, playing nervously with her fingers. "It's not the end of the world. I mean, none of our guests are coming until tomorrow. We can ship Jacob back to Forks, and no one will be the wiser."

"I think Edward might notice. You know the groom!"

"Well he can't come _here_!" She cried. "We have ten vampires coming from all over tomorrow! They can't know about the werewolves Bella. Some of them…well they just wouldn't understand! A species designed to _kill _vampires? And not to mention one that's left me _powerless_…"

"Then we have to tell Carlisle. Alice please?!"

Alice stopped fidgeting and froze, turning to look at me. "He'll call off the wedding if I tell him I haven't had a vision in over a month," she said quietly, shaking her head 'no.' "My power is gone Bella, totally gone. The wolves proximity isn't even a factor anymore. My power is just gone."

_Gone? What? _

Things had just gone from bad…to really bad. I had to try to salvage something. There was something we were missing, I know there was. "Well maybe Edward made these plans a month ago? Ya know he's been thinking a lot about Jake?" I offered to Alice, whose little black head was resting on the steering wheel, her hands white knuckled, leaving an indentation in the leather…

I reached for her fingers, and pried them off slowly. "Right?" I asked again, finding her distraught almost black eyes. "It could be Edward thinking about it? Right?"

Alice's head dropped as quickly as it rose, and her hands were now in her hair, pulling her head up and down, banging her forehead into the steering wheel. "That theory is bogus and you know it," she laughed sadly. "I just told you that to calm you down…to calm myself down really."

"Fucking fuck!" I screamed at the realization that we knew shit about what was going on!

But even if we didn't know shit about what to do in the long term, Alice knew what to do in the short term. So did I really, I just didn't have the heart to say it. She turned to me, and I nodded in agreement before she even said anything. "Bella, Jake has to go home," she whispered in sad defeat. "He has to go home and never come back."

"I know."

"And as soon as you two say 'I do,' I'm going to tell Carlisle," she offered, still putting the wedding into too high a priority for my comfort. But I wanted that stinking wedding. Jake was just going to have to leave.

I nodded again. "What do we tell Edward?" I asked, knowing he wouldn't understand me kicking Jake out without a good reason.

Alice lifted her shoulders and held her chin high. "The truth," she said firmly. "We tell Edward the truth."

_Thank God!_

***

"Come on, we can cut them off at the bridge," Alice cried, pulling me behind her. She was more familiar with the unexplored southern woods than I was. The road was something I had avoided at all costs. Killing an innocent human was something I really tried to avoid.

"Jake! Edward!" We cried as we ran. "Jake! Edward! If you can hear us…Stop!!"

We had run for almost thirty miles south, close enough to the road that Edward would most certainly hear our cries, but we still hadn't found them.

When we got too close for comfort, Alice stopped us in our tracks and turned to me. "Let's split up," she said, her voice thick with impatient frustration. "I'll keep going south, you head back toward home…they may have taken the scenic route," she instructed, dropping my hand and nudging me back away from the road.

"Ok," I agreed, turning on my heel and running back into the thick woods. "Call for me if you find them!"

I watched over my shoulder as Alice took off like a bolt toward the road. She would run on it herself, not daring to take me. It was a good plan. We had to find them.

I took off running a slightly different route back to the house. I was going to cut up a little higher north, to the top of a mountain range that I had yet to explore. It had a high summit and I figured I might get a good view from up there.

I didn't think I'd find Edward and Jake, Alice probably would. But I might be able to see her catch up to them, and find them from there.

The mountain was darker than Edward's and my mountain…It was steeper with more trees and more sharp rocks. It was shaded from the morning sun by our mountain, and seemed colder and less friendly. I realized very quickly why the family rarely if ever came to it. It wasn't the same. It was rough, and mean.

"Jake! Edward!" I cried as I pushed through the vegetation and sharp rocks. I figured they may have decided to take a hike or something, it was worth a try. "Jake! Edward baby are you out here?!" I cried as I ran.

Before long, I came to the top, and there was a strange flat plateau just below the sharp peak of the highest summit, totally hidden from view. It was cleared out, well past the tree line, but it seemed like someone had been there…

I looked around for a bit. There was a fire pit, someone had definitely been there. And recently…it was still smoking. I couldn't smell any humans…But I couldn't risk it, I had to leave.

I turned to go, when I heard a rustling behind me. "Wait Bella don't go," someone whispered behind me.

On instinct I lifted my nose… Foul…Jacob.

_Phew!_

"Oh, Jake thank God! We've been trying to find you guys!" I cried as I turned around, relief washing over me.

But it wasn't Jacob. It was short and pointy and ugly…Paul.

_Shit!_

"Paul?" I eked out, paralyzed at the very sight of him. I was still terrified of him, even though I could probably defend myself if I had to. He was the only person in the world that could make me feel that way. I could still feel the slaps against my face, and the agonizing burn of my broken ribs and ankle.

"You didn't think I'd miss your wedding did you?" He sneered as he came toward me, moving to reach his hand to my neck, like some twisted deranged villain.

I chopped at Paul's incoming hand, hearing the unmistakable snap of broken fingers on impact. "Don't you dare touch me!" I cried, making my voice as angry and loud as possible, showing him with one small gesture how easily I could end him. My chest was becoming tight and knotted, almost taking away the breath that I didn't even need. It felt like a wire or a…rubber band was wrapping and tightening itself within me.

"_Growl…." _Paul snarled as he backed away. His temperament had changed apparently, because he didn't phase, he stayed in his ugly smelly human form.

"What are you doing here?" I snapped as he readjusted his fingers so they could heal.

He raised his beady eyes at me, shaking out his hand. "Me? I've been here for months," he said with a casual demented laugh. "I've just been _waiting_ to kill you. I wanted Jacob to witness it. Glad he finally showed up," he sniggered as he brought his quickly healed hand into a fist.

_Months? _

I backed away a step, not sure if I knew how to kill Paul, and not wanting to find out. "Why do you want to kill me Paul?" I asked, trying to level with him.

His body snapped in my direction, suddenly upright and bigger than I remembered. "Why?!" He screamed, just screamed. "Why?! You ruined me Bella! Ruined me!" I could see every vein in his face and his russet skin was a deep purple. He was wailing at me like I had truly ruined him…

_Bullshit!_

"I didn't do anything to you Paul! You kidnapped me and beat me!" I cried back in response, not falling for his crap. Whatever happened to him was his fault!

_Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr….._

Whenever he growled my body would freeze, and the knot in my stomach would tighten.

He came toward me again, slowly, and purple in the face. "You disrespected us!" he cried, and I could see the determination behind his eyes. Whatever Paul thought I had done, he believed it. "You're a whore Bella!"

Being called whore, no matter who you are, even real whores I'm sure, hurts. "I wouldn't say that Paul!" I cried, defending myself, feeling the knot grow even tighter. "Edward will kill you!"

"Oh Please Swan, please save it!" Paul snapped back before I could even process my next thought. "You're a whore and used your pussy to get Jacob to save your favorite _dick_ and break the treaty! Is he giving it to you good Bella? Was it worth it?" He was floating around me like a bee, spitting gross and insulting and degrading garbage at me, and I was just sort of frozen where I stood. I knew I could probably kill him, but I couldn't make the first move…And I _never_ slept with Jacob!

"Stop it!" I cried, not knowing what to do next. Do I bite him? Rip his head off? Punch his face through his skull?

"Fucking cheap slut!" Paul continued, making me wince.

"I am not!" I cried, almost on the verge of charging him, but dreading what that would mean.

Paul circled me again. "I saw your favorite dick giving it to you good on the side of a car the night he drowned…You little whore…"

"Take it b…" I began to cry out, but then the smell of warm honey and sunshine wafted into my nose…

"That's enough Paul," Edward whispered in a chilling tone from behind a tree, revealing himself to us. He looked so powerful, so much like the man that had opened himself up to me the day before. He was the most magnificent sight I could imagine in that moment. I needed him more than ever.

"Edward!" I cried and ran to him, burrowing my head into the shelter of his lean white arms. "I thought you'd never come!"

I felt his lips crush down onto the top of my head. "I'm here," he whispered, pulling me tighter into his hold, almost painfully so.

We heard a laugh come from Paul. "Oh if it isn't the penis that broke the treaty!" he cackled, causing Edward's body to stiffen even more. His grip on me was becoming uncomfortable, and I watched as his eyes shifted from amber to black.

"Bella," a squeaking voice called to me from behind the rocks. "Get over here." It was Alice, and she sounded frightened.

I looked to Edward. "Go," he whispered. "I'll handle this."

"She stays…" Paul snarled, grabbing my forearm, making dead eye contact with Edward, whose chest was now rumbling. "She's the one I'm after," Paul said with a raised brow. "Step aside Masen."

Edward flashed his devastating eyes once at me, and then violently ripped Paul's hand from my arm, and crushed it under his grip, shattering his bones. "I am going to kill you Paul," Edward hissed to an absolutely agonized Paul, writhing under Edward's grasp. Edward twisted his arm around again, torturing his victim. "You are going to die Paul and I don't want Bella to see it," he seethed, his body rumbling with snarls, his eyes turning black on the spot. "So you either let her leave, or I will crush every single one of your bones just like this, one by one."

"Do it!" Paul cried with a maniacal laugh, strange desperation in his voice…like he was begging. "Do it Masen I dare you!"

"Not alone you won't!" a voice cried, Jacob, finally emerging from over the hill, slower than the vampires apparently. "Paul," Jacob nodded, greeting a writhing Paul who was like an insect under Edward's magnifying glass. "Long time no see."

"Oh wonderful! Now that everyone is present and accounted for!" Paul spat as he squirmed, his hand completely bloody and macerated between Edward's. His bones looked like crushed gravel. "I wanted to be sure that all of Bella's _dicks_ were present when I ripped her head off and threw it in the fire!" Paul laughed, giving one last glance to Edward, setting Edward's body into full blown shakes.

I looked to Edward, and I knew he was on another level now, so far gone I couldn't reach him. It was terrifying.

"Ok, that's it!" Edward screamed furiously, pushing me backward into Alice, not even looking at me, and wrapping his arm around Paul's neck. "You die now Paul," he said slowly, tightening his arm, and giving it a swift yank.

_Crack!_

I didn't even really realize what had happened until I saw the blood spurting and gushing and showering Edward, like crimson colored syrup… It sounded like a limb snapping, or a melon shattering on the ground…

Then Edward's eyes met mine…Hooded, dripping blood coming from his forehead…

"Edward," I gasped, seeing the detached head in his hands. "Oh God…" Edward focused on me then, piercing terrifying eyes black as coal, distant and frightening. "Edward? Baby?" I eked out, trying to find him behind all of the black and all of the blood.

He looked down into his hands, and dropped Paul's head like a hot potato, disgust and torment in his eyes. He paced around the head, long determined paces, looking like a crazed madman.

I went to run to him, but I stopped in my tracks when he jerked his head up and looked seriously at Alice. "Alice," he seethed through a clenched jaw, barely getting the words out of his mouth, staring again at the bloodied head. "The reason why you didn't have any visions is because Paul has been stalking Bella."

Alice's eyes got wide and then her head dropped. "Oh," she whimpered, to an absolutely livid Edward. "That makes sense."

Then Edward's body came toward me, grabbing my arm and pulling me from Alice. "This is why we don't keep _secrets_ Bella!" he screamed at me in a tone he had never used with me before. I wasn't scared for myself, he would never hurt me, but I was terrified for him. He was internalizing it, making it his fault. He jerked me toward him, glaring at me with maddened black eyes. "If you had told me what was going on, I would have told you someone's been out here! I could hear him from time to time! I thought it was a hunter, I thought it was a human! Paul wanted revenge that day at La Push, I heard it in his head. I would have figured this out!"

"Baby it's ok, it's over now, I'm fine!" I cried, reaching for his blood stained face, noticing his beautiful bronze hair was soaked with it too.

Before I could reach his face, he shirked away from me and dropped my hand from his grasp. "Don't!" He cried. "The blood is on my hands! I'm the killer Bella, not you! I'm the monster!"

I ran to him, not caring about anything else, I had to comfort him. "You were protecting me!" I cried, my hands slipping on the blood that covered his arms, allowing him to slither away from me. I fell to my knees, the first clumsy thing I had done since becoming a vampire. "Let me help you!" I cried as I watched him begin to stare at the head again, tormented by the blood.

Then he turned his back on me, and started walking away, leaving me on the ground. "Edward where are you going?!" I wailed, trying to get to my feet, but slipping on a river of blood that was leaking from Paul's decapitated body.

Edward turned, and he stared down at the mess I was in, and his eyes went blank. "Away," he mumbled under his breath before he turned away again, leaving me in a pool of Paul's blood, on the eve of our wedding.

"Edward!!" I cried, as I felt hot arms dip down to pull me out of the blood. "Edward!!"

**AN- Yeah…well this sucks now doesn't it? Will Edward show up tomorrow? I sure hope so! **

**Alice couldn't see anything because Paul's been hiding in his Grinch Palace looking down over Cullen-ville. And now for the resounding…DUH!!! I have been leaving clues, but you guys really didn't catch on. Either bad writing or good…I'm not sure which?!**

**Note: I am trying to keep this story to 100,000 words, maybe a few more. I don't want it to get too long. So, it's wrapping up. Maybe three more chapters and an epilogue? Just letting you know the end is near. Hold on tight till the end! **

**And as always, Please review!**


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 27**

**Stephenie Meyer Owns Twilight.**

That smell. That putrid sickening smell of Paul's rotten blood was all around me. It was burning flames into my neck, and twisting my insides like a screwdriver. The warm slow flow collected around me, making my legs immobile, my arms like jelly, my entire body useless… Blood was swallowing me in its stench, in its misery.

Then, Jake's arms came down like angels wings and lifted me out, lifted me from the hellish puddle. I grasped to him weakly as the panic amplified. In those short moments I had lost all feeling of Edward.

I clumsily lurched my body toward the open space where he had stood. "Edward come back!" I cried frantically, slipping in Jake's grasp, reaching toward the empty expanse. "Edward please don't leave! Baby please!!" Jake's arms held me as I screamed, "EDWARD!!!!"

But he was gone. I couldn't sense him anymore. I couldn't smell the honey and the sunshine. I couldn't feel the electric pulse of his energy, or the tangible sensation of warmth that radiated around him. I couldn't hear the low hum of his deliberate breaths, or the soft whoosh then crunch when his hands went into his hair.

Before, his body was like a gravitational force, and mine was pulled along its orbit.

But, I couldn't feel the gravity anymore.

I was floating aimlessly.

My cries slowly faded to whimpers as shock was setting in. My world was stopping. He had left. "Edward," I whimpered weakly on my last gasp, Jake's arm supporting my limp torso. It was like déjà-vu. I was wilting into Jake's arms, begging Edward not to leave me, begging him to come back to me. It was the feeling I had feared more than anything. It was the fear of this feeling that had kept me glued to Edward's side for months, not able to part.

Then everything became silent. The only sound heard was the sound of Jacob's beating heart. Mine was still…

Mine was gone really…

Time passed, agonizingly slow, before the silence was broken. "What in the world is going on here?" A voice cried. I'm not sure from where, nor did I care.

Footsteps came closer. "Jacob what are you doing here? Is that…Paul?!" It was Carlisle's voice. Carlisle had come.

I pealed my eyes open to see him, but I quickly closed them at the sight of him taking in the evidence of Edward's murder. Paul's body was white as snow and surrounded by a pool of blood and his head had rolled to his feet. A moan rose from somewhere in my gut at the disgusting sight, and Jacob's arms immediately pulled me into him. He shielded my eyes with his bicep, and turned to Carlisle. I played dead…invisible really…it wasn't hard.

"He's been stalking Bella. He wanted revenge. He came here to kill her," Jacob replied firmly to Carlisle, his tone never wavering or regretful. His hatred for Paul was evident and he made no apology for it.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked, assuming the identity of the killer, taking in the evidence.

"Yeah, it was Edward," Jake breathed, pulling me tighter when he said Edward's name, knowing the effect it would have. "Edward killed Paul."

"I see," Carlisle responded with a long low sigh, his hand finding my back. "It's going to be ok Bella," he whispered gently as his hand left my back and his voice moved further away. "Come on let's get her out of here."

Jake lifted the dead weight of my body into a cradle and began to walk, following Carlisle. I pressed my face into his shoulder and I didn't open my eyes again. All I could do was feel the coagulating blood crust and dry in my jeans and hair, and let the burn in my throat torture me. I couldn't do anything else. I just let myself suffer. I deserved it.

I wanted to believe Carlisle, I wanted to believe that everything was going to be ok. But in my head all I could see was the dead blackness of Edward's eyes, "_Away…" _he said.

He said he was going away….

***

As we walked, Alice's small steps and sweet scent followed us. She had not said a single peep since it happened. The girl, who could make a profession out of talking, had seemingly gone mute. It didn't matter though, I didn't want to hear her anyway…

"So what happened?" Carlisle asked Jake as we approached the bottom of the mountain, his voice grave and serious.

"Not exactly sure," Jake answered with a heavy sigh. "But Paul separated his mind from the pack months ago. I was never able to hear him really, none of us were. He's been home a couple of times, gathering clothes and stuff, but mostly he's been gone. Honestly, I had no idea what he was up to. I thought he was sulking somewhere with his head in a bottle." Jacob's tone was guilty and seemingly disappointed. He was taking on some of the blame…

Except it wasn't his fault…The two at fault here were the ones conveniently not talking, not doing anything really. I was a vegetable in Jake's arms, and Alice was like an invisible mime, keeping three paces behind, never making more noise than a feather in the wind.

I kept my head tucked in the darkness of Jacob's arm, except I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that it was _my_ fault, that _I_ was the liar who let Paul freely wander around us for months! That I was a dirty rotten snake and everything that happened was because of _me_.

But Alice beat me to it, she must have been feeling the same way.

"It's my fault," she cried loudly in a stuttered moan, breaking the brief silence. Carlisle stopped, and so did Jake, turning slowly to face her.

I opened my eyes to see her. Her posture was slouched and scared, and her hands were fidgeting with the sleeves of her sweater. Her pristine face was speckled with red dots, like little blood freckles…And her eyes, her eyes were heartbreaking. They were vacant and tired and full of shame…

"I have been lying to you Carlisle," she whined, focusing her shamed eyes in Carlisle's direction, her voice shaky and scared. "I haven't had any visions in months. I was just waiting until the wedding, and hoping things would change. I didn't want to make a fuss over something and risk alerting the Volturi if there wasn't a real threat." As she finished, her voice was barely audible through her tiny whimpers. "I'm sorry Carlisle," she whined, "and I'm so sorry Bella." She looked at me then, and I knew she was sincere. But I was too angry, too upset to accept her apology.

I just shut my eyes, and returned them to the darkness of Jake's bicep. "I want to go to my room now," I whispered, never granting Alice the forgiveness she so desperately wanted.

Jake carried me to my room, and laid me down on the bed, my blood soaked clothing staining the comforter below me.

I was surrounded by Edward. His scent was in the walls, in the pillows, in the carpet. His clothes were strewn throughout, and his tux was hanging beside my dress from the outside hooks of the closet.

I just stared, gripping the comforter that we shared, staring at my dress…

"I'll get this out of here," Jake said reaching for my dress, finding my eyes for the first time. He looked sad.

"Leave it. He's coming back," I muttered weakly, rolling on my side, away from the closet. I gripped the pillow, and let my head go completely blank. It's like my world just stopped without him. There was nothing to do but wait.

I couldn't move.

Jakes footsteps came towards me. "Bells you need to get out of those clothes," he whispered as the weight of his body hit the bed, his hand gently landing on my hip.

The thought of my bloodied clothes only added to the fact that I was actively trying to swallow a scream that I could feel forming in my chest. Attempts to rid my head of thoughts of Edward, only made me think of him more.

I knew that if the scream came out, Jake would comfort me. He would wrap his big arms around me and let me wail in his arms, like he had done countless times before. And a part of me was relieved by that fact. A part of me liked knowing I was never completely alone, because I had Jake.

But it was different now, I was different. Edward and I were engaged and shared a room and a life and an eternity together. Being a sobbing mess to Jake seemed like something I wasn't supposed to do anymore. A different person did that. I didn't want to go all the way back there. I wasn't ready. I needed Edward back.

_He promised…_

"Jake?" I asked, rolling over, trying to swallow the scream.

"Yeah Bells?"

"Find him? Bring him back to me?" I asked, praying he would agree and leave because my body was about to erupt. I could feel the tremors rising from deep within…

Jake sighed. "Of course," he answered, his weight leaving the bed and his hand sliding off my hip.

Before he reached the door, I asked him one more thing. "Jake?"

"Yeah Bells?"

"Tell him I love him, and I'm sorry."

"Sure."

When the door closed, I just couldn't hold it in any longer. "Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!"

***

The bathwater was stained pink, and the blood would just NOT come out from under my fingernails. "Come out!" I screamed as I scrubbed at my fingernails with a brush. "God damn it come out!!!"

They were brown and crusted with red staining the skin around them. "Fuck!" I cried, just scrubbing the bristles right out of the brush, my hand splintering the wood on the handle.

"Somebody help me!" I cried, totally lost in my obsession with my fingernails. "I can't get the blood out!"

I wasn't thinking of anything else. I let my mind become one tracked.

_Get the blood out!!Get that mother fuckers fucking blood out of your fucking hands!!!_

"Aaahhhh!!!"

The door burst open. Rose was standing in the frame, staring down at my pathetic form. "Bella," she sighed, taking in my frightening appearance. "What's wrong?"

"I can't get it out," I whined, my voice desperate and cracking, holding my bloodied hands above the pink water to show her. "The blood won't come out."

Rose got to her knees and easily took the brush from my tainted hand, her perfect digits in sharp contrast to mine. With a tight smile, she grabbed for a bar of soap from under the vanity, and gently brushed it over the bristles. "Give me your hand?" She asked, an unfamiliar gentle kindness coming from behind her stunning golden eyes.

I lifted my hands from the water and gave them over to her, letting her clean them.

She swiped the brush back and forth, lathering the soap, and delicately allowed the bristles to work their way under the quick of my nails. Her perfectly clean and soft blonde hair swished back and forth as she worked.

"There," she said with a pleased smile as she took my hand in for inspection, seeing the last of the blood was gone. "Now let's get to that hair." Her hands unabashedly reached into the tub and pulled the drain plug, letting the pink water drain from below me.

She turned the water back on, letting the old mix with the new, until there was no sign left of Paul. I just let her care for me, sort of wide eyed and confused, but extremely grateful. She would have made an excellent mother.

Once she had shampooed my head three times, she helped me out of the tub and into a towel.

"Thanks," I said with an embarrassed smile as she started running a comb through my hair.

"No problem, you were stinking up the house anyway," she shrugged, letting a bit of the old Rosalie back into her voice.

I didn't laugh.

Rosalie found my eyes through the mirror. "Sorry," she said. "This isn't at all funny Bella."

I saw sincerity behind her eyes, so I shrugged it off. "It's ok," I sighed, turning my head downward and fidgeting with my newly cleaned fingernails.

Rose ran the comb slowly down my long chestnut hair, gentle and careful with her touch. "He'll come back Bella," she whispered as she took sections of my hair into a braid. "He loves you too much to stay gone for long."

I lifted my head and found her eyes again in the mirror. "He promised me he would never leave me again," I stammered in a swallowed whisper, trying to keep my panic under control, not wanting to show Rose of all people what a pathetic mess I was. As the minutes turned into hours and he still wasn't back, I was getting extremely anxious.

"He'll be back," she nodded with a kind smile, seeming sure in her assumption, tossing one section of the braid over the other.

"He called himself a monster, he looked so sad," I retorted, seeming to want to argue her assumption. She seemed so sure he was coming back. But she didn't see his eyes, she didn't see the cold blackness that told me he was going…

_Away…_

Rosalie finished my braid and tied it, then placed her hands tightly on my shoulders, staring seriously at me through the mirror. "He is sad Bella," she whispered, her voice deep and serious. "Sad doesn't even begin to cover it. Trust me." Her tone was solemn, regretful…sympathetic to Edward's pain. She had killed before, I knew that. I knew they all had apart from Carlisle. But in my selfish pursuit of eternal bliss, I never really stopped to consider what that meant to them.

"What's it like?" I asked, knowing the walls were down, knowing that if I wanted to ask her something, this moment was about as good as any. "Killing someone?"

She took a seat on the ledge of the tub, beside me, but out of my direct line of sight. "Well," she sighed, her voice becoming soft. "In my case it was a lot like Edward's. I killed not to feed, not to sustain my own life, but because I had deep hatred toward him, and I wanted revenge."

"Who was he?" I asked, my curiosity peaked.

"My fiancé," she answered, her voice suddenly cold. "He raped me and left me for dead. When Carlisle found me, I was barely alive."

"Oh Rose," I gasped, realizing there was so much more to Rose than stilettos and lipstick and a bad attitude. "I'm really sorry."

She was silent beside me for a moment, but then continued. "I don't regret killing him Bella," she assured, her voice becoming stronger. "But I also can understand what Edward is feeling. I never imagined myself a murderer Bella, and to this day it's hard to grasp. I took a life. I erased an existence."

"Paul was plotting to kill me. He beat me…"

"Paul deserved what happened to him. So did Royce, my fiancé," Rose assured, her soft kind voice returning. "Edward will come around Bella, just try to understand what he is feeling and don't be too hard on him. Do you think you can do that?"

My eyes closed and I took a deep breath and I tried to agree with her, but there was one thing I couldn't ignore. "It's just tomorrow is our wedding, and…"

Rosalie cut me off. "It's just a ceremony, it's not everything," she sighed, her hand finding the small of my back. "You two don't need a wedding to be committed, you already are."

I turned to her, and found her eyes. "He promised me he'd always come back."

She smiled and rubbed her hand over my spine, calming me. "Then he'll come back," she assured with a tight confident grin.

I smiled back at her, finding a real friend in Rose. It took months, but I'm glad it happened. There was so much more to her than met the eye. She was smart, and gentle, and damaged, and…real.

_Knock knock…_

"Come in," Rose and I called in unison, inviting the knocker into the little complicated bubble we had created.

It was Esme, and as she saw me calm and clean in Rose's care, a look of relief washed over her.

"I called the friends we invited to the wedding and told them not to come. No one is the wiser Bella. When Edward and Jacob get back, it'll just be family and Jacob for the wedding," she said, also seemingly confident of Edward's return. It gave me a small amount of hope.

"Thanks Esme," I whispered in reply, giving her a small smile, seeing in her eyes that she truly cared.

"Chin up sweetheart," she said with a wink as she handed me a stack of clean clothes. "Get dressed and Carlisle wants to have a little chat," she said, leaving a kiss on the top of my head.

"Is Carlisle mad?" I asked, my voice cracking, praying I hadn't let Carlisle down too much. I suddenly worried for Alice. I hoped she didn't get it too bad from Carlisle. She was an innocent, a kind heart, and did everything for me. I hoped in that moment that she was ok. I really couldn't stay mad at her, even if I wanted to.

Esme's smile faded slightly and her eyes became serious. "Disappointed maybe," she nodded, her mouth pulling into a hard line. "But not mad," she assured, her tone telling me there was a difference. "We suspected Alice was up to something. We're just grateful that no one, besides Paul, was hurt." She finished and walked back into the door frame. "Just go talk to him. He may have some insight into Edward."

When Edward's name came off her lips I got this raw aching feeling in my chest. Hearing it, hearing the two syllable name that had come to represent my entire universe…left me sore.

_Edward where are you?_

***

I met Carlisle on the outdoor deck, overlooking the river.

He turned to me without saying a word and reached a hand out for me, pulling me under his arm. I rested my head on his strong shoulder. "I'm sorry I lied Carlisle. After everything you have done for me, it's unforgivable," I said regretfully, as I stared out at the expansive wilderness in front of us, hoping to see something that wasn't there.

Carlisle sighed, and broadened his chest, taking in the fresh spring air. "We all make mistakes Bella, every last one of us," he said humbly, listening to the soothing rush of the river. "And perhaps I made a mistake somewhere along the way that made Alice feel she couldn't tell me this. I may have been too controlling in the past, too finite with my decisions. I call the shots here, and I never stop to ask the others what they think…"

We stood in silence for a moment, as I let Carlisle contemplate his words…his thoughts.

"It's just her power is something this family has come to rely on…It's hard to say what I would have done. Perhaps she was right…"

"She lied about her vision too. Edward and I shouldn't even be here," I added, wanting to make sure all secrets were out, wanting to start fresh…tired of all the lies.

"I know," he sighed, and turned to me, his expression warm and engaging. "That…I don't regret." There was a gentle laugh behind his words that made me feel instantly better. He wanted me here, no matter the circumstances, and that made it infinitely easier for me to ask for his help.

Deep down I knew he was the only one who could really help me now.

"Where do you think he is Carlisle?" I whimpered, hoping he would know, hoping he would help me.

Carlisle was still for a moment, seemingly entranced by the swift flow of the river in spring, contemplating my question. Then he turned to me, and his eyes were suddenly clinical, like a doctor's. "Has Edward played his guitar at all since arriving here?"

It seemed like an odd question, but I wanted to follow through with his inquiry, because even more odd was the answer. "No," I said in a gasp, a little surprised that I had missed Carlisle's observation. "Not once."

Carlisle nodded. "I didn't think so."

"What does it mean?"

Carlisle's arm dropped from around me, and he started walking down the steps, gesturing for me to follow him. I did.

We walked for a few minutes, and I stayed a pace behind him. Then, he turned to me, just as we were reaching the river. "Edward drowned Bella and his family thinks he's dead. Has he shown any remorse for that? Any concern for his parents?" he asked, his eyes showing deep concern, but deep understanding.

Again, his insightful question took me off guard. Edward's first acknowledgement of his parent's feelings had only occurred yesterday. Until then, he barely spoke of them, and when he did, he didn't acknowledge their grief.

"Bella?" Carlisle questioned me again as my mouth hung agape.

"Yesterday," I answered quickly. "I called Liz yesterday on his birthday."

"And how did that go?"

I thought back to the emotional call, and then the odd request for sex in the tub, and then the revealing conversation on the hill…None of it was adding up all of a sudden. Edward's behavior was so…so…

"Strange," I answered, realizing very quickly what Carlisle was getting at. "You think something's wrong with him Carlisle?" I asked, but already knowing the answer. Edward's lack of concern for his parents up to yesterday just wasn't him. He wanted to hunt and play baseball and ski and swim and have sex and talk about the future…But I was hard pressed to get him to talk about the past. It bothered me, of course, but I never considered what it really meant.

"Yes," Carlisle whispered firmly, his hand finding my shoulder. "I think Edward fell into this life very easily Bella, and hasn't really looked back. He's been in…"

"Denial?"

"Yes."

"He invited Jake though," I cried in a whisper, cutting Carlisle off, reminding him that Edward still kept in touch with his best friend. I was suddenly not willing to accept that there might be something wrong with Edward. He was always my rock. He was just upset about killing Paul and me lying to him…and then he'd be fine…

_Right? _

"Jake doesn't think Edward is dead Bella," Carlisle reminded me. "Jake was there after the change. Jake isn't who I'm talking about. I'm talking about his parents. I think facing the truth, and really grasping the fact that they think he is dead is something he wasn't able to do very easily."

"I should've noticed…"

"You've had your own issues to deal with. Life doesn't get any easier when you're a vampire Bella, it just gets longer…"

"I know," I nodded, acknowledging that Carlisle was right all along. "It's just…I didn't notice, I should have noticed."

Carlisle took my hand, and turned us toward the mountain, toward the setting sun. His eyes looked into the sky, certainty and calm in his expression. "I think this experience, killing Paul, might have opened up a few closed off emotions for Edward. I would just give him time Bella. Time to realize what he is now, and what he's left behind…And when he does, he'll come back."

I just stared at the mountain, stared at the sun, and took in Carlisle's words. I let the heat of the sun warm my icy skin and restore me in some way. I wasn't the only one with issues. I wasn't the only one having trouble in this new life. Edward wasn't leaving…he was dealing…he was figuring out who he is in this world and where he fits.

"He's supposed to be dead, he wasn't supposed to live," I whispered into the loud rush of the river, my words being taken with the current.

Carlisle turned to me and smiled. "Exactly."

***

Jake came stumbling into my room, dirty and still soaked in blood. He stunk to the high heavens and his eyes were bloodshot and sagging. He looked exhausted. He looked _alone_.

"Where is he?" I cried, rising to my knees on the bed, looking for someone over Jake's shoulder. "Where's Edward?"

Jake's face dropped. "I'm sorry Bells, I couldn't find him. I looked everywhere."

"Oh," was all I could muster. I had placed a great deal of hope in Jake at least locating Edward. I just wanted to know where he was. If he needed space, fine. If he needed to think, fine. I just needed to know he was ok. The thought of him out there alone, all day, without Jake…

I thought he was with Jake…

_Damn it!_

I tried to push back the panic, but I couldn't. "Where is he Jake?!" I cried, falling to my face on the bed, gripping the comforter in my hands. "Edward!!" I cried into the down, pressing my face tighter, "Edward!!"

Jake just stood over me and let me have my tantrum. He was the only person I would do this in front of, and he knew it. He just stood and waited.

"Are you done?" he finally asked after a good five minutes of screaming.

His reaction wasn't what I was expecting.

"What?" I whimpered, lifting my head, seeing impatience in Jake's eyes.

Jake gripped the bridge of his nose, and his bicep bulged, like his muscles were tense. He looked frustrated with me. Angry. "You're just going to sit there on the bed and kick and scream?" He asked me like he was disappointed with me. No, more than disappointed, he was disgusted.

I thought about his question, but couldn't come up with a better solution.

"What else am I supposed to do Jake?" I begged, gripping into fistfuls of my hair. "He left!"

Jake shook his head out, his eyes still disgusted. He stood over me for a beat, and then his body froze, like something had occurred to him. "Hey I brought something for you," he said with a sigh as he walked over to his bag Rose had left in the corner. He undid the zipper, and pulled out something red, and cotton…

_Oh my God…_

"Esme brought it to me after you left. She gave it to me to remember you by. I thought you might want it back," he said softly as he tossed the familiar item into my lap. It was Edward's red sweatshirt. It wasn't even washed. I could smell my human self all over it. I could smell Charlie and Liz and…Edward.

Sick dying human Edward…

"Thank you," I gasped as I pulled it to my nose, feeling comfort in its presence. It was my security blanket, an old friend. I didn't even know I missed it until I had it back.

"Do you remember the girl who wore that thing?" Jacob asked with a gentler face, coming toward the bed and sitting beside me.

I nodded, remembering the girl who wore the sweatshirt. She was a warrior. She was so so brave.

"The girl who wore that thing didn't roll over and die now did she Bells? She was tough," Jacob said echoing my thoughts. "The girl who wore that wouldn't be kicking and screaming on the bed now would she? She would…"

"Find him herself."

Jake smiled. "She would knock down every tree in the forest if she had to," he laughed. "She would do whatever it took."

Funny thing is, I knew where he was. I just had to go get him. Why should he have to come to me? When had I made myself such a helpless case? When did I become the one that had to be picked up off the floor?

The girl who wore the red sweatshirt would have run twenty miles in the freezing cold with a broken ankle to get to him. Where had that girl gone? She was tough. She was fearless. She threw herself off a cliff in an attempt to minutely ease Edward's suffering. She was the better version of me. She wasn't afraid of losing Edward, because she would never let it happen. She would do anything to stop it…

She would find him herself.

I rose from the bed and brushed myself off. I looked around for a minute and then reached for the garment bag hanging from the closet door.

"Where are you going?" Jake asked from the bed, hopeful curiosity in his voice.

I unzipped the bag, and pulled out the dress.

"I'm going to get him," I said firmly as I pulled the massive dress over my head, over my shirt and jeans. "Give me that," I said to Jake pointing to the sweatshirt on the bed.

"Welcome back Bells," Jake laughed, as he threw the sweatshirt at the ball of satin and tulle I was wearing.

I smiled. "It feels good to be back Jake."

I pulled myself into the sleeves of the sweatshirt and zipped it over my dress. Then I pulled the hood over my head for good measure. "How do I look?" I asked, slipping Edward's bowtie into the red right pocket.

"Most beautiful bride I've ever seen," Jake nodded, and I believed him.

"Wish me luck!" I cried, pushing my massive form through door, determined to find Edward, and bring him back to me.

_Myself. _

"Good luck!"

**AN- Go Bella! Go get your man! **

**I hope Edward is ok? Will a wedding take place next chapter? **

**Review to find out. ;)**


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 28**

**Stephenie Meyer Owns Twilight. **

When I found him, he was exactly where I thought he'd be. I knew Edward. I knew where he would go.

He had waited until we were gone, and then he came back to the southern mountain, back to the scary place, back to burry Paul.

Relief, overwhelming and intense relief hit me upon seeing him. Of course I knew I would, I never really believed I wouldn't…But seeing him again, knowing he didn't go far was like having a boulder lifted from my heart. I didn't feel angry either. If anything I felt slightly awkward, intrusive…like perhaps I wasn't supposed to find him, perhaps he didn't want me to?

There he was, sitting on a rock with his strong back hunched over his knees and his face hidden in his hands. In front of him lied a perfect mound of rich brown soil, dug and executed with care, with respect.

His white t-shirt was stained in different shades of brown, blood and soil mixing together in a chaotic pattern. His hair was caked in blood and standing in divided tufts along the crown of his head. Tiny chant like whispers were coming from his lips, deliberate and known by heart.

He was praying…

I had found him in a moment where he thought he was alone. He was so still, so reverent, so remarkably beautiful in his quiet prayer.

I just stood there and watched him in total silence, standing awkwardly in my giant white dress and red hoodie, contemplating turning around and leaving him in his thought and in his stillness.

I thought that maybe I wasn't supposed to witness this? Maybe this was something he wanted to do alone…But that wasn't what I had come to do. I had come to rescue him…

So I lifted my chin and pointed my voice in his direction, finding it hard to make a sound. "Edward," I finally called out to him, my voice weak an unsure. I was unsure of what awaited me, fearing the blackness of his eyes, fearing that my presence wasn't wanted.

And then abruptly, upon hearing my words, his chanting prayers stopped, and his back rose and stiffened. His hands left his hair and gripped the rock below him. He was straightening himself out and fixing himself up, like he didn't want me to see him that way…

Suddenly, I wasn't afraid anymore. Suddenly the reality was so clear.

I reached my hand out toward him. "Don't hide," I softly pleaded, "Don't hide baby."

I wanted him to let me see him, to let me help him, to stop denying whatever it was that he was feeling.

And he listened…

Because before I could even reach him, his shoulders collapsed again, and he let his head crash back into his hands. And as I came up behind him, cries, moaning pained cries started just ripping out of him, and roughly shaking his broad shoulders. His cries were deep and coming from somewhere inside of him that I didn't recognize. I had never heard him cry that way…He wasn't just upset, he was grieving, he was mourning…

The sound left me breathless. I didn't know what to do? The roles were reversed, and I was unprepared.

But I couldn't listen to him cry for much longer without touching him. I needed to touch him. I needed for him to feel my presence and know that he wasn't alone. Being lonely, feeling alone, was the worst pain of all for me. And I thought that maybe it was for him too. When he wasn't with me, things were just worse than when he was. I had to believe that he felt the same way.

So I knelt down in front of him, my hands shaking with the reverberating anguish of his cries, and I touched him…

Skin to skin, hand to face, life to life…

_Electricity…_

Under my hand, all of my insecurity and all of my doubt just dissipated. Dissipated because I knew there was only one person on earth who could help Edward… and that person was me. The energy that passed between us was so real, so electric, so indescribably _ours_…We belonged together.

My courage revived upon simple contact, I gently, very gently pried his face away from his blood blackened hands, and lifted his heavy shaking head. I gripped my clean fingers into his caked hair and rested my palms on his cheekbones. His eyes were closed as I held his leaden head in my hands. His feathery lashes were coated in dust, his white eyelids the last pure and clean spot on his face.

He was swallowing whimpers, refusing to open his eyes, his face was creased and glowering.

So I just kept touching him…

I moved my fingers slowly, and gently scratched at his hair, letting him feel my hands on him, passing my energy to him. "I'm here baby, open your eyes," I whispered, "Come on Edward, please?"

Then his entire body shook with a vicious shiver, and sweet honeyed air hit me as he exhaled a long held breath. "Bella," he whined on the exhale, like it was a cry of release.

My hands stilled in his hair, elated from hearing him utter my name, but worried by the tone it came out in. There was sorrow in his voice, in his face, in his posture…

So, I kept touching him.

I stroked his cheek. "I'm here," I kept saying, remembering how those two words helped me in similar circumstances. "I'm here baby."

Then I moved closer, gripping my hands on the rock beside his hips, crouching on the balls of my feet, putting my face next to his. I leaned in and placed a kiss below his ear. "Please baby, please open your eyes?" Under my lingering lips, the tension of his jaw lessened minutely. "I'm here Edward. I'm here."

Then I felt my sweatshirt tighten around me, like it was being pulled. I looked down…Edward's right hand was gripping in a white knuckled fist around the soft cotton.

I moved my head from his neck, and gripped his face. "Edward?"

He was still under my hands for a moment…then his eyes slowly pealed open, and he looked at me.

Amber, not black…

_Beautiful_.

He held my gaze for a long beat, sort of like he was expressing to me without words everything he couldn't say. I just stared back and absorbed it, holding his beautiful face in my hands.

Then he spoke…

"I'm sorry," he cried out, the thin wail was fractured and moaning. There was desperation in his piercing golden eyes, an apology in them, repentance.

I didn't want an apology…So I impulsively and instinctively wrapped my body over his. I just covered him. I flung my arms around his back and hitched my legs around his hips and shoved my head between his neck, bracing my feet on the rock below us.

My wedding dress was cocooning us like a shelter, protecting us somehow. "Shh, baby, it's ok," I cooed, as I rocked us gently, stroking my hand across his back, clinging to his shaking body. "Don't be sorry. I'm here my love. I'm here."

"I'm sorry I left you alone," he whined as I felt his left hand dig forcefully into the flesh of my hip, while his right still gripped the sweatshirt, pulling me to him. His mouth was open and pressing into the skin of my neck.

"I'm sorry I lied," I cried back, with the same urgency as his apology. I gripped my arms as tight as I could, like I couldn't get my body close enough.

The hand around the sweatshirt gripped tighter, and his mouth burrowed into my neck, his sputtered breaths hitting my ear. "My parents think I'm dead," was his sobbing reply, his desperate tone affirming Carlisle's astute observation.

"They do," I agreed with a whimper, my lips now open to his neck, puckering into small kisses. I was running my hands over his back in smooth rhythmic patterns, trying to calm him.

But Edward just kept going. "And my mom sounded so sad," he moaned, his voice becoming increasingly urgent, and upset.

I couldn't dispute him. There was nothing I could say to make it any less true or any less real or any less painful. "She is baby, she is sad," I whispered in agreement as I moved my hands to hold his neck, and cradle his head to my chest. "She's very sad."

"And you're going to have to hurt her again," he added with a shuddering groan, his words cracking open the superficially filled hole in my chest, imposing his pain upon me.

But I had closed that door, I had said goodbye to Liz, I had already decided to be happy with my decision. I had decided that even though I knew she would suffer…I didn't regret it. I had Edward. Having him, being with him, was all I ever wanted. I didn't regret it…and he needed to understand that…

I leaned back on my shoulders and pulled my hands to his face, my eyes finding his, my fingers automatically going to work to smooth out his scowling expression. "I don't regret it," I hissed willfully, as my thumb gently crossed over his right brow. "Do you hear me? I don't regret it," I repeated. My words came out through gritted teeth, heated and fervent. I wanted him to know that he was the only choice I had. "I fucking love you so much Edward," I cried.

Then, his blistering eyes snapped shut and another shake erupted from his chest. "But I broke my promise to you!" he screamed, his perfect face contorting under my hands, his voice sending a chilling shiver up my spine. "I left you. I don't deserve you. I'm a monster Bella, I shouldn't even be alive!" He shouted, inches from my face, his sweet breath hitting me in sharp angry blasts.

_Ridiculous!_

"I don't care, I love you anyway!" I shouted back, sliding my hands from his face to his hair and closing my hands into fists, grabbing handfuls, willing him to open his eyes…to understand. "And you_ are_ alive Edward!" I continued, suddenly enraged by his foolishness. "I didn't _let_ you die!"

Then his eyes opened in an abrupt blaze, my body stilling at once under his startling stare. "How?!" He begged in a desperate cry, "How Bella?!"

"How what?!" I didn't understand what he was asking.

Then the fire in his eyes faded slightly. "How am I alive?" he questioned in a choked whisper, his eyes growing tired and his shoulders suddenly sagging. "It's not…It's impossible."

Immediately, I understood his question. But still, I couldn't explain it. No one could explain it. How do you explain a miracle? How do you explain the existence of Edward? He was supposed to die. He was supposed to be sitting atop his parent's mantle in a jar. He was supposed to be the boy in the newspaper clippings, 1990-2008.

But he wasn't. He was alive. He was shaking and strong and unfathomably gorgeous, and being held in my arms. Carlisle ascertained that Edward was going through denial, and that was clearly the case. Edward had yet to come to terms with the fact that his life was spared, that he was given a second chance, while his parents thought he was dead.

He was looking to me with pleading eyes for the answer. I didn't have one, but I had something...

I loosened my hands from his hair and slid them to his chest. "There's magic in the world Edward, some things just defy explanation," I whispered with a small smile, knowing it wasn't the answer he was looking for, but it was the only answer I could offer. What happened to us was a miracle pure and simple.

Edward nodded, but then his eyes dropped again and the deep furrows between his brow revealed great uncertainty. "But why me?" he asked barely above a whisper, his eyes confused and vulnerable. "Why did I get to live?"

I didn't know. It wasn't something I particularly wanted to question. I was just glad, no eternally indebted to whomever or whatever it was that made it possible. The miracle that was worked so that I could have him back was the most amazing and cherished thing in my life, and I wasn't about to begin asking why. But I understood why Edward would. It was his life that was spared.

So I just shrugged, and slid my hand across his cheek and smiled. "I don't know," I said with an awed laugh. "I'm just so glad you are baby." I couldn't help my joy. I wanted to celebrate his life, not question it. "I love you so much Edward."

Edward's eyes bowed in recognition of my words, and his black hand came toward my face for the first time, pushing back some fallen hair with a gentle finger. "I love you too Bella," he whispered back with an intense stare, his face slowly softening under my touch. "We're vampires," he added with a mystified giggle, his stiff body starting to ease back into mine. "We're fucking vampires…" Then a smile hit his face, and the relief of seeing it was overwhelming. He was coming out of it, the worst was seemingly over. Somewhere in his hysterical fit, he had worked something out.

I smiled at him, and he smiled back, and I knew things were going to be better…for both of us. "We are vampires Edward," I agreed. "But we're still us."

"Yeah," Edward sighed, his palm cupping the back of my head, his fingers sliding through my hair, gently stroking me, putting me at ease. Then he looked at me, his eyes a warm gold, soft and soothing. "And Bella?" he asked, a small half smile pulling from his blackened cheek.

"What baby?" I asked back, my body calmed by the tender touch of his hand, a genuine smile beaming out of me, relieved and thankful.

His hand stilled in my hair. "I don't regret it either," he breathed, assuring me of the truth with the penetrating stare of his eyes. "I love you Bella. None of this…"

"I know," I said, cutting him off, putting a finger to his soft lips. "I know Edward…"

Then we were silent. I slipped my finger away from his mouth and wrapped my arms around his neck and repositioned us, so he was holding me in the cradle of his arms. His eyes went to the sky, and mine closed in relief, and we sat. For a long thoughtful hour…we sat. Still as statues…recovering, thinking, and just letting it all sink in.

We were vampires…we were going to live forever…and we could never go back...And neither one of us regretted it. Not at all.

I didn't want to be the first to move, I could have stayed in Edward's arms all day, but the morning sun was starting to hit his back and intensify the foul smell of his clothing. I realized, we couldn't stay there, we had to leave Paul, leave the scary place, and go home.

As I shifted, Edward's eyes left the sky and went to my dress. "It's our wedding day," he said with this bitter laugh. His voice held an undertone of melancholy and disgust. He took a handful of my dress and scrunched it through his fingers. "I fucked it up," he hissed, "of course I did."

Without even flinching, my finger went to his mouth. "Don't," I whispered. "It's fine."

"But…"

"It's not important. We're in this forever together anyway, what's a wedding?"

Edward's fingers fumbled more with the fabric. "We can still make it," he said, but I could tell his heart wasn't in it fully. We were tired. Vampires couldn't get physically tired, but they could get mentally tired, and I think we both agreed that we needed rest. I just wanted to get him home, get him in a bath, and rest.

So I shook my head "no" and sat up. "Let's just get you home ok?" I said, stroking his absolutely filthy cheek. "Are you ready?" I asked, nudging my head in the direction of the house.

Edward nodded, and with a defeated sigh let the fabric of my dress go. "Can you give me a minute?" He asked, his eyes moving toward the pile of dirt that covered Paul's body.

"Of course."

I stood, and made way for Edward. He brushed past me, keeping his eyes fixed on the pile. I wasn't sure if he wanted to be left alone, or if I should stay, so I just sat back on the rock and kept still.

Edward walked toward a boulder and with a sharp thwack of his fist, cracked off a large slab. He picked it up and placed it on top of the pile of dirt, and then bent down over it, and with his fingernails began engraving something into the slab.

He was making Paul a gravestone...

When he was finished, he stood up and brushed the dust from his jeans. "Goodbye Paul," he whispered, turning toward me, his head bobbing up and down while his mouth held a hard line. There was a look of acceptance in his expression, a small amount of peace.

When he got to me, he put on a smile, pulled me to him, and dropped his lips on my temple. "Let's go home," he said.

"Let's," I agreed.

"And we _are_ getting married one of these days…"

"I know."

"Right now, I need a bath."

"So bad…You stink…"

Edward laughed. "I love you Bella."

"I love you too Edward."

"Forever?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Good point…"

**AN- So, she got him back, and she's bringing him home. That was what I wanted to accomplish this chapter. I had a second part planned, but I figure I can do it better by having it be its own chapter. So stay tuned, some really good stuff is on the way, no more sad, I promise! **

**So question…Is anyone still reading this? Thanks to those who are, I really appreciate it. To those that I fear I have lost, if you're still around, lemme know? **

**Please Review. **


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